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Exclusive and explosive: Deepika Padukone's first interview after marriage
Anuradha ChoudharyFri, Dec 28, 2018
We're sitting in the balcony of her office on the 30th floor in Prabhadevi. I'm enjoying the view both of her and the Mumbai skyline. To say she's looking ethereal would be an understatement. Her blithe spirit only adds to her charm. It's a few days after the wedding. The afterglow of the ceremony is still visible. The sindoor peeps out from her voluminous tresses, the chuda clangs in her arms while the diamond-studded mangalsutra winks mischievously from around her neck. There's a twinkle in her eye too. Happiness hugs Deepika Padukone like a warm blanket. Her marriage to Ranveer Singh has been in the headlines. Things are just about settling down. Life is coming back to normal. She finds contentment in marriage. It's early days yet, sure. But she's loving the idea of waking up with someone beside her. She's also liking playing the wife seeing Ranveer off to work, calling him to find out what time he'll be home, what he'll have for dinner... These are new experiences and she's enjoying herself. She may not have faced the camera for two years now. But that hasn't kept her from other achievements. According to Forbes India magazine, Deepika Padukone is the fourth highest paid celebrity in the country. Besides, she tops the list of Asia's sexiest women. She isn't coy about accepting her achievements. As we talk, Deepika opens up about her career, her wedding and Ranveer Singh like never before. Read on...
You've topped the list of 50 Sexiest Asian women. Do these things mean anything to you?
Honestly, no. I don't mean I'm not happy when I see my name there. But my life's not defined by it. Sexuality and sensuality need to be embraced. We tend to believe it's a wrong tag to be associated with. But it's not just physical. It's the mind, the spirit, it's your personality... As far as the listing is concerned, it's great if my name is on it. But my life's not ruled by it.
You're also the fourth highest paid actor in India currently...
That's something I'm excited about. Especially, when wage disparity has been such an important conversation, I'm glad it's finally come to the fore. I'm also proud of it because I've earned it, not demanded it. It's backed by the work I've put in over the years. Even if I'd demanded it, nobody is a fool to pay you that kind of money for no reason. Where bridging the wage disparity between actors and actresses is concerned, we still have a long way to go. But this is definitely a landmark moment.
You're earning more than many of your male co-stars today. Will this empower other actresses?
Yes it will. Often, I'm willing to let go of work because I know how much other people are getting paid. People try to short-change you. I'm confident enough to say no to a film, an endorsement or even an appearance. I'm not doing this for me. I'm doing this because I'd like to pave the way for the generations that'll follow. Someone has to take this head on. I'm happy to do that.
Is that the reason why you didn't sign films in the last two years?
No. When it comes to movies, I'm always led by my heart, my gut and my instincts. Nothing excites me creatively enough than to get up and go to work. Even when I did four films simultaneously, it wasn't because I wanted to do four films a year. It's because they were all different and creatively exciting.
Would you reduce your Fee if something exciting came your way?
It's relative. It would depend upon how much the male actor is getting paid. Everyone knows who's getting paid how much and why so. I'm not delusional when it comes to that. I'm also aware of how much I deliver vis--vis the Khans, vis--vis the newer boys like Ranveer Singh, Ranbir Kapoor or Varun Dhawan. I know where I stand. I'm also aware of the production costs. I don't want a penny if the money is going to the film. But I'll not settle for being paid less because they need to compensate for the male actor. If you're going to say that don't charge so much because we want Ranbir Kapoor in the film and we've got to pay him, then I'm not okay with it. I'll then demand an equal amount.
Was it frustrating waiting for challenging roles to come your way during the past two years?
It was. But it also gave me time to replenish myself and give my all to Meghna Gulzar's film (biopic on acid-attack survivor Laxmi Agarwal). Living life fully is important for your work. I did everything I wanted to do for so long. I spent time with my loved ones, I've got married, I travelled, I slept. I've had massages like never before. I nurtured myself. We need this as human beings and most importantly as actors, you need to replenish yourself. We tend to think of ourselves as machines churning out films, one after the other. In the West, it doesn't work like that. There they do one film in two or three years. Our mind set needs to change.
What excited you about Meghna Gulzar's film?
It was the human connection. I've met Laxmi Agarwal a couple of times. My team told me about Meghna's film. Meghna must have thought that I'll never say yes to the film but she still wanted to give it a shot. I wanted to meet Meghna but emotionally this wasn't something I believed I wanted to do. But right after the first scene was narrated, I wanted to do the film. I connected to it. It was a story that needed to be told. It was clear how invested Meghna was in the film. It's not just the script; you also have to connect to the director. It's important that the crew has the right vision for the film. After Meghna's narration, my team said we'll get back to you. But I was like no, I'm doing this. It was so simple. We unnecessarily complicate the process. I meet everyone. I'm honest about why I'm doing the film. I'll never lie about dates being an issue. It's okay to not connect and it's important to give the filmmaker an honest feedback.
There were talks that you're doing a superhero film...
Yes, I'm working on it. I hope it happens. There's no script as yet. It's something my friend and I are developing. I was in the plane with a friend from the industry and talking about the movies we'd like to make. We realised that this superhero film is something we'd like to make. It's a seed we're nurturing.
So the superhero film will be your next project after Meghna Gulzar's film?
It could be. But it needs to come together. All the elements in the film need to be correct. From the characters to the director, everything needs to be fixed.
You've recently turned a producer. What prompted that?
The subject of the film. I want to enable films that need either a platform, a push or a voice. The Laxmi Aggarwal film felt like the right one to start with. I'm not sure what I'll produce next. I don't have a production house. This was one of those films that I related to and there was room to back it.
What is your production called?
Ka. In Egyptian it means soul. It means the part of a being that lives beyond everything, like infinity.
Coming to your marriage, have we now moved away from the notion that marital status of an actress affects the
box-office?
Let's hope so. Everyone is married. Does that mean that the industry comes to a standstill? Does that mean that we have no girls left? I guess, previously it was the person's choice more than box-office diktats. If actresses didn't work after marriage, it was their decision to prioritise something else over work. Probably, they were exhausted and just wanted to live life and nurture their families. But I'm sure the millennial woman doesn't feel like that. When you don't feel like that, it won't be that way.
Will your marriage affect the kind of films that'll you'll say yes to now?
No, why should it? The journey of life will. The kind of films that I do today and the films I did five years ago are different because I was in a creatively different space then. But marriage is not going to change anything.
Are there any changes in you after marriage?
I'm a lot more grounded. I feel secure, I feel protected. When you're in a relationship, there's still a lot of nerves, you're still unsure, no matter how long you've been dating. I guess, the terms boyfriend and girlfriend sound frivolous. Somewhere, it doesn't carry that weightage as marriage does. Today when we look at each other, there's a sense of responsibility.
Is it just a mental switch?
The way Ranveer held my hand on the day we got married, November 14 was different from the way he used to hold it earlier. Or maybe it was just a switch in my head. There's a sense of responsibility, which I can't explain. Now everything we do is us'. Not to say that in marriage you should forget your individuality and independence. But it's also nice to know that today I share a home with someone. Even if he's busy promoting his film, he comes back late at night. Even if he walks in at 4 am, he's coming home. When you're in a relationship it's different. We didn't want to live together and then see if we wanted to marry each other or not. We're both traditional in that sense. Of course, as boyfriend and girlfriend you stay over, you go for holidays together but we used to come back and go to our own homes. We were clear that we'd start living together after marriage and figure life as we go along. Or else where's the beauty in the discovery? So now we're figuring things out. Like I'm figuring out his routine. I call him in the evening to check how his day is going and what time he's coming home, what he will have for dinner... (Smiles) All of this is great.
Elaborate on this living together?
It's beautiful living together. I'm sure cynics will say you've just gotten married to him, wait for 15 years or 25 years. We'll figure it out then. For now, it's the best feeling in the world. I looked forward to living together because I moved out of home at a young age to start working. A lot of my friends used to say we can't wait to get out of our house. I was the opposite. I got out young. I craved for my family. When we were dating, it was about spending time with his family or going to Bangalore to be with my parents. I'd crave that quality time where you wake up in the morning and have someone to talk to while you're having breakfast. For the last 15 years, I was alone.
Ranveer mentioned in a Filmfare interview that while he was ready for marriage, you took time. What took you so long to decide?
It was not about him. It was about whether I was ready to commit to a relationship. Because I'd been in several relationships before and many times my trust was broken. When I met Ranveer, I was exhausted. I had been constantly in and out of relationships. I just wanted to be alone for some time. I've never casually dated anyone. I've been in relationships since I was13. (Grins) Now that I'm married I can say this. Whether it was one year, two years or three years, they were always proper relationships. It was always if you like someone you give it your hundred per cent.
So when this relationship, which I was in ended in 2012, I was like I'm done. I wanted to try out this concept of casual dating. I just did not want to be answerable to anyone. When Ranveer and I met in 2012, I told him I realise there's a connection between us. I really like you but I want to keep it open. I don't want to commit. If I get attracted to different people I'm going to do my thing. But nothing happened. I couldn't get myself to do any of that. At the same time, I did not emotionally invest in this relationship. But now when I look back, six months into it I was pretty much emotionally invested in us. After that it was when do we get married? I was never unsure about him. Of course, in a six-year long relationship, you go through your ups and downs but we never broke up. There was no major fight or saying let's take time off and figure this out. We've fought; we've had our ups and downs. But we stuck through all of that. We got engaged four years ago.
What?
No one knows this. We got engaged four years ago. Only his parents and my parents and our respective sisters knew about it.
You said your trust has been broken multiple times. Did it make you cynical?
Yes, it did. But marriage has changed it. When you give your 100 per cent to a relationship and your heart is broken not once but repeatedly, it scars you for life. It has a negative impact on your later relationships. It was difficult for Ranveer, who had to deal with it. The only reason we have come out of it successfully is because of him. I didn't give up on the idea of love but I had my insecurities. You start doubting even a genuine action of the other person. Because you're so scared it's going to happen to you again. It has taken a lot of effort on his part and a lot of counselling sessions on my part to understand that every person and every relationship is different. I had to make Ranveer understand that
I was reacting in that manner because of certain incidents that happened in my life. He was extremely patient with me through all my doubts, my insecurities. He constantly reassured me.
What does he bring to the relationship?
We both bring a lot of stability in each other's lives. I'd say he brings stability in mine. But I read him say in your interview that I bring stability in his life. He said that he wouldn't have been able to handle the kind of success that came his way but for me. Similarly, he has played a large part in making this relationship successful. I was scarred. But he was so honest, so patient that he gave me grounding. I knew he was the person for me because he gives me comfort, stability and security. There's never a moment of anxiety. When I call him and if he doesn't answer my call, I don't have to worry. It's such a silly thing but yet such an important thing. I don't have to worry about his whereabouts. I've lived with that fear for years before this.
You two are such different people. He's like A whirlwind while you are so calm...
(Laughs) Not many people know that when he is with me, he's in shavaasan (relaxed) mode. I ask what happened to your energy. He'll say I'm conserving it because I have to attend an event, I have to spend it there'. With him, there's no holding back, he's all heart and he gives. When he goes on a reality show after just sleeping for two hours, he'll give everything to that show. But at the same time, he's also that guy who'll come home and vegetate. We joke with each other, play with each other, eat together. Sometimes, there's only silence between us. The side that not many people know of or which does not come out often is his intelligence. He's extremely intelligent and it's from here that his creative decisions are taken. He's clear about what he wants in his career, about the demography he caters to, what kind of superstardom he wants to achieve and for that what kind of work he needs to do for that. At the same time, he'll know about this rapper in a remote place. Or some random designer of whom I've never heard. He's so aware.
How do you both influence each other creatively?
We don't make decisions for each other. We might talk to each other about our projects. But, eventually he makes his own decisions and I take mine. As actors we are different. Our process to approach a film is also different. He does take advice from me about a film or an endorsement. Of course, he has Yash Raj Films but as his wife he also loops me in to understand my perspective.
So who holds the remote control?
It's me. I guess he'd say the same.
Do you know the password to his phone?
Ummm... no.
So you never check his phone?
I don't need to.
Ranveer mentioned that the wedding was organised by you. When was the first time you thought of a wedding?
Ever since I was five years old. Every girl dreams about it. But I thought of marrying him after Padmaavat. We knew it was going to happen, it was just a matter of time. When the film released, it just felt correct. He was of course ready but had already committed to a few projects. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to take out the time. But he made it work.
He wanted you to have the wedding you dreamt of?
That's him. Also, he didn't have the time to organise the wedding. Honestly, I wouldn't have liked any interruptions. It's so much easier if just one person made the decisions and moves ahead. But certain things have to be planned with the family and we did that.
Your equation with Ranveer's family?
It's interesting. For his father I'm like a daughter. But for his mom, I'm like a friend, a beti also. I can tell her my deepest darkest secrets. It's stupid to explain because I can't even put it into words. There's nothing that I have to keep from them. They are like my parents now, they are my family. Uncle is emotional, he breaks down easily. Mum's an absolute chiller. Like she will party with the youngsters till eight in the morning.
What are the things that we don't know about the wedding?
People said the pictures looked magical and that's what the wedding was - magical. There's not one thing that went wrong. It was raining in Italy. But on the morning of November 13, when I was getting my mehendi done the sun came out. Suddenly, it was a clear blue sky.
Were you apprehensive about the rain?
No I wasn't. Because we believed that it'd be magical. It's all about the energy we put in. It was raining on the night of November 12 too. We had a formal sit down dinner that night. But at no point did the weather disturb. We needed clear weather on the 13th, 14th and 15th of November. That happened. On the 16th, when people started leaving it started raining again.
What was the reason behind guarding the wedding so much? No pictures came out except the ones you guys released officially...
Privacy was secondary. The reason we asked our guests not to have cell phones was because we wanted them to be present in the moment. Usually, everyone is on their cell phones, capturing the moment. These moments should be in your mind and heart as they're never going to come back. Every single guest, I kid you not, is so thankful. People who've never danced in their lives were on the dance floor. People who've never tasted alcohol were tasting wine. That's how free people were. They were emotionally present there and they didn't have any choice but to talk to each other. Since we were a small group of just uncles, aunties, cousins and friends we could ask them to leave their phones behind. Everyone who has meant something to us in our life was there. They understood where we were coming from.
One memory from the wedding that'll stay with you forever...
There are so many memorable moments. My mother doing the kanyadaan. Also that moment on November 13, when I was getting my mehendi done and the sun came out. Ranveer and I have a connection with the sun, we love the sun. Everything was perfect. Not one bag got misplaced, no one missed a flight, it was all in place. On November 15, after the Anand Karaj ceremony was over, there was one boat to take Ranveer and me back to the hotel from the venue. The sun was setting... it was the first time after our marriage that we were alone. We listened to our favourite song on full volume and literally rode into the sunset.
Right after you Priyanka Chopra got married. What do you have to say about that?
She's also someone, who has craved stability in a relationship. I don't know Nick (Jonas) that well but you can tell that she feels settled. Whatever little I know of her, I know these things were important to her. Like to find love, to find a person who gives it his hundred per cent, who gives the stability you look for in a relationship. She has craved it. I'm thrilled she's found it. It's been a rollercoaster for her as well.
What's the one thing that you'll never compromise on in marriage?
Individuality. Had you asked me this before I got married or if I was with someone else, I'd have probably said honesty or infidelity. But it doesn't come up anymore. If one can find a beautiful balance between understanding and respecting one another and at the same time being who you are, it'll be beautiful. That's what this journey will be.
Finally, what's the best thing that Ranveer has told you?
He says a lot of things. Honestly, he's generous with words. That's one of the things that made me realise why I love him. Some years ago, when I was making more money than him, he was okay with it. It was evident not only in what he told me, even in his actions. Also, the fact that he has never held back what he thinks of me. Recently, he said in the Filmfare interview that I keep him grounded, that I keep him rooted. That's a nice thing to say and know.
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