Jokes apart, I am just a little busy with my job and life. Sucks the life out of me I tell ya.
But am glad to be back and to be writing.
Hope you guys are happy to see me too.
I have loads of replies for you all... the update is right below this post!!!
Piyali and Neil have unsettled you guys, eh? I have a few twists and turns here. Can we have a little more patience? I promise to surprise you guys. I think I will have one more chapter before we go back to the past, full-fledged!!! Hope you guys are ready for the romanc,...I mean ride!!!
new partners...hmm. do you think they are looking for new partners???
akka you are asking me about romantic stuffs? warning you...beware of the romantic stuffs here!!! oops, did I reveal way too much?
hey, how are you? first of all, thanks a ton for such amazing reply. you guys make me go on. Neil and Piyali have already made people angry!! you asked who I see as neil and piyali, then my answer is no-one.
I don't have faces to my characters. even my maan and geet don't have faces. they just have structures. I like my readers to own the story when they read and that is why i never give faces to my characters. you can choose whoever you like and give them a face of your liking.
With the powers vested in me as a writer, I give you guys a reader's liberty!!!
okay, I shall shut my mouth up now. thanks for being with me, always.
can't promise anything about pairing maaneet with different characters. anything can happen... may be a twist too. who knows?
hey. thanks for an amazing response. yes, real is completely opposite of reel. keeping both worlds separate has to be the key to a sane mind.
would it also make you happy that this writer is also in Hyderabad presently?
first of all, welcome to my thread. I have seen you in lot of threads, including nivi and shika. It's amazing to see you here. The story has lot in its kitty and I hope you like them as well.
how about simply calling me "aishu" or "aish"...that wouldn't turn you dyslexic I guess!!!
i love your humor sophie.. you are one amazing woman!!!
Mannmarziyan... can be deconstructed as Mann = heart and Marzi = Wish. It means heart's wish.
there are lot of small small things that are hard to let go because they become your habit. maaneet are treading on the same path. they need a cathartic release at some point. and yes, in your guy-falls-first-world, you can make it however you want.
about professors, gah, I tell you I had one who would enter the class, call roll numbers and ask questions. and dare anyone knew answer...so we all used to get mass-punishments.
p.s piyali and rebound relationship...ahem, you are you aren't instigating the dark side of me, because the concept seems interesting enough!!
greener pastures and ambassador of recycling???
omg sophie...where do you get that from? [roflol]
Congratulations new mommy. sending lots of love and blessings to you and your babies. ummah
first of all, youkso. I have been your follower for quite a while and seeing you on the thread is nothing less than a celebration. trust me when I say i did a little mental dance when I saw your comment in there.
Welcome to my world. how beautifully you have written about stepping in someone's shoes and regreting about being judgmental!!! as humans, it is in our nature to do so; form opinions and ideas about people by their appearance. Only when we get to know people closely that we realize how wrong we had been all this while!!!
I was in a writer's block when I was typing chapter 2. I had no idea how to begin and how to end. and that was the time I came across nuvole bianche... I sat listening to it for hours until I could write. music is often my inspiration, esply the ones without words. they stir some feelings that is inexplicable in words.
I did not want to say this but if you liked this concept, then I would love to hear your thoughts on my story Someone Like You. It is one of those stories that inspires me a lot. I would love to know what interpretation you have for that...
thanks a lot for being here. hope to see you more.
She snapped from her thoughts and looked up cluelessly, "Uh you called?"
Neil looked at her carefully, "aren't you feeling well? I had been calling out your name for a while now."
"Uh, am sorry. I didn't hear." She said apologetically.
"That's okay. You want to come out for a few drinks tonight?"
She was taken aback a little. It's been a month since she had started working and Neil had been very nice to her. He was really fun-loving and the students loved him, she had come to realize by now. He was the best at his work and when he wasn't working, he cracked lame jokes with every other professor in the staffroom. No one would know he was a gold medallist in his University. He refused to wear formals like other professors, played basketball with students at times and even hung out with his students. She also knew that he had a great rapport with other professors and they went out from time to time and he'd invite her every single time.
She'd refuse, every single time.
"Uhh I..I don't.."
"come on Geet. Don't say no again. It will be fun I swear and if you are worried about getting late, don't worry. I will drop you safe."
She opened her mouth to say something when a fellow professor remarked, "yes Geet, you are safer in his hands than in any one of us."
She felt it amusing and raised a brow at Manish, "really?"
Manish shrugged, "of course. 40-year-old virgins like him have anyways attained sainthood. So yeah, you are totally safe."
Neil's eyes widened in shock, "why you son of a..."
Before he could start his tirade of long abusive words, he heard her laughter and froze right there. She had found it funny and couldn't contain her laughter. He gaped at her like she did something uncanny.
And uncanny it was.
Neil had never seen her so. She had always been quiet, reserved and spoke little. She kept to herself and interacted the least, whenever required. She did her work well. She was good at her subject. She listened to him. But he had never seen her smile, let alone laugh. He assumed that was her basic nature but she surprised him today. Her laughter echoed in the almost empty staffroom.
She looked at Neil and then stopped seeing him so amused, looking at her like she was some kind of an alien.
Her laughter vanished and she felt awkward. Manish had left laughing at whatever joke they had between them and she quickly stood up, gathering her stuffs to retire for the day.
"so, you can laugh!" he finally spoke after a long pause.
"Excuse me?" she raised a brow at him.
"I said you can laugh."
She picked up her bag, "I think so. Have a great weekend Mr. Rai."
She stepped forward to leave and he jumped right front of her.
"Wait. Why don't you come with us? Like I said, it is going to be extremely safe with me."
"safe with the 40-year-old virgin?" she didn't know why she found it so funny but she was in splits the next moment.
He gritted his teeth and left a long breath, "first thing, I am neither 40 year old not a...well.." he left it at that, "Am 32 and quite young. Come with us Handa."
"No thanks I gotta go... mom must be waiting."
"Hey, you can laugh and finally after a month I can safely realize that we can be friends. Then what is holding you back?"
She stilled hearing him say so.
Exactly what was holding her back?
It's been 3 months since she had been back and she had been nothing but a recluse. She had nothing that should hold her back. Maybe she could give it a try. Maybe just once, she'd feel better with people around. she was done moping around. she had chosen her path then why not follow it?
"Come with us. If you don't like it, I won't insist again ever..."
"Okay." She said quickly surprising him.
"So, you are coming? Cool. See you at Pour-House at 8? Or do you want me to pick you up?"
"No thanks. I will be there. Thanks again." She smiled softly and walked away, determined to unburden her heart by letting newer people in.
Her mother was surprised when she freshened up and instead of having her coffee, she started to dress up.
"Oye Geet, kahin jaa rahi hain?"
"yes mama... going out with colleagues. Please don't wait for me."
Seeing her a little normal after ages felt like life coming back to Rano. Her daughter had agreed to go out. That was a huge news. She couldn't help wipe that grin off her face and walked to her room to inform about the happy news to her husband.
She got off the cab in front of Pour-House and walked in to find her colleagues at a corner. As she neared and heard their laughter, she felt a sudden apprehension. She was walking ahead but she didn't know much about them. She had hardly interacted with them the whole month. It felt mighty awkward.
Geet, you weren't like this before. What has gotten into you?
She chided herself mentally and waved back at Manish who came running to greet her. He took her to their table and she smiled at everyone. It felt fake. Her eyes fell on Neil who smiled back at her and went back into the conversation he was having with a lady. Clad in denims and a casual black shirt, he didn't have his nerdy glasses on. His hair wasn't gelled like it used to be in college. If at all, he looked way younger than he actually was.
She took the glass of wine and tried to join everyone in their conversation. But it was only after a while that she found herself sitting at the bar, holding a drink and watching her colleagues dance. It felt bad, the whole idea of coming out this evening and loosening up a bit, trying to find 'life' back for she couldn't connect to anyone out there. She was in the same age group as others; she worked in the same environment as them, interacted with the same students and faced similar day to day experiences. But what was it that made her so aloof?
She felt someone tap her shoulder and she looked behind to find Neil with a bottle of beer in his hands.
"Not joining them?" he asked, taking a seat next to her, "are you bored?"
She shrugged, looking back at the dance floor, "I'm...well I'm not exactly the kind of a party person."
He looked at the woman in the black dress beside him and felt intrigued by her mere presence. She had so much more in her than she lets on.
"do you feel awkward Geet?" he asked her point blank.
It took her by surprise, this sudden question which made her turn her head towards him in question.
"Do you not like these people?" he asked, looking straight into her eyes.
She took a little time to gulp her drink and softly shook her head, "No. Not like that. I'm just... erm...just that I don't know how to interact with these people."
She found him sipping his beer silently for a while and then he stood up, "the best way is to just speak."
"is it that easy?" she asked, bemused.
He threw a gentle smile, "it doesn't have to be anything particular. You are a quiet woman and maybe they are finding it difficult to connect with you too."
She opened her mouth to speak something but then she stopped, realizing he might be right at some point.
He ruffled her hair gently, "Geet, Speak!" and he walked way to join his friends.
"Geet, Hush now! Don't speak!"
They had been driving to their first date and he had picked her up from college. But Geet being Geet had to speak. And that she did. She spoke the whole time, all along the way, the whole 45 minutes of driving that left him wondering if her mouth didn't hurt after so much talking. Much to her annoyance, he had to intervene!!!
She shut her mouth and looked at him, annoyed a little for having been interrupted, "what?"
He rolled his eyes, "we have reached."
She looked around and bit her tongue, "I never realized!"
He turned off the ignition and opened the door of the car, nodding his head, "quite plausible!"
He opened the door for her and extended his hand. She was sweetly surprised at the gesture. She had met guys and had boyfriends before. Never had she found this gentleness in anyone. Her 21year old heart swung in the new zephyr that swept her life.
"So, what would you like to try?" he asked her while she looked into the menu.
She raised her eyes, beautiful brown ones, he noticed now, and her brows twitched in confusion, "There are so many varieties. I'm confused!"
"Hmm..." he gauged her reaction, "do you have a sweet tooth?"
She nodded quite readily, like a little girl with that wide toothy grin and he felt a weird kind of happiness wash over his heart.
"Try Affogato. I'm sure you will love it."
He watched her eyes widen in delight when her drink/dessert was served with a huge scoop of vanilla ice-cream topped over the shot of espresso and leaned back on his seat. He might as well relax and watch her lick her lips as he sipped his espresso.
She was such a kid.
He saw a trail of cream on her upper lips and she didn't seem to notice, lost in her indulgence.
She looked up from her dessert. Her big brown curious eyes held so much innocence and all he could do was just capture those in his eyes and his heart.
"How old are you again?"
"I am 21. Why?"
He picked up a napkin, leaned closer and gently wiped that white moustache off her lips, "you just don't seem like one."
His gentle smile felt like warm gooey chocolate pouring on her pounding heart. A slight blush creeped up her neck and cheek and she tried not to look into his eyes, lest she was caught.
That evening, they didn't speak much, or rather, she didn't have anything to talk about. She was very conscious about everything. His eyes never left her and she couldn't get rid of that heat from her cheeks. It was unusual for a chatty Geet to have been so self-conscious and that was the moment she realized it was going to be different.
They stopped right in front of her apartment and as usual, he went ahead and opened the door for her. To think that the evening was over, gnawed at his heart badly. She had been unusually quiet this evening but he seemed to even like that about her.
She slowly got down and kept looking at her feet.
"I will see you later then..." he could say only so much and watch her fidget with the hem of her top.
"umm...yeah. Good night then." She blurted and walked ahead.
He shook his head, smiling and got into the car.
She stopped midway and smacked her head, "Geet...what the hell is wrong with you?"
She turned back and ran back to him, "Maan, wait."
He rolled down the window and waited for her to speak, "yes? Anything wrong?"
"Nothing wrong." She suddenly found her voice back, knowing that she wouldn't be under his scrutiny anymore, "I just wanted to say thank you. Yes. Thank you for the lovely evening."
He felt the difference in her voice, then and now and teased, "you're welcome. I am glad you spoke, finally!"
She snapped out of the haze old memories had trapped her in, "y...yeah?"
Neil watched her carefully and plopped himself right beside her, "you okay Handa? You seemed spaced out a lot."
It was then that she realized that she had not paid attention to the evening all this while. She had spoken to a few people and had dinner with them but that's that. she hadn't been involved in anything.
"Oh, sorry. I think it's late. I gotta go."
Neil checked the time and then looked at her face. Handa was troubled about something.
"I can drop you."
"Oh, no, it's okay. I will book a cab."
"it's okay Geet. I am anyways leaving. Will drop you, come on."
He walked ahead and all she could do was watch him from behind. He had tried to make her talked, he had wanted her to socialize, in fact everyone wanted her to socialize. But she had not given a positive vibe to anyone, so much that they had stopped approaching her altogether. Everyone was leaving and no one talked to her anymore. The purpose had been defeated.
The realization made her uneasy at first and then it made her angry.
"I am glad that you spoke." Neil broke the silence between them in the car, "must say, good improvement, Handa."
She smiled weakly and looked out of the window, his each and every word hitting her like knell to her ears. She wanted to move on in life and yet, every moment was owned by that man she had left far behind.
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why couldn't she forget him? Why?
She screamed in her head. The thought was agitating. The moment she reached home, she got down the car, said a quick goodbye to Neil and rushed inside like a whirlwind.
Rano sat watching tv, happy about her daughter when Geet stormed in, rushed past her and shut the door of her room with a bang.
She shut the door and threw her purse on the bed. She threw her shoes away and literally ripped the dress out of her. Standing in front of the mirror, she looked at her shabby self and felt like screaming.
Why can't she forget him?
"why do you come back to my head again and again?" she gritted her teeth and watched her reflection do the same.
"WHY DO YOU COME BACK TO MY HEAD?" she screamed and threw the box of cosmetics to the floor.
And then, there was silence, like a graveyard.
Upon finding no answer, she fell on the bed, hid her face in the pillow and screamed and screamed and screamed until she could no more. There was so much anger, so much restless energy in her that she realized now. She sat up and went to the mirror to wipe off the makeup. The kohl had smudged around her eyes and made her look ugly. She sat down and tried to clean up. She had been so strong all this while. She had been so resolute.
"why?" she asked herself again.
A drop of tear rolled down her eyes and fell on her bare thigh. She looked up at her reflection and found her crying.
She was crying! But why? She was a strong woman and she had taken all the decision on her own. Then why was it hurting now?
Another drop of tear rolled down and she quickly wiped it off.
"No Geet...", she sniffed, "there is nothing to cry about."
She couldn't hold back her tears. She quickly wiped them off and tried to smile, "you haven't cried all this while. What happened now?"
Her lips trembled and more tears poured out, "shh...shh... it's okay. You are happy that it's over. Shh now... you are out of a bad relationship."
But alas, if only she could make herself understand...
She could now feel a physical pain in her heart... the kind of heartache that is so severe that you could almost feel it physically. She took a moment to look at herself in the mirror. Only in her inner garments with black and red eyes and a messy hair, she looked pathetic.
"It's okay...it's over."
Her reflection repeated the same.
"Maan is..." She couldn't speak anymore.
The name held so many emotions and she realized it only in this moment.
And she cried like a baby.
Memories hitting her and bouncing around her head, feelings swirling and dancing in her body, she cried like never before.
Why did it have to happen in this way?
she cried until she could breathe no more and yet, she couldn't stop herself. The pain was refusing to ebb away and it was excruciating.
Rano stood outside the door, holding back her tears. She wanted to go inside and hug her daughter who was in so much pain but she didn't have the courage to see her in such a bad condition. She cried silently, praying her babaji to take away all that pain.
"why...Maan?" she mumbled breathlessly and cried harder, curling into a foetal position on the floor, "why can't I forget you?"
The more she tried to stop, the more it hurt and the harder she cried. She had remained strong all this while, keeping her emotions in check but she could hold no more.
The harder you try to forget someone the harder you remember them..Same is happening with geet..How strong we may try to portray ourself within our own world we do realise it's hard and it's killing ourselves to let it go.hope the phace will be over for geet soon
Hi, Good to have you back... yes this meltdown was very necessary for Geet in fact this may be a turning point in her to think over of their decision to divorce each other... the reasoning may give her a little breather to understand what and where she is now... to accept the fact of her status... without being burdened by emotions and her pain... she did need to let out and think with a straight mind and heart about the life she had with Maan and what was it that was still holding her back.. love, commitment... habit... or maybe something else... let's see... Thnx