Is it SO strong or are they SO weak?

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Posted: 2018-09-15T17:59:07Z
Hey guys! My first post on this forum, though I've read everything written in the past few days. I didn't see these thoughts expressed anywhere in the past week so I considered writing them down (sorry not sure if they were mentioned before that).

The way Kunal and Nandini's portray their affair, it seems that they have no other option, that they're "victim" to their lust/love. Dead 
  • Kunal has no answer to Mauli for why he had the affair, says that he "lost" the battle to resist his feelings, and walks out shamelessly without considering reconciliation with Mauli or breaking up with Nandini. He acts as if love/lust has kidnapped him and held him at gunpoint, so he has to have an affair with his wife's bestie to save himself (heck even then, people are willing to die for others, he can't do that for his wife)
  • Nandini's failed 'attempts' to stay away from Kunal but ending up together in different situations, taking everything as the sign of God, and saying that she wants both and can't choose. It's like this was in her fate and no matter how much she tries to run away it doesn't leave her, so she just has to accept it, have an affair with her bestie's husband and move on with the consequences (even then, the worst fated have been able to bring up their lives with some effort...)
Since many people have said that these kinds of situations happen in real life, it poses a genuine question about human nature: Is lust/love is unconquerable? That not just teenagers but even the most sane, mature 'righteous' people, when faced with such feelings, may not control themselves and eventually succumb? 

I think: Yes and No. It may happen subconsciously but it can just as well be fixed. 

  • In Hindu scriptures, there are many stories of sages and dieties who after 1000s of years of austerities see a young beautiful woman and get attracted. The context isn't to accept such attraction, but completely opposite - to show how the mind is fickle, in certain tempting conditions even the best who are sooo devoted/committed for sooo long can easily be overpowered by this maya/internal enemies of lust etc. Thus they say a lot of control should be exerted to, at the very root just avoid such tempting conditions; if placed in such a situation and overpowered, as soon as realization hits, create maximum distance and completely redirect attention. 
  • Yes Kunal may have certainly been overpowered during the rain sequence, and yes he definitely tried to have Nandini leave the house to avoid her. Yes Nandini may have been overpowered when they both were alone and unintentionally close, and yes she also tried to resist and leave. But beyond that I saw no control.
  • They hit realization pretty early on, that what they were feeling was not right, and they kind of tried to have some physical distance, but that's it. They're both sitting at home doing nothing and being slightly lonely, so it's a perfect trigger for those thoughts to resurface.
    • No attempt to focus on something else (to many more pending and crucial matters of their careers), or someone else (Kunal had Mauli, could have tried getting intimate with her instead, if she didn't give him much time he could have said so to her face and she's mature enough to understand and try a better balance).
    • No attempt to completely avoid interacting with the other person (Kunal could've told Mauli a bit more directly that he doesn't want to get too close to Nandini for fear of these feelings, but ok I get it that's awkward and needs super guts + deep comfort with your partner to voice your demons). 
  • If you realize that you have a juzzbaat that you shouldn't have/don't want to have, you will definitely form a distate for that juzzbaat, its trigger and anything/everything related. Unless you actually like those "juzzbaats" and want to fall for them - which then becomes a case of no self control, not being committed to anything/anyone in life and not having integrity/moral compass- which is basically like an animal. 
  • Let's consider this as real undying love instead of lust: even then, if Kunal could fall out of love with Mauli and if Nandini could fall out of love with Rajdeep, why can they not fall out love with each other? Sooo many stories/movies/tvshows of reluctant break ups, people sacrificing their first love to prioritize the happiness of a common loved one why can these two not do that for their wife/friend and families? That's the final nail in the coffin for me.
Mauli asked what was her mistake - only one thing, that she trusted them too much and let them be close thinking they're just friends. I'm not saying its inherently wrong to trust a spouse or best friend individually, because of course trust is the basis of a relation. But letting a spouse mingle too closely with the opposite gender, no matter how much they love you, there's a definitive risk. The mind is fickle, tempting situations come up, and fuel+oxygen given a spark will definitely ignite (many examples of father-daughter, siblings, etc). That doesn't mean to be doubtful/suspicious/obsessive, but rather to have an eye out and make sure the other is not straying or facing situations that may trigger straying. Mauli's not wrong, just too perfect to understand the reality and fickleness of the mind.

I could completely accept Kunal and Nandini being infatuated and developing some feelings (realistically shown by CV's that it can happen quite easily and unexpectedly), but how they dealt with those feelings is utterly unjustifiable and shows weak character and morals (either CV's screwed up, or actually wanted to show them as such - I'd rather think that CV's are not promoting EMA...and they're showing how KuNan promote their own filthiness so that we can hate KuNan LOL ). 

It's cruel to fault Mauli for being too naive, but if only she was more cautious of KuNan's friendship...(a masterstroke if CV's did it on purpose, because unfortunately too many EMAs are done behind the backs of unsuspecting too-trusting spouses)

Sorry for this being long. PLEASE PLEASE say what you think. This show seems to stir some really deep analytical discussions on relationships and people. Would really appreciate to be part of one!
Edited by Anee2 - 2018-09-15T23:13:16Z
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Posted: 2018-09-15T23:56:01Z
Originally posted by Anee2

Since many people have said that these kinds of situations happen in real life, it poses a genuine question about human nature: Is lust/love is unconquerable? That not just teenagers but even the most sane, mature 'righteous' people, when faced with such feelings, may not control themselves and eventually succumb? 

sorry for cutting your post short but just wanted to respond to your question -- is love/lust unconquerable?

to answer, first we have to define what love is. think that itself is very confusing for many. for example, people often say "we love each other" but what they actually mean is that they are dating each other. we don't distinguish between dating and being in love. the reason I point this out is many dating relationships casually break up or with drama but often, there is a response that they were never in love. so the words and language we use is confusing.

here's my earlier post on that theme:

to look at it from another angle, our society itself is changing. there was a plywood ad that commented that marriage vows these days may or may not be permanent/reliable but our plywood lasts for generations. sounds cynical? but given divorce rates, one could argue that the ad has a point. our commitments whether it is family or romantic these days do have limits. so much so that people are encouraged to be financially independent because one never knows what will happen in life.

so back to your question, why can't people control their feelings? rather than control for some, think it is about how one defines personal happiness and what one needs. these days, lots of people are highly unhappy but are not willing to accept less. before, the mindset was that everyone will be unhappy at some point and we don't get everything we want in life. now, everyone wants the latest phone, the latest upgrade. why? "you deserve more" is the attitude.

so if we look at it that way, kunal and nandini had a choice -- either they remain unhappy or they make mouli unhappy. to put it another way, they prioritized themselves first.

so here's a question -- if he had cleanly gotten a divorce or told mouli his unhappiness and then went after nandini, would it be any different? isn't it still an affair in some ways because he is still leaving mouli for another woman he fell in love with during his marriage?
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Posted: 2018-09-16T10:29:30Z
That is some very good insight and I agree! In this modern capitalist/commercialist society people are always looking for immediate happiness, and they will jump from one thing to another looking for the better one. There is limited commitment and reduced satisfaction for everything.  
That's what I meant when I said 'unless you actually like those juzzbaats and want to fall for them' - there was nothing visibly wrong with Kunal-Mauli's marriage, yet Kunal saw a new aspect of women (dressing up, cooking, submissiveness etc) in Nandini and he started thinking 'oh this is pretty nice. I think I like it better.' And that was it for his reason why, "Kuch nayaa ho jaaye".

Regardless of whether he divorced or came clean or did it behind her back, its still an affair. This whole idea seems barbaric to me. Bees do that kind of jumping from one flower to another and animals don't have permanent life partners, but humans live in a structured society with proper relationships. There's such a thing as commitment and compromise. We know nothing is perfect, and we don't just run around living in the moment going with anyone we like. And if that's what society is turning to, then sorry to say but we're going backwards to the cavemen ages.

(Not saying divorce is bad. Raj-Nan is a very valid reason. But Kun-Mau is not. Neither is 'I can't tolerate his/her habits')
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Posted: 2018-09-16T12:07:53Z
nice post  Smile
but trust me everything u said is been discussed in some form or other. . i will not go into much details but i would like to answer two important questions u have asked 

1) love lust or feelings conquerable or not??? - i have said this many times that kunal and nandini dont even know what love is.. kunal just rushed into giving a name to his feelings which i felt was mere infatuation.. it was not necessary at all.. when you are in a relationship (marriage here) you are supposed to overlook certain distractions.. nandini was a distraction for him.. a girl opposite to his wife..
 he had respect and sympathy for her as she was maulis best friend and a vicitm of bad marriage but after seeing her rain dance he was definitely distracted.. he should have chosen to overlook his so called feelings. sometimes you just need to stop thinking about a certain problem and thats all u need to get rid of it.. and if it doesnt help then one should give time to self to see if those feelings are actually feelings or distraction..

2)falling in love falling out of love.. yes if kunal can fall in love with nandini without falling out of love with mauli then there are chances he may regret later or he may get attracted to some other person. 
not sure about nandini.. i really want to know her views on love.. 

answer to ur title-  they are really weak.. 
Edited by Anahi - 2018-09-16T12:10:18Z
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