kindness and listening

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Posted: 2018-09-01T04:30:09Z
am not really surprised by the kind of negativity or frustration that is going on here but here's my gentle advice: (you can choose to take it or leave it).

so I watched other language dramas that dealt with extra marital affairs and invariably the forums can get heated. so here's some takeaways I would like to share:

#1 -- in these kind of dramas, there are 3 or more camps. camp#1 -- who are watching this drama as a drama and are not emotionally attached to any of the character. camp#2 -- who are watching this drama for actor / actress and are more in admiration for the acting involved. camp#3 -- who are watching this drama and get emotionally frustrated because it brings up personal feelings.

now for camp#1 and camp#2, they may or may not agree with the story line but they are curious to see how it unravels. for camp#3, the story gets your blood boiling. either it goes against their personal beliefs or it is because they have been hurt by infidelity in some form.

now because we are online, all we have is a display name. it is not like I can tell what your life experiences, age, etc are. all of these help to form our opinions.

what's my point? it is not about which camp is correct but understand that there are others who will view the same situation differently from you. this is a very good life skill to learn as it will help you navigate all sorts of social situations. we have to know how to chat and listen to people even if someone has a wildly contrasting view.

#2 -- when we take time to be kind and listen to another, it can be a very productive and learning forum experience even if we have very different views -- thats been my experience on some forums. I have been challenged and introspected as I listened to other forum members. I may not agree with their views but it was definitely interesting to know that people had a different reading from me on the same scene.

so if you disagree with someone, be kind and try to clarify what the person is trying to say. listen and probe gently. if you don't agree, then just agree to disagree and move on. be gentle in your language and don't just blow off steam. also understand that some may not get your sense of humour. so if you have a strong opinion, give a little context to why you feel that way. as we are online, we have no way of knowing why some comment may be bothering you or why you think a certain way.

be kind to the characters and dont' indulge in character bashing. for one, it is against the forum rules and two, it is not really productive. for some, you may see it as a black and white issue but for others, they just see the characters as humans making bad choices and there may be others who just shrug and think it is fine or realistic.

#3 -- remember that it is not about convincing anyone of your views; instead we are all sharing the experience of watching a drama together. that is the fun and thats why we are on a forum. we may have different reactions to the drama and the characters but be kind to each other and take time to listen. then, even a theme that divides can turn out to be such an enjoyable experience because the discussion is rich, the viewpoints are varied. people can learn from each other even if they disagree.

being kind and listening to each other is important trait -- even within a family, we could have wildly different view points on the same topic but we are still related no?
Edited by mango_pudding1 - 2018-09-01T04:53:09Z
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Posted: 2018-09-01T11:40:08Z
Very well said dearClap
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Posted: 2018-09-01T12:20:11Z
Thankyou for this post! A very well balanced post and speaking for all sides! 
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Posted: 2018-09-01T12:23:36Z
You make some of the most sensible posts!!! Smile

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Posted: 2018-09-01T21:14:04Z
Perfectly said 
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Posted: 2018-09-01T21:30:37Z
Yup... Right... par not gonna happen...
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Posted: 2018-09-01T21:51:00Z
Clap hope everyone understands. But this situation will prevail till the end of the serial ..plz hang  around buddy
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Posted: 2018-09-01T22:44:48Z
thanks everyone; didn't want to come across as a lecture but I did want to share my experiences from other dramas and forums. I can understand the cynicism on whether being kind and listening to each other will work but it is from experience, I say that it can.

so to give an example -- in another drama that had a similar theme, there was lot of obviously heated arguments and back and forth. however, when posters started to listen and share their personal stories, it became instead a place of healing for many.

there were folks who were still hurting from witnessing an affair in the family and yet, there were others who had experienced something similar but had moved on. however, by sharing and connecting, there was lots of healing for people because sometimes we just need to connect and feel less alone. it wasn't that people changed their opinions on the characters or the drama -- some hated the story while others found it beautiful. however, it was such a rich and varied discussion.

at the time, I was going through a job break and feeling rather down but a discussion inspired me to see the break as a sort of a training and not feel so insecure and ashamed about it. this wouldn't have happened if we had continued to go around in circles and rehash the same thing.

my friend once said that I was wise and when I replied that it was because I watched dramas, she burst out laughing. LOL but it is true. I enjoy watching mundane dramas like this (not the intellectual variety) and even in these, I have learned much as a person.

I have learned to communicate better, to watch how I phrase something, to be aware that words can be misunderstood and to try listen and hear someone out. I have also learned to be more confident in my views even if they are totally different from the rest of the pack. I have learned that my view is not the only view out there and sometimes people surprise you with a different perspective on the same scene. I have also learned that if people feel strongly about something, it is because it is personal. so we may be having impersonal debate but for them, it is hitting the heart -- so how does one communicate in that situation? these are the kind of life skills that I have learned from being online drama forums.

so long after the drama has stopped airing and I have even forgotten about what I watched -- that is what I took away and I  will admit that these are not skills that I find easy and so it was much needed for me and something I still continue to work on. I hope that as a community, that is what we do as well.
Edited by mango_pudding1 - 2018-09-01T22:46:36Z
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