Her eyes were searching for him in the crowd and each time she searched for him, she was disappointed. He was not yet here. She was sure that he will definitely attend his only friend's wedding but why he isn't here yet? Is he hurt beyond repair? Has she hurt him to the extent of him avoiding her even at his friend's wedding? But she was just protecting herself. Protecting herself from him? The question boggled her mind. He will never hurt her yet she keeps distancing herself from him. But every time he reduces the gap and comes more close to her than previous time. He always stood by her despite hating her tantrums. Have he reached his patience level? Is it that he is fed up of her? The worst: have he broke up with her?
These thoughts were killing her from inside and all these extreme possibilities were making her restless. She was not in a mood to enjoy the wedding of Sherry-her only cousin, her friend, her confidant-who always stood by her no matter what and here she can't even fake being happy for her. She was present physically but her mind, her heart and her soul were somewhere else.
"Where are you Mr Khanna? Please come back to me, she sent a silent prayer. She did register her mistakes and how her crazy behaviour must be affecting him. It took total ignorance from him to make this realisation happen. Yes! He has been ignoring her since past 3 days. He was talking to everyone except her. He was neither taking her calls nor replying texts. It hit her hard thinking how hurt he would have been when she shut him out of her life for good 3 months. She was praying that his, "It's over, was just out of anger and he didn't meant it.
"Tipsy I am done chasing you, Karan announced.
They were dining together at some cosy restaurant to cheer up Tipsy's mood. She was disturbed after meeting Palash at ceremony function. Karan decided to take her out for dinner so that she has some change. He did succeeded to an extent. Tipsy was being herself-the way he likes her. They were enjoying their good time pulling each other's leg. Their happy time was ruined by Palash yet again. He somehow tracked down Tipsy's location and barged in their space to spoil their moment. He kept bugging Tipsy and an annoyed Karan indulged in war of words with him. Tipsy did what she was best at-she ran away dragging Karan along. Karan did not like the impact Palash was having on their lives. No, he was certainly not jealous. All that he wanted from Tipsy was to ignore Palash. When she is clear that Palash doesn't exists for her, why she keeps running away from him. Why not ignore his existence and be strong.
"kab tak aise bhagte rahogi?, Karan asked
"wo...mai...wo
"kya wo..mai Tipsy, Karan asked calmly, "thik se jawab do
"you don't trust me, Tipsy snapped
"what!!!, Karan frowned, "have you lost it? Kidhar ki baat kidhar le jarahi ho
"you have lost it?, Tipsy answered, "what is your problem? Why are you interfering in my life
"I am interfering? What had happened you to Tipsy, Karan ran his fingers in his hairs.
"yes, you are! You cannot digest that I am not sharing anything about Palash, Tipsy graoned.
"tum yeh sochti ho mere bare mai? This is what you think about me, Karan grips her shoulders tightly
"Mr Khanna please, She murmurs, "I am sorry. I don't know what happened to me. Its just that I am not yet ready to share about Palash with you. I don't want to talk abut him
"Do hell with Palash and do hell with your past, Karan scowled, "I am least interested in it. My concern is only you. Get that clear in your head
Tipsy wanted to say something and apologise but Karan puts his finger on her lips.
"You stay quiet. I will talk today
She knew he was in foul mood now and was afraid what if he leaves her-the same fear which always stops her from accepting him completely.
"samajh kya rakha tumne mujhe? Pagal lagta hoon tumhe? Jab mann chaha paas aati ho aur jab mann kiya dur chali jaati ho. Kabhi bolti ho mai tumhare special hoon aur kabhi ajnabi bana deti ho. Mai har waqt tumhare mood ke lihaz se nahi chal sakta. Mai bhi insane hoon yaar, mere bhi feelings hai. Mai kuch seriously nahi leta iska yeh matlab nahi k mujhe yeh sab cheezein hurt nahi karti. Kya galti hai meri? Tumhe pyar karna? Tumhare nakhrein uthana? Tumhara har betuki baat manna? Mai tumse bahot bahot pyar karta hoon...itna pyar ke tumhari khushi ke alawa mujhe kuch aur nahi chahiye. Tum atleast mere liye khush toh reh sakti ho na? Mai zindagi bhar tumhara intezar karunga lekin ab mai thak gaya hoon-thak gaya tumhara peecha karte karte, thak gaya tumhari insecurities se, thak gaya tumhari bewajah ke darr se ladte ladte, thak gaya mai Tipsy...I think I need space and time. I am done chasing you. If you are clear about your feelings, if you are clear about what do you want to do, whether you want to be in this relationship...you can come. Please excuses mat dena...It's Over...but it doesn not mean I will stop loving you cos that would mean dying...Loving you is like breathing and I will never stop breathing...You sort out your mind and decide what you want...your happiness means world to me and to see smile I can do anything even if it means breaking up with you
Tears refused to stop how much ever Tipsy tried. She cannot see him going away from her. Why doesn't he understand that she afraid-afraid of trusting anyone, afraid of giving away her heart to anyone, afraid of breaking hurting herself again, afraid of LOSING him. She wanted to stop him but her voice was lost in hiccups.
"behen kab se awaz derahi hoon, Sherry shook her.
"haan kuch kaha tu ne sherry, Tipsy asked.
"kaha khoyi huyi hai Tipsy? Karan ko miss kar rahi hai, Sherry teased her
"haan sherry. I have to speak to him, Tipsy replied
"tu Karan se sab sort out karegi, Sherry excitedly hugs her, "Tipsy mujhe garv hai tu meri behen hai... jitna apne past se darega utna tera present drawna hoga
"sort out toh tab hoga jab wo yahan aayenge, Tipsy was disappointed
"wo nahi aaye toh kya hua, tu chali ja unke paas, Sherry excitedly advised
"I will lekin apni eklauti behen ki shaadi attend karne k baad, Tipsy smiles.
Tipsy was determined this time to speak to Karan and pour out her heart infront of him. He deserved it-for loving her unconditionally. May be it will be difficult for her to speak up but she decided to muster courage and face her fears. She will reveal everything about her past and if he wishes to leave her, she will let him.
Tipsy was happy that Chitti agreed for Sherry and Vishal's marriage. Vishal was upfront with her and calmly told her entire truth. Chitti was already impressed with vishal and honesty was the last stroke and they ended up getting married.
Tipsy was aimlessly looking at the mandap where Vishal and Sherry were taking pheras and suddenly her eyes sparked. She saw him going towards the mandap and she followed him hurriedly. She stood beside him and greeted him but was welcomed by silence-the silence that hurt her. After all rituals were done, he went and congratulated the couple. She too went behind him and congratulated Sherry. Her eyes were on him all the time trying to engage his eyes in conversation but he refused.
The moment she tried to open her mouth, photographer shut her up for clicking pics. It felt as if entire universe was conspiring against her but universe had no idea that her grit was strong today- to the extent to break through everything and do what she wants. Not giving a damn to anything, she held Karan's hand and dragged him along with her. Karan was bit surprised with this action. He silently followed without protesting.
"kya kar rahi ho Tipsy? Koi dekh lega, Karan looked here and there to see if anyone is around.
"I don't care, Karan was shocked with this statement. Tipsy who usually is very aware of her surroundings and makes efforts to get spotted with him is not worried.
"See, you don't have to do this, Karan told freeing his hand from his grip, "I understand and I don't want to force you. Let me go, Vishal must be waiting
"you are concerned about Vishal and not me, Tipsy questioned him.
"dekho Tipsy amma tumhe dhund rahi hogi, she must be worried, Karan made another attempt to go
"aur jo mai worried hoon itne din se uska kya, Tipsy was adamant today.
"Listen...this can wait, Karan explained.
Tipsy kept her palm on his mouth to silence him, "Shhh! Just shut up. Today I will speak and you will listen. Bahot mushkil se himmat jutayi hai maine...phirse naho hoga mujhse
She inhaled deeply, " Palash is my past. I mean he is my ex-boyfriend. He came for counselling as he was drug addict and eventually we fell in love.
Karan had assumed this so he was not shocked. He silently listened her encouraging through his eyes.
"I loved him madly, trusted him blindly and was ready to do anything...anything to be with him. Tolerated his abusive behaviour, killed my self-respect, put up with arrogance and character assassination, everything. I was so deeply in love with him that I didn't realised when I lost myself in that relationship-my identity, my feelings, my wishes, my priorities. It was all about HIM-his wishes, his needs, his priorities. I was nowhere. A time came when I realised that this relationship had sucked out my life, I was hollow from inside and wanted to break up with him. He didn't let me go away from him. I was so fed up with him that I decided to end my life.
Karan was shocked. His Tipsy was never weak. How can she think of such stupid things?
Tipsy continued, "One fine day, I got lucky and I was away from his clutches. He apparently found someone who was more beautiful and more obedient than me. He went away leaving me scarred. From then onwards, I built strong walls around my heart so that no can break them. I confined myself to home and Rehab with zero social life. Sherry na hoti toh pata nahi kya hota. Aur phir aap aaye meri zindagi mai.
Karan didn't miss the twinkle in her eyes when she spoke about him. He so knew that this woman loves him and he never needs verbal declaration from her.
"When we first met, I hated you deeply. I wanted to finish the counselling as soon as possible and run away from madness. Gradually I got to know you and you came across as a decent being. You always pretended to be bad, for reasons known to you, but your true self came out at many events. I started loving your teases, your flirting and above all your care and respect. I don't know when and how I started liking you-may be when treated my mom so respectfully, may be when you celebrated her birthday, may be when you saved my life. You just broke all the walls built around heart without making any noise. I started loving you-yes I do Love you but I was always afraid to express my love for you given past experience.
Karan's happiness knew no bound. He wanted to hug her so tightly. He controlled his excitement as it can wait.
"I was waiting for right time to tell you about Palash. Bas itna khata ki k der lagadi kehne mai, darr tha kahin aap sach jaan kar chod toh nahi doge? Mai kya karti aapke bina? Aap meri aadat ban gaye hai Mr Khanna...ek addiction jiska ilaaj kisi counsellor ke paas nahi.maine aapko bahot hurt kiya hai Mr Khanna-aapne sab kuch chup chap saha-meri insecurities, mere mood swings, meri arrogance. I am sorry for everything. Aap ne kaha tha na ke mai apne feelings sort karu aur sochu mujhe kya chahiye...maine soch liya- mujhe aap chahiye, sirf aap and I promise that I will try to not get affected by Palash
"Oh Tipsy! I love you, I love you so much, Karan tightly hugged her. Breaking the hug, "Tipsy, I always trusted you. Initially I wanted to know about Palash but then I was never concerned with him. I just wanted you to be happy and not worry about him cos I am there to shield you from him and to deal with him. You just have to be happy in return. My Tipsy isn't weak who will get scared of anyone
"Thank you Mr Khanna for everything, Tipsy controlled her tears.
"Now I know the trick to make you do things you keep postponing, Karan teased her to lighten her mood, "to know your sorrows and pain, I will pull this stunt again
"Dont ever do that, please, Tipsy pleaded, "your ignorance will kill me. You do know how awful is missing someone
Karan chuckled, "Who else will know...poore 3 mahine miss kiya maine
"Sorry, Tipsy murmured, "sab intezar kar rahe honge..chaliye
Karan holds her hand, "itni kya jaldi hai Tipsy
"Behave Mr Khanna, Tipsy tilts her head backwards to stop Karan from tracing his finger on her face
"is wale Behave mai utna conviction nahi hai, Karan mischievously asks
"koi dekh lega, Tipsy tries hard to sound firm, "amma pareshan horahi hogi
"abhi kuch der pehle tumne kya kaha tha I don't CARE'
"Please, Tipsy requested through her eyes.
Karan smiled at his Tipsy and walked back to the venue holding her hand with promise to stand with her always.
Thats it! I hope it was worth reading and criticism (even in one line) won't take much time. Do leave comments. Have thought to post on blog from next tym(in case I write🤔). Will share link to concerned parties. 😆
PS: Its not proofread so bear with grammar and spellings. No PMs will be sent.
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