I found your FF today only and still am lagging behind just two threads completed (binge reading )
What can I say it was awesome!!! It's been so long I have read an FF and this one was just irresistible. Usually it's my thing taking something from a movie and making it totally Maaneet. You have nailed it and the way you express the inner turmoils of each character is amazing. One part that felt worth mentioning was the willow tree with its branches touching the water because where I live I too have the same tree on my way to office. It is a serene lake with a willow branch kissing the water and I often get lost in it . It's at that point I got totally connected with your Geet because all that I want every day watching it is to spend hours just enjoying that scenery with my legs dipped in the cool water but the woods are lovely dark and deep and my bus takes me back to office
Anyways I still have a lot of storyline to cover but couldn't stop myself from commenting
Great job!! Inspiring job actually. You have been contributing for years. Please continue to do that.
PS: Just a suggestion, even if you take out Maan and Geet's name and replace it with some other names I still believe your works have the potential to be best-sellers
hope all of you have a safe and a wonderful diwali.
thanks a ton for such amazing response to the previous chapter.
I hope you like this chapter too.
I wanted to giver update real quick
but this writer is off on a trip starting tomorrow.
enjoy your holidays and have fun.
71.And She Had Given Up...
She never knew when the night bid goodbye and the sun came up. She never knew when the birds sang and when the owls hooted. She never knew what went on in the world for she never could understand what people spoke to her or what they asked. All she knew that her Kanha was gone.
And she will never see him again.
Tears had dried in her eyes long back. All that remained was this life that was not willing to leave her body. She breathed. And that is how people knew she was alive.
Her body looked frail and her cheeks sagged. Those beautiful eyes carried dark circles of years she hadn't even lived yet.
All she wanted was to go back to her Kanha.
Days rolled and she closed her eyes, calling out to her beloved.
One more time... if only she could talk to him one more time.
She heard the familiar voice but she just couldn't open her eyes.
"Kanha... where are you?"
"What have you done to yourself?" his playful voice echoed in her head.
"I want to go to you Kanha..." she cried, "I want to see you one more time."
"I am always with you Radhe. Have you forgotten? That you are me and I am
She snapped open her eyes and sat up, panting heavily.
She was dreaming. Her heart was thudding loudly and she found people around her, murmuring something about her coming out of her comatose like state.
She looked around the hopeful faces of her family and placed her hand on her fast beating heart.
"I am You and You are me." she whispered.
"catch a falling star and put it in your pocket..."
A sob raked her body as tears rolled down her eyes and disappeared into the carpet. The voice of her father rang inside her head as she crooned into the darkness of her house waiting for something to happen.
"ne...never let it fade away. Catch a falling st...star and..." her voice cracked and she halted to recall whatever had happened.
"How can you be so naive Geet?" she asked herself wiping those tear, chiding herself.
"You knew you would eventually lose out. then why are you crying?" she mocked herself. there was a distant thunder that spoke of the approaching rains.
"Whatever is happening, its your fault. Everything is your fault. You should be used to it by now..."
She held the photo of her parents close to her heart and lied on the floor, waiting for the darkness to consume her. Maan was out there somewhere she didn't want to think about. All she knew that the curse had once again materialized. If it were Maan who was that person, she knew she was on the losing side again.
"this is what you deserve because you forgot the basic rule of your life..." she mumbled to herself, "you will lose Maan and Ana and Kabir and everyone else like the previous time."
Fat hot drops of tears rolled down her eyes as she closed them, mumbling to nothing but the empty house. She knew she had reached her limits. Maan was just the last straw. She had been strong all this time... well, she had tried at the least. She had been so disoriented with her own realization of love for Maan that she had begun questioning her fate. Shimla had proved to be the respite she had wanted. After their conversation in the flight, though reluctant, she knew she wanted to go back to him. She wanted to feel all those feelings that she had been denying. But then Ana's call had disturbed her. She had called her once again, telling that Maan was last in that area where the accident had occurred but they had no news.
And she had given up.
She had given up on everything.
She had stayed strong enough. She had pretended enough. She could no more. This was the end. There was no hope for her. She was like Midas. Only that her touch didn't turn anyone into gold. Her touch brought loss and heartbreaks. Pain and guilt. She had had enough. She decided she'd give up on this life. To think that she even pulled Maan into the whirlwind that her life was, she had no more in her to remain strong and no reason to survive.
She kept herself glued to the TV but there was no clue about the person involved.
What if it was someone else? Her sanity played games with her.
What if it was Maan? Fear, deep fear of loss that she had buried deep inside of her
heart and walked with a smile in the daylight resurfaced. And she gave into that fear.
She gave into that darkness that had slowly started to consume her. She had no more reason to live or struggle for such a pathetic existence. How could she have forgotten the unwritten rule of her life?
She shouldn't have hoped.
"You...You are stupid Geet..." she mumbled to herself, crying and laughing at her same time.
"You are so stupid..." her hiccups choked her. She coughed and curled into a foetal position. She didn't know how long into the night it was but all she knew was that she didn't want this existence anymore. She had dared to take a step forward and love again, hope again...but perhaps she was not meant to be doing so. And with Maan in the picture, her heart ached. Her heart ached so bad that she could feel it physically. And it hurt so bad that she wanted to run into the warm loving embrace of her father.
He would make everything alright.
She held the picture frame tightly and closed her eyes, hoping to get rid of this existence when she opened her eyes the next time. Her brain cropped up images of all the beautiful memories she had made.
There she was, giggling in her mother's lap.
She was sitting on the swing with her father, getting pampered.
She was sitting with Pooja, finishing her summer homework and talking nonsense.
She was with Ana, sitting in the corner tables in college and laughing their head off.
There she was, with Kabir, ruffling his hair and teasing him.
And there she was with Maan, in the study, watching him.
She was with Maan in the car, driving to Ellen's, enjoying the cool breeze.
She was there with Maan in Central Park, under that weeping willow tree...
And there she was...in the dark, all alone, with nothing... no one and no reason to pull her back into the light and waited.
And waited until she heard something faint akin to a ring.
She stirred, trembling in the cold. The hills of Shimla had brought in the rains, unexpected and unwarranted. And she had no sense of what she felt, except that feeling of doom that she was spiraling into.
She heard the ring again, this time, a little more distinctively. She felt her lashes trying to overcome the heaviness and open.
Was it over Kanha? Did she cease to exist?
There was the ring again, louder this time, slowly bringing her back to this world that she now despised.
A loud knock on the door set another chain of the deafening ring.
She slowly opened her eyes and took in her surroundings. It was dark and it took her eyes some time to adjust to the light. The street lamp outside illuminated little of her house and then she realized that she was still very much alive. She sighed in defeat, having no energy to even stand up.
But the ring was tormenting her. She wanted her peace and whoever it was, had no sense of personal space. She struggled to stand up, stumbled against the edge of a table and winced in pain.
She could still feel the pain. she was still in this worthless world. She cursed her luck.
The loud knock continued as she slowly held the knob of the door and turned it open with much difficulty. There was a definite lightening and she gasped at the person she found at the door.
There he stood, the man that she had come to love and revere, stand right in front of her, looking at her with a strange emotion in his eyes. The rains had slightly drenched him, his wet hair fell on his eyes and the shoulder of his jacket had turned dark in color due to the water.
Was she dreaming? She asked herself. How could Maan be at her door step, here in Shimla? She was disillusioned perhaps, some sort of hallucination it was. She gaped at him wide eyed, without blinking, not knowing what to do or how to react.
He took in her dishevelled form, her eyes red as if she had been drugged, her hairs not combed, her shirt wrinkled all over and she looked like a ghost. She looked sick like she hadn't eaten for days, her face had paled, lost all the colors, her lips chapped and her eyes remained unblinking.
And he admitted that he was scared to see her so lost in a world he never knew. She just gaped at him like a statue. She didn't even blink to indicate that she was alive, if not for her shoulders that moved whenever she breathed in.
"Geet." He called out, worried and scared.
Her name on lips felt so soothing. After such a long time, she felt a little bit of breathe inside of her. She had been in so much darkness that she had no clue what was going on.
Her paled face and her stillness scared him. He took a step closer and held her by her shoulder, "Geet? Are you okay?"
His voice...Oh dear Kanha, why is his voice so soothing? Why so beautiful?
And when she still didn't respond, he shook her slightly and called her out a little louder, "Geet... what is wrong with you? say something."
And this time, she blinked, after a long time. And then he watched her trembling hands rise up and cup his cheeks.
"M...Maan? Is that you?" her voice was hoarse like she struggled to get the words out of her mouth.
He inched closer to her, holding her hands tightly that rested on his cheeks, "yes. Its me. I came to see you...I just had to see you."
A drop of tear rolled down her eyes and another, as her hold tightened, "You...you are safe...Oh my god...you are safe. You are alright...I...I..."
He wondered why she was mumbling what she was mumbling and then she was in pieces, falling into his arms like pearls shattering down from the string.
She didn't know what it was but she had this intense urge to cry her heart out. And she did. To even think that something happened to him was like sucking the breath out of her. She had no clue why she was crying though. May be it was the happiness of finding him safe or it was the fear of losing him or it was the grief that she had carried in her heart all this time or it was the amalgamation of everything...she didn't know. She clung to him, snaking her arms around his neck, tightly as though if she let go, he'd vanish and buried her head in his chest and cried.
He was shocked to see her in such a state. He had never ever seen her so broken before. He held her close to himself and caressed her head, "Shhh.. its okay little storm. I am here. tell me what bothers you."
She didn't speak a word. She just couldn't. She cried like she had not cried for ages. He tried to pull her hands away so that he could see her face but she didn't let go.
"Geet, tell me please. What bothers you?"
She shook her head and clung to him like a baby. She had almost lost him forever. She couldn't even think of life if it had come to that. She cried and cried how much ever he tried to calm her down. He was worried to see her like this and when she didn't yield to his requests, he slowly backed her towards the couch, holding her firmly by her waist. She refused to lift her head up and even look at him, let alone talk. He had flight to NYC the day after and how much ever he denied himself, he couldn't have gone without seeing her. And so, he landed up in front of her door to see her once before he left. But never had he expected to find in such a mess and her refusal to speak worried her so much more.
He gently backed her up towards the couch and tried making her sit but she didn't budge. He tried unclasping her hands from his shoulders and she refused, burying herself more into him if it was even possible. He sighed and gave up. She was being stubborn.
"Geet..." he called her little firmly.
And when she didn't respond, he held her hands and forcefully pulled her hands away from him so that he could see her. She looked down, sobbing, not even meeting his gaze.
"Look at me now." he used that bossy voice of his that none could deny.
She couldn't either. And with hooded eyes, she raised her head up and looked at
"Good. Now sit."
She looked away.
She complied. She was like a little kid now who needed to be told what to do and what not to. And when she sat quietly, sniffling, he looked around and walked away from her. She was quick enough to hold his hand and stop him. He looked back, surprised to see tears again welling up in her eyes. He struggled to understand his Geet for the first time.
"Please don't go..." she spoke with her hoarse voice, ready to cry all over again.
"I am not going anywhere." He wondered what made her this vulnerable.
When he tried to move, she held his hand tighter and didn't let go.
He sighed and went closer to her cupping her cheeks, "I am just going to get some water."
She wasn't letting him go but he pulled his hand away forcefully and went looking for the switchboard to turn the lights on. As he poured the water into the glass, he found himself oddly disturbed with Geet's behaviour. And he wouldn't know until she spoke herself. He quickly rushed back to her and found her lost in her own world. He sat beside her and placed the glass in her hands.
She looked at him blankly that worried him.
"Drink it." he commanded.
She looked at him so lovingly that he didn't know what to make of it. But without any hassle, she took a few sips and then suddenly, she coughed and she was crying again. He took the glass away and pulled her close into his arms, gently rubbing her back.
"You are worrying me little storm. Please tell me what bothers you. Please."
She trembled in his arms, feeling safe and scared at the same time. Safe because she knew he was here with her and everything was alright. And scared because what of this was a dream? He'd vanish the moment she opened her eyes.
"I... I thought..." she had difficulty in even telling what she thought, "I thought I lo...lost you."
He kept stroking her hair gently, "I am right here Geet. You won't lose me ever. You know that right?"
More than anything else, he knew she needed this assurance first. She was disturbed about something and if he wanted her to talk, he had to play her way.
She shook her head, her tears wetting his shirt, "I thought I'd never see you again."
"And why do you think I'd give up on you Geet?" he spoke lovingly, trying to calm her down before he asked what the matter was.
And after a very long time, she looked up to meet his gaze. Teary red eyes seemed to take in the picture he presented of himself.
"...because of me. Because of what I did to you... I...I..."
He sighed and clutched her hands tightly, "Hush. How many times do I have to tell you that this is not going to change? Whether you like it or not, it is always going to be you. Didn't you understand it yet?"
A drop of tear rolled down her eye and he leaned closer to press a soft kiss on her forehead, "What are you scared of?"
He finally asked the question whose answer he was looking for.
"Why are you so disturbed? What happened? Tell me everything."
She couldn't bear so much love that he showered upon him and in that moment she knew she wanted to be with him. No matter what, she wanted to be by his side, all the time. She hid her face between her palms and sobbed, "Why would you want to stay with someone like me Maan? Why?"
She finally asked what she had been wanting to, for a long time now, probably since the time she had known his feelings for her.
"Geet you know..."
She didn't even hear him out. She kept mumbling, "Why Maan? I don't do anything good. I am not good enough. I have nothing to offer. I am nothing but a burden to everyone. I..."
"hey hey hey..." he pulled away her hands from her face, "Who told you all that? Who told you are a burden and that you do nothing good?"
She was back to where they had started. Her hiccups turned into sobs as some distant memories started popping in her head one by one.
"tell me Geet."
She shook her head looked down, trying to hide her face somewhere.
He sighed, "If you don't let it out, you will never cease to suffer. It was you, wasn't it? who had once asked me to let it all out, cry if I had to, scream and shout. Tell me."
She shook with the memories of the past as she struggled, "they...they said it was because of me that my mother died..."
At a distance, she saw a little girl crying; watching her mother being taken away.
And later when everyone thought she had slept off, they caressed her head and said that she was the reason her mother suffered so. Her birth wasn't very easy.
The young vivacious girl watched her father being taken away. Her laughter died that day. And that is when she heard she had been a bad luck to her family.
The next time she heard something like that was on her wedding day. She stood aloof at a corner, crying for her broken heart. Raj and Pooja had been married. And then she heard people talking about her. She was cursed perhaps. Nothing and no one would stay with her forever.
And she realized that night how true it was. She lost everyone who she loved.
"...how could have I said yes to you Maan?" she cried, "I know what they say is true."
He couldn't believe who he was witnessing today. She was one woman who had her self esteem shattered slowly...little by little. And each time she shattered, her confidence vanished.
"Geet... you know it is not true. You are one hell of a strong woman. Trust me on that."
"It is true." She cut him in between, "I am not strong Maan. I am not. You don't know how I have lived my days and nights. With you and everyone else, there was always a distraction. But when I was alone, I couldn't sleep. I had dreams of you being snatched away from me...and Ana and Kabir and everyone else..."
This was for the first time that he witnessed who she really was.
"And when I realized what you mean to me... I wanted to run to you Maan... trust me I did. But I couldn't. What if something happened to you? I... I..."
She couldn't even continue her sentence as the knot in her throat hurt her like a knife being pierced through. and when she looked up to see his face, all he did was lean closer and rest his forehead against her.
His breath fell on her lips as he sighed, "You are not the only one Geet. I am there on the same precipice as you too."
>>Alright people, we stop here! Rest of the things over next week.
>>This was the last installment of the story of Radha and her beloved Kanha.
>>Just to make your diwali brighter, a small precap.what say?
Seeing her so lost in her thoughts, he tapped her shoulder, "what happened?"
She shook her head quickly, "Umm. No. When will you be leaving for Delhi?"
"What?" she snapped out of her thoughts, "you will be leaving tonight itself?"
He smiled indulgently, "Yeah. I have a long way back home."
"But you said you won't leave..." she added restlessly.
finally she opened up...ufff...finally maan is seeing her like this for the first time...bt y he told the last line...hope that they back together...me still too much angry on raj n when geet memorized her whole life...there was no raj...really liked it...i loved the character raj in th movie but th last chapter made me so angry on him...