How will Putana Die

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Posted: 2017-07-21T12:32:10Z
I friends, Ive been a silent member, but no longer...

So, now I'm sick off this serial which has the weirdest timelines, and skews priorities.
We have Krishna and Balaram being born in 1 squeezed episode, but have to endure 3 weeks of Putana's fictional BS, and kheer that has become curdled, and sour by now.

Since it's obvious that this show is completely fictional, and follows no recognized text or scripture, I think we should help the writers come up with ideas how to kill off Putana. They seem completely stuck and perplexed with the story. So dear friends, please let us help them with the script.

I suggest the following options to conclude the Putana chapter:

  • Lakshmi pesters Vishnu on how Putana will die, and after her begging Narayan to intervene, he sprinkles fairy dust on Putana , which will confound her and make her jump off a cliff. (he saved Devaki from committing suicide, so he could do a reverse spell)

  • Putana gets tired of the Gokul antic; she takes an infanticidal sabbatical at Barsana,and tries to kheer-up Radha, Lalita, Vish and Akka (if Mudhumangal has split personality, why not Vishakha?). The ever-militant Vrishbhanu discovered this, and laathi-maars her to her conclusion. Barsana then celebrates Holi with Putana dahan. Laathi-maar tradition is commorated in honour of the "female town" Barsana which accomplished what the boys of Gokul couldn't do. 

  • Bhagwan Kans kills her (I'm actually rooting for this scene). Kans is sooo nasty and evil, that he evens deprives Krishna of His very first demon-slaying Leela. Kans kills all his asurs. This will ensure that Krishna never gets his hands stained with blood, and may continue eating makhan and pranking the Gopis.

  • Prapti who has just realized that Child 8 is alive, has another brain flash ... OMG Kans has sent out Putana to kill the potential No. 8. She therefore kills off Putana, in an attempt to revive Devaki. As Putana eyes finally shut,, Devaki's eyes open.

  • Prapti who now dresses as "Putana-Prapti" fuels Bhagwan Kans' fetishes. She one day catches a glimpse of "half-asura Putana" (aka. fair actress with black face powder), and gets upset with the competition. The 2 Putanas get into a cat-fight. Prapti-Putana wins the day. Kans becomes stoked at the female action-scene and now makes Prapti his favored queen, as Asti now becomes the black-sheep.

  • Puranmasi comes back to Gokul after 5 years (hmmm, she's missing for 5 years, exactly the time when all these kids in Braj-mandal are dying; Putana certainly lacks the finesse or intelligence of an assassin... hmm me wonders ) Anyways I digress. So Puranmasi catches on to the whole plot, and hatches her own plot. She hosts a Satyanarayan Katha, and ensures that everyone partakes off the Prasad while chanting Radhe-Krishna. Putana also attends but cannot take Prasad or say Radhe-Krishna due to her Asuri nature. She is warned of the Kalavati-Leelavati consequences, but still cannot consume prasad. Puranmasi gets upset that Bhagwan Satyanarayan is offended; she stares at Putana intently; the built-up Punya from long-standing penance of her white-eye transforms into a laser which shoots down Putana. (scene switch to Vishnu who will say that Krishna resides in the hearts of all, so it was He who tasered Putana through Puranmasi. Narada and Lakshmi nod in gullible glee...).

Any alternatives? (errr Shyam?)

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Posted: 2017-07-23T23:04:56Z
Hahahaha those were great. 
Here are some ideas:

Option A: Bakasur tracks his sister and realizes that she is going to fail again. His reputation surely cannot be tarnished in front of Kamsa again. He hatches a plan with Putana. He calls his other brother Aghasura up and together the trio plan something spectacular. 

Putanja is going to lace some makhan with poison. Bakasur is going to steal the makhan and drop it inside of Aghasura. Aghasura is going to swallow Krishna. 

The only problem is that they need to attract Krishna. So Putana steals some of Yashoda's makhan and laces it with poison. She attaches a string to the pot and awaits for Krishna to come. Krishna, being the butter magnet that he is, notices the pot of butter on the ground and rushes towards it. 

As he approaches, Putana quickly pulls it back a few feet. Krishna pauses, says that something is fishy, but continues to chase the butter. Once the butter gets into open air, Bakasur comes down and steals the butter. Krishna chases after it, but bird vs child ... so birdy Bakasur wins. 

Putana appears in her "beautiful woman" form (hahaha), and asks Krishna why he is crying. Krishna tells her "Kaki, someone stole my butter!" So Putana tells him that she will use her brahmini sixth sense to track the butter. She leads him to Aghasura, where they both see Bakasur fly into Aghasura's mouth and "drop" the pot since Putana fires a laser beam at him.

As they approach closer, Bakasur fake attacks Putana. Putana's "last wish" is for Krishna to get the pot. Krishna obliges. He enters the cave-like mouth of Aghasura and points out all the silly things. 

"Oh Mr. Cave what sharp rocks shaped like teeth you have. Oh Mr. Cave, what a stinky breath you have." etc. 

Aghasura quickly closes his mouth, just as Krishna find the butter. As Krishna eats the butter, Aghasura tries to kill him by dropping his sharp teeth on him (conjured in air), by oozing him with toxic and acidic vomit, and a few other things. 

Meanwhile, in Vain-kunta, Lakshmi is having a panic attack seeing each of these attacks. 

"EEK PRABHU!! DO SOMETHING QUICK! THE DEMON AGHASURA IS ABOUT TO DROP HIS SHARP TEETH ON KRISHNA! SAVE HIM PRABHU SAVE HIM!"

So Vishnu, forced by his wife, has no other option than to save his avatar. He looks over at Mr. Sudarashan, winks, and the discus lifts up and takes off increasing it's size as it approaches. Once it reaches there, the chakra realizes that it did a stupid thing, so it has to shrink to the smallest size to entire the demon and then grow big once more. 

The discus protects Krishna from the dangers. 

Narada exclaims "Narayana, Narayana! Prabhu, just look at how Mr. Sudarshan is serving you through service to Krishna. That's fabulous."

Vishnu just smiles, though his eyes tell the true story. "NO SHIT SHERLOCK. If only you and wifey here can shut up, I can actually watch this serial properly."

Sensing the kid is still eating butter, Aghasura calls for his brother and sister with a grunt. 

The duo enters the mouth of the third, and the third takes a human like form as well, because he can duplicate himself. 

Krishna tries to feed Sudarshana some butter, and well ... long story short - the latter gets sticky, so off he goes to the Yamuna to take a bath. 

That's when the trio gang up on Krishna. 

"Weapons attack!" But it fails. 

"Smelly Breath attack!" But it fails. 

"Fart bomb!" But it fails. 

"Strangle Sequence!" But it fails. 

Krishna then throws some mud on Putana, and she blows up. 

Krishna then throws his peacock feather at Bakasura, and he blows up. 

Krishna then throws himself at Aghasura, and he blows up. 

But he's still stuck in the mouth. 

Lakshmi begs Narayan to do something. 

"Please Prabhu! You have to save him! I know he's really you and thus needs no saving, but MAN YOU HAVE TO SAVE HIM!!"

So Narayan appears there as cloudman, and suffocates Aghasura the serpent form with his cloud powers (think horcruxes for Aghasura I guess?). 

With Aghasura the snake dead, Krishna exits the mouth. Yashoda exclaims to him, "Where have you gone lalaa?" and that moment is ruined forever when Krishna says, "I wanted to show you all that worshiping Govardhan is more important than worshiping Indra. So I hid myself so you would all stop the Puja."

[[THE END]]

Err that got a bit too long, so I won't add any more today. Maybe tomorrow...
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