Chapter 18:
Jodha was lying on her bed, staring out of window, to
see how the lightning bolts are playing with the darkness of the night sky. The
splash of rain water was sparkling in her face every moment, and was soothing
her. But it was not enough to extinguish the fire of Jodha's heart which is
burning her in every moment. Sometimes she was feeling to scream and shout, to
finish everything, but perhaps the load of the heart was so heavy that it
strangled her throat too. It was even tough to breathe freely. The anguish, the
helplessness, the anger of humiliation and overall the suppressed tears inside
heart was slashing her up. She had started to hate herself, that she is trying
to compromise breaking the principles of a Rajput woman... But she knew perhaps
she had nothing in her hand...
"Damn it! It is my life; and only I have the right to
decide anything about it! Jodha groaned in rage in her mind. The words of that
coward Suryabaan was still banging in her ears. "That coward soul is going to
be my husband? Who does not know the meaning of respect is going to be my life
partner? I am going to worship him as my God for the rest of life? I am going
to surrender my life and tie the unbreakable bond of life with such a man who
has no idea about how to respect this sacred bond?
Why will she compromise? Only because her father has
promised them to give Jodha's hand to them? Who is her father to take the
decision of her life?
"Why don't you listen to your heart, Jodha!
Jodha got up from the bed and casually lit the lamp.
The devastating storm outside has overpowered the natural calm silence of the
night, as if the nature is also revolting just like Jodha... Tonight has the
power to destroy everything, to change everything for good...
While staring at the flame of the lamp she was lost...
The flame slowly took the shape of someone else. Someone who has captured her
mind, whom she cannot forget no matter how much she tries...
And then, her desperate heart started dreaming
something too far, too deep and too restricted for a princess...
"What the hell are you thinking Jodha! Jodha shook
her head. "You are matured enough to understand the gravity of the whole
matter. You have to put restrictions on your actions and dreams. You are going
to be Suryabaan's forever, and this is sin...
What is sin? To see someone else in dream while being
engaged with some other, or to try to tie the bond of life forever with a
different man after giving away the heart to someone else?
Jodha sat down hiding her face with her palms. Her
whole body was shivering along with the glitter of the thunder in the sky... The
restlessness inside the deep of heart which she had successfully hid the whole
day, was crying to come outside now. The insane nature outside was as much restless
as her, as the pain of her heart was being reflected in the drops of rain... As
if the heart is shedding tears along with the night to meet with the man of the
heart... she is desperate to go to him, but she cannot... she is unable to cross
the obstacles to meet with her love forever...
"Sawana gagane
ghora ghanaghata, nishitha yamini re...
Kunja pathe sakhi
kaise jawaba abala kamini re...
After some moment, she got up, wiped her tears and
stood beside the window. The splash of the water drenched her almost... she
closed her eyes again, tried to feel him in the touch of the rain water...
"Why I am a princess... Why I am not Purnima... She
whispered to herself.
A sudden ear-cracking sound of thunder... shivered her
heart... suddenly. The night sky flashed strong light in front of eyes, and as if
Jodha could see her soul in front of her.
He must be there... he must be still there in the hut,
alone, fighting with the calamities of the night... it's not possible for him to
go back today only after reading her letter. He is still there, and she can
feel it. She can feel how he is calling her through the thunder-bolts, slashing
the heart of the sky...
But how will she go? How will she go to him tonight,
in this storm, crossing so many barriers?
Jodha tightened her fist and closed her eyes... She is
being called and she can feel it in her heart. Her destiny is calling her...
"Kaho re sajani, yeh duryoge kunje niradaya kaanha
Daarun banshi kahe bajawata sakaruna Radha naam...
She must go... she has to listen to the call of her
destiny today... she has to take care of her own fortune... She has to go... she has
to go...
The logical mind of Jodha lost tremendously in front
of the disobedient heart... Without wasting a moment, Jodha took up her sword in
her hand and went to the door of the secret passage to go out of the fort.
She does not need lamp today. She knows her path very
well.
...
Jalal was sitting alone in the hut, drenching in this
untimely devastating rain in the dessert land. The half-broken hay-roof of the
little cottage is destroyed completely; the wall of one side which was made of
raw clay has almost mingled with the ground after breaking down, the chilling
air along with the sharp drops of the rain pinning in the body. Though, Jalal
did not seem to bother much. He was sitting on the ground, relaxing his back
against one side of the wall, and had been lost in his own world. The piece of
letter was inside his fist, saving itself from the water of the rain... He was
unable to understand a bit of that, but still he knows what was written there.
Purnima will not come tonight. She will not come ever...
She should not come too... Jalal knows it. Not only that
because it is unsafe to come here in this weather, but also, his logical mind
knows now somewhere this game needs to be ended. He has a bigger identity and
so greater is his responsibilities. He cannot stay here forever waiting for a
simple girl named Purnima Bai...
But still, his heart aches when he thinks about this.
Purnima... why cannot you be mine, forever?
Though, Jalal was not thinking all this now. Basically
his thoughts had no particular limit today. They were disorganized just as this
stormy night. Sometimes he was forcefully trying to take his mind on the matter
of Abdul's whereabouts, but his disobedient mind was going back to the previous
dreamy nights... but to be honest, he was actually enjoying this fight with own
mind in this idle time... Otherwise the unknown agony would have strangled him
from inside...
A sudden powerful flash of the thunder blinded him
temporarily... Suddenly the old memory flashed in front of eyes. Her eyes like
thunder, her movements of sword like a lightning bolt... her perfect moves and
wonderful synchronization with the sword... just as attractive as this night sky...
That first meeting was the most magical forever... maybe he himself would have
not understand how she has captured his heart in her deep eyes if she had not
come back in his life and stole his heart forever...
He tried to free himself from the unbearable pain of
those happy memories, but in return hurt himself... The great warrior Jalaluddin
Mohammad, did you ever face a battle tougher than this?
He stared at outside. The storm is reflecting the
restlessness of his heart. When this storm will end? When he will be going back
to his normal life?
He can set off right in this storm, can't he? Is not
Shahenshah Jalaluddin strong enough to fight against this storm?
But perhaps he does not want to! Somewhere is his
heart he had started believing on the existence of Chandrajeet Rathore too... and
perhaps that very existence inside him is not still ready to leave his Purnima,
he does not want to lose himself again in the load of crown... he wants to relish
this storm, this pain, this restlessness, the sweet pain of this waiting...
"Purnima... come to me... I need you in this devastating
night... you are my only shelter in this rampant restless night...
So strange! Just after he made that wish in the
deepest of his heart, why he felt as if Purnima is coming... He felt the sound of
her anklet in his ears even in this noise, he felt as if the nature is
announcing the appearance of her...As if the destiny herself has arranged a
strange moment for their meeting...
Jalal closed his eyes and took a long breath... a long
time... then suddenly he felt the aroma of Purnima mingled in the fragrance of
wet soil...
"Purnima... He whispered... without opening his eyes...
And he felt her touch... right in his hand...
"Chandrajeet... A voice, a melodious, yet wet voice
whispered...
Jalal smiled while cherishing his dream... he caressed
each and every fingers of the hand which was holding his hand... he captured her
hand in his hand, to feel the depth of her touch right in his heart... he felt as
if the storm has reduced a bit...
Then suddenly he got back his sense...
Being shocked, he opened the eyes at once... there was
darkness only. But in was not that night that one will not feel the presence of
other person in front of him...
Suddenly another lightning flashed. The darkness was
prevailed with the sudden high voltage power of light...
And Jalal loosed his hand automatically. Yes it was
she, she was standing in front of him.
Today her dress was different. Not like a simple rural
woman like the other days... She was wearing a plain lahenga-looked quite pricy-
and no ornaments. The beautiful hairs were open, and wet... Each and every
features of her body was prominent in this wet state. She was looking beautiful...
dangerously beautiful... Jalal has seen her in many forms... he has fallen love
with her... but perhaps it was the first time she burnt Jalal's heart with fire...
He was yet to come out of the shock and ask something,
she again arrested his palm in her hand... and in a wet voice, almost choked, she
whispered... "Don't send me back...
Jalal again lost the little sense he had got back
after the shock. Like a possessed man he touched her palm... her hand... her arm...
her shoulder... then her cheek... there were again darkness in the hut, but he was
able to see her even in this darkness. He was able to feel the warmth... and he
was also able to feel her tears...
"Take me along with you...
With these words she came closer to him, she held his
hands which had cupped her face. Her lips were too close to him, both were able
to feel the warmth of each other... In almost muted voice she repeated. "Take me
along with you... to your land...
Such a straight confession!
Jalal could not resist... He pulled her more close and
tried to drown in the depth of her eyes in this deep darkness. She did not
protest, and started gazing at his eyes... to quench all her thirst of heart by
drinking the addiction of those eyes... Both kept on staring at each other,
unable to utter a single word...
Outside the rain was flooding the world.
Time was passing... both had no sense of that... until
another lightning flashed and got them back to world...
"Purnima... Jalal uttered, in such a wet voice perhaps
he himself never listened.
"Chandra... She uttered... tears rolled out of her
cheeks...
"I... Jalal
tried, but a sudden wind stopped him. Instead of that he clasped her hands
again...
"I can't... I can't... anymore... Jodha's voice shook with
the unusual plea, but she could not proceed...
"But... I can't... Jalal took a long breath and again
cupped her face. "I can't take you along with me! I can't! I can't! He sounded
like wail.
Another thunder stroke outside, Jalal felt the drop of
tear on his palm...
A long moment gone... then she asked, in a muted voice...
"You can't?
Jalal closed his eyes in helplessness. He can't! How
can he? How can he break the dreams of this innocent girl by letting her know
his truth? How can he uproot the flower of the dessert to decorate his
artificial garden of his palace? How can he even think to imprison the free
soul of this bird in the cage of his Harem? He cannot deceive her... he cannot
let her to despise Chandrajeet!
But this way he is insulting the desperate confession
of her... She has come to him in this ruthless night overlooking the barriers of
nature, and he is refusing her!
"Perhaps you will not understand Purnima... But... I
cannot! How I tell you... He pleaded in helplessness...
"No need to tell anything... Suddenly her voice sound
different. Lost and heavy... "Perhaps I know...
"No no you don't know!!You don't know how it feels
when you have to refuse the person whom you have given away yourself... but I am
helpless! I am helpless! Jalal almost shouted desperately. "Only my heart
knows how much I want you... How much I love you! Yes yes I love you... I love you
with all my existence... But I respect you more than that... And so I cannot take
you along you me! He took a little pause... "Believe me Purnima... I can never
offer you the respect that you deserve in this life... I am the most helpless
person of this world Purnima... Believe me... He sighed his heart out... "I do not
deserve you!
"I will decide who deserves me, not anyone else.
There was a strange dignity in her voice completely contrasting the prior
desperateness... "If I have the skill of knowing a human, then what I have
understood, that if there is anyone in this world who has capability to respect
me, is you... none else!
Jalal was going to utter something, but she stopped
him... "You think you are helpless! Hah! She smiled sarcastically. "Perhaps you
could ever know the helplessness of a woman like me! You would never know which
helplessness drove me to you in this calamity! Chandrajeet I only want respect
from my life... nothing else! But the world is too mean to give me that! Only you
can give that to me! No one else!
"It's not so simple as you're thinking... Jalal
murmured... "You don't know... It's complicated Purnima... Very complicated... Perhaps
I could tell you why despite loving you, respecting you from all my heart I have
no right to live happily with you!
"Right! Purnima, alias Jodha told with a sigh mixed
with tears... "Complicated! Tough! Rather... rather impossible! She looked
outside. "I... I was wrong... I should not have come!
"Please... Jalal caught her hand... "Don't misunderstand
me. Don't think that I am playing with your feelings... Believe me, I am quite a
different man than what you think I am! My life is different... I...
Jodha smiled most sadly. Somehow she had felt in her
heart that it is not possible for her; more than Chandrajeet, she herself is
helpless in this case. Whatever may happen, the princess of Amer cannot elope
with a stranger in a stormy night one week before the marriage! Whatever
decision she took on the verge of emotion was not at all like a responsible
princess... She understood Chandrajeet may find him guilty for refusing her, but
perhaps she must be thankful to him for this, for reminding her that she is not
Purnima, she is different... quite a different woman that he thinks she is!
"If only I could know you Chandrajeet! If only I could
cross all the constraints! Jodha uttered in a great agony... "I will never
misunderstand you Chandrajeet! You are the greatest human I have come across
ever! But perhaps destiny wants something else...
Jalal put his palm on the forehead... He was deeply
thinking something... Both of them remained silent for a long time.
It seemed the rain outside had stopped a bit. Jodha
put on her veil. "I have to go now.
She was about to go, suddenly Jalal held her hand.
"Don't go!
She was a bit confused, as his voice sounded
authoritative, very much contrasting to the helpless, broken and emotional
voice...
"Till now there is no war in my life where I lose; I
have the confidence to conquer the world if I want, and I cannot take you along
with me! He murmured, as if he was talking to his own. Jodha was a bit
surprised, as it seemed some different man was speaking...
"People can defeat the whole world to conquer his
love, and I cannot defeat a little hesitation to acquire you? I am not that
weak, Purnima! I am not that weak! I have the strength to face every odd of
life, and I will, for you!
Jodha stared at his eyes with utter surprise, like a
possessed human he carried on... "Promise me Purnima, that you will never
misunderstand me... that you will accept me for whatever I am, you will never
feel deceived if anything does not match your dreams... I promise you I will
never let anyone to dishonor you! I will give you all the respect you deserve
from this world...
Jodha smiled pale. "I will never misunderstand you. I
will accept you for whatever you are. As I know, no matter what is your actual
identity, I have not mistaken to see your heart, to know your actual identity...
You are a real human, a most wonderful human I would have ever seen! But I
cannot go with you!
Jalal stared at her speechless.
"I myself came to you with the proposal... but now I
understand I cannot! I am not that courageous to put everything at stake for
love!
"Are you frightened?
"No! Neither am I frightened, nor confused. I have
belief on me, that I am not wrong in choosing you... But there is something more,
more than usual fright or dilemmas which pulls us behind... Jodha sighed.
"Chandrajeet, perhaps you too do not know me... I am quite a different person
than you think what I am... I am not free, Chandrajeet! I am imprisoned! I cannot
go with you!
"Imprisoned? He frowned.
"Yes... Not necessarily imprisonment means only to be
tied with chains... One can be imprisoned by the constraints of life too... the
same reason for which you first denied to take me along with you! Jodha closed
eyes in agony. "Forgive me... for coming with such a weird proposal... and then for
refusing...
"You don't know what you did for me! I had presumed I
have to bury all the unspoken words in the heart forever when I live this
land! Jalal held her shoulders... "But from today I will have no regret! For I
got the courage to open my heart out...
Jodha gazed at his deep eyes... the burden of tears was
paining in her chest!
Some moments passed like this only. Jodha sighed
deeply after that. "I have to go now!
Jalal sighed deeply... Why he did not born as
Chandrajeet Rathore!
Jodha hid her tears... If only she was really Purnima
Bai!
The storm and the
rains both had stopped. Jodha started walking through the muddy path. To her
palace... to her real world... the dreams are better to remain as dream forever!
Perhaps!
In the garden, Moti was unmindfully plucking flowers
alone, suddnely someone pulled her veil from behind...
"WHO... Moti forcefully stopped herself from shouting.
"You? What are you doing here?
It was Vijay Singh, and his presence in this royal
garden is not at all approved. Besides, showing off romance in public place in
broad daylight might be categorized as a serious crime for a soldier like Vijay
Singh... Moti was terrified to see the daredevil Vijay. Yes, many times he
becomes uncontrollable romantic, but thing is, his expressions are not saying
that. Rather they are stating a different story!
"I have an important discussion with you! Vijay
murmured. "Let's go to a rear place...
"What happened? Moti leaded him at the loner side of
the garden then asked.
"First tell me where is Kunwari Sa!
"In her bedroom! Told that she is sick! Naturally!
Moti sighed. "But why are you asking so?
"Do you know... Vijay hesitated to tell. "That where
was she yesterday night?
"It was a storm outside last night. Where was she
supposed to go?
"Are you sure?
"Wait... Moti tried to recall... She suddenly remembered
she had seen the completely wet set of lahenga in her room... the same one which
she was wearing last night... and also the mud in that... She shivered suddenly!
"Where did she
go! How do you know this?
"Quite a long story... Vijay took out a bracelet from
his pocket. "First tell me is this Kunwari Sa's?
"Y..yes... Moti stammered!
"Well I got this near to the old temple, the same
place where that stranger stays!
"Oh God! What the hell she was doing there! Again with
that man! Why does not she understand! There are already so many talks about
her in her marital house... Moti wailed.
"Do you know something...Vijay hesitated to ask
further.
"I suspected... but... but I have faith on her, she will
never do anything which will tell upon her clan's reputation! I believe it is a
temporary thing...
"But who knows if the man is harmful, and he is taking
advantage of our princess's belief?
"Do you think she is that stupid to believe on a
fraud?
"I certainly not! Vijay shook his head. "But I do not
believe in that stranger. I was spying on him and has seen a man to send some
message to him. It was certainly something meaningful!
"Then? Moti held her breath!
"I reported to Kunwar Maan Singh, he has promised to
investigate thoroughly! But I am not convinced. I thought to report to Kunwar
Sujamal today, but after yesterday evening's incident, I fear that leaking this
news now might tell upon her!
"Why don't you talk with Kunwarisa? Moti came up with
a solution. "If she is under an wrong illusion, it will break also!
"Yes, you are right. Please convey my words to her and
I will meet her when my duty will end. Vijay told. "I am going. Bye now!
"One minute... Moti stopped him. "Do one thing, give
her bracelet to me. I will return it to her. Otherwise if by any chance anyone
knows that she was outside of the palace...
"What you both are doing here??
Perhaps both of Moti and Vijay would not have been
this much shocked if they got to see a ghost. The prince of Bhangarh, Jodha's
to-be-husband himself was standing in front of them. Clearly it is seen from
his frown that he is not happy with them, and maybe some of their conversation
has entered in his ears too.
"We... we...were talking... my Lord! Vijay Singh stammered
and Moti pulled down her veil.
"Talking or exchanging gifts? Suryabaan snatched the
bracelet from Vijay's hand in a very indecent way which irritated both of them,
yet they kept quiet.
"I know this bracelet. I saw it yesterday in Kunwari
Jodha's hand! Suryabaan frowned looking at Vijay Singh in a suspicious manner.
"Where do you get it?
"I...I... Vijay Singh kept on stammering...
"And you, what were you talking about? That someone
was outside the palace or something like that... Surya directly triggered on
Moti.
Moti kept quiet but was not frightened. The arrogance
of the maid irritated Suryabaan.
"It seems the maids of Amer has no etiquette that how
to behave with their lords! He grunted in an angry manner.
And perhaps the princes of Bhangarh have no etiquette
of talking to someone with respect! Moti thought, but
did not uttered. "I was talking to my would-be-husband privately, Your
Highness!
"So?
"So I had expected none will overhear our private
talks.
"What do you mean??? Suryabaan shouted in rage.
"My Prince, since it was all our private talks, I
cannot tell those publicly. You may allocate any type of punishment for that, I
will accept. But don't order to repeat publicly what I talk with my future
husband in private! Moti stated calmly, keeping the voice normal as much as
possible.
"I see! Talking in private! And exchanging of the
ornament of the princess? Do you know what would be the consequence of stealing
from the jewelry box of princess? Surya groaned, but suddenly his voice
changed while looking at the bracelet.
"From where the mud came here? He asked with a frown...
"I have no idea, My Lord... Vijay stated.
"Want to go to prison for stealing the bracelet of the
princess?? Suryabaan shouted. "If not, tell me the truth!
Vijay met his eyes once and immediately lowered his
head. Moti was fuming in the fire of insult. How she could bear such a drastic
false allegation on her lover?
"About which truth are you talking about, Kunwarsa?
All of them turned back. It was Jodha standing behind.
In a pale yellow Lahenga, the veil casually put on the head, and no ornaments
in the body, and the vacant eyes in pale face, she was looking like a nun
almost. She came closer, and took the bracelet from Suryabaan's hand. It did
not take much time for her to understand what was going on here. Her vacant
eyes sparked with fire...
"You are an honorable guest of our land, Kunwar
Suryabaan, but it does not give you the right to insult our faithful servers
and to threaten them openly in broad daylight! She told in a mild, moderated
yet powerful voice...
[PS: The song Sawana Gagane ghor ghanaghata... is a famous song by Rabindranath Tagore... I know it might sound odd to use a Rabindrasangeet in a story of Mughal backdrop, but I could not have found a song better than this for this situation... 😊]
Edited by Shinning_Stuti - 6 years ago
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