Writers Corner: Books, Stories & Poems

Mistaken - Chapter #8 (4/6) pg 6

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Posted: 7 years ago
Hi Everyone,

My name is Kelly and  of late I have been hanging around the FF forum, but am now hoping to share my writing with potential new readers.

I was a huge fan of the show Sapne Suhane Ladakpan Ke and the Jodi of Rachna and Kabir in particular, and it was this pairing that had me writing again after so many years. I've found however that I am having more joy in expanding my character base from those in the serial to ones of my own creation, and honestly can say that I am enjoying this a bit more than solely basing my stories on the serial itself. That being said I am working on two stories right now, and it's my fourth "Mistaken" that I would love for folks in this forum to have a read and let me know what I they think.

Personally I believe that the story can stand on its own, however in my signature you can find the links that can give you any back-story you find necessary to have. I feel that with each progressive story that my writing has improved, but I would really appreciate some feedback on my story so thanks in advance for your likes (or dislikes) comments and critiques😊
Edited by crtkelly - 7 years ago

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Posted: 7 years ago

MISTAKEN

Prologue:

And two...three...four...five...come on Naomi push...eight...nine...ten...okay breathe for ten and then you need to push again..."

The laboring mother shook her head. Covered in perspiration, her strength was rapidly waning. The blood loss was taking its toll, and Sareena feared that she would go into shock before her work was done. But there just was no other choice. The child was too far down in the birth canal and only with its delivery would there be the chance to save its life and provide Sareena any opportunity to address the severity of Naomi's complication.

A suspected placental abruption, Sareena had reported when she had called in the emergency; and something she was even more certain of now.  An ambulance had been dispatched, but was taking far too long though. The baby had to be delivered immediately.

"I-I can't Sareena," Naomi panted "It's too much, I can't..."

"Bas! You are stronger than this Naomi; you have two beautiful daughters that prove that you are more than capable of this. You know you need to work with your body; you need to focus. Focus on how happy your family will be to meet this little one and do what you have to do. Now take a deep breath and give me a ten count push!  And one...two...three...four...five..."

*****

"I still can't believe that you and Bhabhi are moving home, bhaiyya; I never would have thought you would leave that love nest of yours. The only thing that would be more shocking now, is if you tell me that you have put your flat on the market."

Rajeev grinned at his brother from the driver's seat on the way back from the airport.

"Aacha, you're selling it bhai. Shit you could have at least given me first right of refusal," Vihaan moaned. "I may need some place of refuge from your ever growing brood that will be taking over Agarwal mansion. How is Bhabhi holding out this time anyway; she must be counting down these last weeks...and praying for a boy so she won't have to go through this again," he joked.

A son.

A son would be nice, Rajeev thought with a smile, but truthfully that hadn't been a preference this time around either: to him at least. His parents on the other hand would be over the moon with a boy to carry on the family name. For him though, another green-eyed princess to join their almost 3 year old twin girls would be ideal. Whichever they were blessed with, this would probably be their last though.

"Nahi Vihaan, boy or girl, this will be it for us. We've collectively decided that it will be good for you to do your part for the family now."

"Yeah right," Vihaan scoffed. He thought how far removed he was from that ever occurring. That would mean making a commitment to someone, and there was no chance he could do that when he couldn't rid his thoughts of her: the one - well almost the one, had fate not chosen her for someone else. He blinked suddenly as his brother's words dawned on him. "Wait a minute... this isn't what the summons home is all about is it? Maa isn't planning on having a parade of Aunties come through the house with their idea of a suitable match for me, is she? Dammit bhai, the least you could have done is give me a head's up. Shit! That's it; I'm not staying for that. Seriously, are you selling your flat or not; I'll take it at 5% over any asking price...I'll even keep the mural in the nursery for the princesses. Bhai you have to save me!"

That infamous lopsided grin appeared on Rajeev's face, doing little to ease Vihaan's newfound misgivings over his trip back to Banaras.

"Well if it helps, we haven't sold it, but we've have actually just arranged a short term lease with a tenant. Perhaps if you ask nicely, they will let you stay on as a roommate."

"Go to hell, bhai," Vihaan grumbled. He shook his head. "Well at least some good can come out of you being home. My Bhabhi won't let things get too out of hand; she'll protect me."

Rajeev laughed, as he turned on to the development road and towards what was now their former home. Naomi was just meeting their new renter, to hand over the keys and go over some final things. Then finally, she would settle down and get the rest she needed. She had been pushing herself too much this time around in his opinion between their family and her work commitments, but had agreed to take the last seven weeks of her pregnancy to rest now that their house move was complete. And now that he had backup in the form of Vihaan; Rajeev knew that she would definitely keep her word. This would be a wonderful time for their entire family; without question, life didn't get much better than this, he thought.  Moments later his heart would leap into his throat when he first saw the ambulance parked outside their building, and then noticed his next door neighbor desperately flagging him down. A sick sense of dread replaced any contentment he had felt.

"Oh God no..."

********

The voice was clipped and authoritative as she gave her assessment and instructed the emergency responders, and Vihaan was so astounded to hear it after so long, that it took a moment before he understood what they had rushed into when he had followed bhai and his neighbour up the stairs and into the flat.

"...Stage 3 Shock...uncontrolled hemorrhaging...start an IV for the mother... oxygen needed for both mother and infant. Radio in to ensure an operating theatre is prepped and ready..."

It hadn't mattered that she wasn't one of their own; the EMT leader immediately responded to the seniority of the physician, easily recognizing that her Acute Care experience vastly surpassed theirs. They sprang into action to succor their now two patients.

Rajeev took in the scene and bellowed in anguish and totally lost it, adding to the chaos, as he fought through the emergency personnel to get to his wife's side. It took both men who had come with Rajeev  to restrain him, and allow them to work on Bhabi and the premature newborn.

Life had literally become a nightmare right in front of their eyes.

*********

 Minutes later they loaded the gurney holding the barely conscious woman into the back of the ambulance, allowing her husband in as well. However it was only while attending to the swathed infant that Sareena, in one of the last spaces left in the emergency vehicle, actually come to realize who had accompanied Rajeev.

"The girls..." Rajeev asked suddenly.

Vihaan held the ambulance door, ready to close it. "Next door with Aasha, bhaiya...I'll collect them and bring them."

His voice.

Sareena looked up from where she regulated the newborn's oxygen. Vihaan...Here...  Hastily, she swallowed her emotions. "Nahi Vihaan, leave them where they are for now if you can; you should come, but do not think to bring those girls right now... this...it's not a good time."

After almost four years their eyes met, and in hers, Vihaan saw the grave concern for a woman the young doctor considered a friend: one that held the knowledge garnered by her profession. He stole a look past her to his brother who distraughtly held Bhabhi's limp hand and then back at Sareena, and nodded.

"Bhaiya, I will check on them and then be right behind you."

"Come quickly, Vihaan," Sareena said for his ears only, before the door was closed to the ambulance and it sped away with it sirens blaring.

Edited by crtkelly - 7 years ago


DO NOT COPY THIS POST AS THIS IS EXCLUSIVE TO INDIA FORUMS


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Posted: 7 years ago
An ff on vihaan like sirsly Kelly didi 😲
Wow didi I luv ur stories
Now plz write something on rachana vihaan
Warna u know na ki main kitni badi drama queen hoon
crtkelly thumbnail
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Posted: 7 years ago
This content was originally posted by: DLSR

An ff on vihaan like sirsly Kelly didi 😲
Wow didi I luv ur stories
Now plz write something on rachana vihaan
Warna u know na ki main kitni badi drama queen hoon


I hope you enjoy this story, but in no way is it a Rachna and Vihaan story. Honestly I cannot even imagine the pair😊.
A new chapter coming up which I hope you read and enjoy
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Posted: 7 years ago

Chapter #1

Traversing the sterile hallways of the medical center for what had seemed and eternity, Vihaan headed towards the ICU ward, his mind cluttered with pessimistic thoughts.  "Bas Vihaan," he muttered, chastising himself for once again delving into areas best left alone. He paused when he reached the heavy partitioned doors that separated him from his family, and the reality of his beloved sister-in-law's condition. He hadn't heard from anyone in the time it had taken to notify his parents, and then taking care of what he had felt necessary before making his way to the hospital. Surely no news had to be good news. Besides, Sareena was an amazing doctor, and if anyone could have stabilized Bhabhi until she reached the medical facility, it would be her. But she too had been extremely worried when they had exchanged words before the ambulance left. He grimaced because he knew this pep-talk wasn't having the desired effect. He absolutely dreaded what he could possibly discover on the other side of the door, but there was no choice; bhai needed him.

On one hand thankful that his cherubic nieces had escaped the shock of the harrowing incident that had   taken place at home when bhai and bhabhi's neighbors had lent their aid and had hurried the toddlers out of the flat and next door, Vihaan had found himself in a situation that he could not easily remove himself from. At least they had stopped squealing after too long, he thought of his cute-as-a-button twin nieces, who in tandem had begun vying for his attention when he had appeared at their Aasha Aunty's door. To Tanvi and Lalita the day had seemed a lifetime of waiting for Uncle Vihaan who was coming home at last. Bhai had forewarned him to expect such a reaction as the girls had been for days, counting the number of sleeps until his arrival, but even he was overwhelmed by their response. It hadn't been easy to tear himself away from the toddlers, who were thrilled to finally see him in person instead of over a computer monitor, and it had taken some major concessions on his end, mostly in the shape of promises of extended playtime with them when he returned. Thankfully they had been persuaded that his leaving would be okay - after all they still had their playmate in the form of Kanan, their slightly older neighbor and best buddy. He was the best boy they knew, the little girls had insisted on informing their uncle. In fact he was the reason that they were determined that baby in Mummy's tummy be a boy so they could have their own Kanan for their house. Vihaan had choked up when they had relayed this bit information, as he wondered if the highly anticipated infant had even survived...

"Seven weeks early is no big deal nowadays, Vihaan," Aasha had piped up suddenly, obviously reading the direction of his thoughts.

Vihaan had blinked and nodded, before opening his dark eyes to smile at the expectant faces of the curly-haired moppets who literally clung on to him. He assured the pair that as soon as he returned he would have retrieved the gifts he had stowed away in his luggage, but they had to be good girls for Aunty and Uncle. All would be well, he stated convincingly, allowing a sliver hope to enter his psyche. Unfortunately it had only lasted as long as it had taken to secure bhai and bhabhi's flat, where he had again been confronted with evidence of how serious the situation was, in the bloodstained bedroom where his Bhabhi had given birth.

Now with his hand raised, Vihaan had to take a few breaths and push that particular memory out of his head so that he could finally push the doors to the ward open and face whatever was in store for his family.

********

 Dr. Sareena Arora  continued to let the steamy water wash over her bare body, the rivulets at first taking on a pinkish hue as the stream carried away the blood stains that she hadn't even been aware that covered, and then seeped through her clothing. All that had mattered at the time was stabilizing her patients: work she believed had been born to do. Barring her brief  exchange with Vihaan- the only time she had let her concentration slip -she had stayed in that zone: the one that allowed her to zero in on the task in front her. Now, despite heat of the water, she shivered slightly. She recognized the aftereffect of the adrenaline overload for what it was, and forced herself to take a number of deep breaths. She knew that she had done all she could for both mother and child prior to and on the route to the hospital, and even after, when due to her professional status, she had been called on to supplement to emergency responders' report. After this, she had handed over her two patients over to medical staff of the hospital; waiting alone with Rajeev as he kept vigil over his wife and new child. At first she had kept her composure by treating the coach as she would the family of any of the unfamiliar patients she dealt with in the A&E Unit she worked for: concisely and matter-a-fact, explaining the situation. She had managed a single phone call back to the Tripathi residence, trusting that Vihaan had contacted his and Rajeev's parents and then sat outside the surgical unit Naomi had been whisked into. And then she had waited. It soon became clear that her status had become common knowledge in the facility, when in act of solidarity for their profession a nurse approached Sareena and offered the use of the staff facilities so that she could clean up and at the very least change. Only then had Sareena realized the  dire state of her clothing, and she gladly accepted her offer, if not only for her sake, but also for the husband who if he paid attention, would be cruelly confronted with tangible proof of his wife's dire condition and the thin thread that his wife's life hung by. Yes, even changing into a pair of nondescript scrubs would be preferable to Rajeev, or any of the family and friends, who were certainly making their way to hospital, coming face to face with when they met her. She sent a quick message requesting a change of clothing as she followed the sister. When finally left alone, Sareena at last allowed her facade drop, leaving only an anxious friend left to strip her bloodied clothes off.  Her silent tears began shortly after, but it wasn't until she was under the pelt of the hot water flowing from the shower head, did her sobs begin for the young couple she considered as close as family. She prayed that her actions had been enough.

*********

The door was still swinging behind Vihaan when he watched the group further down the hall turn as one, when a tall man in surgical wear approach them from one of the wards interior egresses. Vihaan stopped, rooted by the scene: unable, or perhaps just unwilling to face the truth of the situation. The group stood as motionless as he was and then, as a unit then they all reacted. Vihaan's eyes widened in despair as he witnessed it all: bhaiyaa stumbling back and then sitting hard on the chair he had risen from when the doctor had arrived, immediately covering his face with both of his hands; Rachna turning  to bury her face in her husband chest, and his arm's arms immediately wrapping around her. Only Papa had stayed in place, seemingly stuck in place, the only one still listening to the physician. Vihaan watched as his father nodded, and then with his face not revealing anything approach his first born.

"Maa," Vihaan whispered, unconsciously seeking a child's source of comfort, only to realize seconds later that his mother was nowhere to be seen. Illogically, he even spun around in the direction he had just arrived, disbelieving that the matriarch of the Agarwal family would not be here. Just as he turned back, he noticed that Kabir had caught sight of him and whispered in his wife's ear. Immediately, Bahbhi's best friend raised her head, revealing her tear-stained faced. Inexplicably she pulled away from her husband, and hurried to close the short distance to him, throwing herself at him when she reached him.

"V...Vihaan," she stammered.

He put her aside and walked away: his destination clearer than never now if the news that had been relayed would have the young woman reacting so.

"Bhaiyaa," he sobbed crouching, ready to enfold his brother where he sat.

Rajeev stood and met him halfway, grabbing his brother desperately. His larger frame wracked with his sobs, shuddered, and Vihaan experienced despair such as he had never known.

"She's alive...she's going to live, Vihaan. Somehow they saved her..."

Vihaan stilled before throwing his head back in relief. He took one deep breath before joining his sibling in a release of tears of utter relief.  His gripped his brother tighter, thanking God for the miracle that they had been given.

"Rajeev, beta."

The two brothers released each other so that they could turn their attention to their father.

After Shailish Agarwal got his son's attention back to physician who was waiting to detail Naomi's condition, he turned back to his youngest. "Namaste Beta," he whispered emotionally.

"Namaste Papa," Vihaan countered before giving himself over to the waiting embrace. Silently, the men celebrated their reunion although inwardly, both wished for, if not more ideal, than at least normal circumstances had prevailed. They kept their greeting brief as both wished to hear the doctor's news on Naomi's prognosis.

Amazingly, anything good that could have happened in this hellish situation had occurred. With a clear understanding of the incoming patient's condition, there had been time to ready the necessary operating theatre and assemble the needed personnel. The doctor, himself had nearly completed his shift and had been winding down to leave the facility, when the word had reached that he would be needed. This had been fortunate, as being one of the advanced surgeons, his expertise had been necessary to succor the young mother, whose condition had severely deteriorated en-route to the hospital. Added to these facts was that in an extremely fortunate happenstance, for once there had been no issue in procuring the ample blood supply of Bhabhi's blood type that was needed. However, the surgeon reiterated over and over, none of this would have mattered had it not been for the care she had received prior to her arrival, from the doctor who had been with the young woman at the time.

When the doctor made mention of Sareena's involvement, Vihaah realized that she, like his mother wasn't there, however he put this aside as the surgeon continued.

Bhabhi was still weak, but out of the woods. Vihaan continued to listen with the others to the doctor who reassured that although very weakened, and not yet having regained conscious, that Naomi was expected to come to sooner rather than later, and that after some time was expected to make a complete recovery. The physician had further words for Rajeev alone, so the group left the pair to their private discussion.

Vihaan turned his attention finally to the couple that had waited with his brother. "Kabir, Rachna...thank you so much for coming."

"Where exactly would you expect us to be, Vihaan," Rachna tearfully replied with another hug, that this time he returned. He let her go and turned his attention to the man towering over his wife. He held his hand in greeting. "Namaste Kabir."  The brawny man blinked, his eyes suspiciously bright, as he greeted Vihaan in an emotional tone.

"Welcome home, Vihaan."

Little was said between the pair, as Rajeev had at that moment rejoined the group. Everyone watched as the man pressed the heels of his palms to his eyes, and release a shake breath.  Miraculously he informed them that, despite everything, Naomi's ability to carry another child had not been affected. The group laughed nervously when Bhaiyaa declared that his determination never to touch his wife again than risk her wellbeing - all understanding the man's sentiment after such a harrowing time.

"The baby," Vihaan then asked.

"Better than...his..her...mother."

"Bhaiyaa, what are you saying, not another set of tw..."

"Nahi, nahi," Rajeev interjected, "There is definitely, only one, I just don't know... I never even asked to be honest. Sareena may have told me on the way, but then Naomi's blood pressure plummeted and...and all hell broke loose in the ambulance." He had to stop a minute to collect himself. "Maa didn't believe for a minute that her bahu's life wouldn't be saved, and went to get a report on her grandchild to give her daughter-in-law all the information she would want when she awoke. She wasn't wrong was she Papa," the coach said to his remaining parent of Savitri Agarwal's absolute faith.

His father nodded, and Vihaan smiled, the explanation for his mother's absence perfectly clear and understandable. Her actions were so her.

"I imagine she and Daadi have taken complete control of the nursery by now," Kabir muttered, in doing so offered the explanation for his grandmother absence, unimaginable considering that she considered Bhabhi as one of her own. Imagining the two headstrong women browbeating the faculty to get the necessary answers had the entire group smiling.

"At least Sareena should be able to smooth the way for them," Vihaan suggested. When no one responded, Vihaan looked to his older brother.

"Nahi, I'm sure she left before Maa arrived. I vaguely remember one of the sisters approaching her but, after that..." He shook his head indicating his confusion. "I have no idea where she is."

"Don't worry about it bhai," Vihaan indicated. "I know you all will want to wait here for Bhabhi to recover so I will go and track everyone down, thik hai?"

Already heading in the opposite direction, he didn't notice as they watched his abrupt departure, the majority of the group aware of the underlying motive behind his actions.

***********

The scrubs Sareena now wore were soft, as if recently laundered, and comfortable, and most importantly, a blessing from the alternative. There was a different sister who waited for her  in the staff room with a plastic bag for her soiled clothing. Graciously Sareena accepted it, declining the offer to have the items laundered. She would take care of them later, along with the linens and towels that awaited her back in the flat.

"Do you have any updates of Mrs. Agarwal's condition," she asked the young nurse, before realizing that it was out of her remit to be pressing for information. She was no longer in London, and thus far removed from her own jurisdiction. And she certainly wasn't family. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..."

"Nahi, Dr. Arora, everyone is aware of your connection to the case, and we have been given permission to answer any questions...the baby is doing as well as can be expected for a preemie, oxygen is still being administered, but no other complications have arisen thus far. There has been no update on Mrs. Agarwal; none that I am aware of anyway."

"Thank you," Sareena answered sincerely.

"We're actually closer to the nursery right now, if you would like to check on the baby," the young nurse offered.

"Only if you won't be circumventing any rules," Sareena responded, grateful for the opportunity to get to see the infant, but not willing to let any of the accommodating staff members to bring trouble on themselves in allowing her entry into the restricted NICU.

Following the nurse, Sareena paused at the entry of the ward to grab some hand sanitizer offered outside the door, and applied a generous amount of the gel to her hands and forearms. She then passed through the door being extra careful not to come contact with any additional surfaces. She was halfway down the corridor when she heard the frantically expressed call that she automatically responded to.

"Doctor, will you please help us?"

*********

As expected, Vihaan found his mother and Kabir's grandmother talking the ears off a pair of medical staff, most likely demanding details on the baby's condition. He watched as the ponytailed doctor turned to speak to the nurse who accompanied her and saw when the sister responded with a nod and then hurry off to follow the directions given to her. The tolerant doctor then directed the two older women to a pair of chairs in the nearby waiting room and followed them by taking a third seat. This couldn't be good, Vihaan thought, and he rushed to join the group.

His mother caught sight of him first. "Vihaan, beta," she called out anxiously as she stood.

Her back to him, Sareena froze. She was so not ready to meet him again, but it looked as if it was unavoidable now. She closed her eyes feeling his approach behind her.

"Doctor..."

She stood up and rotated to face him, and took advantage of his shock to avert her eyes away from him. And then, in a moment of pure luck, she saw the door to the ward swing in, and her savior enter.

"Jack," she whispered and darted past Vihaan towards her safe haven.

Jack Thompson...of course he would be there Vihaan supposed when he reacted to Sareena's sudden departure. It was far-reaching at best to think that the fates would have at last favored him over the Englishman who had been a factor in Sareena Arora's life for years now.  Nothing had changed, Vihaan thought dismally as the doctor reached her hero, and despite that bag he carried, he fully embraced her. Four years hadn't wrought much of a change in the man who had for a time served as Bhabhi's bodyguard: he was a fit and alert as ever. And now he was staring directly right back at him, as if he totally comprehended the ill will emanating from Vihaan's eyes, and totally expected that his rival understood his own.

Edited by crtkelly - 7 years ago


DO NOT COPY THIS POST AS THIS IS EXCLUSIVE TO INDIA FORUMS


SriMaatangi thumbnail
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Posted: 7 years ago
I will review both by tomorrow ðŸ˜³
Res for now 
crtkelly thumbnail
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Posted: 7 years ago
This content was originally posted by: KrishnaPriyaa

I will review both by tomorrow ðŸ˜³

Res for now 


Whenever you have the time. I do appreciate it😊
Nynaeve thumbnail
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Posted: 7 years ago
Dear Kelly,
Thanks for the pm. I did not watch many episodes of the serial and yet found your tale intriguing enough to be hooked😊. I guess I would be able th give a more detailed comment, a couple of chapters into the tale. You have a captivating style writing.

Please do pm me about future updates, would not want to miss out.

Nyna 
crtkelly thumbnail
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Posted: 7 years ago
This content was originally posted by: Nynaeve

Dear Kelly,

Thanks for the pm. I did not watch many episodes of the serial and yet found your tale intriguing enough to be hooked😊. I guess I would be able th give a more detailed comment, a couple of chapters into the tale. You have a captivating style writing.

Please do pm me about future updates, would not want to miss out.

Nyna 

Hi Nyna, thank you for commenting. In actuality my stories have  grown to the point that many of the characters are totally of my own creation, with less and less character involvement from those from the actual show, which is one of the reasons, I decided to post this particular story in  the Writers Corner as well.
Your comment assures me that indeed the story is strong enough to stand on its own merit😛

I hope you enjoy the story as I press forward.

Kelly.


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Posted: 7 years ago
Kya dii apne to rabirko supporting kardiya

Chalo koi gal nai waise bhi I loved your update