SS 51 Baby Steps to work on 1 - Page 36

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Posted: 6 years ago
Originally posted by Errantnomad


Bitterness is too harsh a word for vandu's current state of mind but is postpartum stress getting to the exhausted vandu.she talked about having a room for shatabdi.
Given how II and vandu were brought up having shared their room, I would think vandu would more naturally be inclined for shatabdi and shravu to share a room. I don't know, I am not able to put this clearly.
I feel as humans we keep doing things that's expected of us, suddenly a few people or few situation happen , leaving us feeling overwhelmed with what we have been doing thus far and slowly it gets to you.

Baldness suits the rich was sharp coming from vandu and unknowing to her it stung her sister . And then the feeling of inadequacy over not being able to invite her sister's family over for dinner .
But that's reality now. It's the same vandu who was the first to go to R&B and asked him if he would marry her sister .

Stress and maybe a little bit of self sympathy is making vandu cynical.
She is tired and exhausted caring for all. She has no answers to what ifs?
And Bala is not helping her here and adding to this stress. Vandu needs to be able to give time to her children and he cannot be piling on her now with his niece. Some point you hv to be telling your relatives there has to be other workable options.

She has to be joining office soon and without letting her rest or enjoy her time now with her little one , something or the other comes up. The hall for the function, the tash mash of II and Bala and II missing the function and now this hosting of niece. The conversations between vandu and Bala is becoming more charged up by the day
Some people don't hv it easy at all...




Kalpana MANY of us grew up in Mumbai or Delhi or Chennai (mostly big cities) sharing rooms with our siblings or parents, if its Mumbai then the entire family sleeps in the same room, usually on floors. I have a friend from Chembur she said they had a Hall & kitchen... and her in laws had the same too, so her "marital bed" was the kitchen, it had a Godrej and frig and gas cylinder she said
EXACTLY like a OLD Jaya Bhaduri Anil Dhawan movieClap in that the newly weds share the kitchen. Its a adorable joint family story from the 1970s It has a nice song too I think. One of DD favorites for Sunday evenings

So anyway coming back to the point, even those that grew up that way want separate rooms for their kids in the same Mumbai city, waqt ke saath saath ichhayen aur arzoo bhi zaroor badalti hain aur BADHTI hainCry

Edited by Nisha0604 - 6 years ago
Posted: 6 years ago
Kalpana

Akka wont feel so disgruntled or anxious if II had married middle class. She wont feel so inadequate if Bala didnt place unreasonable demands on her. Its a combination of two things now, that makes II's status more visible and pronounced for Akka

And also the constant expectations from her husband's side of the family
He wouldnt let her go on loss of pay at first now that she has delivered and is getting ready to return to Munirka, he is already planning to plant a distant cousin in the house that will drain Vandu's already thinning
resources

She wont express these things in front of Appa EVER
Amma? May be... but not with Appa

We might be "OK" with some things in life, some disappointments or failures, but the moment we log on to FB we notice someone post a ultra fabulous graduation party for their 18 year old, or a fancy new house with a swimming pool in their back yard we suddenly start to resent our 15 year old 3 or 4 bedroom house.

That was one of the reasons I quit FB, around  3 years ago

It constantly kept me "on the edge"

The IN YOUR FACE display of wealth and well being was very hard to ingest on some days

Posted: 6 years ago
Originally posted by blue5sky


II's little embryo is a miracle already! She brings along PDA among so many other things like babies do into their parents lives.
She is a high point in II's life. The man who has been ...ummm...active all these years fathers for the first time. And the lady who has married into a family that is a complete anti-thesis of where she grew up, risked and brought noting but usually rare but yet undeclared love - for the man  she married!

Vandu and II - Siblings on 2 sides of the eternal paradox - of abundance and deficit. II has so far managed to fill the deficits in her life by either ignoring them ( Bala's taunts and Appa's disgust, Ritu etc..) and taking a leap of faith - dude and Father-in-law -with a lot of support from Sam,Tan, Vandu and may be Appa?

While poor Vandu has to do this by enlisting people who have largely brushed her anxiety aside - Bala and Appa because it forces them to look at themselves shorn of pretences. AND that struggle for them may be personal BUT it is momentous. Not easy for any being to shed it old ways and unlearn ego and learn humility.

And the story revivifies itselfBig smileNice work NishaThumbs Up


Very  well written Asma maza aa gaya padhkar
Yes by nature II is not the one to vent and rant and throw a fit. She talks a lot but she doesnt act like a drama queen. Ritu was positively mean to her by dismissing II's earnest request of wanting to slow down, yet she came home, curled up on the swing and took a nap
She fights with the dude on the most ridiculous things

But when it comes to real hurt and humiliation she is a trooper


Akka on the other hand advises II to be patient and forgiving and kind, but when it comes to her own marital life finds those virtues at the bottom of the barrel. By nature Akka is combative, though II is talkative. She "puts Bala in his place"  her in-laws think she "has a golden heart but chat chatnu kovam varum Vandu ku" ( short tempered types)

She is generous and a team player but is secretly desirous of good things and wants Bala to unconditionally provide for thoseCry

II is not greedy, she has a big ego... and too much self respect but is not greedy

Posted: 6 years ago
Originally posted by Nisha0604


Originally posted by Errantnomad


Bitterness is too harsh a word for vandu's current state of mind but is postpartum stress getting to the exhausted vandu.she talked about having a room for shatabdi.
Given how II and vandu were brought up having shared their room, I would think vandu would more naturally be inclined for shatabdi and shravu to share a room. I don't know, I am not able to put this clearly.
I feel as humans we keep doing things that's expected of us, suddenly a few people or few situation happen , leaving us feeling overwhelmed with what we have been doing thus far and slowly it gets to you.

Baldness suits the rich was sharp coming from vandu and unknowing to her it stung her sister . And then the feeling of inadequacy over not being able to invite her sister's family over for dinner .
But that's reality now. It's the same vandu who was the first to go to R&B and asked him if he would marry her sister .

Stress and maybe a little bit of self sympathy is making vandu cynical.
She is tired and exhausted caring for all. She has no answers to what ifs?
And Bala is not helping her here and adding to this stress. Vandu needs to be able to give time to her children and he cannot be piling on her now with his niece. Some point you hv to be telling your relatives there has to be other workable options.

She has to be joining office soon and without letting her rest or enjoy her time now with her little one , something or the other comes up. The hall for the function, the tash mash of II and Bala and II missing the function and now this hosting of niece. The conversations between vandu and Bala is becoming more charged up by the day
Some people don't hv it easy at all...




Kalpana MANY of us grew up in Mumbai or Delhi or Chennai (mostly big cities) sharing rooms with our siblings or parents, if its Mumbai then the entire family sleeps in the same room, usually on floors. I have a friend from Chembur she said they had a Hall & kitchen... and her in laws had the same too, so her "marital bed" was the kitchen, it had a Godrej and frig and gas cylinder she said
EXACTLY like a OLD Jaya Bhaduri Anil Dhawan movieClap in that the newly weds share the kitchen. Its a adorable joint family story from the 1970s It has a nice song too I think. One of DD favorites for Sunday evenings

So anyway coming back to the point, even those that grew up that way want separate rooms for their kids in the same Mumbai city, waqt ke saath saath ichhayen aur arzoo bhi zaroor badalti hain aur BADHTI hainCry


The song is yeh jeevan hai, is jeevan ka yahi hai yahi hai rang roop. One of my all time favs
Posted: 6 years ago
one more romantic update nisha?
I miss the goofy II who would make the dude laugh endlessly.
Posted: 6 years ago
Hello and good morning/good evening. Nice perspectives Kalpana, Asma and Nisha.

At some point, the stress gets to you. We are all human, aren't we. We are not born with values to renounce the world easily. True that if Bala had not sprung a cousin on Vandu, she would have been a bit more composed. And II is the closest to her, so she is venting her anger on her.

Dynamics of family, relationships, dreams, aspirations... on the platter this Monday. Smile
Posted: 6 years ago
Differences in status, in life style in the way people interact  treat others or are treated are bound to be there. Vandhu has always come across as being very warm and happy at whatever has been her sister's situation now. Don't forget that II had her share of misery...being an unwanted child ...spurned in love for reasons over which she had no control.
Appa is unforgiving in a sense...setting right the leaking pipes in Munika and refusing to visit a pregnant child ...he will never warm up to the Dude the way he goes all out to please Bala will be her cross to bear.
Bala is complicating life for him and Vandhu and the boys. II and the Dude will find it difficult to pamper and time Share Shravu like before...he feels neglected already...there is a sense of guilt which moms go through whenever a second child arrives and they arent able to handle all the added chores...the rhythm is disturbed...instead of easing Bala is compounding the problems insinuating what a Mahann he is in taking care of his in laws...infact it is the other way round without the support of DII the guy cant even make both end meet.
Vandhu's inadequacy she has to deal with yes venting will give relief but not when her baby sister is struggling with her Masakai...family grappling with a business strike...her Dude ready to leave for Paris...the extended family though a burden are very caring towards Vandhu which is not the case with II...
The anger and silent battles she wages with her dude...the family trauma...
Vandhu's problem is only money and now lack of clarity like her husband's...i had place under a water tank for my study till PG...i dont think it was ever an issue...an additional room...seems like Bala's madness is rubbing off and making her tactless.
Posted: 6 years ago
Dynamics of family, relationships, dreams, aspirations... on the platter this Monday.

Agree Envee..

Some how this update and reviews are making rounds n rounds in my mind...
Not able to come to a conclusion who is right and who is wrong? Who is in more soup and who is not?

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