Originally posted by Errantnomad
This story is a window to the different worlds out there.
Appa's eyes are seeing what his mind is prepared to comprehend.
There has got to be some fact in that our perspective on life comes from the cage we were held captive in.
His actions are hurting the dude indirectly but hurting II directly. He is very civil to Bala...need not go all out to the Dude but not say hurtful things knowing how it hurts II,,,,saying where was the need for a child...? He is unprepared for the fact that the dude is so unlike what he thought him to be...he is seeking validation of his belief so that he can turn back at the women...SEE I TOLD YOU SO...The unconscious bias/ ego puts its own interest first and twists every argument, word, even fact to suit that interest. Appa's interest in his kozhandai and his distrust in his second son in law , rearranged the fact that his first daughter was married off and carrying her child at an an earlier age than his second daughter. It distorted the intent behind the dude sending flowers to his wife that moment.
What does he expect the Dude to do to win his trust? Look for a job in some company and move to a small flat and haggle with folks over non issues? Thats what the previous encounter between the 3 men suggested. The double standards and inability to see things as they are is irksome...With age comes maturity...not becoming for a man of his age as Akka puts it...his intent is to be mean to the dude at any cost Bala comes homes with a plan of spending the night, sees his wife supporting the dude, sees the spa vouchers that he can't dream of affording his wife, hits his ego that someone other than him is gifting his wife , sees his son asking if uncle R has left and feels slighted and powerless .
He has never been able to give that kind of attention to his wife in 12 yrs that the dude has been doing in the last few months, be it getting her a paid leave or providing her with the spa voucher.
The guy is clutching on to straws to be able to provide for an ice cream to his family by the 25th of every month, spa is a luxury that he doesn't remember in his scheme of things until someone from an other world reminds him of that.
Bala rejecting all help from others is fine...this blow hot blow cold or using II's money...car when he needs...Accepting his contacts and drinking with him on the sly while being all goody goddy before Maamanar...HIS PROJECTIONS ARE ANNOYING...trying to win over Akka by saying they have offered 15000 to augment his expenses over Vaishnavi...just not on...it has tempted and made a deep impact on him that prompts him to say it...not to show the generosity of his relatives but his magnanimity in rejecting the offerI read a story of two three random job holding Ramu working a shift in an office feeling miserable at not being celebrate his son's wish for a birthday with a full round cake and not just a piece of it, goes to office the next day where there is a huge birthday celebration of a gang slapping the cake on the face of the birthday guy, eating some and most portion of it lying wasted and promptly Ramu has to go clean up the mess left behind of the cake, a cake that his son wished but couldn't afford.
Coming bk to Bala, this popped his baloon that he was in this particular evening where he was feeling smug about spending the evening with his wife and his sons.He is definitely not going to appreciate that his wife got gifted this luxury by not him but another man especially , a luxury in his eyes that he cannot afford .
What happened no doubt would make him realise the differences and may cause a rift yet the ways of the MM to build bridges...they dont flaunt their wealth but treat them with the same gifts they would bestow of the friends and their family...they feel they are loved and accepted by iyers...Bala is not wrong in rudely being jolted from a blissful state
The dude also had a heart burn when the 'peaches' man flirted with his wife, so much that he had his eyes on the lawman even counting the number of beers he had and promptly relayed it to his unsuspecting wife of her lying teetotaler alchoholic friend not actually being one if she cared to notice . That evening when the peaches and tongs man was present and we had Appa poking on the dude drinking beer, it just added up, causing so much distress to the dude that poker night by leaving her high and dry in the act. Not to forget that infamous statement of a face launching thousand ships another time around.
What the Dude has gone through has made him deeply protective of II he cannot lose her to anyone on any count...he does not project an image of somebody he is not...When Appa comes visiting he does not drink in front of him...He does say things assuming she is aware of the attention...comeon the guy called his wife a goddess and she seemed to not put him in his place but was humouring him...WHAT HE DID THEREAFTER IS SO NOT DONE...The situations are not the same . The difficulty of the woe is not the same This is a different kind of envy though. The cause of envy not the same. But my point here is , if you were to look at it, men do find comparing themselves to others in situations that makes them feel slighted and inadequate.
It wasn't dude's intention to cause a heartburn but it spiraled in to one for Bala. That spa vouchers and the expensive bunch of flowers gift are in his face kind of luxury for a middle class man in him.
When Bala calls him after his Paris move the envious dude emerges...he hurts...he taunts only II in private...silence is a form of aggression too he adopts hurting II it has been partly his nature yet he tries hard to break from that mode atleast with her...she resorts to it from her hurt and he goes all out to calm her in their accepted modeHe is playing up his card in front of his father in law by bringing vaishnavi in to picture as if to say that I am managing things in vandu's absence and I am not exactly having a walk in the park as much as I would like to. It's like everyone thinking that there's too much on the plate that they are having to handle.
Different heartburns , different degrees.
Don't know if II will have heartburns cos of her pregnancies, but Appa sure will and that too with increasing intensity everytime she sees his daughter pregnant.
You cannot force anyone to like soneone they don't like.Most times , At best we can hope that they try to be civil with each other understanding where the person is coming from, I think.
Every single person because of the complicated web of relationships from Malchamarg to DII to Munirkha is guilty of pushing , saying, doing seeing and believing things that suits them and they all come with motives that cannot be deemed exactly unselfish, some emotionally and others monetarily.
yes we cannot force folks to like others leave alone like the way we do...the dude is aware of the hatred as also all in his family...yet they are not distant or aloof as the Ambala Anna and clan...motives maybe out of their own needs of the other...yet when it comes to expressing needs...Bala comes out as being an opportunist...changing quality of interaction with changing whims...he says and does this with an intent to hurt the Dude , II and Sam...the Dude has never done or said things disrespectful or hurtful to any of the iyers and has stood by them as a son...brother and as II Knight in armour...her genie...We push and prod to get the outcomes we want or would like to see happening.
Wooh! Just turned out to be a long post!.