Software Symphony 30 A sorrow I nurtured on 127 - Page 27

Posted: 8 years ago
Originally posted by swathi1990



There is a difference in ur case and wat happend here re...ur boss expected u to work...whereas Ritu here didnt ask II to work...She just called and wanted to know where a file was...She just asked 2 mins of ur time...is that a big mistake ???? If bally had called u wudnt react like this...even II wouldnt...and dont pull the friend card...urs and many others reaction appears because of II's jealousy...That is exactly wat this is...A part of II wanted to be Ritu, even though she enjoys all this family time...II has always been considered as superior among her family...always the reason for her over confidence...the same made her under-estimate R&B in the beginning...but slowly she sees people who are more successful than her which she wanted for herself...the first thought if I were II becos I am as ambitious as her would be..."nowadays I dont get as much time to concentrate on my career as I did initially...so marriage is definitely hurting my career..."

U are right from the story perspective II is envious and I agree with your POV
Posted: 8 years ago
Originally posted by Nisha0604


Swathi

I am sorry but I disagree, Ritu could stay up 24*7 a week in a row, a month in a row, but CALLING the direct report at home AFTER OFFICE HOURS clearly violates II's privacy and time with family

Thats unacceptable

I am ALL for male or female leaders to give up on their non-existent personal life

Once it starts impeding on the TEAM'S personal life its no longer about them and their "ambition, drive, aggressiveness, hard wordk, dedication" and other such flowery words

She could have sent II an email and asked her to leav it at her desk going forward, or leave the keys at her desk

Its not life saving brain surgery, Ritu does for a living. AND she is responsible for 100 things other than reviewing daily transaction reports

She could have saved her false sense of urgency until Monday

Much of what many leaders do across Corporate America is to "project". The show of symbolism goes a long way in cleaning up the ladder rung above, making it easier for u to climb it


After 9 PM Friday evening is II's private time with her family

Ritu had absolutely NO business destroying it
I know IT industry has gutted work life balance in the last 20 years, ridiculing every definition of rest and relaxation

But because IT/IS industry has pioneered such a oppressive movement, does not make it fair and justified for the Indian or American worker

May be for many ppl here Nish...

But definitely not in my world...She just called...giving 2 mins of my time to my office colleague wouldnt be a big deal to me...If I really want my peace I wouldn't attend the call and later message that I was unavailable during that time...as simple as that...

I totally agree with women bosses being difficult towards other women...but I dont see anything wrong in this exact situation...
Edited by swathi1990 - 8 years ago
Posted: 8 years ago
Ladies Ge/GM

Wonderful discussions. Good to know the diversified perspectives. It depends on what you want in life. Good personal life or good professional life. To achieve both together you need an extraordinary supporting family, which is very rare in most of the things.

In my company we have very less women in the top management especially in India. Who are in the top positions are very well backed by family.

According to me people content with life are the happiest on the earth. It doesn't mean that I support lazies. I can't tolerate them.
I have seen and still seeing people who have good job, family and financial status but they still crib about something or the other. They can never be happy in life.
Posted: 8 years ago
Swathi I don't think II sees her marriage as the thing hurting her career...she is jealous I agree..its a kick in her gut that somebody her age is doing better 
But she isn't blaming family or marriage for it...she simply is not able to swallow it 
Plus I haven't seen her form an opinion about ritu yet!! She has accepted her jealousy and has not behaved badly or thought about her in a rude way
She is just fighting herself blaming herself and trying to figure pit where she lacks 
Posted: 8 years ago
I know IT industry has gutted work life balance in the last 20 years, ridiculing every definition of rest and relaxation
So right Nisha...I see these kids working unnatural hours, looking haggard all the time...eating pizzas at 2 in the morning at work due to deadlines and having no personal life whatsoever...

And this happens only in IT...not in brick and mortar companies...It has happened in the past 20 years and IT jobs have turned out to be gilded cages ðŸ˜•

hence my comment on Single Woman bosses a couple of pages back...your opinion please ??
Edited by VeeIyer - 8 years ago
Posted: 8 years ago
Originally posted by swathi1990



There is a difference in ur case and wat happend here re...ur boss expected u to work...whereas Ritu here didnt ask II to work...She just called and wanted to know where a file was...She just asked 2 mins of ur time...is that a big mistake ???? If bally had called u wudnt react like this...even II wouldnt...and dont pull the friend card...urs and many others reaction appears because of II's jealousy...That is exactly wat this is...A part of II wanted to be Ritu, even though she enjoys all this family time...II has always been considered as superior among her family...always the reason for her over confidence...the same made her under-estimate R&B in the beginning...but slowly she sees people who are more successful than her which she wanted for herself...the first thought if I were II becos I am as ambitious as her would be..."nowadays I dont get as much time to concentrate on my career as I did initially...so marriage is definitely hurting my career..."


Sorry Swathi
Its a grossly incorrect judgement of II on your part

Ritu calling her at 9 PM on a FRIDAY night has NOTHING to do with her being friends with Bally's kids or her ambition to succeed. Its very hurtful to say "Oh she was unable to achieve what she set out to do so whatever her boss does seems wrong to her"

IF II had taken Friday off and Ritu had called her at NOON. It would STILL be wrong. Legally II is NOT obliged to answer the phone. She can go off the grid
IF II had lied about being sick and was partying instead, but had still taken time off formally through proper channel, still itu calling her is inappropriate. Ritu can act on it later but calling her is wrong


IF II was working from home and Ritu had called her during work hours its acceptable

Ritu's over zealousness and aggressiveness and catty ambition and "projecting" in order to get Bally's job in a year has nothing to do with II's disappointment. Its very spiteful to think II "deserves her boss" runing her weekend because her ambition did not materialize.

Sorry kanna
Posted: 8 years ago
Originally posted by Nisha0604


Leadership is as much about vision courage intuition, intellect, as much as it is about "projection"

Calling direct report after office hours
Walking the hallways talking on the phone using words like strategy, paradigm shift, and tactics
PEEING and talking on the phone
Turning even social lunch or dinner conversations into resolving a fabricated work crisis
Giving extra long updates about business trips and hotels and rental cars
Talking extended periods of time about how a person missed their son or daughter's basket ball game or soccer game
Changing Outlook setting ONLY to send emails between Midnight and 3 AM
Saying how much u hate meetings, but setting one up impudently for everything

A picture was recently doing the rounds about how acollege in Bihar is struggling to deal with cheats, on exam days, and how good scores matter for jobs in India. A shameful visual of test taking in India. Lets admit we are a massive country of 1.4 billion people fighting for 1 million jobs, survival of the fittest has to happen

At the same time, the games people play in the corporate world is nothing less. Atleast the kid in Bihar is probably the only one that will be employed in a family of 15 or 20 and must live in utter poverty

The corporate one upmanship games have no such compulsions yet are more  underhand, immensely more dirty and border on misconduct and misrepresentation of facts



Totally agree on that...The world is always survival of the fittest...and the definition of fittest today has changed to "most communicable and presentable" not exactly the "most talented"...But no one is forcing you to be in the race...there are many ppl (say like vandu) who are happy in the space they are...its their choice... 
Posted: 8 years ago
Totally agree with you Nisha. The clearly marked lines between work and home are more pronounced here than in india. In india the need to prove ones self in the fiercely competitive world is so great that people go to unimaginable lengths to do so sometimes without even realizing. And since there is so much help etc at home women sometimes don't realize what they are doing. Food is cooked, kids are looked after etc. I have seen  many such bosses back home whose families literally gloat over the fact that thri daughters and DIls don't have time to take care of their family or even enjoy because they are working so much.
Here everyone is conscious of the fact that family time is family time. We have holidays in our calendar which sound like day off for grieving, moving day, off for cultural day etc etc. And no body will bat an eyelid if your work  phone is powered off after work hours. And if is is an emergency then they will apologize first before asking a colleague to do something. 
Of course even here women bosses can be as catty as ever...always trying to score...Lekin they are conscious, india mein I think they think they are entitled to do so. That jee Hazoori thing is always around.  

Posted: 8 years ago
Originally posted by Nisha0604




Sorry Swathi
Its a grossly incorrect judgement of II on your part

Ritu calling her at 9 PM on a FRIDAY night has NOTHING to do with her being friends with Bally's kids or her ambition to succeed. Its very hurtful to say "Oh she was unable to achieve what she set out to do so whatever her boss does seems wrong to her"

IF II had taken Friday off and Ritu had called her at NOON. It would STILL be wrong. Legally II is NOT obliged to answer the phone. She can go off the grid
IF II had lied about being sick and was partying instead, but had still taken time off formally through proper channel, still itu calling her is inappropriate. Ritu can act on it later but calling her is wrong


IF II was working from home and Ritu had called her during work hours its acceptable

Ritu's over zealousness and aggressiveness and catty ambition and "projecting" in order to get Bally's job in a year has nothing to do with II's disappointment. Its very spiteful to think II "deserves her boss" runing her weekend because her ambition did not materialize.

Sorry kanna

ok this is purely my perspective...and I am going to leave tis here itself...

First,
I dont think by calling a person for 2 mins u ruin their entire weekend...that seems a little bit exaggerating to me...and it still was II's choice to attend or not attend the phonecall...It was not like Ritu blasted her for not attending a phone call on a friday nite...II could have avoided it if she wanted...

Now as an author If u wanted u can make Ritu a bad boss...but in this specific situation I dont feel like that...and that is just my opinion...
Posted: 8 years ago
Originally posted by swathi1990



May be for many ppl here Nish...

But definitely not in my world...She just called...giving 2 mins of my time to my office colleague wouldnt be a big deal to me...If I really want my peace I wouldn't attend the call and later message that I was unavailable during that time...as simple as that...

I totally agree with women bosses being difficult towards other women...but I dont see anything wrong in this exact situation...


Some fantastic, thoughtful, compassionate bosses would even ridicule and mock their colleagues on a  social non work setting by saying. "Unless someone is dying, and u need your direct report to don the scrubs and show up for surgery in 30 minutes DO NOT CALL THEM AT HOME"

The ones that do usually squirm.😡
Like I said IT/IS/High Tech industry has made this working nights, working through the weekend a matter of pride.  Its not even close. I am not talking about women or men, nor am I trying to be a bitch by saying "Ritu is a loser, she has no life, no family, no husband, paavam" etc etc
All I am saying is as a worker II is entitled to her time off

ONE QUESTION or a million... nobody was dying... Ritu needed to show better judgement.
We can let it pass because it was her first

But then its not her first job, she has managed 80 before for 10 years? So its clearly a shameful style of management that only elevates you at the expense of your team

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