Originally posted by: samsi74
Can I ask something that was in my mind from the beginning, from all the Iyer ladies in the forum? This II's perception about my money and your money thing,is it normal or is it because R&B is super rich? I ask this because where I come from, once a couple is married there is no such thing as yours and mine. Everything is ours and lady is responsible for it. Even if the wife is not earning, still she handles it.
I don't .know what are Appa's intention in sending money but in my society if a father did this, I would say that he's trying to convey a message that even though it's daughter's money we consider it as your family money. I'm very interested to see Nisha's interpretation of this situation.
Love it so much Nisha to see how different cultures react to the same situation.
ok me an Iyer girl so will give my POV .
Normally its all husband /wife money joint account everything is one ..
In this case R&B is super rich way way way beyond what Iyers would have seen so II gets conscious she doesnt want folks to think she married him for money, she doesn't want folks to think she is paying her family through his money.
I think given we are not used to this kind of money and value our self respect a lot it hurts our pride to think someone may even think we are after money..usse toh acha chullu bhar paani mein mar jao.
So if i was II I would do the exact same thing she did basically ,you are clueless what to do, u are scared to ask ur husband or tell him ..slowly she is talking about her insecurities her issues to him .This will take time also i feel even as a married woman given that i have worked all my years i would be very awkward to spend his money should i leave my job initially cause i am not used to it.
On the contrary i see my stay at home friends being more comfortable.
Let me give u an example i was between jobs when i moved from CA to Boston and there was a period of 3 months without job during my second year of marriage, and my husbands bday fell in i wanted to get him something on my own so i went to coaching class (i had work permit)and work edfor $10 per hour for 2 months and got money to get him a camera..very very stupid now i wouldnt have that kind of attitude but initially i did..
So i dont know if its Iyer mentality /middle class mentality but taking someone else's money takes a bit of getting used to .
Regarding bold the fact remains Iyers ,may be all middle class dads have a HUGE problem taking money from their kids in my case both son/daughter my dad still believes in giving us money and will throw a fit should we pay and will say we spend without looking and still feel i should be more efficient with my grocery and no ,no IYER dad will like money from his SIL and there is war even in my house now too 😆😆
So for me every bit of what Nisha wrote is spot on doesn't make it right but i get it this is how it is 😃.. and this Bala giving to R&B was wrong Bala and Vandu are also going through a tough time toh may not have thought through.
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