Originally posted by Nisha0604
I can only speak from a marriage perspective cannot speak from vague poetic angle of "defining love" etc...
I have NO idea what "love" is. Mine was an arranged marriage. All I know is I did NOT have too many expectations, THEN and NOW.
I wanted a decent guy, who would treat me well. I had no requirements like
"Oh! He should tolerate my nakhras. I am so special. I am difficult to figure out. I am so complicated. I am too moody. I need the guy to pamper me" etc etc
Born and raised in a very conservative Iyer joint family, my only sample IS my Amma. She was raised more conservatively than I was. Extremely practical and adjusting. Though she is the baby in her family. Married at almost 20 to the first man that came to "see" her which is my Appa. She raised us kids to be REALISTIC. Amma taught us to be "adjusting tolerant and dutiful" None of these adjectives apply much in today's age in any marriage...
Ive lived my married life on ALL THREE... EVERY DAY. Amma is extremely dutiful, I learnt to be like that.
I wanted a guy from Delhi. THAT IS ALL I ever wanted. I hadn't read a 1000 classics did not have a mental image of anyone. I had read a thousand M&B's but knew enough that he wasn't going to be a M&B hero. I "hoped" he was not a wife beater, abuser, or an alcoholic. You know VERY basic conditions. I didn't want the guy to drive a Ferrari and scuba dive and wear Hollister and such.No, did not have sex before marriage, so couldn't say "Oh this one is the best in bed that one is not" etc etc. "He walks funny, he coughs funny, he has a long nose, he has short hands, he doesn't like Beethoven's 7th symphony, he only likes the 8th"
I married the first guy I "saw". He lived in the US even then, East... We talked on the phone 5 months and married and within a week I moved here. Yes he wooed me with chocolates, and a suitcase full of perfumes, yes he sent those to me when his friend visited, ONE ENTIRE 52 LB SUITCASE FULL OF IT.
Very easy going, EXTREMELY FUNNY, LAID BACK, BINDAAS...LOVES TO TRAVEL, LOVES DELHI THE MOSTEST, STREET FOOD... cares deeply deeply for friends, we throw the funnest parties I am told week after week month after month. I must have thrown over 500 in the last 18. I cook all the food, he will make people laugh we watch TV together... his friends say "U pamper him too much" I don't respond... I just watch what Amma does... and do the same...
I don't live in the biggest house... don't have the most expensive clothes or shoes... BUT I have been to India 22 times in the last 18 years... and have been to 18 countries I think I forget... I am not the wealthiest I can't retire before 65 I don't own Prada or Louis Vuitton. He promised my parents "I will bring her EVERY YEAR" and he has. Hes just a regular guy who happens to be amazing... doesn't ever say fluffy things... since Ive had my kids Ive never been on a "romantic getaway or a date"... Never felt the need... we watch Tamil comedy scenes together and roll on the bed laughing...
I cook, clean and take care of the house, the kids, the grocery everyday ... He only eats sleeps and watches TV every day, he works 80 hours a week, no he is not a CEO just a passionate worker that loves his job too much. He put me through Grad School despite being totally broke, has never once asked how much money I make. I go out with girlfriends on movie dates and return at 2 or 3 he has never once expressed anger. I stay up until midnite or later talking with his single guy friends in the living room, he has never once peeked through the door wondering what I am talking about. My parents think I am more generous than anyone else, until they met him. He is a million times more... places ZERO value on wealth. I have seen him empty his pockets COMPLETELY in intersections in Delhi the driver would scold him but I have watched him shove his hands in and pull out every paper and coin and pour it out... urges me to "give" and "gives" quietly.
I love refrigerator magnets so whichever country he lays over during biz trips he buys them for me, I love in flight mags every flight he has been on for work I get mags from it. My most fave Q when I see a Desi in Amreeka is "how long have u been here?" (I almost went into a depression after I moved here because, I felt so lonely so I would ask that all the time) even now when he meets Desis and I am not around he will get an answer and call me. I HATE Sivaji Ganesan, when ever he is watching something on Tamil networks that feature him he will call me lovingly saying "Hey come here a second he's SO HANDSOME" and I will go only to see Sivaji Ganesan.
We've never said I love you to each other even once.
I will never understand love the way its described in books and movies... NEVER... its just a bunch of words...
OMG Nisha. This is amazing. Please make your husband read this. He will be delighted. He clearly dotes on you.
But I have to say that you got lucky. Not everybody is. I pretty much agree with Roshnee on what she has to say about marriage.
I don't care too much about love tough.