Hello guys! I am back with a new OS. Just a random thought came in my mind when i was watching TR break up scene so thought to penned down this. Enjoy reading.
You Mean The World To Me
I sat there still in my bedroom, just staring at her picture, I wanted her here with me but it not possible, not after what i have done. After I broke her heart into million pieces by my words and my actions. I wanted her to become independent but in all this i broke her beyond repair, I could still feel the impact of my words I said about her to Sharon in rehearsal hall. I never thought that i would do this to her, I would give her pain.
The girl I Love the most, the girl i suppose to cherish all my life must be crying in her room now and i was the reason of her tears made me feel sick of my self. I started to questioning my decision, I knew that I won't be able to live without her then why this break up, Why hurting her and myself too. I am in Love with her for what she is, not what i wanted her to be. Did I fail myself as a Lover?and the answer my heart gave me is yes, I failed as a Lover, in process of making her independent I lost her.
Deep down in my heart I still have hope that the day she come to know about the truth, she would forgive me and accept me. My mind was wandering around her only.
Then i started recalling all the time when i hurt her, from the time of rejection, dance ban to Goa trip then tauji fiasco and now this, fake break up. I realize that from the time I have met her first she never gave me a single reason to shed a single drop of tear but i have gave her nothing but tears. Do i really deserve her?I asked myself this question but again call me selfish I don't want her to leave me.
She was always there for me, in every step, in my every decision but what about me, was i ever made her feel happy or give her reason to be happy with me? I shifted my attention toward my phone which was ringing from so long, begging for my attention.
I picked up the call, since it was sharon, I was really not in mood to talk to anyone but knowing sharon is aware about my state, she wouldn't call me until its something important.
"Taani, met with an accident, we are in city hospital, Come soon" Sharon told me from other side of phone, hearing her I felt my self go numb, I felt someone has stabbed me in my heart.
I didn't bothered to wipe my tears which were continuously falling down from my eyes, grabbing my car keys, i ran to my car, Bad thoughts started forming in my mind, I won't be able to forgive myself if something happen to her.
I drove toward hospital like maniac, I didn't care about traffic signals or any other thing all i could think that moment was about my taani, who's life is in danger. And all because of me. If i hadn't broke her heart she would have been with me right now, not on that hospital bed.
Parking my car in hospital parking, I ran inside. Receptionist told me my taani is in emergency. After i reached there i saw all gang members outside the emergency room. All were crying especially swayum while sharon was trying to console him.
"Hows taani?" I asked them impatiently. Swayum saw me, i walked up to him and hugged him tightly. Guilt was eating me from inside.
"Doctors are operating her, they didn't said anything yet" I heard sharon's voice. I nodded, I didn't trust my voice that moment. I lost the ability to speak. I was praying to her krishnaji to save her, save my life.
I know krishnaji can't so cruel,he won't let anything happen to her.
"Dont worry rey. I know nothing is going to happen to her. She will be fine" Sharon said to us with hope in her voice but i could tell she was equally broken.
"How did this happened?" I asked her, By now i was crying. I could feel my heart bleeding, my taani is in pain and i can't do anything to ease her pain rather than standing here and pray for her well being.
"She heard my and sharon's converstation about your fake break up plan, She was going to your house to talk to you but after sometime we got phone that she met with accident" Swayum told me, I look down feeling ashamed, his sister is in danger all because of me, my love is fighting for her life, again all because of me. When i realized what importance she hold in my life, she isn't here to listen me. How much i want to talk to her, hear her sweet voice. I want to tell her how much i love her, how much sorry I'm for hurting her.
I never felt this helpless before. We were waiting for doctor to come and tell us my taani is fine. As if hearing my thoughts doctor come out of the emergency room. We rushed to him.
"Is she okay?" Swayum asked him, doctor smile at us. We were staring at him.
"Doctor stop smiling say something" I nearly shout at him, swayum put his hand on shoulder, his look was telling me to calm down but i can't, not untill i hear she is alright.
"She is out of danger but she is still unconcious. You can meet her in morning." Doctor inform us then he left from there leaving all of us with small yet content smile on our faces.
I hugged swayum tightly, telling him happiness. That moment i cant express my happiness in world, I felt as i was floating in air. I was on could nine.
"My taani, my taani is alright." I mumbbled, swayum broke the hug and smiled at me.
"Yes rey, your taani is fine, she is alright you know why because your unconditional love and prayer are with her" Swayum said to me, i smiled broadly. My heart was swell with undying happiness, the mere thought of her can bring smile on my face then it was most amazing news, my taani is alright. I was literally jumping in joy.
It was time to meet taani, only one person can meet her at once so swayum was inside. Aftet him it was my turn, I was nervous, hell nervous. Was i really ready to face her, now she know truth. She must be hating me more now for hurting her.
"Rey go and meet her, she is waiting for you" Swayum said to me as he come out of the room, I rubb my palms nervously.
I open the door of her room, She was sitting on her hospital bed, in that white gown which i didnt like a bit because i know my taani loves color and she must be hating wearing that dull hospital gown. I frown when i saw those bandages on her head and arms. My heart felt unendurable pain seeing her like this.
"Rey" she spoke my name in low whisper, still it didnt failed to send shiver down my spine.
Unable to control my urge to embrace her, i went to her and hug her tightly, she was surprised but embrace me back, her warmth gave ne peace which i forgot since she was away from me.
"I am not angry with you and yeah you can stop feeling guilty thinking I am here because of you" She said to me, I wasnt surprise nor thinking how she know what i was feeling about this situation because i know she know my every feeling, my every emotion because they are hers too. We are one so we can easily know what other is going through and thats the best part, we understand each others even unspoken words.
"Still every time i ended up hurting you" I said while broking the hug, she pulled me down and made me sat beside her on bed.
"But you intentions were good"
"But still it doesnt give me any right to hurt you, I shouldnt have come up with that stupid break up plan, I love you for what you are then how could i do all this, how could i expect you to change yourself for me, nobody should change themselves for anyone. All you gave me is love but what i gave you in return, Pain. Thats all i have given you since you came mumbai, i dont deserve you"
The frustration i was holding up inside me was finally coming out, She was listening to me carefully, at last she shook her head negitively, telling me not say anything more.
"Rey I am not going to lie. Yes i was hurt but that is also truth that you did this for me, you love me, care for me thats why you took that step. Fault hum dono ka hai, I was too dependent on you and now i realized that was wrong but main bhi kya karu, I never had someone whom i can claim as mine but when i got you, I thought i can rely on you, for once i can leave my all insecurities and live my life as i always wanted to live but i guess i was wrong, I never thought that you also had some expectations from me which i failed to fulfil"
Her voice was full of pain, sudden gush of emotions in my body made me embrace her more tight, she was more broken then i thought her to be. She thought she can be real herself with me but i wronged her, I again misunderstood her. All she wanted was my love and care but what i gave her in return...Pain and tears. God will i ever able to forgive myself.
"You didnt failed at anything. I just want you to be yourself, Just my taani, My sweet innocent bubbly taani. Who love me with my all flaws."
I whispered in her ear, we both were crying by now. She broke the hug and cupped my face then kissed my forehead. It was pure bliss, having her so close to me in my arms. I closed my eyes to savour the feel of her lips against my skin.
"Can we start a new and this time no lies, we will tell each other everything with out any hesitation."
She said looking into my eyes with hope in her eyes, my lips curved into broad smile, that reached my eyes. I nodded positively. I interwined my fingers with her, promising her to share my everything with her.
"I guess i had done some really good things in my past birth that I got you in my life"
I may sound cliche but it was truth. I was truly blessed to have her in my life. I realized today what she truly meant to me when i lost her, she was the person, the reason I breath. She was my oxygen.
"Can you asked bhai to take me home, I am feeling sick here" she pouted cutely at me, it was hard to resist her charm. I chuckled at her cute antics.
"No sweetheart, You will get discharge once you get perfectly fit" I told her, I carefully caress her bandaged wounds. She frown which turn into sweet smile when i kissed her knuckle.
I kissed her on her every wound, wishing to take away all her pain. She was smiling at me, her smile brighten up my world. The smile i snatched away ruthlessly was now back and it feels good to know that I am the reason of her smile, her happiness.
"I Love you taani, I really do and I promiss I will love you forever"
I confessed to her but she was too sleepy because of seductives so I dont know if she had heard me or not.
"I Love you too, rey" I heard her barely audible voice, I smiled as i made her laid down on bed comfortably and covered her. I watched her sleep, my sleeping angel. I couldnt be more happy than i was now, she is with me I couldnt asked for anything better.
"You mean the world to me, Never leave me" I whispered, my eyes still gets teary thinking something might had happened to her. I kissed peck her lips, taking her in my arms i let sleep take over me but not before i promised myself not to commit same mistake and take care of my angel, my world, my taani till my last breath.
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