Set after the KC stuff. Abhi breaks her fast... Pragya faints and falls sick... she eats little and is resting after taking the medication advised by a doctor...
Making a Choice.
I look at her as she's lying on our bed. My bed, I correct myself. She looks so fragile, so worn out yet her face has this glow that lit up my entire room.Our room, my mind argues.
I sigh softly and sit beside her on the bed. She's lying in the middle so there's enough room for me to do so. I stare at the ceiling for a good amount of time all the while listening to her soft breathing, all the while, my mind wandering around the incidents of the day. She has kept fast for me.Chashmish... She has been fasting until a while ago... without caring about herself. Without caring for anyone or anything but me. Well she did this for dadi's sake, I knew it. I mean I dunno if I can take all that what she has been through for sake of someone... but she has did it. And it's her sincerity that got to me.
"You don't need to fake for Dadi's sake. You really don't need to keep fast for me, your fake husband-" I told her this afternoon.
"I need not." She replies calmly. "But I can pray for someone's wellbeing despite all odds and that... whenever I do, I do it with my full heart."
I try a lot to get rid of her words, forget the sincerity in her eyes. But I fail all the time.
How can I let go of the fact that she has kept this fast for me despite her health issues?
I remember how she fainted in my arms this evening.
"Pragya..."
I rushed to hold her as she falls to the floor. I made her sip some water. It was then I realized how sick she was. It was in that moment that it hit me. It hit me hard, hard in my face as I looked at her. she looked so pale but beautiful like always. All I could do was stare at her in awe. Because I could see her strength, sincerity, commitment, care... perhaps even love. I was broken out of my reverie as my dadi shouted at me to call a doctor. I obeyed her.
I sigh remembering that incident. Its strange how one could see so many emotions in one's eyes. But that's how she is. She has some magic in her eyes, those big beautiful brown eyes that are now closed. Every time I think it's a facade, a mask and every time she goes on to prove me wrong. I try to remember myself about how wrong her deeds were and how much I needed to see her in pain. But yet, she makes me feel miserable when she's in pain and sick in my stomach when I try to torture her. I dunno what this feeling is... And in this moment I want to forget the world and all that's happened between us and just be who we are... husband and wife...
Love.. Love.. Happy .. Love...
I laugh as I remember my own love song. Does this mean I love her? No wait... When did this crazy thought occur to me? Me and chashmish...?? we hardly got along. We were enemies. We still are...
Oh yeah. That's why you helped her. Here comes my mind.
It was for her dadi... I retort.
But still you didn't get mad when she left you rotting in that damn cell. You should have been mad... raving mad-
I still punished her...
That punishment was a joke... just to shut me. Your inner voice.
Come on! I can't kill her for such a silly reason. Not when she's all smiley and nice to me. I reply.
Ahh you like her that way huh? So this means you like her?
Shut up. Will you?
I will. But, before I go silent I want to remind you. No one has ever done this to you. No one cared for you like she did. What she did today is...
A drama... to impress dadi.
Well she was nearly dying coz of this drama. Dude! Thing is she cares for you, cares for your dadi as you put it... she cares for her more than herself.
But... but... I fail to come up with a reason.
My inner voice speaks again.
Did you forget what doctor said... she was putting herself in danger... for whose sake..
I shut my thoughts and give up fighting my inner voice. I lost it. I'm too weak to fight and argue. This whole thing confuses me.
I remember another incident from the day. The girl I loved was relishing her pizza stealthily. My own sister was keeping her company. And the girl I just couldn't stand keeps fasting for me; looks at me in a loving manner. It's getting on my nerves.
For the past few days I've been watching her closely. Chashmish... Every time my heart leaps to her as I look at her innocent face. It takes a lot of effort to keep my mind focussed, to act in a practical way around her and to keep my heart away from interfering. I try to look at something lying around in my room... something so that I can get rid of these conflicting thoughts. And I look at the wrong place.
I find myself smiling like a school kid who found a chocolate under his desk as I stare at her beautiful face. I feel happy that chashmish's fine now and is resting as the doc has advised. Her face looks angelic as ever. There's a small smile on her lips... I lean down and reach out to get rid of strand of her hair that's caressing her forehead. I notice that she's not wearing her specs. Not that I mind but she looks way cuter here lying there like a kid... smiley faced...
Any sense that's left in me leaves me and I find myself gently kissing her forehead. My hands cup her cheeks. It feels so perfect to hold her this way. And those perfect pink lips of hers look so kissable... she's angelic. No matter how much I tried to insult her, she always bore it with a smile. She's beautiful. I never saw her this way; but right now I could see her inner beauty shining so bright that it made me cringe. She stirs in sleep and that makes me snap out of my day dream.
I jump to my feet. What was wrong with me? Did I just think about kissing her...??
I ruffle my hair and drag my feet along the cold floor. I flung open my door and check my watch. 2:40AM. I suddenly remember that I promised to meet Tanu in Aaliya's room at 12 AM after attending my duties to Pragya. (because Dadi asked me to be by her side. Simple as that.)
I walk towards Aaliya's room and notice that the door is kept open. May be Tanu's still around waiting for me.
Aaliya's room-
I enter the room. Tanu is going on with her rant, girl talk may be and Aaliya seemed to be shocked. Aaliya signals something but Tanu doesn't notice and keeps ranting. This confuses me and shock over takes my body as I take in Tanu's words.
"I stole the evidence, bailed out Abhi, mixed mirch powder in her sargi, made her suffer all day as she keeps fast. But all my plans go in vain and.. and she gets him by the end of the day. He must be sleeping there holding her hand. He dint keep his promise. Aaliya, he is supposed to be here. Whatever I do goes in favour of that behenji. I dunno what destiny has in store for them, where comes the strength in their bond that I fail to break it-"
"Tanu..." Aaliya interrupts noticing me.
"I see this as a bad sign. I even changed contents of Purab's letter the day he left y-" Tanu goes on.
"Bhai..." Aaliya speaks again.
That makes Tanu stop. I tight my fists as the girl I loved looks at me. Did I really love her? May be yes. May be no. But I cared for her. I always ditched chashmish for her and she... she faked KC vrath. I dint mind that because I thought she was just insecure and jealous... but this... I didn't know one could stoop so low in love.
One side there is this girl whom I never dared to trust. Yet she turned out to be my saviour and the girl whom I trusted with my life hid so many things from me? Did I hear her correctly she was talking about Purab's letter? Did I just hear that Tanu... Tanu changed its contents? Does this mean I have been misunderstanding Purab as well as Pragya and she knew it all along? My head starts spinning. Its like someone pulled away the floor beneath. I'm falling.. falling into abyss...
And looking at her expressions, I can say Tanu too is feeling the same. The only difference is may be that truth has shaken me while its exposure is the one that shook her.
"Abhi... I..."
She tries to speak looking at me her eyes still wide. I grit my teeth angrily. Why am I angry? May be because she broke my trust. She hid so many things from me and she's the one due to which misunderstandings b/w me Purab and Pragya escalated.
"Abhi... you... you here?" she speaks again
"bhai..." Aaliya looks on.
I glance at Aaliya and she looks away. Apparently she too seems to be embarrassed. This is because she has been with her best friend Tanu in her every step and helped her to hide things, I suppose.
"accha hua tum aaye.. come.. sit with me... I thought you fell asleep while taking care of chashmish-" Tanu says.
"Pragya." I say.
Tanu and Aaliya look at me with wide eyes and I repeat my words.
"call her Pragya. She's chashmish just to me. Not for everyone else..."
I dunno what made me say that. I say it with such a confidence that it takes me aback. Of course for once I'm happy... happy to stand up for her, my chashmish.
Did I say mine..? I smile a bit. Tanu and Aaliya seem confused. I give them (especially Tanu) my best glare
Tanu argues- "What do you mean Abhi... So you listened to all that I said. Look I'm sorry. But try and understand I had no choice Abhi. I couldn't lose you so I was trying to keep you away from her."
"you never had me Tanu..." I reply, "all that mattered to you was... your career, your money, your success... I was never your priority. And you know what... I never knew one could be so selfless in love. Like Pragya... love can be selfish but true love can never be. Look at her! I thought she is selfish but I was wrong... We tried to trouble her, in fact we did trouble her a lot but she never backed up... you know why? because she truly loves her family, she loves her dadi, she loves my dadi... and she loves..."
I pause... did I want her to love me as well?
"but now I can clearly see who is selfish and who isn't..." I reply firmly.
"Abhi..." Tanu looks helpless.
"Well... I need to see... my wife..." I silence her.
She tries to stop me, holding my hand but I ignore her and walk out of the room.
"Good night..."
As I walk back to where my chashmish is, I realize that I know one thing for sure.
I'm sure a different Abhi now. And this change is because of her, my chashmish... I feel happy. I wasn't sad because of what I heard now. Not anymore. I dunno if this feeling is love or anything. But I will give our relation a chance. That should make things clear.
And this day I made a choice. My dadi's choice to be exact. And I'm really proud of it.
_______________
A/N: : : OK that was... umm.. lame may be. I know this won't happen so soon in the show. But I so want Abhi to have a change of mind. So I wrote this.
Do leave a comment n tell me how it is. Thanks for reading!
Have a happy & safe Diwali all of you 😊
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