Marriage Wars: The Root Cause - Page 2

[Quote=sowmyaa]Iron I agree with you that ego is one of many reason as well. And you are also right that all these relation are taken for granted. However all other relation like Maa, Baap, Bhai, Bahen, Beta, Beti if you look at them they are all "blood" relation. Only husband wife relation is the one that is so important, so close, so special and not blood related and this is the only relationship you get into adulthood. All other relationships you are born with when we are young and I think it is easy to accept and grow with relationship when you are young compared to when you meet someone and have to accept them as an adult. And I have seen very very few couple that really work to make their married life better than their present. I understand that each couple has different reason but I think this is also one of the major reason.
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excellent explanation sowmyaa di... u completely echoed my thoughts!!

There is 200% difference in husband-wife relationship when they are compared with blood relations like mom dad bro sis ... the point sowmyaa di rose abt adulthood is a hard core reality..

When 2 people get married.. they have got "Developed and nutured personalities" in different environments. Blood relatives help to make up ur personality whereas in husband-wife relationship, u have to face a person with different style and habits...there are bound to be clashes somewhere becoz both have got different perceptions and ideologies of life.. or may be.. different approaches too so Here ego is most likely to come across.. in blood relations there is only generation gap or a "Curable ego" kind of thing. U cannot compare the 2 opposites whether u take both of them for granted.. they have got different natures and therefore respond differently.

okay i m too young too be married, but from what i have seen its like we are taught to do anything but compromise. wait did i say we are taught to...we do that! like me 😆 i know i would prolly die that give an inch in any argument 😆 but yea, i think it is also that the choice of divorce is always there like a saving grace so that is also another factor along with our busy lives.
personally, i would rather marry a guy that i searched then have my mom or dad because even though they may know me as they say, what is the guarantee that they know the person whom they are arranging my marriage to? so i would rather divorce from my choice if it does not work out than have an arranged marriage. just my thought.

Iron, I don't think in-laws or BIL or SIL are taken for granted. I think we do strive hard and work on these relationships to make them better. When husband or wife are exposed to new people "in-laws" they try be better with them and keep on being nice to them to improve the relationship. You strive to improve with these people and try to keep your relationship better with them and don't take them for granted.

Yes, I agree age is one of the major factor. You do become less adaptive as you become older.

that's the point maryam. There is difference in these two relationship, but in a way there should not be any difference. It would be much easier and better if we could treat our spouse and accept them and their drawbacks as easily as we accept our parents or our siblings. If couple try to ignore and accept their maritial bond as obviously and as open heartedly then there would be less reasons that leads to divorce. But as Iron said, ego, age... and lot other things make it difficult which ultimately lead to divorce.Edited by sowmyaa - 17 years ago

👏have to agree with you all the way.....additionally there is the ego factor too(side effect of financial independence) . people find compromise harder these days and thier expectations from thier lives and spouses are much higher. few years back ...guys were happy with thier wives as long as they excelled in household maintainence. these days wives are supposed to not only be good at household activities but also be capable of earning money, looking good, talking fluently in english........the list goes on. similarily as long as a guy could support his family financially, his wife was normally happy with him....these days wives want a good looking husband who is romantic, shares household and parenting duties, earns well and treats them as equal and.......so on.

      all this puts a lot of pressure on a relationship that most people " take for granted" and hence there is increase in divorces. also indiscriminate westernisation and use of sensational media(tv shows, lives of rich and famous, movies) seem to further rip the fabric of marraige apart. if you check out the recent hits...they justify infidelity(kank ) , kids outside wedlock (salaam namaste)and remarraiges(ekta shows).  

PJ....it's so nice to see you!!! 🤗

Well I won't say you were told wrong, 'coz everyone has their own experience. But I think in arrange marriage first couple years of marriage are "like" before marriage you are referring to and after that merry lovely dovely period is over it also gets back to responsible life and then your realize first couple years your better half was trying to be nice to you just so it's easy for you to transition and just 'coz you both were strangers 😉 😆