me Krishnaa -on Krishna pg-1,on Arjuna initial & on portraits pg-4

many here know that i write but i never wrote anything on her , you all know i am not a fan of her may be i don't like her , i don't know what is true , i only know thing is i don't understand her in the way all understands her , so suddenly something popped up in my crazy mind and i took my pen , i wrote in a haphazard, i actually don't know  what i was writing so don't think of its quality or literature its not any story either , just something i had in mind

note : entirely my p.o.v . its possible it won't match with others , accept it as my interpretation only that's it , please don't take it any sentimental way

its not much worth reading not a good piece so forgive me for that
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                                         Over the ages i had been most controversial woman in Indian culture , Mythology , History. Century after century scholars had researched , debated over me, authors created own fantasy , people feared me, worshiped me , yet used my name as an abuse. I had been considered a symbol for woman power , the epitome of feminism by feminist. I had been sympathized, respected, admired, fared , loved , hated but end conclusion of everyone was i am not a normal woman., perhaps a form of goddess shakti or daughter of fire, or symbol of revenge , destruction personified. I might have obtained divine boon or curse, i am counted as eternal vergins , one of sacred five maidens (panchakanya) whatever it is  i am not a normal human being with flesh and blood. I am Yagyaseni, born from  fire of Yagya, Draupadi , daughter of king Drupad, Panchali princess of Panchal, Krishnaa, having the darkish skin. Being born from sacred sacrificial fire made my life as a sacrifice but i am not considered symbol of sacrifice , mine being devoted to my husbands doesn't count me in same line of Sita , Damayanti , Savitri. But you know what? i am happy about that. , because behind all these heavy words of my identity i am just me , a simple normal woman which people forgets.
                                        From the very beginning i was a normal princess with usual demands and dreams. i never knew with which motive great creator created me same as other beings. i knew i was called most beautiful woman of my time by closed ones , although enjoyed the praise but honestly i never felt like to be the one. . i was lacked the main condition to meet the traditional conception of beauty- the fair skin, i always had a grievance about that , i was quite sensitive about my skin color. having the royal blood in vein i had temper, i used to talk harsh at times and i knew people used to fear that but i feel that also a characteristic of royal Kshatriya princess , obviously that doesn't make me different , not that i was disrespectful anyway. I used to question whenever i felt something is not going right as per me , i didn't hesitate to raise question to my elders or even to the  powerful sages or Brahmins whom normally people fears to face. My this behavior was considered a proud one or as the strength of my character, but it was only my inquisitiveness that used to drive me to question.
                                          People says creator has adorned me with all possible qualities but i knew it was only my wish to learn. Probably this was the only gift i received from the creator , my thirst for knowledge , be it of any kind. I studied Vedas , Purana , i learn fine arts and culinary skill all because i loved to learn. I was not gifted by such qualities i acquired them. May be my only born quality was ability to receive knowledge from different field. I was proud of my qualities well that is not unnatural , i was called proud princess but truly my pride never covered my humbleness so even there too i was not different .
                                          Like any other young girl , i used to spend time with impossible imagination, i used to cry , laugh , be angry , be cheerful absolutely like any normal girl .
                                      Being born from fire was what that makes me different? but do you really believe anyone can born from fire? It was not reality it was symbolic. My twin brother Dhristadyumna and me both were born from mother's womb only. The fact was that the fire of revenge in father's heart controlled our life, we were not more than 12 then when Father got defeated and humiliated and arranged the sacrificial offerings to acquire the boons to take the revenge, He wanted to fulfill his goal through Dhrit only but gods decided me to be prepared for an ultimate event. Which event i didn't know. I still don't know what i obtained was a boon or curse. I only knew that sacrificial fire changed the direction of my life. Dhristadyumna was sure about his goal of life- killing father's friend turned enemy Dronacharya but my life was like rudderless ship, i was not a normal princess any more my life couldn't go normally , but i still was not sure in which direction my life will go , what is making me different. What is the ultimate event? that can change history of Aryabarta? how come i alone be the reason? This question used to make me restless and scared too. In such a state of dilemma as a royal guest of Panchal sakha entered into my life, to give the direction that i was looking for



                                              
Edited by RoseFairy - 10 years ago

                                    i seriously don't know what am i writing but i am just writing and there are more to come
Edited by RoseFairy - 10 years ago

                                                              Krishna, Basudev, Govind, Keshav more uncountable his names or more uncountable his forms i don't know, but upon meeting him i became calm, i was not worried about my future anymore. One enchanting smile from him and i was all for him. Krishna-Krishnaa, Sakha-Sakhi for ages our relation has been questioned, judged from many angle but i can swear nothing was pure than our friendship. yes i loved him unconditionally, it was not same as i loved my brothers, father, relatives, later my husbands and sons, this love was different or may be more deeper. There was no expectation in our friendship. If sakha wanted to marry me, i would have agreed without any thought, but i never felt bad when he refused to take me as wife as per father's proposal , which he gave seeing our bond. I had taken sakha's rejection as normal as everyday affair, as if that was bound to happen.
                                                      I always knew sakha has some plans with me, from very first meeting i had handed him the right to shape my life. he cleared to me at first place that i was a tool for him to map some larger event for some larger purpose. he had told me the path he has chosen for me that won't be decorated with flowers, i might had to face worst hardship, i will be hurt at body, mind, soul, my heart can be broken into several pieces and my own beloved may cause the pain and even after life long endurance, i might be questioned through ages, i can be humiliated throughout my life and after my life too, my purity will remain as a great doubt always. But al possibilities ofl this harsh reality had no effect on me. Because i knew through thick and thin sakha will be there.
                                                  "I trust you" i said holding his hands , looking into his captivating eyes, "put me through as much tests even lord Shiva didn't put devi Parvati, I will accept them all. Mother had won Maheswara at last i don't know whether i will at all win or loose in the end, still i will follow you, Design my life as you wish, i will go by that., because my belief is on you."
                                                     I silently accepted when Sakha prohibited me to take lessons of martial skills such as archery, fencing,  mounting horse, driving chariot, despite my eagerness to learn and my ability to receive all knowledge quickly. Everyone in Palace was surprised with sakha's this decision of not making me a warrior princess when even learned teachers were eager to get me as student
                                                "If sakhi will be able to protect herself and to avenge her offenders then it will be grave injustice to the valiant princes of Aryabarta , what will be their need if they don't get opportunity to protect this gem?" as usual his face lit up with mysterious smile , none understood his words not even me, but i accepted. "sakhi won't remember her sakha if she is able to prohibit the danger" i know sakha cracked joke but those very words helped me to take the decision i won't take lessons to be warrior. Let my knowledge remain incomplete if that helps sakha in his goal then i am happy to remain incomplete.
                                                    Now i know why i am different, this level of devotion to only a friend is unimaginable for normal people isn't it? but there is no friend as sakha ,you all worship him don't you know how inevitable, irresistible the attraction toward him? when Radha's unconditional devotion toward him is worshiped why mine is questioned, but anyway in all these questions too we sakha-sakhi is center of discussion so i am happy about that.
                                                   All said and done it was my love for him, even arya Dhananjaya too was devoted to sakha, perhaps even more than me, his all existence depended on sakha, but sakha had put me through tests. i know the reason. sakha never could endure his Parth in slightest pain. so he saved all those for mine. if he had to choose between sakha and sakhi without second thought he would choose sakha over sakhi , parth was everything for his madhav and vise versa. still i didn't feel bad. it didn't matter how important Krishnaa was for Krishna , i only knew Krishna was ultimate for Krishnaa
                                                        
Edited by RoseFairy - 10 years ago

i donno if anyone is interested or not its just i can't resist my thought 

Originally posted by: srishtisingh

its hearttouching!

thanks i have something more too but donno if posting here will b proper
Edited by RoseFairy - 10 years ago

this is interesting to read..plz cont.

interesting.. pls continue😊

thanks ms and riti 

till krishna is ok don't go further i know what is in ur mind so don't write here  Edited by Patrarekha - 10 years ago

its very diff from ur other writings!! Loved d last line yes Sakha was always dere for sakhi but if if he had to choose b/w sakha nd sakhi he's answr will be my Parth!! despite knowing dis Krishnaaa never complained or became sad wat a devotion its giving a diff shade to Panchali's character!pls write more wen u've many more things to write!!