Modern Marriage (NDTV) - Page 2

Did anyone see Barkha Dutt's Modern Marriage episode on NDTV??

Its available here: https://www.indiaforums.com/forum/topic/384586

If you havent .. she is basically discussing how marriage works in this day & age ... and her guests were Shobha De, Shahrukh Khan, Karan Johar, and a few others who I cant recall now😳

Its a full discussion on Marriage!!

The CEO of Shaadi.com was also there. Successful, good-looking, rich, and famous guy! But he hasnt married yet. And of course Barkha's question to him was "Why are you not married?"

And Karan Johar brought up the point that Marriage is an institution that is available to all but all people dont necessarily go for it. Which is true, i guess.

But I am Indian girl ... 21 years old ... and my mom being the traditional Indian Punjabi Woman ... has started talking about marriage ... "learn to cook cuz u'll need it" ... "learn to compromise cuz u'll be the one who will need to do it .. men never do it" ... "dont talk too loud" .. and the biggest one "stop spending money like crazy cuz women shud know how to save money"

And after watching this NDTV episode ... a few questions are running through my mind! and I was wondering if all married men & women .. or even singles on this forum cud answer them for me and tell me what they think???

Is marriage an identity or a status??

Do we HAVE to get married? (especially in the Indian community)

If we have to .. what is a good age .. if there is one?

If I was a guy would rules be different for me? Is it just because I am a girl my mom is forcing me to get married or at least forcing me to get prepared for it??

If I do get married .. will I be the only one compromising?? Are men really that stubborn??

... hope u can all present ur views ... i wud really like to know wat others think about this.

Note to Mods: if this has been discussed before .. feel free to lock/trash😳

- Jas

 

Edited by J. - 17 years ago

Is marriage an identity or a status??

Identity

Do we HAVE to get married? (especially in the Indian community)

Yes
Not for me yes but if you see at the point yes
Because they see
A girl daughter a burden
thats one thing i just hate

If we have to .. what is a good age .. if there is one?

For me ?
i go with 26
Because dirst my studies
My career and then i wil think about that topic 😃

If I was a guy would rules be different for me?

I think yes
Because
In Indian point (  NOT only indian i just Sikh,Moslim )
he can earn money
and he is not a BURDEN

 Is it just because I am a girl my mom is forcing me to get married or at least forcing me to get prepared for it??

I think both

 

If I do get married .. will I be the only one compromising?? Are men really that stubborn??

Hmmm...
I think
maybe

Edited by Miss.Netherland - 17 years ago

This content was originally posted by: J.

Do we HAVE to get married? (especially in the Indian community)

If we have to .. what is a good age .. if there is one?

If I was a guy would rules be different for me? Is it just because I am a girl my mom is forcing me to get married or at least forcing me to get prepared for it??

If I do get married .. will I be the only one compromising?? Are men really 😃

Wow Jasssssssssssss what a lovely mature topic !!👏😛👏

Cool let me see if i can answer some of your questions as a woman and a wife.

Is marriage an identity or a status??

Its my identity as well as my status. The institution of marriage means a lot to me. I can't imagine seperating myself as a woman from my husband, i can't just say i am a woman. I am also a wife...........along with being a career woman (although its on hold for me currently), daughter, sister, friend etc.

As a wife whether we like it or not we gain a certain status. I remember not being taken too seriously amongst the Aunty/ Uncle group as a un-married career woman. But the moment my status changed to married , i saw every one's attitude , respect towards me changed. Its not something i appreciate, but i believe thats life.

If we have to .. what is a good age .. if there is one?

It varies with people. Whenever you are prepared thats when you should marry. But keeping in mind the Indian context where its difficult to have a arranged marriages the older you get , let me still answer it with a number.

If a guy is matured and financially independant at 25-26 its a good age for him all the way till early 30's.

For a girl if she is ready, matured and satisfied with her career status , then any time from 23- 29.

If one has crossed that age , it doesn't mean you are out of time. I just gave an "ideal" age setting.

If I was a guy would rules be different for me? Is it just because I am a girl my mom is forcing me to get married or at least forcing me to get prepared for it??

Parents force guys too to get settled and marry when the age and financial status is right. Its not just a girl.

If I do get married .. will I be the only one compromising?? Are men really that stubborn ?

Let me be honest, seeing my friends and family around me, i see girls tend to end up comprimising a lot more in general , even the feminist sorts like me !!😉 Its not that guys are stubborn , its we girls who tend to spoil them because we love them or because thats our upbringing. What ever reason we do give in more.😳
Edited by Aparna_BD - 17 years ago

Is marriage an identity or a status??

--According to my culture..! it is for identity and status..! When you get married you have a new identity like Mrs. Whatever...and a new status as well.

Do we HAVE to get married? (especially in the Indian community)

--In my culture (Nepalase) Yes we have to get married..and i think it is the influence of the indian and muslim culture.

If we have to .. what is a good age .. if there is one?

--In early ages, the good age for marriage was like in early teenage..!

my grandmom got married when she was 14. and my mom got married when she was 16. But i think the "good age" grows as we move on to higher generation. The good time for now to marriage is in your early 30s.

If I was a guy would rules be different for me? Is it just because I am a girl my mom is forcing me to get married or at least forcing me to get prepared for it??

--Definately. I think its both. You are not forced to marry anyone when you are a guy because according to our culture guys can make their career and get married whereas women have to be a regular "housewives" and take care of the children.

If I do get married .. will I be the only one compromising?? Are men really that stubborn??

--Yes..I think the women will be compromising..! Because they have to take care of the house, the kids, work (if applicable)..whereas men dont have to do that.! I can say so because  i have a friend who is a sister and has a older brother. But the brother gets to chill and all while the girl has to do household chores.!

 

Edited by WoHaXItZxAaKi - 17 years ago

First off, great discussion!!! 😛

Is marriage an identity or a status??

Its both. When you get married you have a new identity cuz then you'll beknown as "mr. blah's wife". and you also get a new status!

Do we HAVE to get married? (especially in the Indian community)

Yes, In the indian community girls HAVE to get married. It really doesn't matter for guys but if girls don't get married at a certain age people start talking!

If we have to .. what is a good age .. if there is one?

Yeah, iam thinkin around 20-25ish is a good age because after that ppl start talking like "she's so and so, how come she's not married yet!! maybe she's outlawed" and so on!! This only usually happens in the Indian community!!

If I was a guy would rules be different for me? Is it just because I am a girl my mom is forcing me to get married or at least forcing me to get prepared for it??

sadly yes!! No one cares if guys don't marry till their 50!! But is a girl doesn't marry when her age has come then poeple talk. Its not fair but true!

If I do get married .. will I be the only one compromising?? Are men really that stubborn??

No, you can't be sure! All marriages aren't the same. Like with my cousins marriage, my jiju was the one who had to adjust not my cuz 😆 It really all depends on what kind of guy you marry. All guys aren't the same so we don't know 😕

My comments are in this font.

This content was originally posted by: moderngirl

First off, great discussion!!! 😛

Is marriage an identity or a status??

Its both. When you get married you have a new identity cuz then you'll beknown as "mr. blah's wife". and you also get a new status!

Do we HAVE to get married? (especially in the Indian community)

Yes, In the indian community girls HAVE to get married. It really doesn't matter for guys but if girls don't get married at a certain age people start talking!

Ohh yahh ...they start talking big time.  And sometimes whn you hear the talking lolz...it gets annoying, cuz sometimes you think "why do they care?"  Why do the ppls who are talking care?  Most likely the ppls who talk ..^ are ppls NOT in the family of the girl who hasn't yet gotten married..its just outsiders, and that's just one thing I hate...but ..it totally is ture..pplz talk.

If we have to .. what is a good age .. if there is one?

Yeah, iam thinkin around 20-25ish is a good age because after that ppl start talking like "she's so and so, how come she's not married yet!! maybe she's outlawed" and so on!! This only usually happens in the Indian community!!

If I was a guy would rules be different for me? Is it just because I am a girl my mom is forcing me to get married or at least forcing me to get prepared for it??

sadly yes!! No one cares if guys don't marry till their 50!! But is a girl doesn't marry when her age has come then poeple talk. Its not fair but true!

Hummm..well I kinda disagree here.  I think the parents of the guy who doesn't marry ..and is like in late 30's WOULD care..I think they WOULD ...but I just think that a girl's family would care MORE.

If I do get married .. will I be the only one compromising?? Are men really that stubborn??

No, you can't be sure! All marriages aren't the same. Like with my cousins marriage, my jiju was the one who had to adjust not my cuz 😆 It really all depends on what kind of guy you marry. All guys aren't the same so we don't know 😕

Haha...true.  Just like ur story ..lolz..my dad's friend's son ..had to ajdust whn he got married...lolz...it was quite funny, actually.

Is marriage an identity or a status??
~status i think~

Do we HAVE to get married? (especially in the Indian community)
~yea i think so~

If we have to .. what is a good age .. if there is one?
~ummm between 25 to 30...max!~

If I was a guy would rules be different for me? Is it just because I am a girl my mom is forcing me to get married or at least forcing me to get prepared for it??
~itz cuz im a girl~

If I do get married .. will I be the only one compromising?? Are men really that stubborn??
~i hope not... maybe who knoz~

Firstly, i think this is an awesum discussion J. ji...pretty heavy stuff

Is marriage an identity or a status??

I think it adds to your identity, it is not your whole identity...for example, sum pple know me as simply Gunia, the person i am...soem know me as MR. and MRs. Mangat's younger daughter, sum know me as Tania's younger sister...etc....and after marriage sum will know me as My husband's wife!!! See, marriage isn't your whole identity but part of it!!! And as for status, ofcourse dat will change!!!

Do we HAVE to get married? (especially in the Indian community)

Well, it depends firstly on the person, how strong you are/how easily to you get affected by pple talkin bout you...second cums the parents factor, some parents are ok with it while others put a lot of pressure...but as i said dat it depends on how strong you are!!! Indian society will talk about you if u dun get married....but after a while pple will forget about it...in the end, it just depends on the person....nobody HAS to do anything in life, its just if you want to or not!!!

If we have to .. what is a good age .. if there is one?

I wouldn't put a limit on the age but i would say that getting married at 16-17 is bad (dats what i see alot here in the US)....you should grow up first....if you think you are mature enuff at 18 and can handle it, then go right ahead!!!

If I was a guy would rules be different for me? Is it just because I am a girl my mom is forcing me to get married or at least forcing me to get prepared for it??

I think in indian society, yes the rules will be somewhat different...and no, its not cuz u r a girl that you mom is like dat....many guy's mothers r like dat too!!!

If I do get married .. will I be the only one compromising?? Are men really that stubborn??

No, it depends on tha man!!! Not all men are the same!!!

moviesweek thx for sharing the video. I added your post as requested by you to Jas's post.

Is marriage an identity or a status??
Ans: Well I agree with luvya in this matter.... It's a part of ur identity... not ur whole identity... i mean people those who already knows u... for them u'll be the same girl... but people u come to know after marriage they mite address you as Mrs. bla bla...

Do we HAVE to get married? (especially in the Indian community)
Ans: ummmm.... this depends on the person... if u r easily affected by people talking rubbish abt u.... then may be u shud.... then how supportive ur parents are in this matter this is also an important thing...
For me the ans to this is NOOOO.... i believe its people's habit to talk abt others.... today, 2morro or may be day after 2morro they'll forget this & find a new hot topic to chat abt.... so y shud these stuffs bother me...... I mean if I'm sure wht i am doing is rite then forget wht other says.... but do keep in ur mind that ur parents mite be affected too...

If we have to .. what is a good age .. if there is one?
Ans: I dunno abt the exact age thing but yeah i believe after u r establish enuf to support urself u shud think abt marriage..... not b4 that....

If I was a guy would rules be different for me? Is it just because I am a girl my mom is forcing me to get married or at least forcing me to get prepared for it??
Ans: well my parents will never force me for this i know that very well... but yeaa in public or social gathering people are like so wht r u thinking abt marriage & stuff 😡..... I mean i have a friend she's 20 her mom is showing her or shud i say presenting her infront of people since she's 18..... abt the rule thing many guy's mothers also force them but i think not b4 they r 25..... this is wht i hate.... 😡

If I do get married .. will I be the only one compromising?? Are men really that stubborn??
Ans: cummon every1 is not the same.... u search a guy who'll support u, is ready to compromise too.... so thats it.... & abt the stubborn thing cummon there r lots of stubborn gals too... so it simply depend on the person...

Well according to me this is simply my personal matter when i'll get married, with whom, how & where..... c its people's habit to talk abt others.... but once u r settled in ur life or succesful they wont even bother to talk abt this rubbish stuffs abt u..... & yeah to me my parents means a looot..... so whateva decision i take in my life they r the 1st & last people i think abt.... I alwayz gave a damn abt outsiders & i still do that...... & I am glad to say this that my parents will never force me into nething..... 😃