Khushi, an outsider? - Oct 31, 2012

Posted: 11 years ago

Khushi, an outsider?

October 30/31, 2012


 ~oOo~


If I were to vanish now, would you even know I was gone?


Alone in a crowded place, away from those that love me because they refuse to see me for who I am; all oblivious to my pain, my inner suffering and this constant fear that's killing me slowly like a poison straight out of fairy tale land, its slowly seeping into my soul and pushing me further and further into a pit of darkness of my own making. Does no one see me sinking? Does no one see the restless me? Can you not read this fear in my eyes? Can you not stop for a second, look at me and shoo this madness away? 


Who is this woman, who's waltzed into our lives, bringing with her an innocent child? 

Who is this woman with mysterious eyes, who's brought out a side of you that I hadn't seen in a while? 

Who is this woman a friend of yours or an ex as you said, and her child?

Who is his father, is it you or am I imagining things like all the other silly things I usually do?

Who is this man that I see playing ball and talking of bagel, fish and chips with those reminiscent eyes?


I Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada am losing this battle of myself and I, my mind over my heart, and I see myself slipping out of your hands and into this slithery quicksand unable to stand my ground. I thought this would make things better, clearly I had not thought it through, what would I do, if those reports came out true? Would I dare give up on you or us or would I let go of that child, knowing it was yours? I won't go there, not now at least, I being an orphan know exactly how it feels. 


And now as I stand stupefied and with a million other emotions running though me, looking at this picture of a family that could have been, a child that could still be yours even though my heart says it's not, and a woman who seems tailored made for you, and your world. I'm reminded that I am the outsider, looking on trying to learn your ways, your words, and your plays; and yet there she is, already so comfortable where I should be! 


You talk of horse races; I enact dramatic filmi sequences. You go for 007 while I dig on Salman Khan. You dress in drab browns and colorless grey, like she does and I imbibe the colors of the rainbow. You talk in quiet whispers or all consuming rage, I blabber non-stop. You say Gucci Prada, I go PrabhuDeva? You prefer cheese while I munch on channa, you garden in a corner while I sing and dance on stage; we are so different, will I ever fit in? There is this sinking feeling I get when my thoughts wander that way, its painful and I quickly wipe those stray thoughts away.


I know I can't lose you, and I know, you won't ever let me go but I see you three like this, like you are a complete family, and it breaks me. 


I'm going crazy just out of fear of losing you. Why can't you see what I'm going through?


I admit I was wrong in doing what I've done, but we've both erred...all in love; even while you forced me to marry you, I stood firm by you. And now, I am a hopeless puddle of mess, where are you?


Tell me I'm wrong, shout at me, hug me... kiss my fears away, anything but this indifference!


Tell me this is all a sham and that she's playing with me, tell me this picture perfect is reserved for us, and us only!


Give me an inch and I'll fight the beast!

 ~oOo~

 

Edited by -Aria- - 11 years ago
Posted: 11 years ago
This should be sent to the CVs!! You expressed her true feelings so well.. 
Posted: 11 years ago
Great post hun : )



This really is how our poor Khushi feels...


thanks we neede this post...


Posted: 11 years ago
Originally posted by Ipkknd_ArHi


This should be sent to the CVs!! You expressed her true feelings so well.. 

Just that forlorn girl look in her eyes did me in. Thanks for commenting.


Posted: 11 years ago
Simply Amazing...loved it...how deeply you have summarized her feelings👏
Posted: 11 years ago
Originally posted by PrInCeSs_dIVa


Great post hun : )



This really is how our poor Khushi feels...


thanks we neede this post...



Thanks for commenting Princess Diva! 
She sure is feeling the blues at the moment, he just needs to hug and kiss her senseless, and tell her, nothing else matters... ah pity!

Posted: 11 years ago
Originally posted by jaya100


Simply beautiful!

Thank you for this comment :)
Posted: 11 years ago
Originally posted by arnshi


Simply Amazing...loved it...how deeply you have summarized her feelings👏

Thank you for this comment Arnshi :)
Posted: 11 years ago
beautiful written Aria, why can no one see her pain?😭
Posted: 11 years ago
Beautifully written Aria. You've described Khushi's feelings perfectly. 

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