Abroad children...and their parents!

Hey everyone,

This is just a random thought that flew through my mind just now.

Many kids with their parents live abroad, but not in India.  And parents say that the place is bringing a bad influence on the kids, or their is a possibilty that they might do something wrong just because they are in the US, UK, or anywhere besides India, our motherland!

What do you think about that? At times, it gets me really annoyed when my parents say that...because its not in the country, its the persons nature, and up-bringing that effects the decisions that they make in life.  So why blame living abroad? 😕 

Some parents don't think its right to talk in english in front of them.  Some are not allowed to go anywhere, such as summer camp or without their parents because they live in the US.  Is it the people abroad, or trust that some parents don't have in their children just because their upbringing is not in India?

" Crime, rape, and things like that mostly happen in abroad places like the US" (according to some people) - So does that mean your child will do something like that, or be involved in murders, drugs...ect just because its the US.  If the kids know that they don't want to do such things, and want a good life, they just wouldn't do it! I understand that there is influence of others who do that...but the main picture once again, how does it really matter, or how bad it really is if you live anywhere else but your motherland?

Please give in your views!

Mallika-

Great topic...to begin with i also face the same type of a problem with my parents just like you....living in America they dont want me to have the bad habits that other American kids have...mostly they follow the indian technique....they are trying to bring us up the way they were brought up when they were in India....me and my sis try many time to explain to them that this is America and itz hard for us to live by their indian way and not adapt the america way of living....they wont allow us to go to an out-state college, attend prom, have a bf, go out at night and dont even let us go shopping by ourself...i seriously believe that itz upbringing that determines how the child will become in the future...not the place they live in....i mean i feel that india is way more corrupt than america....i think parentz need to become more modern and adapt whatz around them instead of living the same way and thinking the same way as if they were living in india becuase that just makes it hard for the child to adjust

i agree completely with a dazzlingdesi...everything u said applies to me and i know exactly what u r talking abt only a small change...substiture pakistan for india into ur post and my post is ready 😳

but yea....parents need to understand that just cuz we were born and raised abroad dusnt mean we will turn out bad if they dont overshelter us ..i mean i know plenty of "sheltered" kids who are really bad and other not as sheltered kids who are fine and know their values so its the way you are brought up and stuff not the place where u live.

I completely agree with dazzlingdesi and ~LiL*PrInCeZ~, my case at home is also similar. I absolutley agree that the child's future depends on the upbringing.

But my mom sort of understands because she was brought up here in Canada so she kind of tries to balance it but still there are times where she just can't help it. I think the main thing is for the parents to be able to trust that their children won't do anything bad. You can  be living in India or Pakistan and still have children who do bad things and what would you blame it on then?

I have seen many girls in my school who break the rules and do bad things and most of the time these girls are the ones whose parents try to "Protect" them and keep them away from things.

If the child feels that he/she is trusted by his/her parents then I don't think he would be doing these things.

It definately isn't the place the child grows up, parents just need to be able to trust that they have taught their children the right things and trust that their children will remember what they have been taught.

-Areej Edited by Shezaadi - 17 years ago

parents dont insist on their children hating the country...dunno abt others but mine dont...but they keep saying "in pakistan..." and my dad has this weird theory that all kids in pakistan are perfect everytime we do something bad he says its his fault for raising us abroad and if he still lived in pakistan we wouldnt do whatever it was that we did to get in trouble...i find that theory irrational and weird...there are good kids and bad kids all over the world...and there are good kids who might make a mistake and do somethin bad..but they are still good kids...and these good and bad kids are found everywhere...its the person , the people they hang out with, the way their parents brought them up and everything...the country you live in doesnt really make a person good or bad

yea abhijit ji...hate is too strong a word..for anything

i dont know about other parents...but mine dont have anything agaist the US...they chose to live here so they have no right to complain about it...what the do worry about it that "culture" and "values" are different here than in Pakistan and they dont want us to neglect our heritage or forget our traditions.
I dunno abt other parents who raised their children abroad but mine feel a lot more confortable wen i hang out with my desi friends as compared to non-desi or "american" friends because they feel that when im with a group of desi kids we have all been raised with the same values, culture etc so im gonna stay more intact with all tht

shehzadi, dazzlingdesi and others in this situation...do u all have similar experiences?

and aparna di, sowmyaa di, abhijit ji and other older people who are immigrants here and have or will have children to raise abroad...what are your thoughts? can you explain to us teens from a parent or an immigrant adult's point of view y our parents act this way? and how u wud react in such a situation

I think parents have always been exposed to most part of their life in different country when they are raising kids. Parents have always learnt from their mother, father, relatives, grandparents etc. and learnt how to raise a family. There is a saying "Don't be afraid your kids don't listen to you, be afraid they are observing you" (something like that) I think kids when raised observing the lifestyle, pareting etc. in India they can't help to apply those when they are parents. Also, their definition for good or bad is different compared to culture they are living with at present. I appreciate India culture in a way to give respect to adult, not dating until you are 18 or so, etc. I also like some things about India culture like open kitchen concept. Eating whenever you want and wherever you want rather than table manners and eating at snack time 5 'o clock supper time rather than eating at 7 when kids are hungry, taking our shoes before entering house etc. I have always been living my life like this and when this kid is born it is hard for mother and father to change their life for this new born. To be frank, I have never been exposed to "real" american culture until I had my daughter. Me and my hubby were in this country for 5 yrs before we had our baby and we were living in US but in our own indian world. Now suddently I've learned to make pasta, enchilladas, having "play date" concept (compared to going to freinds anytime you want), sending "thankyou" cards after b'day is done etc. it is "learning" phase for us too. It is hard for parents to just letgo their years of tradition and things and sometimes they are not even aware of certain things. Like you guys would laugh, but when i was in India, my family was never exposed to alchohol. I used to freak out if I saw someone drinking 1 glass of wine in front of me 😆 so you can imagine what culture and background i am coming from. And then when i see my kid drinking beer at her 21st b'day "officially" 😉 before me it would be hard for me to digest. All I am saying is, it is hard for parents to see this change. Yes, they choose this life for thier kids, but to be frank, sometimes they don't know what they are getting into.

Example someone above gave about expecting to talk in indian language at home. I think there is nothing wrong in learning languge that parents have always been interacting in thier house all their life. To be frank, it was hard for me to talk with my husband in english before we had my daughter...we were not used to communicate in english..now we 've english language popular in our house 😕 which id on't like. I want her to know her own language and even teachers and pediatrics believe that knowing your langauge and speaking at home is the best thing for kids develolpment.

Jav, I hope this helped you little to understand why parents do what they do 😛 Believe it or not, it is hard for kids and parents both to fit into country where one is from totally diff. culture, tradition, country and the other is not exposed much to that culture, tradition and country..and you have to live together.

I know parents who taught their kids that India is a useless country and they are lucky to be here. Those kids have a very bad picture of India...then i also know some parents, who donot sent their kids of elementary school to field trips either...how stupid. That kid just sits int he school with other class as his parent does not want him to go out and social with other american kids.
We should take middle path. My daughter speaks hindi with us mostly and indian cahnels through Dish network has helped.
But as she is growing she told me not to watch indian channel or yell in hind when she is in the play ground 😆 or with her friends. I respected her feeling and said yes since you talk to me in hindi when we are home so i will also do what you wish for.
She love India and America. I have always told her that since you are born here, this is your mother land. This country is giving us bread & butter so always love this country. But have full respect for India too as what ever we are earning here is due to that country, where we got our education to be self dependent and is your parents mother land.
I have always given her permission for every field trip and for sleep overs she know that I have to get familiar with the family. So only there are two families that I am comfortable with and she goes there for sleep over.
So I think if you let them know it is for their betterment and you donot oppose it, they understand.
I saw that in her journal tht she keeps in her school. She was very appreciative that i let her do what she wants. for her graduation..i am not sure yet how will i handle it. but yeah parents have to be liberal to some extent. my own cousin here tells me since her father was too strict so thay used to hide miniskirts etc and wear them in the bathroom and rechange befoe coming home 😉
😆

thanks sowmyaa di, abhijit ji and swar ji 😃

yea sowmyaa di...ur daughter is still little...i will talk 2 u in 6-8 years 😆 😆 😆

and what swar ji and abhijit ji said...yea...i understand...my family runs in a traditional, cultural way too....we speak urdu at home with our parents but me and my siblings speak in english when we are talking 2 each other 😆 ...actually, wen i was little my parents didnt talk to me in english their theory was that born and raised in america there is no way i will not know english but the only way i will know urdu is if they talk to me in urdu...if i replied in english they used to say they dont know english and make us say it over in urdu 😆 ..but im grateful for that because today i can speak both urdu and english equally fluently (but i cant read or write urdu 😭) yea i understand that they were raised a certain way and its hard or almost impossible for adults to change their way of thinking ....i actually like that my family is soo intact with our culture...makes me feel like i have 2 identities...im american but at the same time im pakistani 😊 im patriotic for both countries...ive been raised to love both countries and respect both countries but at times i feel like my parents are too overprotective...i dont think it has to do with living abroad...hehe..parents and teens feel like they are living in 2 different worlds all over the world 😆 😆 😆

very interesting topic 😊
actually..i think ki this is not always the cas..i mean 2 say..i go 2 dance classes every week..and i know a parent over there who is quite young..she has a small daughter..aged 7 and a son aged 10 😊
she sent her son abroad..4rm london 2 india..he studies there alone and away 4rm his parents, he is currently studying in a boarding school i think or a hostel 😕 but neways..he is in london at the moment as he has holidays 😊
also..the school he went to before he left 2 go 2 india was a private school..
getting 2 the point..i think it's again got a lot to do with an asian mentality and that countries like USA and UK are good places for sending your daughter/son 2 study...i mean what's wrong with your own country?
they have all the same facilities..but when it cums 2 extra studies..not evry1 puts their hand forward and wants 2 go that far
and if u have studies in india and cum over here with ur degree..lyk i've said b4..it means absolutely nothing here 😕 the parents want their child doing the best of what they can do at the end of the day..they don't wish bad 4 them..so i suppose that's a reason why they send them abroad and don't keep them in the same country..

Tina xx