Women on physical abuse

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Posted: 13 years ago

okay so i was on the forum Kasamh Se and i read an update of how one of the characters Pushkar hit his very B*tchy wife and threatened to break her face. almost all of the people on that forum said that it was okay to hurt her because she was rude, mean and b*tchy and she deserved it. I dont know if that is because a lot of the people that watch the show are teenage girls (me included LOL)who wont believe that a good looking character can be wrong even if they hurt their wives. Some gave the argument that she hit him back when he hit her so it was okay that he hit her. I mean i also saw that when for a while everyone thought that Angad in Kaisa Yeh Pyar hai had raped his wife Kripa. Almost All the girls said he didn't rape her and if he did she had deserved it cause she was mean to him. In both these cases the women attacked the guy's manhood so they raped or abused them. I am simply so shocked by this because it seems that most of the girls find it okay for men to hit their wives if the wife is mean. Thats a great reason by the way. We have discussed this sort of in Aparna's slapping of women on television debate though this is not so much about that but rather about the mentality of people who watch these slappings. I am so shocked by how easily some of these girls accept the abuse of women and say the woman deserved it. No woman deserves abuse, if she is so bad her husband should leave her rather than abusing her.

I am very sorry if i offended anyone but i was simply so shocked to see the way some people responded to abuse of women that i couldn't stop myself from posting this.

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Posted: 13 years ago
Abuse in any way is not acceptable ... whether mental or physical.. NOT AT ALL!! At least im very particular abt that...

U mentioned that girls justified the horrible slapping/torturing acts of those "Good looking handsome" actors in their respective characters... Well i have got only one logical explanation for that.. actually i think that teenagers mostly (Excluding meLOL) Do idealize any celebrity becoz the character of that person portrayed on the screen is so "Perfect good looking and always right" kind of thing initially...And that may match the fantasies of teenagers like the "Illusion of a perfect person... or love" ... so as result these characters are usually given a green signal by their fans.. Confused

At this stage of life.. i think that teenagers can't understand the deepness and gravity of such situations and how insulting it is in reality... see we live in reality and wht is shown on screen are usually fantasies (Except for the real life stories portrayed there) ... In short such people are living in the middle space of reality and fantasy, end up in intermingling the both and derive such conclusions... This is the lack of self-awareness of a person.. which i call as " ones personality remained undeveloped" .. But as life moves on.. they might realize the REAL thing.. but i guess that realization is not TOOOOO late in life UnhappyUnhappy...
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Posted: 13 years ago
This is really sad. First of all either that male character or female character who are mean should not attract anyone Confused I mean no matter how good looking that character is how can you get attract to someone who hits his wife or abuse her. If wife is mean, that does not give him any right to beat her adn if anyone supports him or ignore his abuse I think it's really sad.

Even when you are teenager you are old enough to know who is good adn what is bad. When someone hit their wife and if wife is not good and mean that is not explanation to ignore his crim Angry

I hope teens these days understand this Ouch

I saw something similar in jassi section too. When old days Arman was casonova, used to drink, cheat jassi still people used to love him... Confused and when purab was someone who was really good human they used to hate him mostly 'coz he came in jassi and arman's life (I am talking about way back in old jassi days when we didnt know arman was going to have heart "parivartan" and was really mean..so plz no offense armu fan just example here). Now why would someone love a person who is big time flirt, cheats a simple middle class girl, have a gf called mallika still flirt out with his best friend and drinks all the time Confused do you think in realy life somone like this will apeal you? Edited by sowmyaa - 13 years ago
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Posted: 13 years ago

This is disgusting. It just reminds me of how battered/abused women keep going back to their abusers no matter what!

And justifying the abuser's actions is just sick! If a woman is being bitchy to a man, it does not mean that he should hit her or rape her! if she does not attack him physically or try to poison him or something of that sort, what gives him the right to raise his hand at her?

The Fan-Girls who justify their favourite character's actions - I really dont know what to say about this lot, honestly. They have no idea what rape or abuse actually mean. Dead They get such a daily dose of such stories (courtesy Kekta Maiyya) that domestic abuse is COMMON to them and something which must be TOLERATED! Angry

Originally posted by sowmyaa




I saw something similar in jassi section too. When old days Arman was casonova, used to drink, cheat jassi still people used to love him... Confused and when purab was someone who was really good human they used to hate him mostly 'coz he came in jassi and arman's life (I am talking about way back in old jassi days when we didnt know arman was going to have heart "parivartan" and was really mean..so plz no offense armu fan just example here). Now why would someone love a person who is big time flirt, cheats a simple middle class girl, have a gf called mallika still flirt out with his best friend and drinks all the time Confused do you think in realy life somone like this will apeal you?

to be fair to Armaan fans, most of them liked him because they knew the original story, etc. etc. and Armaan Suri was at least not physically abusive towards Jassi. (as far as what I saw - dont know if that changed once i stopped watching)

But, I agree. In real life, few girls would tolerate so much nonsense from a guy and PREFER to be treated like a doormat! 

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Posted: 13 years ago
All of you made such good points here. I wanted to add another serial here "Hare Kaanch ki choodiyan". In this serial the main female character goes against her in-laws and supports what is right. Her family turns against her , her husband hits her and finally rapes her just before the divorce. In that section members believed the girl deserved it and should have been more supportive towards her husband. Ouch I agree she should have been more supportive. But did she deserve being hit and then raped ??????????????????

I too am shocked by what we as women believe is fine in the name of physical abuse . "We" believe if the person deserves it , then she should be hit and slapped and raped. Ouch

I was debating with my friends about how in some countries honor killing and female circumsision is justified and many other atrocities as well as basic fundamental rights are being denied to women. These women don't even realise that its not acceptable since they haven't seen any thing better. They even seem to justify it in many ways. So we concluded there was no point in feeling sorry for those women who were going through abuse or denial of fundamental right if they did not them selves speak up about it and fight it.

To bring about a change there has to be a revolution. In the revolution its women who must die or fight for what is acceptable. But if they don't believe thats neccesary then who are we to stand judgement.

I won't at all say we women in India are emancipated just because we have access to fundamental rights and education. Its our own opinion that needs modification.

It was also Salman Khan going to jail debate that made me realise that all of us have such different ideas of whats wrong. Including the SRK and religon as well as Osama /Saddam debates. We all have a different opinion of what is morally acceptable and what is not. I am not deviating here but what i mean to say is different women have different idea of what is accepatble and what is not.

If we don't change our own way of thinking then we can't do anything to change mens behaviour towards us.

Its our own opinion we need to scrutnise.
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Posted: 13 years ago

 

At times, women are at fault.......We perpetually defend women, but there are times when men are at the receiving end of the tortureOuch....If a wife is unfaithful, then its the husband who is to be sympathised with.....and if a husband slaps his wife when he uncovers her infidelity, I wouldnt really blame him or call him an abuserErmmErmm..Yeah, I wouldnt!Smile(just as I wouldnt call a woman a abuser if she slaps her husband when she uncovers his infidelity)

Abuse is of many forms......malfeasance is also a kind of abuse, and so is vituperation.....molestation and exploitation both come under the category of abuse......But each of the above mentioned crimes of of a certain ilk......the context is pivotal......a "slap" cannot be straight away adjudged as "abuse"...If a father slaps his daughter when she does or says anything inappropriate( a ka uses swearwords infront of elders), we dont call it abuse

When women are wrong, it becomes the duty of the guardian/spouse to correct her...and if a teen uses the four letter word, and refuses to apologize, and if the father slaps her at the spur of the moment, I wouldnt deem that as abuse......Similarly I dont reckon Pushkar's slapping Pia as "abuse"......Pia is too juvenile, and she isnt ready to make her conpromises and adjustments.....She infact regrets not marrying a rich sugar daddy,only because she could have her whims and fancies materialized...I would call the slapping episode blameworthy and not an "abuse"......blameworthiness or inappropriateness can be forgiven especially if the "victim" of the iniquity too was at fault( a ka Pia's case), abuse cant be forgivenAngry!...I really dont think Pushkar should have given into Pia's atrocious demands, just to appease the tension..... ..His slap can be pardoned, as Pia too was equally at fault.....But those who drink and abuse their wives for money , those who simply thrash their wives mercilessly,those who exercise their chauvinistic attitude by impeding the career of their wives,those who clobber their wives for dowry etc etc are deemed as "abusers"...and those cannot be pardoned, come hell or high water!

Originally posted by T.


Originally posted by sowmyaa




I saw something similar in jassi section too. When old days Arman was casonova, used to drink, cheat jassi still people used to love him... Confused and when purab was someone who was really good human they used to hate him mostly 'coz he came in jassi and arman's life (I am talking about way back in old jassi days when we didnt know arman was going to have heart "parivartan" and was really mean..so plz no offense armu fan just example here). Now why would someone love a person who is big time flirt, cheats a simple middle class girl, have a gf called mallika still flirt out with his best friend and drinks all the time Confused do you think in realy life somone like this will apeal you?

to be fair to Armaan fans, most of them liked him because they knew the original story, etc. etc. and Armaan Suri was at least not physically abusive towards Jassi. (as far as what I saw - dont know if that changed once i stopped watching)

But, I agree. In real life, few girls would tolerate so much nonsense from a guy and PREFER to be treated like a doormat! 

 

LOL, Armaan was never an abuserSmile...he did slap her once, that's when she told him that she slept with another man, hours before their marriageDeadI never knew the story of BLF(in all honesty, how many of those who watched JJKn would probably  have had known the  BLF storyline...I didnt), but i yet wanted jassi to end up witn armaanEmbarrassed...I didnt hate purab as much as many of the other Armaan fans didLOL......Atleast in Jassi's eyes, armaan never abused her or treated her as a doormat(but when she realized his ulterior intentions, she ruined him albeit in a subtle way)...he was the first one to give her a job, He was the first one to tap her potential(that was his luck BTWLOL), and when all and sundry were against her appointment,against her being entrusted with the important tasks, It was armaan who solely took the plunge of appointing her, and his decisions were  vindicated...and for a girl who was only used to being teased and being jeered at, this was a delightful departure from the normal fashion(and so was it for the viewers) ...He did develop cold feet when he felt that jassi might swindle the money, and thus he plotted and connivedDead..but basically he wasnt a really "BAD" fellow.....and thus the Armaan fans liked him and believed that some day or the other, this rake would metamorphoseBig smile..and to top it all, Purab was a typical cliched hero who was too good to be trueOuch(just like all those kinds we get to see on tv everyday).....errm, to be honest, many of the armaan fans just happened to like him from the start(they chose to see his better caring side), and wanted jassi to marry armaan...and Purab was somewhat of a kabab mein haddiLOLLOL........ finally it all comes down to  personal choicesSmile

Edited by Buffie - 13 years ago
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Posted: 13 years ago

You r right of course sometimes the woman is to blame but her husband does not have the right to hit her. i dont care how juvenile pia is but that doesn't give Pushkar the right to hit her, the same way a woman shudn't hit her husband. Physical abuse is not right from any partner. If you are saying that it's okay for a husband to hit his wife when he finds out about her infidelity then an extreme version wud be that he is right when he kills her in the name of honor. It is not the duty of your spouse to correct you, it is the duty of ur parents. relationship with one's parents is different from what one has with a husband.Your parents have a right to teach u right from wrong, but ur spouse is an equal so they dont get to correct u or tell u what to do. Sure a spouse should tell u what they think but they have no right to correct u, coerce u or force u to do what they think is right. A father slapping his daughter is different because she is his daughter, his responsibility to teach right from wrong.  physical abuse is not the answer and what Pushkar did was abuse because he like every chavinistic pig on the planet hit his wife when he didn't like what she said and then threatened to break her face. i dont see it is as something that can be forgiven. I also dont think that ur spouse has the right/responsibility to correct they have a right/responsibility to tell u what they feel is right but they have no right to make u follow it.

Originally posted by Buffie


 

At times, women are at fault.......We perpetually defend women, but there are times when men are at the receiving end of the tortureOuch....If a wife is unfaithful, then its the husband who is to be sympathised with.....and if a husband slaps his wife when he uncovers her infidelity, I wouldnt really blame him or call him an abuserErmmErmm..Yeah, I wouldnt!Smile(just as I wouldnt call a woman a abuser if she slaps her husband when she uncovers his infidelity)

Abuse is of many forms......malfeasance is also a kind of abuse, and so is vituperation.....molestation and exploitation both come under the category of abuse......But each of the above mentioned crimes of of a certain ilk......the context is pivotal......a "slap" cannot be straight away adjudged as "abuse"...If a father slaps his daughter when she does or says anything inappropriate( a ka uses swearwords infront of elders), we dont call it abuse

When women are wrong, it becomes the duty of the guardian/spouse to correct her...and if a teen uses the four letter word, and refuses to apologize, and if the father slaps her at the spur of the moment, I wouldnt deem that as abuse......Similarly I dont reckon Pushkar's slapping Pia as "abuse"......Pia is too juvenile, and she isnt ready to make her conpromises and adjustments.....She infact regrets not marrying a rich sugar daddy,only because she could have her whims and fancies materialized...I would call the slapping episode blameworthy and not an "abuse"......blameworthiness or inappropriateness can be forgiven especially if the "victim" of the iniquity too was at fault( a ka Pia's case), abuse cant be forgivenAngry!...I really dont think Pushkar should have given into Pia's atrocious demands, just to appease the tension..... ..His slap can be pardoned, as Pia too was equally at fault.....But those who drink and abuse their wives for money , those who simply thrash their wives mercilessly,those who exercise their chauvinistic attitude by impeding the career of their wives,those who clobber their wives for dowry etc etc are deemed as "abusers"...and those cannot be pardoned, come hell or high water!

Originally posted by T.


Originally posted by sowmyaa




I saw something similar in jassi section too. When old days Arman was casonova, used to drink, cheat jassi still people used to love him... Confused and when purab was someone who was really good human they used to hate him mostly 'coz he came in jassi and arman's life (I am talking about way back in old jassi days when we didnt know arman was going to have heart "parivartan" and was really mean..so plz no offense armu fan just example here). Now why would someone love a person who is big time flirt, cheats a simple middle class girl, have a gf called mallika still flirt out with his best friend and drinks all the time Confused do you think in realy life somone like this will apeal you?

to be fair to Armaan fans, most of them liked him because they knew the original story, etc. etc. and Armaan Suri was at least not physically abusive towards Jassi. (as far as what I saw - dont know if that changed once i stopped watching)

But, I agree. In real life, few girls would tolerate so much nonsense from a guy and PREFER to be treated like a doormat! 

 

LOL, Armaan was never an abuserSmile...he did slap her once, that's when she told him that she slept with another man, hours before their marriageDeadI never knew the story of BLF(in all honesty, how many of those who watched JJKn would probably  have had known the  BLF storyline...I didnt), but i yet wanted jassi to end up witn armaanEmbarrassed...I didnt hate purab as much as many of the other Armaan fans didLOL......Atleast in Jassi's eyes, armaan never abused her or treated her as a doormat(but when she realized his ulterior intentions, she ruined him albeit in a subtle way)...he was the first one to give her a job, He was the first one to tap her potential(that was his luck BTWLOL), and when all and sundry were against her appointment,against her being entrusted with the important tasks, It was armaan who solely took the plunge of appointing her, and his decisions were  vindicated...and for a girl who was only used to being teased and being jeered at, this was a delightful departure from the normal fashion(and so was it for the viewers) ...He did develop cold feet when he felt that jassi might swindle the money, and thus he plotted and connivedDead..but basically he wasnt a really "BAD" fellow.....and thus the Armaan fans liked him and believed that some day or the other, this rake would metamorphoseBig smile..and to top it all, Purab was a typical cliched hero who was too good to be trueOuch(just like all those kinds we get to see on tv everyday).....errm, to be honest, many of the armaan fans just happened to like him from the start(they chose to see his better caring side), and wanted jassi to marry armaan...and Purab was somewhat of a kabab mein haddiLOLLOL........ finally it all comes down to  personal choicesSmile

Edited by mkzara - 13 years ago
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Posted: 13 years ago
Originally posted by mkzara


You r right of course sometimes the woman is to blame but her husband does not have the right to hit her. i dont care how juvenile pia is but that doesn't give Pushkar the right to hit her, the same way a woman shudn't hit her husband. Physical abuse is not right from any partner. If you are saying that it's okay for a husband to hit his wife when he finds out about her infidelity then an extreme version wud be that he is right when he kills her in the name of honor.

But a slap and a murder isnt the same....SmileMurder is the result when a person has absolutely no self restraint...But then, at the end of the day everyone is human....and I guess we can give everyone a small marginSmile...anger  is pardonable, as long as it doesnt cross limits...beating up the wife ruthlessly is not pardonable,...Now consider this case...the girl's parents are dead...she's on drugs, and her guardian happens to be say her husband(a far fetched assumption but whatever)...Now I wouldnt really consider it a crime or an abuse when he slaps her in order to prevent her from doing drugs....as I said, the context is important.....Now In Ksbkbt, meera killed savita(i believe..i dont watch the soap but i read something on those lines)...and when mihir uncovers the truth, and if he slaps meera, i wouldnt call it "abuse"......A woman can be pious as well as vicious.....

[QUOTE


It is not the duty of your spouse to correct you, it is the duty of ur parents. relationship with one's parents is different from what one has with a husband.Your parents have a right to teach u right from wrong, but ur spouse is an equal so they dont get to correct u or tell u what to do. Sure a spouse should tell u what they think but they have no right to correct u, coerce u or force u to do what they think is right.

Coertion is wrong, but correction and coertion cannot be tarred with the same brush....correction anc coertion arent synonymous....I do believe that a husband or a wife shoulder the responsibility to correct the spouse if he/she's on the wrong track.....What if the parents are dead..does that mean the spouse turns a blind eye only because the parent isnt alive to correct the spouse.....Then that would mean that the husband/wife doesnt care a damn about the spouse, which is WRONG!!...That would mean that there is no mutual love in the marriage, and such a marriage isnt a solid one...and one more thing, are you saying that its not right for a spouse to coerce but its allright for a parent to coerce/slap/beatQuestion..That's such a cockamamie beliefConfused

[QUOTE


 A father slapping his daughter is different because she is his daughter, his responsibility to teach right from wrong. 

So isnt it the duty of the husband to teach the wife what is right and what is wrong incase she isnt able to differentiate between the two????Dont you think a husband must love his wife as much as she is loved by her father???and with love comes responsibility.....

[QUOTE


 physical abuse is not the answer and what Pushkar did was abuse because he like every chavinistic pig on the planet hit his wife when he didn't like what she said and then threatened to break her face. i dont see it is as something that can be forgiven. I also dont think that ur spouse has the right/responsibility to correct they have a right/responsibility to tell u what they feel is right but they have no right to make u follow it.

No, CHAUVINISTS beat up their wives as they consider them inferior to them...MCP's consider women inferior to them, they dont give them any respect, they thwart their careers, and try to opress the wife...that wasnt what Pushkar did...he slapped his wife because what she said was inappropriate..hell, she says that she should have married the sugar daddy,...she says this infront of her husband....that was definitely wrong....people do tend to always side the fairer sex, but then when the female in question is on the wrong path, it becomes the duty of the husband to correct her...I never said that the slapping incident was not at all wrong..I only said that it is pardonable as Pia was mainly at fault......Now had he slapped her, just to voice his chauvinism, I would say that he ought be skinned....

Edited by Buffie - 13 years ago
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