Women alwayz suffer - Page 8

actual MNMS even finacially strong women also suffer. It really is a mind set with which the girls are brought up

This content was originally posted by: Swar_Raj

actual MNMS even finacially strong women also suffer. It really is a mind set with which the girls are brought up

You're right.....here comes a sermon😆😆.....We only threw light on issues like rape and abuse....some of the other realms of abuse are

Domestic Violence......This is rampant predominantly amongst the poor, lower and upper middle class, and in some rare cases, amongst the rich too

a)Poor...Take a construction worker for example....She earns her income on a daily basis, and what she earns gets spent and there's zilch that she saves...her husband is a drunkard,and beats her up ruthlessly every day when she refuses to give him money for liquor.....She cant turn up to her parents, as either they are dead, or her father himself is a drunkard, or they are helpless....she probably wouldnt have the words "divorce" in her lexicon..and going to court etc would seem far fetched to her.....so the result, she gets beaten up and is downtrodden.......her husband wouldnt turn over a new leaf in this lifetime, and neither would he leave her for good......

her emancipation is perhaps unlikely, but what she needs to do is to educate her daughter, so that she wouldnt find herself in deep waters later on......sadly, many of the poor dont educate their children, their children are made to work in the construction sute from the age of 10, as that woudl be a source of extra income......😡...there are some, who never realize and they cant be helped by anyone

b)The lower middle class and middle class.....As many poor women suffer, an equal number of the women belonging to the lower middle class cadre too suffer...AND HERE'S mainly where the term MIL comes in....arguably the most painful thing is that women themselves become tormentors in the form of mother in laws(again, not stereotyping as there are daughter in laws too who are tyrannical🤢)..

• Dowry is one classic  issue....the in laws torturing a girl for dowry,  perhaps not in the form of cash but in the form of other tangible accessories like a vehicle, house, jewellery etc etc.....and if the Girl's father is unable to satisfy these demands, the girl is tortured.😡and neither can the girl go back to her parents' as she herself is engulfed by a helluva amount of skepticism and worry, as her father is not financially secure to support her

 

• Desire for a male child.....If the second or the third child(and in some extreme cases the first child) is not a male, then its the bahu who is maligned...female infanticide is yet not fully ploughed out....either the girl child is hated and despised and given a step motherly treatment, or she is killed......and in extreme cases, the daughter in law is chased out of the house or permanantly cursed and emotionally abused...reiterating, neither can the girl go back to her parents' as she herself is engulfed by a helluva amount of skepticism and worry, as her father is not financially secure to support her  or the father would have two more daughters in the line too get married off

 

• Characterless Husband...The husband himself may turn out to be a drunkard or a characterless man...such men are really mentally sick🤢 and beat up the wife for no real reason...the woman  in soup cant go back to her home as her father cannot possibly support her...so out of helplessness, she continues to live a life which is worse than hell.....and not to forget,women love to escape the "embarrassement" and the society and would prefer to work on their marriage which would have by then, be beyond redemption....

the only possible emancipation is, yet again, to educate the female child....If the woman has an educational degree which would fetch her a salary of say Rs.10000 a month, she can jolly well take the bull by the horns and would not even have to depend on her parents for monetary help

 

c) The well to do.....If the educated  girl hails from an upper middle class  borderline rich family, she wouldnt have to go through the trauma inflicted by dowry, but her troubles may be no less than a poor girl's....here's where the term "FAMILY HONOUR", "EMBARRASEMENT","SOCIETY" etc come in...not that the lower middle class dont have any honour , but its more pronounced here....If her husband is unfaithful, she would try to win him back, rather than just leaving him...as the family honour etc come into picture...the most terrible fear is the fear of the society🤢.....to them, divorce connotes embarrassement, a sense of dejection, and a feeling that they have lost.......escaping the jiving comments by the gossipmongers,  the barrage of questions ,  the people who love to listen to other's trauma, to move on in the midst of these gazillion gossipmongers etc totally scares all the daylights out of somebody......women chose to continue their marriageas they feel its better than become a victim of the society's jibes🤢...and the perfidous  husband succeedes in lulling the wife into a false sense of security, love and fidelity........and sadly,  women fall for the cock and bull stories.......women love to think that the sun shines out of the husbands backside🤢........ women rather chose not to lay the cards on the the table..They subconsciously know that each of the false lulling is another nail in the coffin, yet chose to overlook it...and they harbour this false hope till the last vestige of the false hope is crushed and reality starkly confronts them.......the only possible emancipation is that women must stop harbouring the "butter wouldnt melt in the mouth" attitude where they yet believe that the husband loves them  and would never betray them.....they must go at him hammer and tongs...they have to be smart in recognizing the germ of the ensuing problem, and in a relationship, men must not be allowed to hold the whip in their hands

 

these were just some of the sufferings inflicted on married women.....the unmarried women too suffer no less...sexual harrassment in offices,physical abuse, emotional abuse, the WHOLE DAMN trouble a girl faces  in getting an allaiance if she's dark/fat etc etc, in some cases, the difficulty in pursuing education as there are many fathers who dont feel that girls must be educated🤢....the list is endless😭😭...It really depends on education and the mind set of women.....and unless women take a firm resolve, and learns how to stand up for herself , her state would be the same 

👏 👏 👏 wow buffie...wat a long lecture 😉 ..thanks 4 the sermon 😳

This content was originally posted by: Swar_Raj

actual MNMS even finacially strong women also suffer. It really is a mind set with which the girls are brought up

 Well i actually talked abt that change of mindset in my post with bold letters😊

 Buffie... i must say... u spoke my heart!!!!!!!😃  U are a true mind reader... long post but it was very very well written and it spoke the entire truth!! 👏👏👏

This content was originally posted by: Buffie

You're right.....here comes a sermon😆😆.....We only threw light on issues like rape and abuse....some of the other realms of abuse are

Domestic Violence......This is rampant predominantly amongst the poor, lower and upper middle class, and in some rare cases, amongst the rich too

a)Poor...Take a construction worker for example....She earns her income on a daily basis, and what she earns gets spent and there's zilch that she saves...her husband is a drunkard,and beats her up ruthlessly every day when she refuses to give him money for liquor.....She cant turn up to her parents, as either they are dead, or her father himself is a drunkard, or they are helpless....she probably wouldnt have the words "divorce" in her lexicon..and going to court etc would seem far fetched to her.....so the result, she gets beaten up and is downtrodden.......her husband wouldnt turn over a new leaf in this lifetime, and neither would he leave her for good......

her emancipation is perhaps unlikely, but what she needs to do is to educate her daughter, so that she wouldnt find herself in deep waters later on......sadly, many of the poor dont educate their children, their children are made to work in the construction sute from the age of 10, as that woudl be a source of extra income......😡...there are some, who never realize and they cant be helped by anyone

b)The lower middle class and middle class.....As many poor women suffer, an equal number of the women belonging to the lower middle class cadre too suffer...AND HERE'S mainly where the term MIL comes in....arguably the most painful thing is that women themselves become tormentors in the form of mother in laws(again, not stereotyping as there are daughter in laws too who are tyrannical🤢)..

• Dowry is one classic  issue....the in laws torturing a girl for dowry,  perhaps not in the form of cash but in the form of other tangible accessories like a vehicle, house, jewellery etc etc.....and if the Girl's father is unable to satisfy these demands, the girl is tortured.😡and neither can the girl go back to her parents' as she herself is engulfed by a helluva amount of skepticism and worry, as her father is not financially secure to support her

 

• Desire for a male child.....If the second or the third child(and in some extreme cases the first child) is not a male, then its the bahu who is maligned...female infanticide is yet not fully ploughed out....either the girl child is hated and despised and given a step motherly treatment, or she is killed......and in extreme cases, the daughter in law is chased out of the house or permanantly cursed and emotionally abused...reiterating, neither can the girl go back to her parents' as she herself is engulfed by a helluva amount of skepticism and worry, as her father is not financially secure to support her  or the father would have two more daughters in the line too get married off

 

• Characterless Husband...The husband himself may turn out to be a drunkard or a characterless man...such men are really mentally sick🤢 and beat up the wife for no real reason...the woman  in soup cant go back to her home as her father cannot possibly support her...so out of helplessness, she continues to live a life which is worse than hell.....and not to forget,women love to escape the "embarrassement" and the society and would prefer to work on their marriage which would have by then, be beyond redemption....

the only possible emancipation is, yet again, to educate the female child....If the woman has an educational degree which would fetch her a salary of say Rs.10000 a month, she can jolly well take the bull by the horns and would not even have to depend on her parents for monetary help

 

c) The well to do.....If the educated  girl hails from an upper middle class  borderline rich family, she wouldnt have to go through the trauma inflicted by dowry, but her troubles may be no less than a poor girl's....here's where the term "FAMILY HONOUR", "EMBARRASEMENT","SOCIETY" etc come in...not that the lower middle class dont have any honour , but its more pronounced here....If her husband is unfaithful, she would try to win him back, rather than just leaving him...as the family honour etc come into picture...the most terrible fear is the fear of the society🤢.....to them, divorce connotes embarrassement, a sense of dejection, and a feeling that they have lost.......escaping the jiving comments by the gossipmongers,  the barrage of questions ,  the people who love to listen to other's trauma, to move on in the midst of these gazillion gossipmongers etc totally scares all the daylights out of somebody......women chose to continue their marriageas they feel its better than become a victim of the society's jibes🤢...and the perfidous  husband succeedes in lulling the wife into a false sense of security, love and fidelity........and sadly,  women fall for the cock and bull stories.......women love to think that the sun shines out of the husbands backside🤢........ women rather chose not to lay the cards on the the table..They subconsciously know that each of the false lulling is another nail in the coffin, yet chose to overlook it...and they harbour this false hope till the last vestige of the false hope is crushed and reality starkly confronts them.......the only possible emancipation is that women must stop harbouring the "butter wouldnt melt in the mouth" attitude where they yet believe that the husband loves them  and would never betray them.....they must go at him hammer and tongs...they have to be smart in recognizing the germ of the ensuing problem, and in a relationship, men must not be allowed to hold the whip in their hands

 

these were just some of the sufferings inflicted on married women.....the unmarried women too suffer no less...sexual harrassment in offices,physical abuse, emotional abuse, the WHOLE DAMN trouble a girl faces  in getting an allaiance if she's dark/fat etc etc, in some cases, the difficulty in pursuing education as there are many fathers who dont feel that girls must be educated🤢....the list is endless😭😭...It really depends on education and the mind set of women.....and unless women take a firm resolve, and learns how to stand up for herself , her state would be the same 

👏👏👏 well Said! You have described so many form of inequalities women go through. There are so many ways they are tortured that sometimes it seems impossible that we would be able to get rid of their suffering.

My cousin born and raised in America who always thought of her self as an independent woman, is stuck in a bad marriage. She was the Class president in her school and went on for her Masters Degree. She recently got married to this guy also born and raised in America. Both dated for 4 years and  girl's parents pushed for the marriage and finally her Fiancee agreed to it. After marriage, he took away credit cards from her. He also told her that he is a conservative man, so she shouldn't be wearing any revealing clothes. He also told her that since his mother has been working and cooking three meals a day, he expects her to do the same. For himself he stated ," I have never worked in the kitchen, so that's not my area." He also has all  the bank accounts under his name only. She recently went to her best friend's wedding and he told her ," if you don't come back in 4 days, you can't enter my house ever again." So she can't even go ut without his permission.

I get so horrified thinking about her life. She doesn't have the guts to leave him because she chose him, plus she believes she loves him.

 

Abuse does come in various forms.

 

So mythili Ji,what do you think about THIS debate😉

Here's a heartening article I read...

10-YR-OLD TAKES FATHER TO COURT

Boy, a class IV student, files a private complaint with Andheri metropolitan court detailing his mother's harassment for dowry   A 10-year-old boy has taken his father, grandparents and six others from his father's family to court for torturing his mother for dowry. Junaid Razak Mehtar, who has claimed that he and his mother, Yasmin, were kept without food for days together and were beaten up by his grandparents and uncles, lodged a private complaint with the Metropolitan Court in Andheri on September 10 after the local police did not act on two complaints filed by his mother. Based on the boy's complaint and his deposition wherein he detailed the mental and physical torture he and his mother were put through by his father and others in the joint family, Magistrate M B Date asked the Andheri police station to lodge an FIR in the case and file a charge sheet On September 12, the Andheri police registered a case against all nine accused for demanding dowry. The police last week arrested the boy's father, Abdul RazakMehtar and his brother Noor Mohammed Jamal. They were subsequently released on bail. On November 6, the boy filed another application before the magistrate, alleging the cops were shielding his father's family. Magistrate Date then ordered that all nine accused— including the boys grandparents — be arrested. However, none from the family had been arrested till Saturday. Junaid, a class IV student of Little Angels High School, Santacruz, told Mumbai Mirror at his uncle's apartment on Saturday that he has seen his mother being harassed by his father's family for the last five years. "I have seen her bleeding profusely after receiving a thrashing. Junaid with his mother My father is a very badman. I had realised it would not help to keep quiet.One day when I and my mother were thrown out of our house in Jogeshwari at midnight, I mustered up courage and narrated the entire story to my uncle, Ibrahim,'' he said. This was in August this year. His uncle approached Faisal Sheikh, a lawyer, who suggested that the boy should lodge a private complaint in a magistrate's court. "Junaid, because of all that he and his mother have gone through over the years, has matured beyond his years. I don't know if he really understands what's going on in the court, but he wants justice for his mother...that much he is very clear about," Ibrahim said. Yasmin married Abdul in 1995. "For the first two years there were no problems. In 1997, after Juniad was born, they started harassing me. It was a joint family of 25 people and just about everyone was against me. At times, they would make me sleep in the passage with the boy. I was beaten up, my son was denied food...every day they would come up with new methods of torture," she said. Yasmin said that twice she tried to seek help from the local police. "On both occasions they acceptedmy complaint but did not initiate any action," she said. Junaid's father Abdul Razak Mehtar Juniad said one day his grandparents had even threatened to pour kerosene and burn his mother alive. "My father wanted my mom to bring Rs 1 lakh from my nana (maternal grandfather). He also demanded a scooter," Junaid said. Asked if he does not feel intimidated appearing before a judge, the boy said, "No. I want my father to be punished. Investigating officer Pagare at the Andheri police station said the boy's father and uncle had been arrested and questioned. "They are now out on bail. We are investigating the matter and once the role of other family members in this case is ascertained, we will take action," he said. Junaid's father could not be contacted despite repeated attempts to call him on his mobile phone http://mumbaimirror.indiatimes.com/mmpaper.aspx?page=article &sectid=15&contentid=200611120448126401949fd4c     that kid looks so cute😳,Poor boy,his childhood was ruined😭🤢...Hope that rascal husband gets punished,along with his entire family🤢

 

Edited by Buffie - 17 years ago