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Brilliant update thanks for the pm please update soon can't wait for the next part
Bet no one would have expected what's gonna happen in his chapter *smiles sneakily* But it had to be done- and now the REAL fun begins teeheehee:p Can't wait to start on the next few chapters...
But fair warning: Got only 2 exams lefts, but they're my hardest papers, and they're next week. So I won't be updating until next week Tuesday. So please bear with me:)
Chapter Eighteen
If he ever got to see heaven, Arnav's fumbled thoughts reasoned, it would look like this.
Khushi...he could never get used to how unbelievably, implausibly, divinely beautiful she was. Bathed in the dim glow of the stars above, her creamy skin tinged an enticing gold, her long, coffee-black tresses gleaming as they reflected the lights, as though she had her own constellations of stars hovering about her like a halo. Her face, lifted up to the skies, blanketed by soft shimmering radiance, highlighting breathtakingly each delicate feature...the jawline, the cheekbones, the perfect arch of the eyebrows, the parted, trembling lips, and those eyes...those eyes rising and ebbing and melting and swirling like pools of liquid black...
Arnav could not breathe.
'Khushi...' he whispered hoarsely, his stomach compressing uncomfortably, his lungs constricting. A lump the size of his fist materialised out of nowhere in his throat, and the effort of swallowing nearly choked him. It was a miracle he had managed to say anything in the first place. But he could not continue, as he heard her own voice, hushed and almost as hoarse as his own.
'Why?'
***
She was trembling. Khushi was trembling as though she had just been plunged into ice-cold water. As though caskets of ice had just burst open in her abdomen. She was shivering, shivering like someone consumed by fever, but burning up from inside. Everything within her seemed to be on fire, and she could almost feel herself disintegrate into charred black debris, like paper curling up and crumbling in flames.
'Why are you doing all this?'
Her eyes trailed over the starry ceiling above her, drinking it in even though she knew it was overflowing within her, even though she knew she was bloated and any more would simply inundate her and steal the last of her breaths. The stars, the lights, the sky, her parents...him. Her heart swelled, with an inseparable tangle of interwoven emotions, of joy and grief, of relief and pain, of gladness and of blame. Khushi felt a sob rattle through her, making her bones quake, shocks and aftershocks of convulsive pain rocking through her.
'Why are you making it so difficult?'
Her voice seemed to have uncovered a mind of its own. She could faintly hear stray monosyllables escape her lips and linger about her, while something inside her clutched desperately at the shattered remnants of the fort she hid behind. But it had been battered to within an inch of its existence and now lay, devastated, at her feet, while she stood exposed, defenceless.
She felt a warm hand grasp her shoulder. The firm grip sent a jolt of electricity flashing through her. But this time the voltage burned a stinging path, singeing her from within. She felt a gasp, a pained gasp, drop from her mouth, as she attempted to suck in what air she could. Her eyes lifted up to meet his- but they were too clouded with tears, tears which accumulated like rain in a storm-cloud, waiting for that last drop of water that would be the last straw, before pelting down at the ground in torrents. From very far away, she heard him speak.
'Khushi, I'm sorry...I'm so, so, sorry...I- I don't know if I can ever make up for what I've done to you...'
There it was again. The truth, the honesty in his voice ringing out in each and every syllable, blistering her right to the marrow. A part of her heart melted at the sound of that voice, thawed and collapsed in on itself, flowing towards him as ineluctably as a river flows towards the sea. But the other half stubbornly dug in its heels, refused to budge, screaming dementedly, screaming that if she let go now, nothing could save her.
'Stop', she heard herself say heavily. Her voice was thick, tasting bitter in her mouth, 'Just- please...stop...I can't take it...anymore...'
But the grip on her shoulder tightened. She felt rather than saw him move closer to her. But now the closeness sunk through her like blunted metal.
'Khushi, please...I didn't mean...I mean if you don't like it, I'll-'
'Just stop!' she shrieked, and roughly thrust his hand off her, stumbling backwards blindly. 'Stop it! Don't you see? Don't you see what you're doing to me?'
Quiet descended between them, sat between them like a monstrous thing. The ticking away of the clock suddenly resounded ten times louder, ricocheting off the walls, magnifying with every passing second.
'Why...why do you do these things?' helpless, spasmodic sobs wrung out of her, causing her to shudder irrepressibly, 'Why do you come close to me? Why do you make me think you care? Don't you see that it hurts? Don't you see that you're breaking me? Why do say such things to me that...do such things that...'
No more words were forthcoming. No more words could begin to describe what she wanted to say. No words in the world could make him understand the horrendous tug-of-war that raged within her, between her mind and her heart. One part begging for release, begging to exult, to rejoice, at having the impossible being done for her, at having the stars themselves pulled down to within her reach. One screeching at her warning after warning, snatching out lurid images of the past, where every moment she had allowed herself to get closer to him, thought that she had discovered something new, something warm, something human about him had ended up tearing her down. But the other was reckless. It cried. It pleaded and cajoled, whined and whimpered with longing, longing to reach out for the outstretched hand looming through the darkness, even though it did not know where it would lead her, or whether it would hold on.
'That what, Khushi? What do they do to you?'
She shook her head, her tears blurring her vision. Her heart bled freely, and she could do nothing to stem it. How could she explain to him what each of his gestures did to her? How could she tell him that he was challenging her to dream of things she had no business, no right to dream of?
'Why...' she whispered again, swaying unsteadily, 'why are you doing all of this?'
She could feel him advancing toward her through the gloom, could feel her own limbs scurry backwards.
This time when he spoke, each tone was so drenched in pain that she could feel it stab her.
'Because...because...I've hurt you...and I want- I want to make it...I want to heal it-'
Khushi blinked hard, feeling the salty teardrops that had been fogging her vision tumble down her face. She could make out, vaguely, a dark silhouette: shoulders slumped, head bent, hands limp to his side. Her heart shrivelled away at the sight, like old, wilted roses in a breeze, as she felt something pull her inexorably towards him. Something infinitely tender craving to reach out to him.
She took a series of deep, shuddering breaths. Perspective returned in bits and pieces, stumbling around in the dark as they fumbled to find their place. The ticking of the clock got louder, almost shouting into the silence.
'I know', she mumbled quietly, and saw his head jerk upwards, 'that you...that you...feel sorry for what happened...that you want to- make it- better...but-' She swayed again. The blackness loomed up against her again.
'But what?'
'But that doesn't mean you-' Khushi's voice was choked, strangled, rising several decibels at once 'that you can just- play with me like that! I'm not a toy! You can't just pick me up when you feel like it and throw me away when you're done!'
Squinting, she could see him stagger backwards a step. As though she had physically pushed him. But she was gone past caring. The dam had finally broken, the flood had finally been unleashed, the sea had come roaring back to claim the dead.
'You have no right, no right, to come close to me like that, to touch me like that, to do anything, anything, for me! You have no right to make me feel the way you do...no right to make my heart beat so fast, no right to make my own thoughts go out of control...'
Khushi could feel air knocking about like chunks of metal inside her lungs. It hurt her, but she kept going.
'You have no right, no right at all to make me think you care when you don't! You have no right to pretend that I matter to you. No right to make me dream, make me hope, for things that can never come true!'
Panting, she reeled forwards, unsteady on her feet, feeling the world sway around her, until she was close enough to him to smell his cologne. That intoxicating smell which dulled all her senses, made her burn in an unknown fire she would gladly leap into.
'Why are you doing all of this? Why are you doing things which touch my heart? You who never wanted to see my face again, you for whom I mean nothing, my existence means nothing...what does it matter to you what I feel? Since when does it matter that you've hurt me or not? Why would the great, powerful, almighty Arnav Singh Raizada give two hoots about a middle-class, no-good, cheap chit of a girl?' With every word, her hands rammed against the man in front of her, who took each blow without protest. She was possessed, possessed by a frenzy of anger and frustration and hurt and pain, so much stronger than the last time she had assaulted him in this way, 'Kya farakh padta hai aap ko?!'
'Mujhe farakh padta hai!' she heard him bellow, and out of nowhere two iron manacles trapped both her wrists, gripping them unflinchingly, twisting them tightly behind her back. She felt herself being shaken vigorously, 'Mujhe farakh padta hai...it matters to me, it matters like hell!'
Khushi laughed at him. A laugh so bitter, a laugh so derisive, it chilled her to the core.
'I've heard that before, Mr. Arnav Singh Raizada. And each time you've proven that you lied. And you're lying now too! After all, why would I matter to you when you didn't think twice when throwing me on the line to save Anjaliji? Why would I matter to you when-'
She felt herself being jerked sharply, crashing into his chest. The fetters imprisoning her tightened, the pain made her gasp, her eyes open wide, and suddenly, his face swam into sight.
Pain etched into every line. Anger set ablaze in his eyes. And some other powerful emotion rolling off of him in heady tides.
'Why? WHY?! BECAUSE I LOVE YOU DAMMIT! THAT'S WHY!'
***
Khushi felt the words penetrate her slowly, like a knife sinking deeper and deeper into her flesh. But she felt no pain. Just a strange dulling effect, as though everything the blade touched became frozen. The slate of her mind was wiped blank. Every single thought withered up and died. All except...
Dhak dhak dhak dhak dhak dhak dhak dhak dhak dhak dhak dhak dhak dhak
She didn't even realise it when he released her. She didn't realise how long she stood there, limp and blank, watching little coloured dots swim around her. Didn't realise when her knees finally gave way and collided with the floor.
***
'What?'
Her voice, coloured with blank incomprehension, shot throw the air like an arrow and ripped straight through him as he turned on his heel, trying to control his erratic breathing, trying to leash the raging beast tearing, shredding, annihilating everything inside him. Furious at her inane assumptions. At her stupid, foolish, outrageous assumptions. At himself for allowing her to believe such sacrilege.
This wasn't how it was supposed to go.
But do you regret it?
Pause.
Tick tick tick tick tick.
No.
Steely resolve banded tightly over every morsel of his being as his jaw tightened, his fists clenched, as he swung around and marched up to the girl crumpled on the floor. He grabbed her upper arms, wrenched her up roughly, almost lifting her off the ground in the process. Her hair was dishevelled, and even in the dimly lit room, he could make out her ashen face. His eyes blazed, burned, bore straight into her large, startled, teary eyes.
'You don't believe me, do you?' he growled at her, his voice deadly low, shaking her slightly. Every word was weighed down, burdened with the intensity of his own feelings, 'Well, I don't blame you. But just know this Mrs. Arnav Singh Raizada- I am not a man to give up. I know I have done so much damage even a lifetime would not be enough to make up for it-but I also know that I can't breathe when you are away, I can't sleep when I think you might leave me. Even the thought of you in pain kills me a thousand times over. So mark my words. Not only will I undo every single sin I have committed against you since the day we met, but I WILL prove to you how much I love you. I WILL win your trust. I will NEVER break it again. And you WILL love me back.'
He released her slowly, never looking away from those beloved eyes, wide with shock, astonished and bemused. And he suddenly felt glad. Glad that he had finally verbalised the words he hadn't even admitted to himself until then. That he loved her. He, who had scorned the word love, had fallen in love. So completely that his existence depended on it. And just like that, the remainders of the glaciers of his past melted away. The last of the battle-weary ruins around his heart crumbled into fine dust and disappeared. And miraculously, inexplicably, the hollow in his heart, which threatened to absorb him into its harrowing emptiness, disappeared completely, without a trace.
***
Khushi felt a powerful urge to pinch herself. She could not believe her eyes.
Is he smirking?
But before she could even begin to process that, before she could even begin to pick up the wreckage from the neat little train tracks of her mind, not to mention the weathered chambers of her heart, Arnav's arm found its way around her and pulled her toward him again. Gently this time. Flush against himself, unwary of the fact that the moment they made contact Khushi combusted into flame.
Bewildered, completely lost, she felt a fingertip beneath her chin tilt her face upward, up until she was forced to look into those eyes again. Even in the dark, they glowed. But this time, his gaze was so penetrating she felt lightning shoot through her the moment she looked into those eyes. Those eyes that now burned with unbridled fervour, with rampant zeal, which drew her in. Like a moth to a flame.
Her breath hitched as she watched the corner of his mouth quirk up into a heartrendingly playful, almost devilish smirk.
'So now that you know exactly how I feel Mrs. Raizada...I don't think I need to hold anything back anymore', he murmured, his voice doing strange things to her his fingers combed through her hair.
She nearly passed out when his other hand reached up to wipe away the wet trail of tears across her face. Excruciatingly slowly.
But before she could get the heart attack she was anticipating any minute now, there was a sharp rap at the door and a voice outside announcing, 'Khushiji, Naniji is calling you in the living-room...your phone is with her and your Amma wishes to speak to you.'
So what d'ya think?? Ever since this show started I've thought the confession scene would be something like this- Khushi attacking Arnav, Arnav raging against Khushi. So I hope I stayed true to the characters (coz they both do tend to be a bit hot-headed:p)
And ooops- I forgot Shyamu again...and that too after all the colourful expressions he gave in today's epi *smh* I guess I was too dead from the AMAZING Arhi scenes that I got partial amnesia:p
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