Why do we look down upon "ghar jamai"?

The term "ghar Jamai" is a term that brings on interesting thought and views from people . Most people view a ghar Jamai ( a man living in his in -law house) as a looser!! They feel this man has no self respect and is happy to live with his wife's family. But they not just accept but feel its right for a daughter - in law to move in with her husbands parents.

Is it justified to think this way about a man who lives with his in-law ???? If no , why not ?

Ummm... Well its not just the society who thinks that way but also the man HIMSELF thinks that way. He thinks of himself as a useless person who cant even provide a house to his own family. I think it depends on the family the person is living wid and the person himself. When the girl marries she goes to his husbands house and the husband becomes responsible for everything from that point of time..Thatz the way it was from so many yrs and thatz teh way it is. There are always some reasons to y a person husband lives in his wifez familyz house..the question can only b anserwed lookin at the situtaion. If a loses his house while gambling or sumthing and his wifez parentz let him live in thier house coz they don want thier daughter to live on streets..in that case we can say that that person is a LOOSER

depends on circusmtances, somebody may like it and do it out of own choice, on someone it may be forced.

You know guys , i know at least 3 people closely related to me who are ghar- jamai's and it seems like there never is/was an issue.Out of the 3 , 2 are doing fine in their job and even contributing to running the household(i think )
But we all still gossiped occasionally and made remarks behind the back.
So why do we care ? Is it right to think of them as loosers while they don't ? I certainly am not sure about this !!!! I certainly don't feel impressed with ghar Jamais but do wonder is it right for me to think of them negatively.

The infamous sterotype that the Man (or husband) should work and bring in the household income and settle down in his own house on his own two feet while the Woman (or wife) stay at home, raise the children and maintain the household is the reason why "ghar jamai" is looked at as a negative thing.

Because this is one of the many many many rules and regulations society has set out for us, if a husband stays at his wife's house (or in-laws) he's looked at as a "free-loader".

I guess a ghar jamai is bad cause usually its the girl (wife) who has to leave her home and go to her husband's home where she'll make that into her own home, etc etc. So if the opposite happens, its like you've breaken the oh-so-strict rules of society. (I'm speaking very sacrastically here).

Aparna...I agree with you. I personally am not too fond of having my husband (when I get one 😆 ) to be living with my parents and family. But am I a bad person to think like that? I mean, I have nothing against husbands that live in their in-laws as long as they are contributing to the household and aren't getting everything on a silver platter for them for free. But I guess to each is own.

Plus, why is it that when the daughter is living with her husband in her own house with her parents we still manage to criticize? I mean look at Saat Phere and Piya Ka Ghar. Why do get so upset when we see that Aditi from SP and Jayanti from PKG are living at home instead of their inlaws?

There's no pleasing anyone. 😕

Originally posted by: TiN24

Plus, why is it that when the daughter is living with her husband in her own house with her parents we still manage to criticize? I mean look at Saat Phere and Piya Ka Ghar. Why do get so upset when we see that Aditi from SP and Jayanti from PKG are living at home instead of their inlaws?

There's no pleasing anyone. 😕

I was thinking of Saat Phere and Piya ka ghar too when i made the post. Also in JJKN , Armaan moved into Jassi's house and felt awfull . Although it does seem as per serials that girls after they marry and live with their parents do nothing but make trouble for her brother and Bhabhis(especially) . I don't think such is the case in real life .

man is supposed 2 b responsible and capable of looking after his family-he has 2 provide 4 his family-
so if he's living in his in-laws house-he's looked down upon coz he's not being able 2 fulfill his responsibilities..
but a woman's place is unfortunately.....confined 2 the 4 walls of the house-so if she goes to her in-laws place-it's ok coz she's dependent

well..when the thought of ghar jamai comes...first thing that strikes the society is that the man is dependant on others or he is not a so called MAN .
i feel after marriage..the couple shud live separately...no one living in anbody's parents house and hence no issues from any side😛
 
Edited by hazelgirl - 18 years ago

Originally posted by: hazelgirl

i feel after marriage..the couple shud live separately...no one living in anbody's parents house and hence no issues from any side😛
 

 

i agreee

We as society are too used to this theory of a man ruling a household, a man being the head of the household, and a man bringing money to a home, that it just seems abit awkward to see the same man living with their wives family...I think a man's ego plays a big part too. No guy with a go-getter attitude would actually wanna live in their sasural for more than a month. If they have a good job, if they have the ability to earn money for the family, then they would not want to be barden-ing anyone.

And one thing I realized is that the way a girl becomes close with a guys family, a guy cannot in a million year feel the same way with the girls family😕...There always seem to have a line when concerning the relationship of a damadh and their sasural😕

But most importantly, from the begining if the ritual was that a man has to leave his family and go to a girls house, then it would be all natural to us. Its all about how we are adapted to something. We are from early age are too used to the fact that a woman leaves her family...so now if the opposite happens we feel weirded out and immediately draw a conclusion of the man to be a looser😕😆

But I completely agree with Hazelgirl...after marriage, people should definitely live separately...if nothing, it will save them money from buying frequent aspirin

Edited by hippi2go - 18 years ago