Loosing Virginity Before Marriage-DOTW

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Posted: 13 years ago
As most of us here are from more or less similar culture I would like to know what does today's generation think about loosing virginity before marriage.
1. do you think you can accept your spouse if he/she had lost her virginity before marriage?
2. Do you think it's ok if one looses his/her virginity before marriage or you think it is something not acceptable and not in your (Indian/Pakistani..whatever) culture?
3. Do you think that we Indians/Pakistani should grow and try to broaden our mind in 21st century and accept sleeping/dating before marriage or you think no matter how much we grow we should not loose our sanskruti, our culture… and it is not acceptable to loose your virginity before marriage like in West.
Edited by Aparna_BD - 13 years ago
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Posted: 13 years ago
HI HI

im the 1st 2 post? not fair tht means i have 2 xpress my views frst...b4 hearing others

oh well

i dont think v shud loose our virginity b4 marriage. yea culture and morals and values tht v have all grown up with teach us not 2 but even if it werent 4 tht i still wudnt feel right. i mean how do u know u actually mean nething 2 tht person(the 1 u give ur vitginity 2). premarital sex as a whole is unreliable and many times its a one night thing and thts it. also, this cud leave u pregnant, do u really want the child of sum1 u dun care much 4 and ur relationship wasnt everlasting? all this plus the whole society thing. no matter where v live or how advanced the times get us desi ppl will and shud alwaiiz live by our sanskars.

and yea...if im a virgin i certainly deserve a spouce hus still a virgin as well. if not thn wont u feel cheated in a way? every1 shud save their virginity 4 their spouse. it sure wud solve alotta problems like unwanted pregnancies, betrayel and heartbrakes, financial probs concerning this and others.

ok so thts all i have 2 say....w8in 2 hear other ppl'z views
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Posted: 13 years ago
Originally posted by sowmyaa


As most of us here are from more or less similar culture I would like to know what does today's generation think about loosing virginity before marriage.
1. do you think you can accept your spouse if he/she had lost her virginity before marriage? Yes i can . But i may be suseptible to bouts of jealousy occasionally and think about it .....best not to tell me ( i mean spouse doesn't tell me)Smile
2. Do you think it's ok if one looses his/her virginity before marriage or you think it is something not acceptable and not in your (Indian/Pakistani..whatever) culture? I personally advocate controlling your own body and not being ashamed to express your sexual feelings as an ADULT . In India , Women are not allowed to express their sexuality ......the moment she expresses her sexuality .......she feels gulity or ashamed because thats what the Society wants .Now why can't an adult .....over the age of 21 years have a sexual partner ??????? Why must Indians make their women so sexually repressed ????????????? Why can't we just accept that women have sexual urges too , and if they are unable to find a life partner or don't want to marry soon enough can not at least have a lover ?????

I don't advocate promiscuity for any one as that leads to too many health problems and emotional issues . But having a single partner ....................whats wrong with commiting to a single partner ...............how does marriage vows change anything . You could be in love and want to share your self as an expression .
3. Do you think that we Indians/Pakistani should grow and try to broaden our mind in 21st century and accept sleeping/dating before marriage or you think no matter how much we grow we should not loose our sanskruti, our culture… and it is not acceptable to loose your virginity before marriage like in West. We absolutely should grow . Women ought to stop feeling sexually repressed . A woman must have the right to choose whether she wants to hold on to her virginity or not ..........like the case in the West.
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Posted: 13 years ago
Originally posted by ~PaKi*PrInCeZ~


HI HI

im the 1st 2 post? not fair tht means i have 2 xpress my views frst...b4 hearing others be bold sweety .Wink

oh well

i dont think v shud loose our virginity b4 marriage. yea culture and morals and values tht v have all grown up with teach us not 2 but even if it werent 4 tht i still wudnt feel right. i mean how do u know u actually mean nething 2 tht person(the 1 u give ur vitginity If you have a long time boyfriend , then you certainly mean something to him .  2). premarital sex as a whole is unreliableWhy ??? You aren't neccesarily waiting for your partner to marry you . If you both feel emotions for each other then ..........and thats enough. and many times its a one night thing Many times it is .............but many times you are with your old time boyfriend and then its not a one time thing . and thts it. also, this cud leave u pregnant,In our society where "sex" itself is taboo ...........just be a cautious adult and practise safe sex. do u really want the child of sum1 u dun care much 4 and ur relationship wasnt everlasting? all this plus the whole society thing. no matter where v live or how advanced the times get us desi ppl will and shud alwaiiz live by our sanskars. We are talking about empowering women in many other ways . So in this case too why should a woman have to be the upholder of all that is sanskar . A guy can go anywhere and he won't be found out ,The rules for him will always be lax compared to a girl . Don't even talk about holding back an adult man ...............say a unmarried man at 35 .............we will understand he has needs . But we will make a unmarried girl of 35 feel ashamed of her self if she expresses her self .
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Posted: 13 years ago
Originally posted by Aparna_BD


Originally posted by sowmyaa


As most of us here are from more or less similar culture
I would like to know what does today's generation think about loosing
virginity before marriage. 1. do you think you can accept your spouse if he/she had lost her virginity before marriage?
<span><span><span>Yes
i can . But i may be suseptible to bouts of jealousy occasionally and
think about it .....best not to tell me ( i mean spouse doesn't tell me)Smile</span></span></span>
2.
Do you think it's ok if one looses his/her virginity before marriage or
you think it is something not acceptable and not in your
(Indian/Pakistani..whatever) culture?
<span><span><span>I
personally advocate controlling your own body and not being ashamed to
express your sexual feelings as an ADULT . In India , Women are not
allowed to express their sexuality ......the moment she expresses her
sexuality .......she feels gulity or ashamed because thats what the
Society wants .Now why can't an adult .....over the age of 21 years
have a sexual partner ??????? Why must Indians make their women so
sexually repressed ????????????? Why can't we just accept that women
have sexual urges too , and if they are unable to find a life partner
or don't want to marry soon enough can not at least have a lover ?????

I don't advocate promiscuity for any one as that leads to too many
health problems and emotional issues . But having a single partner
....................whats wrong with commiting to a single partner
...............how does marriage vows change anything . You could be in
love and want to share your self as an expression .
</span></span></span>
3. Do you think that we Indians/Pakistani
should grow and try to broaden our mind in 21st century and accept
sleeping/dating before marriage or you think no matter how much we grow
we should not loose our sanskruti, our culture… and it is not
acceptable to loose your virginity before marriage like in West.
<span><span><span>We
absolutely should grow . Women ought to stop feeling sexually repressed
. A woman must have the right to choose whether she wants to hold on to
her virginity or not ..........like the case in the West.</span>
</span></span>


Aparna, it's not always women in our society who is restricted frome expressing sexual desire before marriage, but men/boys are also not encouraged to make love before marriage. I think its just our culture to be virgin before marriage, including boys and girls. If girls parents or girl comes to know before marriage in India that guy has already slept with someone I don't think he would be eligible bachelor.
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Posted: 13 years ago
Originally posted by sowmyaa



Aparna, it's not always women in our society who is restricted frome expressing sexual desire before marriage, but men/boys are also not encouraged to make love before marriage. I think its just our culture to be virgin before marriage, including boys and girls. If girls parents or girl comes to know before marriage in India that guy has already slept with someone I don't think he would be eligible bachelor.


I disagree with most of your statement . Yes , people prefer the "virginity"package over all .

 But guys are given the freedom . Lets says not many restrictions are put on a guy , where he hangs out , what time of the day he goes out . Million questions aren't asked when he gets back late at night .

I know this isn't the case with ALL parents .( like my hubby had very strict parents ......who questioned him a lot) . But i noticed Society in general does not put too much restriction on the guy . And if the parent finds out that their son has been messing around , maximum he'll get is a slap on the wrist .

 But if they find out girl is sexuallly active ........its scary as to what the parents may just do ...........right from taking away her freedom completely , quickly marrying her off ,beating the cr*p out of her  and insulting her making her feel she is a whore ( not in those many words may be) . example of the typical dialogue  : " hai hai .....tu mar kyon nahi gayi mun kala karne se phele . "LOL

If a parent finds out that their Son has a girl friend , they are less likely to be paranoid than if they find out their daughter has a boyfriend . Ofcourse they are afraid she may be expressing her sexuality.

Thats what i mean that its more repressive towards women in general .Smile
Edited by Aparna_BD - 13 years ago
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Posted: 13 years ago
Deciding to have sex is a big step for anyone, whether they are a virgin or not, and the risks of disease and pregnancy are very real. Women CAN get pregnant when they have sex for the first time.Not only should you worry about getting pregnant, there is also the possibly of contracting a sexually transmitted disease.
having said that just be a cautious adult and practise safe sex.I beleive this topic is for both sexes, i mean losing virginity in both cases.

Sex before marriage doesn't concern me one way or another. I feel if you feel its right than don't deny it. On the other hand I don't think that it should happen before the age of 18 years old. I feel as though with today's tempting offers for sex, it is hard for younger children to turn it down. A whole lot of children from ages as early as 10 to ages 17 are loosing their virginity in all the wrong ways. It could be loosing it from an unwanted force or just from bad choices, one way or another the younger kids today are a lot more likely to loose their virginity before marriage.
My opinion is that one should only have sex when they are ready.

'Ready' means when they are mature enough to do so. This could mean that they could be married, but in todays society where marriage is withheld alot longer, I think it is much more understandable that sex should occur once both people have finished their studies (obtained their degrees), have landed themselves full time jobs and are capable enough to take care of themselves.

I think sex at a young age or teenage sex is wrong. Because in reality the girl will be the one loosing out. The guy can easily leave, the girl will have/terminate the baby, the guy will have no emotional or physical loss, the girl can suffer depression, the guy can easily find another girl.




*A young mind is a wondrous thing, and can as just easily be persuaded in the wrong direction as it could be in the right direction. * Edited by dolly - 13 years ago
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Posted: 13 years ago
Originally posted by dolly


Deciding to have sex is a big step for anyone, whether they are a virgin or not, and the risks of disease and pregnancy are very real. Women CAN get pregnant when they have sex for the first time.Not only should you worry about getting pregnant, there is also the possibly of contracting a sexually transmitted disease.
having said that just be a cautious adult and practise safe sex.I beleive this topic is for both sexes, i mean losing virginity in both cases.

Sex before marriage doesn't concern me one way or another. I feel if you feel its right than don't deny it. On the other hand I don't think that it should happen before the age of 18 years old.Although i say after college would be better. I feel as though with today's tempting offers for sex, it is hard for younger children to turn it down. A whole lot of children from ages as early as 10 to ages 17 are loosing their virginity in all the wrong ways. It could be loosing it from an unwanted force or just from bad choices, one way or another the younger kids today are a lot more likely to loose their virginity before marriage.
My opinion is that one should only have sex when they are ready.

'Ready' means when they are mature enough to do so. This could mean that they could be married, but in todays society where marriage is withheld alot longer, I think it is much more understandable that sex should occur once both people have finished their studies (obtained their degrees), have landed themselves full time jobs and are capable enough to take care of themselves.

I think sex at a young age or teenage sex is wrong. Because in reality the girl will be the one loosing out. The guy can easily leave, the girl will have/terminate the baby, the guy will have no emotional or physical loss, the girl can suffer depression, the guy can easily find another girl.




*A young mind is a wondrous thing, and can as just easily be persuaded in the wrong direction as it could be in the right direction. *


I agree with you 100%  !!  especially what i underlined..

Also reiterating people , (including women) in our society are marrying late . (many of my friends and Cousins married in late 20's ). They are working women and chose to delay marriage . A woman then is certainly 100% ready and if she chooses to have a lover or sleep with her fiance, boyfriend .........then who are we to pass judgements??Tongue
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Topic started by sowmyaa

Last replied by *dolly*

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