(Shiv-Gauri): The Oldest Story... - 2

Much to the dismay of my loved ones, rather than ending my crazed writing with the one and only FF that I have been writing like a maniac since July, I have decided to start yet another one (as you guys who have been following Love and Despair can already tell, it's just about wrapping up). Yes, yes, I am thinking of joining FA (Fan-fiction Anonymous) to treat my addiction, but while I ponder the merits of the 12-steps, I have decided to indulge in yet another one 

Please don't drool ladies... and for those who are not impressed... hmm... are you sure there is not an estrogen imbalance?  

I know some of you would prefer visuals, so here is one for Gauri...

Oh, and that's brings me to another point. I, obviously, have no problems with writing adult content, as you may have noticed ;) Unlike Love and Despair that started off with a steamy post, this one is not... but I would nevertheless like to warn those who do not prefer such content to avoid my writing. While my stories are not focused on love scenes per se, they also do not shy away from them. In this case, it would reallly depend on how Iqbal, I mean, Shiv,and Gauri feels 

Chapter 46:  What Came Before

She lay in bed twisting and turning.  Sleep was not her friend tonight.  He had still not come to bed despite all his threats that he would not leave their room just because she was "PMS-ing".   What was the purpose of a stupid threat if he couldn't even follow through on it!  She turned yet again, facing away from the door now, and heard it creak open.  She could see the bedside clock at his end of the bed and the time read 2 am.  She closed her eyes and held her breath as she heard his footsteps.  His gait was always sure and steady, even when she knew he was sneaking in somewhere.  She heard him change and then walk around the bed to climb in.  She was sure that her heart was beating faster than the wings of a mockingbird and it didn't help that there was no oxygen currently getting in to her brain because she was still holding her breath.  She stayed that way for five or ten minutes before she decided that sufficient time had passed for her to pretend to turn in her sleep; she would never sleep if she was lying in their bed facing him.  She remembered against her will the long hours that they had spent in this bed the last time he had slept here with her and gave up all pretense of sleep as her eyes opened. 

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She floated around her mammoth of a house, feeling that insomnia may be what finally kills her rather than any fatal methods that she could devise for herself.  She hated coming back to Delhi.  She was only doing it for him now, to repay him for everything that he had ever put up with on her account.  She wanted this to be the final repayment.  She wanted to be left alone in peace after this… never see him again, never hear from him again, never know that relief that came unbidden whenever he materialized when she was in the throes of fear and desolation.  She would get Gauri back for him and she would leave and never come back to Delhi ever again.  She wondered where her parents were now; Moscow, Greece, Chile, maybe as close as Taipei?  They were not in India, she knew that at least, but it wasn't like they cared to let her know any other specifics anymore… They never cared what she did or where she was either… instead their mansion in Delhi had become just a mausoleum that was manned by an army of domestic staff.  The house hadn't looked like anyone lived here ever since she turned 14.  She had started breaking things in her room and around the house then just so it looked like it was inhabited by humans.  But even then, her mother would walk by and barely give her a look before she would ask someone to clean up and the mess was gone before it even became a mess.  She herself would be confined to her room for the rest of the day – her big room with every possible amenity wished for by a 14-year old while all she would want to do was jump out the large window that overlooked their huge garden.  But there were always gardeners around; besides, back then, she had never had the guts to actually carry through on any of her fantasies of dying.  When things got so bad that she couldn't take it anymore, she would call him.  And he would come… often sneaking in through the same window that she wanted to jump out of, and help her wash off the blood from everywhere on her body that she had marked up with a razor and dress her wounds.  She liked that he never talked during any of those incidents.  He just took care of it all and would carry her to bed and pull the covers over her and would climb back out the same window and go back to his home several blocks away.  He had been the biggest nerd in their school, one of the very few who had gotten in because of how smart he was rather than how much donation the rest of their rich parents could give to add one more wing or one more library to the school of the overindulged and the over-privileged.  Shashank's father had been her father's accountant ever since she could remember.  And the quiet, dull, smart boy had been a favorite of her father's and best friend to her brother, even though her brother had been a year older than both her and Shashank.  Then, of course, her brother had died quite tragically right before her fourteenth birthday and her world had changed as she had known it… not only hers, but that of her entire family…  she had often wondered if Shashank did everything he did because of how devoted his father had been to her father or how loyal he had been to her brother… her brother who had always made sure that no one teased Shashank for being so different from the rest of them at their school… and had scolded her many times when she herself had teased Shashank…

Whatever the reason it was for everything he did, the one thing that was abundantly evident was that Shashank really didn't like her.  She wouldn't quite call it 'hate' because 'hate' was an extreme emotion and Shashank felt nothing extreme.  All his emotions were quite tame and moderate and sensible.  While she was always quite vocal in how much she hated him, and said it most frequently just in case he didn't get it the first thirty million times that she had yelled it at him…  one of these days, she knew she would break him and then he would finally snap and tell her how much he hated her as well… and how much he wished to be rid of her…  It was enough to make her stay close to him, just to piss him off… but no, they really needed to be rid of each other.  And for that, she needed to get back for him what he had lost when he had come to get her in Goa…

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At 4 am, she was still awake even though she thought that he may have finally fallen asleep a half hour before.  Her mind had started to wander since then… from the shock of seeing Shashank again, knowing that he was alright, to reassuring him that she was alright as well, and to seeing Shiv's face when he had opened the door of the room that they were in… when she had felt the bottom drop out of her stomach…

 "Excuse me, I didn't realize anyone was in here" he had said then and she had felt a coldness spread over her body.

Shashank had seen her expression when Shiv had closed the door again and left and after watching her face for a few minutes, he had said quietly, "You haven't hated him for 23 years like you say you have, have you?"

She hadn't known how to respond to that, especially because all she could see in her mind's eye was Shiv's face.

"It's complicated now, Shashank."  It was as all she had been able to manage.

She didn't even know why she wasn't mad at Shashank, particularly because of the reason he gave for not showing up for their wedding.  He had gone to see her at the hospital.  The mystery girl who occasionally needed his rescuing, the one who he never willingly talked about, but never lied about either… Gauri didn't ask him why he didn't call her or try to let her know where he was going rather than just disappear as he had… she had a feeling that he didn't know why he didn't do any of those things either.  She didn't feel that she was in any place to judge him when she herself had gotten married to someone else on the day that she was supposed to marry this man, it didn't matter what the circumstances were…

Gauri had often felt that Shashank and she were kindred souls… she was not one who opened up to many people.  Neither was he.  He had made her feel the most calm that she could ever feel with anyone.  So unlike how she felt with Shiv.  Shiv made her feel like she was an active volcano that could erupt at any time without warning… often in anger, but in other ways too…

Even when they were younger, it hadn't been just anger that he had made her feel… everything she felt with him was intense… everything… there had been one time when she was in seventh grade and he in ninth, when one of his classmates had taken a fancy to her.  She hadn't wanted to bring more notice to her by being rude to him, so she had politely declined his advances.  He hadn't really taken 'no' for an answer and had become a bit unruly in how he showed his interest in her, once cornering her in the back of their school building.  That was the last time that he ever sought her out though and she had been thankful for whatever had made him stop.  She had found out two weeks later that Shiv had had "a conversation" with the guy.  She hadn't even known that Shiv knew that someone was troubling her; and even if she had, she would have thought that he would only be too glad…  but evidently that hadn't been the case… To this day, she had never asked Shiv about it and he had never told her either… That was not the only instance, there were so many like that… so many that they never talked about, never acknowledged, never pretended that it happened at all, always so eager to hold onto all their annoyance and irritation and agitation with each other… secretly knowing that the day that he touched her in passion, it would all erupt and there would be no turning back…

And there was no turning back…

She finally slept fitfully for an hour; by the time she woke up, he was already up and gone from their bed.

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