Just Leave it or Do something...?

Hey guys,

I really didn't know where to put this thread, as nothing else seemed to fit.  I guess this is sort of a question I have been debating about with myself, and everyone in my life.  So I thought it would be appropriate to put it here.  I guess views of other ppl will help, as everyone else in my life, well there advice isn't just what I want to hear...

So basically I am finishing up my last year at university, and through some friends I met this guy.  We hit it off really well and well, after a couple of dates, I guess it was 'official.'  We get along naturally and he is really one of the most caring and affectionate people I have ever met.

Well basically, we celebrated our one year and since his family is very liberal (his mother is Dutch, but spent much of teen and college years in India, where she met his father) they invited me to dinner.

I was nervous to say the least, and he as usual calmed me down.  Well his whole family was there, and it was so nerve wracking, but his family made me feel very welcome.  His sister asked me at the dinner table, what i was doing?  I told her I was finishing my bachelors and I really wanted to do financial economy/analysis in my masters, main goal was to do bank investment as well.  She was all like "ohhhh thats great!"

Later on, everyone was just having drinks and talking to each other and his sister asked me if I wanted to go on the back deck with her, and that she wanted me to see the backyard.  I was like okay, hoping it would be a chance to get to know someone one on one in his family.  As I went outside...long story short...his sister gave me a mouthful!

She was like hes in medical school, and he could probably snatch someone better, there is a bit of too much indian traditional vibe from me and that it wouldn't fit in with their dutch family, and that how I was too young and seemed immature (we are only 2 years apart! im last year bachelors and he is second year med.)

Neways, as we were leaving, she gave me a big hug and kiss yada yada.  We were in the car, and i was pretty silent, as usual he picked up on it really quick- but in that moment I didnt want to say anything, so I was like 'no nothing.'

When he dropped me off, he said I was being 'distant.'  I told him once again it was nothing.  Basically the next day I told him everything on the phone, he said he would talk to his sister and she can be really protective of him, because he has always been her younger brother.  He tried to set me and her up for a get together and said we should go shopping.  I said sure, willing to try for him.

I ended up meeting her at the mall, and she brought along some of her friends.  Nobody talked to me and i just ended up walking around with them, occasionally one  of her friends would say something to me.  I  told him it was okay, and she had brought her friends.  He was a furious.

I get a call from her the next day and she is totally pissed at me, saying why would I tell him she brought her friends along.  She basically said, I can be with him all I want, but everyone in the family loves her (all the cousins) and they would have no problem taking her side.  I said we weren't at war, and that we both wanted to see him happy...so why couldn't we try?  She said something 'I had lost my chance, and I will never be good enough for him.'  I never told him this.

Honestly, what do I do with this girl?  He loves his sister a lot, but she already has this notion I am not good enough...

I don't think that u have a problem....I think that his sister has a problem....being too possessive of her brother......she will try to break her brother up no matter what....she just used ur being an indian as an excuse this time.......and I can bet that ur boyfriend knows this about his sister...who knows may be she has tried to ruin his relationship before also.......so I would say ...u do ur thing as long as ur BF is faithful to u.....I don't want to say that don't care about his sister.....but don't give up on him yet......take ur time and if u think he is siding with his sister....then run for ur life....good riddance I would say....

Yaar suno...people having 100s of different problems in their life,  & Don't tell other people your problems..cos 90% of people don't care, and the other 10% are glad you have them...so think yourself and take wise dicision!

tell the sister to screw off. It's none of her business. If you weren't  good enough for him, then why the hell did you two fall in love? Also marriage isn't about "being good enough". It's about the mutual feeling that "he/she is so perfectly imperfect for me, I love her/him!" Having said that, it's not a hard and fast rule that you have to find someone who's chalk to your cheesiness 😆. But love should not consider imperfections, just as the stock markets should not consider good/bad news. As long as you love him and vice versa, there's no reason in hell that should stop you two from getting married, unless he's a jerk or something, and from the way he was furious with his sis and the fact that he tried to patch things up,I don't assume he is one.

All the best, Can Add

I am surprised at how interfering his sister is.  I would say stay on your best behavior with her but avoid meeting her alone or w/o your BF.  Don't give up on your BF just because the sister has problems with you two being together.

or bump her off with the help of:



and


Edited by old-black-joe - 13 years ago

This reminded me of the movie "You Again" where the sister almost ruins her brothers wedding before she realizes her mistake.

Most people have pretty much already summed it up here

As long as you two love each other, want to get married and spend your life together - thats all that matters. Focus on your relationship, and don't let his sister ruin it. You have made your efforts to be cordial. Avoid her as much as possible, but since you will have to interact time and again be graceful and cordial like you have. The onus is on her to mature up.

However, as Blue Ice cautioned - make sure he is mature and reasonable to stand by you. So far he seems to want to be with you and is willing to stand up to his sister. But if he starts to flake, forces you into compromises with her, lets things slide with her and won't support you the way a good husband should - then you could do better.

Most importantly please do consult with mutual friends and family who know you and/or your soon to be husband well. People who've known you long enough, who know your situation will be much better able to empathize and understand all the little details pertaining to this matter and give practical advice. Not just give advice but be there with you through this challenge you face. There is only so much good advice strangers on the internet can impart.

If you like him enough, stick it out and let him know what his sister is up to. Also keep in mind that she's probably going to be a part of the package and you're just going to have to suffer for his sake. If you don't like him enough to do that, then dump him. Who wants to deal with this much drama anyways? 😆

On a more serious note, if you really do love him and might consider/are considering marriage in the future, then be sure to maintain your dignity and poise at all costs no matter how low his sister stoops. Also, keeping him in the loop is also important. A lot of times what happens is that when the sister sees that the brother is actually happy, then she might let go of this dislike towards you and accept you. So don't give up just yet.

If you have a brother, try to think of it from a sister's perspective and realize that it may not be anything personal and the sister would've been just as much of a bi*ch if it was any other girl in your place - that may make things easier to cope with.

Good luck to both of you. :)

Hmm, perhaps I should write a tv serial about it :P , I'll call it "dutch b**ch"
Edited by old-black-joe - 13 years ago

I think you should straight away avoid her or meet her with only when you're BF is with you.