Posted:
18 years ago
A wonderful topic I must say.
This is a delicate issue and I feel that though the law has given the right to the D/W to remarry, our society has not been as kind in general, especially if the woman has kids and is not really young.
I have come across one such wonderful lady who is very close to a very close elderly relative of mine. Strangely, the children on both sides have no problem regarding the relationship - the man's kids had a few reservations in the beginning but not they too are fine with it - but as it turned out, it's the lady's brother and old father who have some very orthodox thinking and inspite of being in her 50's and financially independent, the lady does not want to go against them as they were the ones who supported her when her husband died leaving behind two very young children.. Besides the man in question is retired so I am sure the financial aspects are also into play.
So they continue their relationship without getting into the marriage. Sadly though, it seems she is forever scared of her brother finding out about this. Both her sons are very supportive and actually help their mother in this. Isn't that the complete turnabout of what usually happens?
bgdesai is right in one thing. There is a lot of reaction from the kids when such a relation comes into light. As I said, the elderly man's kids, both of whom were married, could not in the beginning come to terms with the fact that their father was in a relationship - they felt he was disloyal to their mother's memory who had died only two years earlier.However, both their spouses were understanding - perhaps because they had both set of parents and did not really understand what it's like to have someone take the place of ur mother - whatever the case,they were succesful in making their other halves come into terms and accept the relationship.
However, as of now, I don't see this relationship culminating into marriage. Had she been a single nmarried woman, I think her family would have had no problem in marrying her off, even if the man in question was a widower himself.
I feel that such a relationship should be encouraged. Come to think of it, God forbid,if I saw my own mom in such a circumstance, geting close to another man, and especially if I am a teen, i would hate it and fight it out tooth and nail, but in the end, if the man really turns out to be the father figure I missed, i know I would accept him. The question is, will our society be as magnanimous?
