Chapter 1: At the
precipiceā¦
"Gauriā¦
Gauriā¦"
The
knocking on the door was persistent and she clutched her stomach as she fought
the sensation of rising nausea.
"Gauriā¦"
She
looked up at the narrow window in the bathroom and wished that she could climb
out through it, but alas, even as skinny was she was, she was not going to fit
through that tiny hole.
The
jewelry and the make-up and the ornate sari that weighed as much as a small
elephant, it was all too muchā¦ she thought she would faint.
"Gauriā¦" A deeper voice said now, more softly, and she
felt a flare in her belly. It was her
fatherā¦ she knew he would never compel her to do this, even now she was sure
that he was standing out there to let her know that they would find a different
solution to the problem at hand. That
she didn't have to get married this way.
To a man who she disliked intensely and who shared the same feeling
towards her.
She
took a few deep breaths and opened the door a crack to see her father's
face. "Yes babaā¦" She said now, even
though she could barely make her sound come out. She cleared her throat and tried again and
this time there was at least a squeak that came out.
"Betiā¦
You don't listen to anyone else. You don't
have to do this. Baba will figure
something else out for sure." As she
watched him standing there trying to look brave, she took in his tired eyes and
his graying beard and was once again amazed at how rapidly he had aged since
her mother died a few years back. Her
heart broke as he looked at her with all the love in the world and somehow she
felt the nausea recede and her spine get taller, the small elephant becoming a
bit easier to bear.
She
knew that she would do anything in her power to help him. Anything at allā¦ Even if it meant agreeing to
this marriage with himā¦ the arrogant,
over-privileged, know-it-all jerk... So
very different from her sweet and caring fianceā¦ well, she reminded herself
that said fiance had disappeared into nothingnessā¦
She
walked out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom and grabbed her father's
hand in hers. She became distracted by
the sight of the bridal henna climbing up her arms and recalled now how the
mehndi artist had misunderstood the initials of her fiance and had written in
the wrong one, which they had had to cover up by a design, abandoning the whole
initials idea completely. In hindsight,
if someone had taken a baseball bat and knocked her over the head to say this-is-bound-to-get-screwed-up, it couldn't
have been clearer, but then again, no one ever said that foresight is
20/20.
She
squeezed her father's hand to say now, "Baba, it's alright. It's not like Shiv is a stranger. We have
known his family foreverā¦"
"But
beti, you don't like himā¦" her father said now, taking both of her hands in
his.
"That's
not true, babaā¦" she lied easily now.
"Gauri,
you are talking to me nowā¦ there's no need to fib." He countered.
"Babaaā¦"
she took on a somewhat exasperated tone before saying, "That's all for
show. You know how it isā¦ He's very
handsome, haven't you noticed? And there
are always girls after him. So, all that
fighting is justā¦ what do you call itā¦?"
She gestured with her hands, trying to give her best imitation of awkward
shyness. She thanked the Almighty when her
father looked at her carefully and his mouth widened in a slight smile to ask, "Really? All that fighting is just to mask an
attraction. Nothing more serious than
that?" He asked now, a new hope gleaming
in his eyes.
"No,
nothing more serious than thatā¦" she petered off, not regretting this one more
lie that made her father happy.
"Are
you sure?" he asked now, some doubt lingering.
"Isn't
he good-looking, Baba?" she asked him now.
"Well,
yesā¦" her father said, but then added, "but you have never noticed those things
before, Beti."
"I haveā¦ I just haven't let you know, Babaā¦" she said now, thinking how true it
was that you have to cover up one lie with a thousand others. Time to try a different
tack then, one that sounded a bit more believable. "And isn't he educated?" she asked her father
now.
"Yes,
but so are you. You have a merit
scholarship to start your doctorate in cell biology." he said, unable to keep
the pride from creeping into his voice even at a time like this.
"Baba,
I was not comparing my education to his, I was merely stating that he is
well-educated himself." She said, while what she really thought was what a
crime it was that Shiv was intelligent.
All those brain cells wasted on such an asinine barbarian.
"And
it's clear that he loves his mother and brother, right?" she asked again and
her father nodded more easily this time, but he then countered it with, "But it's
a bit shaky with his father, you know."
Of
course she knewā¦ Shiv's father was a sweet, gentle man who had always been nice
to her, so it only stood to reason that a willful jerk like Shiv would be on
not-so-great terms with his father.
"Oh
Babaā¦ are you really trying to talk me out of marrying him? What else should I say now? My fiance is nowhere to be found, Baba. Do
you want me to suffer this scandal, remain unmarried, and die an old maid? And then you will never have any peace of
mind, and you will worry constantly, and all the rest of your hair will turn
white, and then people will say that you are my grandfather and not my father. And then Ammy's spirit will come back to
haunt you!" she said now, trying to bring some levity into a situation that in
fact had no such inkling of humor at all.
Her
father smiled a bit more widely now and she could tell that he really wanted to
believe what she said. She could almost
spot the exact moment when he decided to invest in her lies. He grinned wider. "I am glad, Beti. I always thought that Shashank was a bit of a
softie for you anyways." He said now.
He did?
"You
did?" she asked in surprise.
"Yes. I just didn't want to say anything, because
you seemed to have your heart set on him.
He seemed more like an overeager puppy to me, ready to do all your
bidding, you know."
Where was this even
coming from?
"Except
the most important one of all, Baba!
Like showing up to marry me!" she
said, some of her frustration slipping through in her tone. Her father appeared taken back. She quickly calmed herself and said, "Well,
maybe you are right Babaā¦ maybe he was too soft."
"Yes,
you would have walked all over him!" her father added.
Okay, her father just
didn't know when to leave well enough alone!
"Okay,
Baba! You have your wish granted then. Because no one will ever accuse Shiv of being
soft. Ever in this lifetime or in the
next seven! So, thereā¦"
"Betiā¦"
her father started again. Gauri took his
hands in hers softly, knowing what he was going to say, but not wanting to hear
it. She didn't want her father to
apologize or tell her what he owed Shiv's father or why Shiv's father had
suggested this option at the last minute when they had found out that Shashank
was not going to show.
She
wondered why it seemed that she was more upset about marrying Shiv than the
fact that Shashank had left her high and dry on their wedding day.
Was
she really trying to divide her mental anguish into neat little
categories? That must be the first sign
of losing one's mind, she was sureā¦ besides, walking to face Shiv at the mandap
was like getting dressed up to go get eaten by a shark. Compared to that, how could she worry about
the tame little goldfish that stood her up?
"Gauriā¦"
she heard her name again and turned to see Shiv's mother standing behind her.
"Ready,
Beti?" she asked.
She
looked around for her father once again and seeing him talking to Shiv's
father, she sighed in relief.
She
could do thisā¦ she just had to breathe in and breathe outā¦ and just keep doing
that until the whole day was overā¦
Shiv's
mother and aunts walked her over to sit her next to him on the mandap and for
the fiftieth time, she wondered why Shiv's father wanted her to be Shiv's bride
and how he had gotten Shiv to agree to this.
She
had always had reservations about getting married. Living with someone for a lifetime wasā¦ well,
a lifetimeā¦ and she was a difficult
person to get along with. And thus, she had
been happy when she had met Shashank. He
had never made any undue demands on her and she had known that he would be
easy-going and not at all difficult to live withā¦ and then she could have taken
care of her father as well as she wanted toā¦
Now,
everything had changedā¦ she felt a clenching in her stomach again and she tried
to not think of what awaited her.
And
then she didn't have to wait at all, because they were sitting her down on the
mandap next to him.
Her
heart was beating a thousand times per second and her skin felt icy cold even
with the fire in front of them.
The
ceremony startedā¦.
She
couldn't believe that it was actually happeningā¦
There
was only one brief moment when he was tying the mangalsutr around her neck when
his sehra parted and she caught a quick glimpse of his expression.
He
looked like hell warmed overā¦
That
made two of them.
She
fingered the mangalsutr lying on her chest and felt as if she had just been
shackled. For life.
To
the son of Hadesā¦
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Edited by sridevi27 - 13 years ago
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