In the past across all cultures more marriages were
arranged. Even in progressive cultures women were still the weaker sex and
dependent on the men. Many were uneducated, confined to their homes, not
socially mingled. That's why most women accepted their fate as is and did not
dare to risk their marriage in any way. People were expected to make marriages
work and sacrifice for the sake of their community or family. Men and women
both would feel compelled to overlook major ideological differences and conflicts.
Marriages also took place within certain social spheres, communities or within
specific regions so there were not as many background differences to overcome.
The most significant and important change is that women are no
longer dependent on their husbands or families. Women who end up in unhappy
marriages are not hesitant to get out of it. Another aspect with women being
more independent is that some men are taken aback by their independence.
Various issues like career, education, income, past relationships,
socialization come up, and people who are unable to sort that friction end up
divorcing.
Society has also grown a lot more individualistic. People no
longer feel compelled to self sacrifice their interests for the sake of their
family. People are more quick to speak up or conflict over differences and make
certain demands. In old fashioned marriages if people dislike habits, or feel
neglected, are offended by attitudes they would deal with it – nowadays people
will speak up – hey I need you to spend more time with us, I wish you did not
throw your clothes about or leave the kitchen in a mess, I wish you would be so
arrogant to people. If such differences are unsorted it ends up in divorce.
Finally with cross cultural relationships you have a lot of
background differences. People are crossing wider barriers like religion,
class, country, culture. These barriers make marriages more difficult. People think
they can cross them, but in practice it can be hard. Even people married for
several years are unable to sustain the marriage when their spouses jobs take
them to different countries. In the past one person would deal with it, but
nowadays fewer people will accept to be alienated in a new culture.
In many aspects the ability to divorce is a positive change
and trend. Compatibility is essential on physical, emotional, intellectual and
spiritual levels for any relationship. A happy marriage and family needs there
to be genuine love, compatibility, compromise and commitment. In the past many
marriages existed as arranged institutions. People stuck together simply due to
obligation, they had no love for their spouses or genuine happiness or interest
in the marriage or family. I'm not saying that loving happy marriages did not exist,
but a large number of people would remain married for the sake of it –and that's
not the best situation. Divorce has allowed the ability to end poor, abusive
relationships as well as farcial relationships.
However, it is true that too many people take divorce for
granted. Sometimes people selfishly ignore the simplest of compromises and pick
arguments for divorce for the smallest reason. People are also not thinking
enough before marriage. They get carried away by the spur of emotions and the
romanticism of the relationship – that they do not think through if they can
genuinely sustain that relationship.
Marriage is no game. Think twice before making a decision.
Take the step only when you are ready to make that commitment to the rest of
your life. But if you make the mistake, own up right away – don't wait till its
too late and there are too many hurt sentiments.
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