Blood made its own path through the wheat colored skin. Reaching the finger tip it dripped down falling on the white toe nail, painting it red. Next it fell on the Persian rug as she slid down the wall into a squatting position, her injured arm resting on a knee. She felt a stinging pain as the new position put pressure on the wound. Barely registering it she ran her eyes through the broken articles in her office room.
Her room smelled sickly sweet now, owing to her breaking the expensive perfume she got for her birthday from her mother. Her mother's affection was even more expensive, which is probably why she never gave it to her. Not at least the way she wished she got it. Her eyes landed on the broken blue crystal rose, gift from her best friend. She shouldn't have shattered it but then her friendship had survived even worse shattering moments. She would understand like she always did. But right now she didn't feel like reaching out to her best friend. She didn't feel like letting this pain out in any way.
Alighting upon the broken mug she closed her eyes. Because even through the broken shards the clear blue eyes looked at her. The very same eyes which had filled with pain an hour ago. As the blood in her arms slowly congealed she went back to that time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The cathartic hour
She stubbornly stared at the skyline refusing to look back at him. Her fingers were digging into her palms as she tried to control words she wanted to hurl at him. Her desire to hurt him with words was savage. She wanted to return every second of pain he gave her a few days back.
"I know I hurt you but please look at me once, I really want to apologize and at least try to explain" he spoke in a low voice.
"Explain is it? What do you still have to explain?" she asked through pursed lips, her back to him.
"I understand that you are angry at me and you have every right to be. I really don't know why I did that" he stopped short when her furious, tear and hurt filled gaze landed on him.
"Did that? Did THAT? Now you do not even have the guts to say it out loud! You bloody tried to kill yourself you fool!" she finally lost hold on her emotions and she knew that nothing could stop her heart from pouring out now.
"It was foolish. I admit it now but I just couldn't take it anymore. I hurt too many people and I was hurting myself. Above all I hurt you" he came closer to her and placed a warm hand on her wet cheek.
She closed her eyes for the space of a heartbeat. A moment to feel him alive before she roughly threw it off.
"Yes you hurt me and even now you are doing the same. You never really cared how I felt did you? I loved you damn it. I didn't ask for a return of it. I was happy with the friendship we had, with the great times we had. But the moment you decided to take your life, you also decided that I meant nothing to you. All that time I stood by you, all the time I was there for you, every single moment we shared meant nothing. Did you honestly ever even think of me?" she stopped as tears choked her.
"I am sorry, really really sorry for this. This will never happen again" he said, pain filling his eyes "I love you"
Tears streaked down her face as she gazed at his eyes , where she could see the emotions she always wanted to see in them.
"But I can't. Not anymore. I don't want to be hurt anymore" she whispered moving back and turning away from him, shaking as her heart was being torn apart by pain.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
He had walked away from her and then she had vent out her feelings on the inanimate objects in her office, breaking them, throwing them around and getting wounded in the process.
All she wanted was love, all she wished for was love and she was gifted with pain, hurt and agony.
So yeah, I know I am no one to judge a person who has committed suicide or has attempted it or maybe even thought about it.
But here all I wanted to show was what it felt to be the person left behind or the person who goes through the agony of being the loved one in a hospital waiting room.
Only thing I can say is it is absolute agony , I know this from experience and no I am not saying this to garner sympathy , it's a fact.
If I offended anyone with this work I am sorry.
And Mugs , I am sorry yaar , this is a crappy work to invite to but you asked for a pmđ
Love
Nidha
Shiv Shakti
