reserved Edited
Ok, ok, I know! Mere taraf aaj dher saare joote aane waale hain! I promised you a lot of updates and this is the first update that I've given all week! So sorry about that friends!!!! Really sorry! But I'm planning on some really romantic updates in the coming chappies!!!😉 I'll be posting a promo for it very soon!!!! I'm sure you will like it!!!! Please read and leave comments!
Lots of love!
- Chapter 5 -
The pain seemed to surge through to my very veins. I clutched the end of my pallu, shakily. The red powder etched onto my maang now floated gently down, caressing my nose and acting as a lone reminder of tonight. The man that stood before me stood unafflicted by my inner turmoils. I bit my lip in an effort to hold back the tears. Of course he wouldn't care. Of course he wasn't bothered about my feelings. He was the heartless Arnav Singh Raizada after all. It was my fault. My fault for thinking that perhaps he felt the same way about me as I did about him. But of course he wouldn't.
He turned on his heel and descended the steps of the Mandir, taking them two at a time. I followed his lead almost robotically. To a mere passerby, I must have resembled something close to a lost child. How would I face my family? How would I face his family? The avalanche of questions cascaded down on me, drowning any remaining comfort I might have had. In the few moments it took to step into his car, I had considered every possible solution I could think of. However, to a mind as exhausted and overwhelmed as mine, there were not many.
I felt suffocated in my own skin. Breathlessly, I rolled open the window of his car, immediately inhaling the cool air. I closed my eyes, allowing a lone tear to snake down my cheek. I gazed above me, into the blanket of stars. I was searching for my Amma. My one and only companion.
You're watching this na, Amma? I asked silently. Amma, please help me. I'm scared. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel lost. Stay with me amma, just stay with me.
His eyes seemed to be penetrating through to my very being. I tossed a fleeting glance in his direction, not bothering to mask the bitterness within me. He was gauging my reaction. Quietly. Secretly. But definately doing it. With every moment of his silence, a new form of fury ignited within me. I needed to know. He needed to tell me. "Why did you do it?" I asked at last. He turned away, pretending I had not just spoken. "I said, why did you do it?" I repeated, louder and harsher this time. "Even a criminal is told his crime before given a sentencing Arnavji. So don't you think I should know why I am being punished? Shouldn't I realize my mistake? Shouldn't I - "
"Oh please Khushi. Don't give me this bullshit. This... this 'I'm - so - innocent' act of yours is getting old. Like you don't already know."
That was it. The last straw. I hit my fist hard against the window, allowing the shards of bangles twist their way into my skin. "No Arnavji! You stop it! Stop telling me what I should and shouldn't do! Stop treating me like a worthless toy that you can play with to your fancy! You may not have any value for human emotions... or for Indian rituals. But I do. I believe in this sindoor. I believe in marriage. The one day that I have dreamt of since childhood... my wedding day... you've ruined it for me! Destroyed it and shredded it into tiny bits! So thank you Arnavji. Thank you very much!"
My chest heaved in anger and my cheeks were quickly reddenning. Arnav looked at me, his eyes wide with shock and his eyebrows raised. He had obviously not expected such an outburst from me of all people. Good. If he expected me to be one of those helpless girls who simply sat in a corner and cursed their ill-fated luck, he was wrong. I was Khushi Kumari Gupta. The fearless girl who would not shy away from the thorns thrown by destiny.
He looked oddly like a fish. His mouth opened and closed, as if he wanted to say something but had suddenly lost his voice. I sank into the seat, taking deep breaths to calm myself. Jalebis. I would have to make jalebis when we reached Shantivan.
The remainder of the drive lapsed in uneasy silence. There were so many unanswered questions. So many things I needed to ask him. But I knew he would not respond to them. Not yet anyways. I would have to be patient with him. Extremely patient.
The car came to a jerky stop in front of the Raizada mansion. I gazed at the white bungalow in front of me, dreading the thought of entering it. I couldn't bear to see the dejected expressions on the faces of people I had come to love. However strong I was, I wasn't strong enough to handle their hatred.
"I can't." I mumbled. I felt the blood drain from my face. "I can't face them." He turned to me, the superiority returning to his brown irises. "So you do have some shame is it? I didn't think it was possible." His cold remark for followed up by a snarl. "Get out." I won't deny it. I was scared. I was terrified. What had we just done? How would I answer the thousands of questions that would soon be on their lips when I myself didn't have any answers? I needed time. I needed to think.
Suddenly, it hit me. It was not my job to answer their questions. It was not my responsibility to respond to them. It was his. He had cheated me. He had married me. He had brought me to this state. Then it would be he who would be answerable to their questions. If he expected me to say anything at all to his family, then he could forget it.
Just as I finished the thought, my door clicked open. Arnav stood beside me, quickly leaning over to undo my seatbelt. I closed my eyes. Dhak dhak. Ugh. The guy had married me, declared that he hated me and was probably planning on how best to ruin my life. And here was my heart, still going crazy at his mere presense. Stop it stop it stop it!
He clutched me by the arms, pulling me out and dragging me into the house.
Silence.
I scanned the hall, looking for any signs of life. But the house was quiet as ever. It was past midnight after all.
The only noise that resounded in the mansion was of his shoes. Click, click, click.
The rythmic tapping of his shoes were interrupted by a slow yawn. I felt my heart stop. My nails dug into the palm of his hand subconsciously. It was only when he shot a pained look at me that I bothered to look down. The nail marks were fresh on his skin. I turned away, not bothering to apologize.
"Chote...? Is that you?" The voice was unmistakably Anjali's. Her anklets chimed happily in the silence of the night. "Is this the kind of time to come home?! Chote, you realize that you have a family waiting for you at home. Sometimes I really get worried about you Chote... You and your work-"
"Di, I was not busy with work." He interruped. I felt his hand urge me forward. Anjali frowned, trying to make out the second figure that had suddenly appeared in the darkness. "Khushiji? You? Here? And that too with Chote? ...Is something wrong...?"
I swallowed. Sweat was quickly marking its presense on my forehead. Even in the darkness of the house, I knew that my face was paling. It felt like someone had punched me in the gut. I felt sick.
I heard Anjaliji's uneven steps as they made their way to the light switch. I clenched my eyes shut. I couldn't do this. i couldn't. I didn't deserve this. The tears were nearing escape. If the ground had opened up at that moment, I would have gladly slipped inside it.
I flinched, trying to adapt to the sudden brightness around me. The lights were on. My heart pounded violently in my chest, threatening to break free at any moment. This was it. Revelation.
I felt Anjali's hand on my shoulder as she slowly turned to face me. The first thing I saw was utter confusion. But as her eyes snaked up to my maang, I knew realization had struck. Her eyes grew wide with a sea of emotions. I knew, just like me, she had her share of questions as well. It was sheer torture, watching her... waiting for her reaction. Her eyes met with mine, hers filled with horror and mine with regret. Time ticked on as she continued searching for the answers I didn't have.
I clutched onto Arnav's hand, pleading for his support. His eyes were hard. Not confident, and yet maintaining a strength which I no longer had left. Suddenly, I realized that there was no backing out now. Nor would there be any forgiveness tonight. It was a battle that had been lost from the start.
End
Alrightyyy!!! So please lemmi know how you liked it! And as you all know by now, long comments make me really happyyy!!! So please do take the time to write a couple of sentences! Love you guys a lot!!! And by the way, if anyone is willing to make me a siggy for this FF, it would be much appreciated!
Your friend,
Sanju
Edited by ---Pari--- - 13 years ago
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