Kintsugi - Chapter 2 | Page 10 | [30/06] - Page 7

Chapter 2: Broken

"You did this on purpose, he hisses. "You knew this would happen.

"What did I do sir? Khushi asks, eyes wide.

"I have no idea what you are talking about, the voice in his head replies lazily.

"I am not talking to you, he glares at Khushi.

"Oh, alright then, the voice responds. Arnav wants to tear his hair out. He peers at Khushi who now has a defiant look on her face and gives him a challenging look. It only takes a few seconds for him to realize that she is, physically, standing right in front of him and he has no idea why.

"What are you doing here? He asks rubbing his head and hoping the voice in his head, the other Khushi keeps quiet for few minutes.

"I am here to... Khushi starts and then narrows her eyes. "What are you doing here? She demands instead.

Arnav's patience rattles. "Its my house. He replies, snootily. Khushi's eyes widens. They both turn around when they hear someone clearing their throat.

Arnav deflates when he sees his brother-in-law standing at the threshold with raised eyebrows. "I mean, Arnav deflects quickly, "I live here along with other people.

"Peachy, Khushi's smug voice grates his nerves.

"She has got some spunk, Khushi chimes in.

"I want to bang my head on this wall, he mutters and is further annoyed when he sees Khushi smiling at Shyam. "What are you doing here? He tries again.

Khushi turns around and peers at him. Shyam responds to him instead. "She is my client Arnav.

Arnav nods and blurts, "Oh, so this was the charity case you asked a job for? He is ashamed the moment the words leave his mouth.

"That's uncool Arnav, Khushi in his head admonishes him. "Apologize.

"Arnav, Shyam says, disappointment clear in his voice. "That's unbecoming of you, he adds to further convey his disappointment.

Chastised, Arnav's patience runs out. "Don't be late to work, he tells Khushi instead, ignoring the hurt expression on her face and walks out without furthering conversation or expressing a decent apology. He knows Shyam will talk about this when he comes back home but for the moment, he all but runs out.

-----------------------

"I don't think your family likes me, Lavanya says, twirling a pen in her hand. "Even your secretary hates me, she adds for a good measure remembering how Suman had all but ignores her at office.

"Suman is an executive assistant and not my secretary. Keep up with lingo La, he replies instead of correcting her first statement. His family hasn't taken to his girlfriend as well as he hoped. Though he lived with his family in their family home, he maintained his own apartment in the city. He had ignored Anjali's look of betrayal when she heard about him owning a separate space.

"Lavanya is incredibly hot. How did she agree to go out with a grouch like you? Khushi asks.

"I am not a grouch, I am...reserved and quiet. When the answering laugh reverberates in his head he glares at the table since the entity in his head has no physical body. "Shut up. He says weakly.

Lavanya looks up from her laptop and looks at him above the rim of her glasses. "I didn't say you were a grouch. I didn't say anything.

Arnav groans loudly. The laughter in his head grows loud and dissipates as quickly as it began. "You are so easy to rile up. Alright, I am leaving you alone for some time before our first day together ends up in a disaster. He breathes a sigh of relief when he hears Khushi quieting down.

"I am sorry, I was lost in my head. Arnav says and winces at the weakness of his argument. Lavanya seems to buy it. "Did you say something? He asks her instead.

She sighs and closes her laptop. They have been in relationship for three years and have known each other for ten. She still manages to surprise him every now and then and he still manages to make evasive statements when her questions hit too deep. "I was talking about your family, she says, a little sour at his attitude. He doesn't hate her for it. He knows the issues at home and how they present to the world as a happy family while everyone in his family is a little broken and a lot fragmented. Anjali's smiles and kindness, Shyam's charity projects and free legal practice, his grandmother's ideology has all kept them for showing the world how imperfect, flawed and broken they are and provides a perfect illusion of a family well adjusted after a disaster.

Lavanya rubs her eyes to relieve the tension of the day and the pang of hurt that associates whenever they discuss Arnav's family. "When I am with them, I feel insufficient with what I am. My achievements feel insignificant and if I were to look at my reflection, I would see disappointment staring right back at me.

He feels his gut twist at her honest admission. They have talked about this before, of course, and though he has made sure his sister and grandmother are aware of importance of Lavanya in his life, they always seem to forget that they are different types of women.

"Your sister invited me for dinner tonight, Lavanya says. "Can you tell her I am coming down with something?

Arnav shoves down his disappointment and turns his head away. "Please come home with me tonight Lavanya. I... He doesn't know how to continue. There have been many such dinners and lunches that have left Lavanya bitter about his family.

"Can you blame me? She asks, her voice flat and defeated. "Can you really ask me to come to dinner when I know Anjali will be questioning my life choices and your grandmother will just criticize for everything?

Arnav stares at his girlfriend, his friend and the woman he wants to settle down one day with. "Come home tonight. He says again. "And if someone says anything, don't hold back.

"I know, I know, I told you I would not bother you at work, but you aren't working, and you are making real progress! Like a big boy! Khushi chimes in happily.

Arnav laughs, startling Lavanya. "Are you okay? She asks, small smile tugging her lips upwards. "You are acting extremely weird since you fell down the stairs yesterday.

"I am fine La, don't worry about it. He says, eyes warm.

Lavanya reaches out and catches his fingers in hers. "I do. She says, simply. "I do worry you know? Her eyes take a haunted look that's a constant reminder of the tragedies her family suffered over the years. "I couldn't meet you at the hospital yesterday, am sorry, she rushes to apologize. Arnav shakes his head vehemently.

"Let me guess. You proxied on all my meetings, get everything out of the way by evening and came to hospital anyway and my sister said you can't go in because only families were allowed, and you weren't family. He breathes out in a rush. "Am I right? He says sardonically. He knows his sister obsessive need to control his life too well.

Lavanya chooses to smile instead. Arnav takes her hand and presses his lips to it. Their tender moment is broken by bright clothing, jingling of anklets and bangles and ruffling noise of layered clothing. Arnav bangs his head on Lavanya's soft hand making her laugh. Without lifting his head, he sighs and asks, "What is it Khushi?

The voice in his head is particularly silent and he is momentarily happy. "I will take your leave, Lavanya moves first and ignores Khushi and Khushi's boss Suman, on her way out.

"I am here as well, you know? Suman says, irritated at her boss-friend's obvious ways of ignoring.

"You can't be nice to Lavanya? He asks, irritated in return. He doesn't care if he is having an argument with Suman with Khushi present but since Khushi is now Suman's assistant, she would get exposed to little tiffs and complicated relationships whether he liked it or not.

"What did I do now? Suman asks, without any infliction in her voice.

Arnav bristles at her tone. "You don't even acknowledge her when she comes here, he rephrases Lavanya's earlier implied accusation.

Suman throws her hands up in the air. "If I tell her you are busy and come back later I am wrong to do so. If I tell her you are in a conference call and not to disturb him I am underestimating her intelligence. If I tell her you are free to meet I am condescending and patronizing her. Now I am straight out ignoring her and now that's a problem too? Suman's voice takes a disappointed turn.

Arnav knows all of this, of course. He is caught between rationality and Lavanya's insecurities when it comes to his family and how she is imposing the same on Suman as well.

"Suman, I

"I don't care, Suman interjects, flashing her eyes. "I don't care for any of the possible excuse. If she has a problem, ask her to f**king deal with it and not to take it out on me or Khushi.

Arnav's eyes widen at that. Lavanya's temper is legendary and her bluntness has made many of well established business folks cry.

"Did she

"Its none of your business, Suman shuts his thought process down before Arnav can begin to comprehend the drama that's unfolding in his office. The bump in his head gives him less pain than the things that goes around at his work place. "Stay out of it Arnav. I don't like it when you try to fight battles in which you have no business to be in.

Arnav simply nods and lets it be. Echoing similar sentiment, Suman points a chair to Khushi and takes one herself. "I am taking a three months break and Khushi will take over my role.

Arnav reels himself out of the fog that is Lavanya and his family problems and stares at the woman in front of him. The first thought he has is concern for his friend. "Is everything alright? Are you okay? Suman smiles at her friend.

"I am...not okay. She doesn't explain further, and Arnav knows what's going on immediately. He has known her since high school and is very well acquainted with her mental health.

"Three months then? He accepts as easily as he accepted when she declared she was going to work for him. She smiles at him fondly.

"Two should be enough but

"Take however long you need, he interrupts. "Is your replacement ready? He asks, looking at Khushi. He isn't happy with the situation, but he will suck it up for the sake of his friend. His life is made easy because of Suman and if Khushi isn't operating at the same standard as Suman, disorganized life is least of his problems.

"I am, Khushi says confidently. Suman nods her consent as well. Arnav isn't very thrilled with this idea.

"Khushi will start in my role starting today and if she falters anywhere, tell her immediately. Suman says. The bags under her eyes are more pronounced in the harsh lights of his office. It stings to see that Suman has been incredibly private of recent and hasn't shared anything with him.

"When are you leaving? He asks.

"Today, she says, apologetic.

He shakes his head. "No, please. Don't apologize Suman. You never have to. I am glad you came to me. Khushi looks lost and doesn't understand the direction the conversation is going. Arnav clears his throat and gets up to hug his friend. Suman rests her head on his shoulder when they hug and he squeezes her tightly.

"Promise me you will call me every night. He says, voice hoarse. "I will tell you all the ways Khushi messed up during the day and you can tell me what I should tell her, okay?

Suman smiles but doesn't answer. Arnav doesn't let go this time. "Suman promise me. He says, desperate. After several moments of prolonged silence, she nods.

Arnav lets out a sigh of relief. "Thank you, he says gratefully.

"I have cleared your afternoon so that you and Khushi get reacquainted with new roles. Suman says stepping out of his embrace. "I have told her all your quirks and things that annoy you, so consider yourself lucky I managed to get this one thing done, she says in a self-deprecating manner.

"No, thank you, he says gratefully instead.

"Also, there is another thing. Suman says, her tone taking a serious turn. "Your father is back in India.

All the life leaves Arnav's eyes and his expression hardens. "Arnav? Khushi in his head asks, worry lacing her voice. "What's wrong? I can feel something is wrong.

Arnav ignores the voice. "Did you talk to him? He asks Suman, trying to reign in the anger that was coursing through his body.

Suman shakes her head. "No, Khushi did.

"What did you say? Arnav rounds up on her, eyes wild. The thread of control that's always there, wavers in his anger.

Khushi looks at him calmly, eyes flitting at Suman once. "I asked him to make an appointment since Arnav Raizada didn't have time to associate with people who manufactured an identity for themselves in the Raizada family tree. He hung up on me.

Arnav looks at her for a moment and bursts out laughing. Most of his anger leaks out of his body and the ever-present resentment towards his father stays put.

"Did he say he was my father? Arnav asks, wiping his eyes.

"He did.

"And you didn't believe him? Arnav was curious.

Khushi shrugs. "I didn't believe him. Arnav raises an eyebrow when Khushi doesn't proceed. "Suman said he wasn't in the picture and I am unaware of your relationship with him. I thought it was best to reject the meeting and get scolded for rejecting than accepting meeting and open old wounds.

Arnav looked at Suman and chuckled. "What? Suman said smirking. "You thought I would hand over my role to an imbecile?

Arnav shook his head, laughing and extended his hand to Khushi. "Welcome to the team, he said.

"Apologize for morning, Khushi blares from his head. He rolls his eyes. "And I am sorry for the morning. Clearly, Shyam knows what he was doing.

Khushi's eyes softened at that. "Thank you, sir.

"Yes, thank you sir, Khushi's voice says waspishly.

"I will leave you both to it. Suman says adjusting the plaits of her sari. "Good luck Khushi, she offers one final smile to both and leaves the room.

Its few minutes before either Arnav or Khushi speak.

"I need my apartment cleaned and stocked with food for a week. I may go there tonight, he starts. There is yet another bout of uncomfortable silence. Khushi recovers quickly and nods her head. "I presume Suman has told you about my living arrangements, he asks wondering the extent of knowledge transfer that has been conducted.

"Sir, if I may, Khushi begins and Arnav leans back in his chair. "Work stuff is simple. I won't guarantee that I will not be free of mistakes but its always fixable. Personal stuff, however, have lasting damages and consequences that tend to bring other people into the fold.

"You speak from experience, he says, watching her intently.

She mimics him when she leans back in her own chair. "We have our baggage and tragedies and trauma woven into our skin, and never got to the tools to work with them. We make mistakes, the damage can be irreparable.

Arnav watches the young woman sitting in front of him in too bright clothes and too garish make up. Stripping of it all, she felt familiar.

"Do you know why Suman had to take an emergency leave? He asks, deflecting from the path the conversation was taking them. When Khushi doesn't reply, he prods. "If you know that means she trusts you implicitly. Except for me and her therapist, no one else knows.

Khushi relaxes after hearing him say that. "One my very first day here, I bumped into Lavanya and spilled coffee on her. Suman found it funny and was laughing the whole day. That evening she told me I will be working for her and its been six months since she had laughed genuinely.

"That was three months ago, Arnav whispers. Khushi nods. "How bad did it get? He asks, voice empty.

"I have moved into her apartment two weeks after I started my job and wake every two hours and check if she is breathing. Khushi replies bluntly.

"Sleeping pills? Arnav ventures.

Khushi nods. They didn't talk further as there was nothing left to discuss except for bitterness and hurt.

"Thank you, he says genuinely feeling the sentiment.

"There is something I have to discuss with you before we start this meeting, Khushi says. Arnav motions to carry on. "We have to talk about your father.

"What about him? He asks, weary.

"Your father has tried to make contact few times in last two weeks and we have rebuffed his demands. Khushi says pulling a log record of the conversations she exchanged with his father.

Arnav clenches his jaw and wishes he hadn't been in office when he heard this news. "Get someone to find out what's going on with him. If my father is back in this country, its not because of the kindness of his heart. He barks.

"Its been already done, Khushi replies. Arnav looks at her, surprised. "That's what I would do too, she adds, recognizing the need to protect who they called family.

"We will go through this week's calendar first thing tomorrow morning. Its already late, he says looking at his watch. Usually he would stay few hours more but there were too many changes happening around him and the control he had on his life seemed to be slipping.

If Khushi is surprised to leave office when the sun is still out, she doesn't show it on her face. "I will have a driver to pick you up in mornings from now on. She says in a professional tone. He wants to fight yet another decision that's made on his behalf, but he lets it be. "I will ride with you on most of the mornings and during the ride, we can go through your calendar for the day. Once you are in office, you can start work right after without wasting time on getting to know what needs to be done.

Arnav could accept that.

She stands up and collects her files. "I will be better organized by tomorrow with better hardware, she points to an old phone in her hand that resembles a brick and a thick file overstuffed with paper. "And your apartment will be ready by nine, she waves and walks out of his office.

He lets out a huge breath and finds himself exhausted to the bone. The headache that the doctor said would be around for a week, came back full force after the happenstances of the day settles around him like rotten corpse.

"You sound tired. Khushi says softly a whisper in the back of his brain.

"I feel I have been working forever and never got a chance to lay my head to rest. It's that ache that's never satiated with sleep or rest or vacation. It's an ache that's inexplicable. He finds it easy to this Khushi. There are no expectations and for someone like him, it's a liberating thought. "Aren't you tired of existing? He asks, genuinely curious.

"There have been times when I wondered what's the point of existence and thought about non-existing. Not going to lie Arnav, in moments of deep sadness, it's a thought that crosses everyone's mind and it crossed mine too. I have lived for millennia and you would think that nothing would ever surprise me. All I have to do is listen to people and I am surprised yet again, Khushi says, sounding nostalgic.

"Khushi surprised you, didn't she? Arnav asks, knowing the answer already.

Khushi chuckles. "Like she didn't surprise you, she teases gently.

"Can I ask you something? He asks after momentary quietness. After hearing an answering hum, he continues, "If you read what I am reading, can I ask you in future what I read and you will be able to tell me?

Khushi doesn't respond immediately and when she does, her indignance comes off in waves. "What? What? Do you think I am your f**king external memory or hard drive or something?

Arnav grins when the voice in his head goes off on a tangent about greedy human species and how Emus are way better than homo sapiens and how the world would end because human beings couldn't stop being assholes for two seconds.

When the diatribe reduces to few sputters, he says gently. "You can, right?

Khushi is quiet for a moment before she sighs. "Yes, you punk. I can remember everything you heard or seen or touched or tasted. I have access to all your senses and I have perfect memory.

Arnav perks up at that. "Awesome.

Khushi peeks into his room then. "Can we do a short meeting before you leave for the day, sir? She asks already half inside.

Arnav motions for her to come in. "How is my namesake doing? Khushi asks as if she hasn't been listening in on everything that's going on.

"Stop it Khushi, he grumbles.

"Stop what, sir? Khushi asks, surprised. Khushi in his head snorts.

He sighs. His life was going to be one gigantic mess if he let this go out of hand.