Posted:
Hello , my dear friends ,you might not be knowing me , I am Madhu 😳 in a very short time I became a crazy shipper of Mehbeer and the result is here , a dear friend of mine Firdose wants me to write a story on Mehbeer , her encouragement helped me to come out of my writing lorn 😆 so , if u all like story thank her , if not bash her 😆 and about title , as of now , nothing is striking, I felt this seems little fitting to story, I know it's pretty lame 😆 , you can advise me about title with story progression . And finally let me know feed back . Ignore typos , not proof read.
Risk taker vs Chance taker
Chapter1
Feigning emotions is not an easy task and, I must say I became an expert . Mastering skills should make it simpler , but this is becoming harder with every passing day .
Smile I force stabs my heart leaving only bruises .
Joke I crack , doesn't make me feel humorous , make me feel as joker who sincerely attempts to make others laugh , just to assure my family members , that I'm not sad or depressed.
Why should I assure them , when I am not really unhappy.
At times , that extra care , unnecessary concern suffocates me , but I reciprocate seeping frustration pasting a heartless smile.
To them my happiness resides in my marriage, Now who will make them understand, I m happy with me .
Is not marriage a choice ? But unfortunately society treats it as a need.
Every petty thing is tied to marriage !?
No matter , how much I love my bua , she shoots big round of questions , which makes me freak, tired , fumble.
Fact that I'm an independent successful woman has changed nothing , they still feel me as their responsibility , and that is creeping into little room of space I built too.
I am free, to use my restrained freedom !! But , how long ??
How long ?? How long ?? This is the question troubling me .
A Tie embellish us, but not all the time , it does suffocates after certain time. Relationships look beautiful but they exhaust us after certain stage .
Shaking thoughts messing my mind early morning , I climb down bed and rush to fresh up.
Slathering relaxing lavender lotion , I wear my peach shirt , beige trousers with a long pink pearl chain and simple ear rings . I brush my hair and try to make it into a bun , but in vain , for unknown reasons or I say preoccupied messy thoughts , it didn't come out properly so I decide to braid it . Applying little Kajal and lipgloss I stride down staircase only to bump into my first exhauster ! My bua !!
Hell she is still at home!! I thought she has gone to break another marriage.
" Good morning bua " I say, settling beside her on couch.
" Morning Meher " she says , casually scanning documents in her lap.
" I thought , you left to office " I say quickly , wetting my dry throat .
" clients are coming here , as our home is nearer than office " she replied , scrunching her brows , reading something , tapping against passage she pointed with index finger .
" oh , that's Good " I say , and move to dining table to avoid bua's upcoming interrogation .
I hear ringing bell of grana 's Pooja , and with a smile I settle on chair . She is the only stress buster I have in this home . I serve breakfast for both me and Grana . I glance back at bua from corner of my eyes , she is busy going through her documents , I take a relieving breath.
" So , my jani is already here " I hear grana , with a broad smile she saunter to dining table .
I drag back chair beside me for her with a smile .
" You look hot ! " she compliments winking an eye. I roll my eyes, muffling my smile .
" oh come on , don't be modest " she mocks having her breakfast .
" Grana !! Why everything is so reverse in my life . " I say pointing at her hot pink nail polish .
" stop it girl ! And yes ask Rati to accept my friend request on Facebook " I burst into laugh spluttering juice I was about to gulp .
" Not funny, and you respond to my request " she orders and continues eating food .
" Good morning madam " I hear some one and I avert my gaze to entrance , seems they are bua's clients .
" come in Mr . Moorthy , have ur seat " bua asks the man and lady with him to sit . Lady looks tensed .
" Meher !! You are getting late sweety , have it soon and be careful , dnt get any fractures , know right we are planning to search matches " Grana announces and leaves into kitchen with her empty plate .
Irrespective of her attempts to be modern , Grana is Grana !! I simply gaze at food making lines with fork. I lost appetite hearing her .
Though I am not holding on my past , I am not ready to risk my heart again .
I am not a reminiscene of my past . I am just caution for rest of future, and my family misinterprets it as my misfortune and tries to pull me out, when I clearly know I am already out.
Their way to out is marriage and my way is loving me ! Being myself !!
Anger fumed all over me , I grab my hand bag , files and stride towards main door . I badly need a walk ! Damm bloody walk which can make me calm .
" Meher " I hear bua and freeze at the spot .
" come home early , yesterday too you were late from office "she says approaching towards me . Awww this lady , she can never forget . I nod my head pursing lips , she caressed my head and walks back to her clients .
I stand still controlling my outraging anger .
" so madam , what do you say , will I get divorce ?? " I hear lady questioning bua .
" with Alimony !! " bua says with a smile and continues " I promise , you will be entitled for decent maintenance " she assures .
I can't hear more . I have both the sides of a coin in my home .first side is my Grana and father who are hell bent , who are even ready to straigh a rainbow to get me married and the second side, my Bua , who least believes in marriage .
As much as I love my Bua , but her attitude , controlling nature, ruling my habits leaves me strangled . I hate it when she interrogates me .damm I'm not a kid anymore , I am 29 years old ,and I am independent.
I march out of house bursting in anger , I see my car waiting outside, but I badly need a walk . I signal driver to follow me and I hastily walk on footpath . After a good walk of 10 minutes I sit on patio chair situated beside road .
This is getting over my head , how long ?? How long ?? Question troubling me since long time is buzzing today again and again .
I shut my eyes and I take relaxing breaths . Images of Father , Grana and Bua flashes .
" Meher , why are you late ?? "
" Meher , learn from your mistakes "
" Meher , grow up !"
" Meher , what's wrong with you? "
" Meher , what have you done ? "
Bua's complaints reverberate in my ears . I squeeze my eyelids more tightly exhaling long held breath .
" You need to understand , it's high time for your marriage and our neighbors are shooting questions about your marriage " it's Grana this time , I don't understand grana's reasoning behind getting married , I mean I cannot marry for neighbours , in the end , it's me who has to live my life .
" Meher , you need home of your own ! I can do anything for you darling , just agree for what I ask "
" you will be left alone after me , my health is depleting with every passing day . "
" I need to see you happy , before I leave "
" Meher , you need a home of your own ! "
This time my fathers pleas , all of a sudden my heart is heavy . I raise my dropped head from my palms , day light is gloomy , I gaze up Sun is shining like ever , his rays are piercing gloomy clouds to spread light . I smile taking a deep breath .
My fathers words , ' Meher , you need a house of your own ' seems appealing , thought made my small smile wide .
But next second realization hits me , it's just not home , just not little more freedom , it's staying with a man through out my life . My body turned numb . I caress back of neck with my hand , my hand is cold , like a iceberg .
I sigh , in panic thinking of complex life . Thought of risking my heart again is freaking me .
Now my heart is immune to emotion called Love . But knowing the pain it gives , I cannot take another chance .
My family thinks , I still love Abeer . But after all what happened , I don't love him any more and the same way ,I don't hate him too .
Holding any sort of feelings is merely hurting ourself and I hurt me enough ! So , I discharged every petty feeling I held for him . He is just another random person .
I glance around to locate my car , there he is my poor driver chacha waiting for me on other side of road .
I give him an apologetic smile and stands up , I step down from foot path and walk towards car parked. I stop in the middle of road hearing whistle , I turn around and glance every corner , I again hear whistle of a tune , from back of a tree . I try to peep , reducing my efforts , man comes front , his head is bent down , almost gazing at his feet like girl , his hands are shoved in his pant pockets , he walks towards me still gazing at his feet . He started humming a song , now I know who it is .
" Abeer " I say in disbelief , hearing me he raises his head with a smile followed by a wink .
I seriously don't have space for his shit in my head . I turn back , but something hit me hardly , I wince in pain .
" Meher !! " I hear Abeer , and his hurry steps towards me .
I look at small boy , he is on floor , his cycle is on road . I help him to stand up and said sorry , as its my mistake standing on the middle of road like filmy star and looking around not minding traffic . Thankfully boy is not injured . Ramu chacha picked up bicycle and helped boy . I gave him a choclate and asked for sorry again , he gave a shy smile walks away holding bicycle .
" Meher , you got a cut " Abeer says , pointing at my right hand wrist with his finger .
" Its nothing big " I assure him and I climb into my car .
" sorry for making you wait chacha " I apologise him , he starts car .
" nothing new baby, your childhood habit " chacha says rolling up windshield.
I giggle hearing him , chacha was our school bus driver , I always made him wait , our streets use to blare with his horn , but it never affected me , I was never punctual . Chacha use to scold me , but never left without picking me . Seeing my scared face , he always felt bad .
" Chacha , you can scold me , even now " I say glancing out , we are almost near office .
He smiles shaking his head, I gaze at watch , I hate going to office lately but I am late by 15 minutes , but ufff drama running in my life exhausting me .
Tomorrow is off to office , that exhausts me even more .
" chacha bye " I say climbing down car .
" listen , take care Meher , you look lost " he expresses his concern , I give him a reassuring smile .
With fumbling legs I escape into my cabin , my boss is not less than a boxer dog , thankfully he is not at office .
I some how managed to complete work early , I need to rush home as I am running out of time , but before that I should at least once show my face to boss.
Pushing door to boss cabin , I try to peep in his room , it's worth seeing his face evenings , I mean my barking boxer turns to a sulking boxer . God , he hates going home , only person he is scared is his wife . I smile pursing my lips . Composing my gestures , I enter into his room and stand still waiting for him to recognise my presence .
I hate him, he behaves as if all his senses are at rest , can't he see me , behaves as if he is so engrossed with file , when every one clearly know he is thinking of ways to please his wife .
" excuse me sir " I say meekly
" yes Meher " he replies , prodding his forehead with tips of his finger . I hide my smile , shoving my Mouth with palms . He catches me smiling , shoots up his brows giving an what's so funny look.
" sir ! I am done with work , I .. I need to rush, have to catch flight " I ask him glancing at my watch .
" hmmm, flight !! So again , girl I am jealous " he says closing file and continues " okay , you may leave , but stay safe Haaan " he permits .
" thank you so much sir " I reply with a broad smile and without waiting a single minute I walk out office .
I was expecting chacha , but , Abeer again ! Standing outside . With growing impatience I pull out phone from my pocket and punches chacha number .
Ring seems never ending .
" Meher " Abeer comes forward and tries to examine my wrist .
I move back , to maintain required distance .
Yes !! Chacha finally answered call.
" chacha , where are you ?? " I ask him glancing around .
" Right outside the gate Meher " he informs and Immediately disconnects call.
" Meher listen , you left it untreated , doesn't it hurt ?? " he questions extending his hand to see wound properly .
" not much actually " I reply casually . He looks at me thoughtfully.
Though I don't hate him, but I can figure out what he feels. I don't judge his concern as fake , but it's just not an unvarying concern.
" I need to go Abeer , it's urgent " I bid a bye and escapes from his sight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thankfully Bua is not at home, I saunter down stairs holding my luggage bag , Grana is standing , waiting for me .
" Grana , please cover up for me " I beg her
She gives me a stern look and then catches her head .
" Meher, this should be last time , you know right , you are a grown girl ready for marriage , so careful jani " she pats my shoulder .
I give her a impatient look, I mean it's absurd !! Don't my safety matters , if I am not a girl of marriage age .
I quickly hug her and walk out of home shrugging her words .
I hopp into car and asked chacha to take me too airport .
Settling comfortably , I started typing a message to Bua and dad . I made an excuse saying its a business trip , but it's a day for me , I cannot lie frequently , but once in a month or two months, I take risk and escapes from home . I need this space for me to boost my spirits after listening others despondent feelings about me .
As soon as I get down , my eyes spotted Abeer , I smiled at him, bid bye to chacha and then I run into airport , not giving a shit to what others in airport are thinking about me .
Soon I board into Delhi flight , dumping my bag into top head desk , I settle in my seat . Feeling thirsty I ask helper for water , I gulped in single go and thanked her .
Making myself comfort , I start to analyse recent happenings in my life.
Every day was a new day , with new lesson , new experience . Mostly all were unwilling .
Mom's death made me both strong and weak ! I learn the biggest lesson of life ,absence of loved ones doesn't kill us , we have to live with the tearing fact , realising end to their part in life .
I had my mom to voice for me , and now I have none . I am tired of being good to others after her .
Lidding actual me for long time is impossible , because it's life and it doesn't end in short spam . Result of suppressing is flooding , so only way is just sailing with flow and I realised it .
I find time for myself , ignoring Bua's controlling nature , Grana's extra care and dads fears .
But the only question troubling me now a days is ,' How long ? '
' How long ? ' ' how long ? '
How long I can bear others control over me ?
How long I can hurt myself ??
" Meher , you need a home of your own "
Taking transfer and staying alone in some other city , would solve this problem , but, emotional blackmail !! This will never end .
Home of my own , does sounds appealing , but , sharing roof with some guy , woo !! With my unwanted husband seems ugly !!! I gulp in fear at the thought of it .
My fathers words are still reverberating in my ears , shrugging my thoughts , I shut my eyes searching for a way out from this maze .
End of update
So how was it , let me know , so that I will decide to continue it or not . Hit like button and drop ur precious comments , waise all chappals and tamatars are welcome .
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