The sun was descending in the west and the moon was rising in the east. The cloud got darker and darker as the sun revealed less of its opulence. It was a full moon night however, so by fortune's grace Hastinapura was not consumed by total darkness.
"Come Dhritarastra." a voice cunning as a fox and sly as a jackal came from behind the trees. It was none other than the Gandhar prince Shakuni who had come to Hastinapur for his dear sister Gandhari, now the wife of the eldest Kuru prince Dhritarastra. His initial purposes for coming was to enact a revenge so great and so dreadful upon the Kurus, but all had changed once he met his brother in law Dhristarastra. He couldn't help himself, but for some reason, his mind sought his company, his heart was restless whenever the Kuru prince was absent, and his hands quivered every time Dhritarastra placed his hands on Shakuni's shoulders so Shakuni could be his guide.
"Coming Bratha Shakuni." The blind prince stumbled, tripped, and fell face first on the ground. Shakuni picked him up, dusted him off, and asked if he was ok. Of course he was, Dhritarastra was blind, but he was tougher than a herd of wild gazelles.
"What's tonight's plan Bratha Shakuni?" Dhritarastra inquired. It seemed that ever since Shakuni's arrival in Hastinapur, Shakuni was always by Dhritarastra's side. He was so close to Dhritarastra that, surprisingly, Dhritarastra and Gandhari still have not consummated their marriage. Perhaps, this was the reason why Gandhari gave birth to Duryodhan after Kunti, the wife of her chotte devar Pandu, had given birth to Yuddhistir and Bhim. But this is years later, let's focus on the present.
"Tonight Dhritarastra, we enjoy. I've invited some of my friends from Gandhar who will be bringing the best of wine and the best women dancers. Tonight, my friend, we party like animals!"
Dhritarastra licked his lips. The women weren't all too much for him since he was still a virgin (and he was blind...), but the wine seemed delicious. He previously had Gandhar's finest wine when he got married to Gandhari. Of course per customs they had to consummate the marriage in the city they wanted their son to be raised, so they had spent the entire night staring into one another's eyes (lovers, even blind lovers, always know where the eyes of their mehbooba (male) and mehboobi (female) was ...). They drank wine and when finally they could stare no more, they each collapsed on the flower covered, silk bed too drunk to engage in any further relations.
"Has everything been set up then?" Dhritarastra asked.
"Yes, everything has been set up. A large tent has been put up and there will be a campfire."
"Will we be returning home?"
"Dhritarastra!" Shakuni burst out laughing. "We're going to enjoy all night long. But if by chance we do get too drunk and tired, beds have been arranged too. Some of us might get some action tonight." He winked at that last phrase.
Dhritarastra smiled. His brother in law was fun and intelligent. He was more of a brother than a brother in law. Ever since Pandu became king, he was always away on journeys to expand the Kuru territory and Vidura always spoke the truth so was never really fun to hang out with. He shook his head as he remembered his attempt to try and jest with Vidura once.
"Why did the chicken cross the road?" Dhritarastra once asked Vidura. He had been thinking of jokes to ask his family members and he finally found the perfect combination of a joke that he thought was hilarious.
Vidura stared at Dhritarastra. "Because that is where it's home was."
Dhritarastra frowned, then smiled. "Nope. Guess again."
Vidura sat down and scratched his head. "Why would a chicken cross the road?" he mumbled to himself. "Hmm."
After thinking for a few seconds, Vidura's eye lit up and he jumped up. "I got it!" he cried. "The chicken crossed the road because he wanted to get to the other side!"
Dhritarastra frowned. Damn, he thought, that sounded better than my punchline.
Vidura asked, "was I right Jyesth bratha?"
Dhritrarastra managed to hide his disappointment and glumly replied, "No dear Vidura. The punchline was the chicken wanted to prove that he was no chicken."
Vidura's eyebrows scrunched. "But how does this make sense. If crossing the road changes one's species then we would all be different things."
Dhritarastra raised and lowered his eyebrows. "I thought it was funny."
Vidura smiled. "I'm sorry Jyesth Bratha. You're right it is funny. I've been overthinking everything because I'm now Pandu's prime minister. I'm sorry."
Dhritarastra smiled, though he was still disappointed. He patted Vidura's cheeks and mumbled, "it's okay."
Dhritarastra opened his eyes. He was back with Shakuni in the forest. He smiled at his joke.
"Bratha Shakuni?"
"Yes."
"I have a joke for you."
"A joke? That too for me? Tell me!!"
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Shakuni smiled. The answer was so obvious, because it wanted to get to the other side. But he knew his brother in law. After pausing for a moment he gave up.'
" I give up. I can't think of anything!"
"Because he wanted to prove he was no chicken!"
Shakuni burst out laughing. Granted it was fake, but he knew how to play his cards right. If Dhritarastra was disappointed, he might go back thus spoiling the plans he had prepared. Even worse, if Dhritarastra went back, he might even consummate the marriage, thus ruining his chances forever.
"Dhritarastra! That was funny!! Did you come up with that?"
"I did!" Dhritarastra was obviously happy that someone had recognized his joke.
"Anyway, beds have been arranged so if you ever feel tired during the show, let me know. Since we were short on tents and beds, you'll be sleeping," Shakuni winked. "with me."
Normally Dhritarastra would have refused because he was a private person. He kept to himself and preferred the company of his close-close ones. Shakuni was his brother in law, but he would much rather share a bed with Bhishma, Pandu, or Vidura. But Shakuni's brilliant move of laughing and complementing Dhritarastra went over his head and he moved just that much closer to Dhritarastra's comfort levels.
*************************************
A few hours later, the tent was packed with about 15 people. Two of which were Dhritatrasta and Shakuni, 3 of which were some of Shakuni's friends, and the rest were either the dancers or the maidservants.
"Have some more wine Dhritarastra." Shakuni rambled, drunk.
"Why don't mind if I do Bratha cutie pie." Dhritatrastra too was very drunk. He giggled.
He clapped his hands twice and called over the dasi. When the dasi came, the drunk Dhritarastra grabbed the hands of the dasi and smiled. "You know what dasi, I'm still a vir---gin!" He burst out laughing.
The maidservant looked away and tried to escape.
"I still haven't even had a relationship with my wife. So I won't even be cheating on her."
The maidservant took a step back.
"Come here my darling." And Dhritarastra tried to pull her towards him, drunk under the influence of the alcoholic beverage.
Shakuni noticed this closeness and quickly approached Dhritarastra. He grabbed Dhritarastra's hands and pulled it away, thus creating separation and time for the dasi to leave.
"What are you doing Bratha Shakuni." Dhritarastra's eyes rolled as he spoke. "I was going to make love to that dasi, have a son, name him Yuyutsu, and make him a prince!"
Shakuni giggled. "But what about my sister!"
"What about your sister?"
"When are you planning on making me an uncle?"
"Uncle Shakuni. Hahaha" Dhritarastra burst out laughing.
"Mamashree Shakuni." Shakuni grabbed his stomach.
"Tatshree Shakuni!" Dhritarastra giggled.
"And I can call my nephews Bhacches!" Shakuni laughed. "Mere Bhacche!"
"Tere Bhacche nahin, Mere Bhacche!"
"Tere hoga ya mera, Bhacche to Bhacche hi honge!"
Both men tumbled to the ground, collapsed in a heap of laughter. The dancers all raised their eyebrows but continued to dance.
"I have an idea Bratha Shakuni."
"Tell me."
"Let's sing!"
"ooh hoo hoo. La la laaa" Shakuni said, his voice got hoarser as his pitch got higher.
"Tuhje Dekha to yeh jana sanam..." Shakuni began singing. It was like scratching a chalkboard with your fingernails.
"no no no" Dhritarastra exclaimed! "No! You suck at singing. I'll sing, and you add."
He cleared his throat and grabbed the hand of a maidservant who seemed very repulsed.
"Jhoomka Girade, Lo Mila Le Agar Woh Nazar Se Nazar Mitaade." Dhritarastra spun the dancer in a circle.
Shakuni's eyes lit up. He threw off his turban and handed Dhritarastra a cup of wine. Cross locking their arms, Dhritarastra drank from the cup of wine from Shakuni's hand and Shakuni drank from the cup in Dhritarastra's hands.
Dhritarastra grabbed the maidservant by the waist and in her face sang, ""Jhoomka Girade, Lo Mila Le Agar Woh Nazar Se Nazar Mitaade." The maidservant turned her face from the alcoholic stench.
Shakuni jumped in and put his arm around Dhritarastra. "Nachke Dikhade, Sabki Dhadhkan Bhi Kadam Se Kadam Milaade."
"Lehron Se Chal Ke Jaal Bicha De, Dil Ko Ye Behaal Banade"
"Saare Deewane Maane na Dekhi Koi Aisi Girl"
The two men held hands and danced in a circle around a surprised looking maidservant, singing
"Dekhi Lakh Lakh Pardesi Girl, Ain't Nobody Like My Desi Girl
Dekhi Lakh Lakh Pardesi Girl, Sab Toh Soni N Saadi Desi Girl.
Who's The Hottest Girl In The World, my Desi Girl my Desi GirlThumka Lagaike She'll Rock Your World, my Desi Girl my Desi Girl
My Desi Girl, My Desi Girl Girl Girl Girl Girl..."
Breaking hands, Dhritarastra placed his strong arms around the waist of the maidservant and gave her some wine to drink. Shakuni, jealous of the dasi, drank two more cups of wine.
He started to sing staring at Dhritarastra and the dasi, "Pade Kamar Pe Jo Nazar, Saare Saapnon Mein Rang Bhar Jaaye. Jo Tham Le Woh Haath Toh, Huske Hi Aashiq Mar Jaayein"
Dhritarastra joined in "Dhoondon Jahan Mein Chahe Kahin, Na Tumko Milegi Koi Aisa Maarth." He sang pointing to himself as the 'Maarth'
Shakuni's eyes sparkled in joy and he rushed forward pushing out the maidservant again. Grabbing Dhritarastra's waist and placing his right hand in Dhritarastra's left hand, he danced around happily.
The drunk maidservant (lighter body weight = easier for alcohol to circulate body and get person drunk), frowned and stumbled to the dancing couple. In the horriblest of sounds she too began to sing:
"Jahan Jahan Bhi Jau Main, Saari Nazrein Toh Peche Peche Aiye
Ruku Zara Mein Jo Yahan, Thandi Thandi Saari Saase Tham Jaye"
As she was about to continue, Shakuni pushed her away and sang,
"Sabka Nigahon Ne Hai Kaha, Ke Khwaabon Mein Hai Dekhi Tera Jaisa Maarth!
Dekhi Lakh Lakh Pardesi Maarth, Ain't Nobody Like My Desi Maarth
Dekhi Lakh Lakh Pardesi Maarth, Sab Toh Soni N Saadi Desi Maarth
who's the hottest Maarth in the world, my desi Maarth, my desi Maarth
thumka lagaike he'll rock your world, my desi Maarth, my desi Maarth"
And Shakuni embraced Dhritarastra and they both collapse to the ground and Shakuni closes his eyes. When he comes to the following morning, he notices that Dhritarastra was nowhere to be found. Grasping his head to help stop the hangover, he looked around the tent. Seeing it empty he walked outside and peered into all the other tents.
Shakuni's eyes opened wide and he whispered to himself "no!" He went back to the sixth tent and took a closer look at the guy and girl. He almost fainted when he saw that the guy was Dhritarastra and the girl was the maidservant.
Shakuni moaned and groaned. From that moment forth, Shakuni vowed to never seduce Dhritarastra again. He would return to his normal system of winking whenever he liked or loved someone. This was the end of seduction era and the start of the winking era.
THE END
Indian Mythology
Marathi TV
Ganesh Kartikeya
