FF: Ankahee | Thread 1| Chapters 1-33 - Page 16

The new project in Mumbai had been keeping RK very occupied. Madhu missed him a lot, but slowly by the end of the first month things had adjusted themselves to a new rhythm. RK worked late very often, but they both would speak on the phone at the end of the day before going to sleep. RK was aware how much Madhu missed him, so he made a concerted effort to always call her before he fell asleep and speak longer on the phone, even if they had to speak about inane details. Sometimes, though, it was difficult. The workload was heavy and RK was often exhausted by the end of the day. He didn't have the energy to speak much to Madhu, especially when they ran out of things to say and Madhu would start talking about something at her office. A few times he dozed off while on the phone, and a few other times he got to his room so late he just crashed. Still, he tried to make up to Madhu the following days and texted her during the day, so they were both handling the distance all right.

RK, Maya and the rest of the project team stayed in the same hotel while in Mumbai. As they spent more and more time working together, the team bonded socially as well after work hours. They always had dinner together and often hung out in the hotel working or hanging together after dinner. This further reduced private time that RK would have to spend on the phone, but he needed the relaxation, and Madhu always stayed up until RK called, so things worked fine. Whenever RK could fly back to Delhi over the weekend, he did, and he always tried to spend some time with his friends and Madhu while back in town. Time was limited though, and he also had to go home to see his mom on some of the weekends, so he couldn't see Madhu as much as he would have liked to, and as often alone as she would have liked to, instead of as part of the gang. RK knew that at some level Madhu was feeling the strain in the relationship, but he was sure Madhu understood and would adjust. He knew she loved her a lot, and he cared for her just as much as she did.

At her end, Madhu was feeling the distance a lot more than she let on, but the rational part of her totally understood. After all, she herself was in a high-pressure career, and she knew RK had to work hard to establish his credibility in his new job. Still, some irrational part in her resented sharing her Rishabh with everyone in the world. She hated the fact that she couldn't see him after work any longer, that he wouldn't just call and show up at his place anymore and that every night she stared at her phone waiting for just a few minutes of conversation. She felt quite lonely, especially because Trishna was seeing someone now and was busy most of the time. She met Ria and Rohan once in a while - mostly because with RK and Maya not around they were alone too, though they had each other - and became quite good friends with them.

One Sunday at brunch, almost two months since RK had started the Mumbai project, the whole gang was gathered at a caf. The weather was great and RK, Maya, Madhu, Rohan, Ria, Trishna and her new boyfriend Mukund were all present, making fun of each other and laughing.

"Pass me the maple syrup, Rishu!" Maya said. Hearing her call RK as Rishu startled Madhu. She had never heard Maya or any of the other friends call him anything but RK. In fact, Madhu herself used the name only in private as much as possible because she knew RK preferred Rishu.

RK passed the maple syrup and realized that Madhu who was sitting across the table from them was staring at both him and Maya. He understood, and said softly to her, "They saw your text on my phone..." and smiled.

Rohan over-heard and asked, "what text?"

RK: "Nothing. Ye Maya ki bachi. My phone was on the table and she read one of Madhu's texts where she called me Rishu. She told everyone and everyone on my team started calling me Rishu sir just to tease me."

Maya sheepishly added "Sorry Madhu. It was too hilarious. But it's so cute. Now I also got used to saying Rishu."

Rk flinched: "No you will not. My name is RK. Or Boss."

Maya ignored him and faced Rohan "Yeah right. You know what my Boss did this week, Rohan? He accidentally copied one of our clients on our internal email, where we were discussing how to make them change their mind from their bullshit strategy."

RK was irritated "Oh well. It was a mistake. And I handled it alright."

Maya continued her teasing "Yeah you handled it by flirting with client's hot secretary and making sure she deleted the email. Very smart."

RK turned to face Maya and said with a smirk "Well what can I do if I am so charming! Do you want me to show you the power of my charms?"

Maya giggled but did not respond to RK's seductive look, everyone else on the table enjoyed the teasing entertainment, but Madhu couldn't. Somehow, she did not like RK giving Maya his seductive look. She did not like the fact that RK had not told her about any of those incidents when they had spoken over the phone. He had just said there was an email goof-up and he had to spend extra time trying to get out of the situation. But he hadn't mentioned anything else and Madhu realized she felt bad she did not know all those little things that happened with RK because she wasn't there. And maybe also because she wasn't there, but Maya was. For the first time, Madhu felt a twinge of jealousy and insecurity towards Maya. Maya knew her RK much better, for much longer and spent a lot more time with him than Madhu. Maya and RK had a lot more memories than Madhu and RK had.

She knew there was no reason to be jealous with Maya. Not for a microsecond did she doubt her, or doubt RK's love for herself. In fact it wasn't actually about Maya at all. It was about what it represented - the fact that she had to share RK with the world and she was dissatisfied with the tiny piece of him she got for herself.

She wanted more.

She wanted to be the person who RK shared his life with more than with anyone else. It was absurd and probably unfair. She felt like a bad, greedy person. But she couldn't silence the nagging feeling in her heart from that point onward that twitched every time Maya and RK shared a joke, and so she ate the rest of her meal in silence.

After they all ate, Rohan suggested they all go for a movie, since they were all together. Trishna and Mukund excused themselves as they had other plans but the rest of them seemed keen. RK was excited too, because he hadn't been to the movies in a while.

"Let's watch The Wall Street movie. I have to get home by 6 because I am taking the night flight to Mumbai, so anything before that works." RK said excitedly as they all checked their phones for ticket availability.

Madhu texted RK: "Could we hang out alone for some time today?"

RK read the text and looked quizzically at Madhu. He noticed she had become quieter and looked stressed out.

"What happened? We can talk after the movie...?" he texted her

"I don't know if there would be any time. I just...I have been missing you a lot." Madhu replied. She studied RK's expression and realized he looked torn, so she texted him back. "Forget it, we will speak after the movie."

RK knew from Madhu's face that something was bothering her. Even though he wanted to spend time with his friends and see the movie, he decided to leave.

"Guys, I am sorry. I just got an email. There is some work I need to do today. I think I will skip on the movie."

"What work?" Maya asked.

"I need to send a status report today itself. You won't get it, it's boss stuff."

"Huh!" Maya frowned

"Anyway, RK continued. Sorry, am going to leave. But you guys go ahead and watch the movie. Madhu, do you want to join them or should I drop you?"

"What's wrong Madhu?" RK asked as they settled in the coffee shop and gave their orders.

"Nothing. I am sorry to drag you here RK. I was just..."

"It is ok. Your face tells me something is wrong."

"No. I just miss you a lot. We hardly get to spend any time with each other now and..."

"We've been together since morning? And we speak almost everyday..."

"It's not the same..."Madhu sighed in exasperation. She didn't know how to explain. "I just...I am lonely. Trishna is also always with Mukund and you are so busy."

"Well you know I am working and I can't come here on a whim from Mumbai. What can I do?" RK was getting irritated. Why was Madhu suddenly getting so needy?

"No. I understand. It's just that I feel I am not a part of your life...you never tell me anything."

"What do you mean I never tell you anything? I talk to you everyday...what do you want to know? Should I start sending you texts every minute about I am walking, I am typing, I am eating? What do you want me to do? Don't I call you..." RK was angry and was yelling. Watching him lose his temper made Madhu's face go pale. She hated, absolutely hated even the idea of RK being mad at her. They had never fought like this, and Madhu didn't know what to say. She wished she hadn't said anything. She wished she hadn't had those stupid feelings. She stayed quiet for a few minutes and struggled for something to say.

"I am sorry Rishabh. I didn't mean it like that. I am sorry. I know it's tough on you and you do everything I can...it's my fault. I was just feeling lonely..."

"Then fix it. I can't be there for you 24x7. Make some more friends. Do other things. What do you expect me to do?" RK was still angry but he was no longer yelling. Instead, he was frustrated at Madhu.

"I will. I am sorry." Madhu said and quietly looked down, trying hard to fight tears.

"Look Madhu." RK said after a couple of minutes. "You're important to me ok. You're a part of my life. I don't know what more to tell you. But there are other parts of my life too and I know I haven't been able to give enough attention. My work is important to me. Family, friends, you...everything is important and everything is asking me for time I don't have." RK sighed in frustration.

Madhu held his hand and gently squeezed it.

"I know. I know you're under a lot of stress. I am sorry. I don't know what got into me. I will fix my problems...I am sorry for being so demanding." She softly said, but her voice was still sad.

"I love you Rishu."

"I love you too." RK said, but there was no joy in his voice.

After some time, RK dropped Madhu home. His heart was still heavy. He didn't entirely understand why Madhu had been behaving such, but the whole thing stressed him out. His work gave him enough stress as is, and while earlier Madhu used to be a soothing influence, talking to her had become a chore of late. RK constantly felt that he was falling short of her expectations, or maybe his own expectations. But the bottomline was that talking to Madhu had become a source of stress rather than a reliever. She didn't say anything after that day, but he could detect a sense of sadness and desolation in her voice on the phone, and that made him want to talk to her less and less. He found himself hanging out alone or with his teammates a lot more in his free time just to avoid feeling guilty when he called Madhu.

She didn't say openly, but all he was hearing in those conversations were her unsaid words: I want more of you than you can give me.