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Hey all!
As I had promised, this is from Manik...
It may not be as poignant because. Well.
But a bit about the title
The word 'Always' has meant a lot to me, ever since HP. And 'Always' is a word that can make me cry at the drop of a wizarding hat.
MaNan have made 'humesha' one of those poignant, untranslatable emotions relatively translatable...and I love the writers for that.
So here goes. As usual, thoughts are welcome 😊
Her eyes.
Those eyes that reflected the light of these tiny things she adored more than life. Ever since the first time I kissed her, they made her happy...I tried to capture them for her, but they would escape...or she would break the jar...I could capture only a few at a time, to make her happy.
She always saw me struggle with them too!
'Glorified firefly catcher' I had seemed to become. And I would laugh myself to sleep, thinking about the different ways her eyes could catch the light as she laughed, smiled, shouted at me, or simply expressed her utter exasperation at my actions.
I would remember her eyes that glowed by the light of those tiny creatures.
I remembered her tears, her helplessness when she did not know how to calm me down...when I would not calm down for the sake of my sanity.
I had to lick my own wounds, I could not be healed.
And yet...
slowly, without my knowledge,
she sneaked into my heart and plastered it with love: it was new again. So much so that even a second's separation from her would ache like the first time I let her go.
This time, I would not.
This time, I will tell her what she means to me, in all its entirety.
After all, I have had almost six months to think about it.
On our official first date, she had told me fireflies made her happy. She had told me how they connected us: we were fated.
She knew it all this time, she told me now.
But, we needed this journey.
For some time, I had been thinking of how I could make up for all that I had done to her, in my anger, in my obsession to hate her..I had ended up loving her...right from the start.
She was the centre of my lonely world.
And nothing else mattered but her love, safety, and presence in my heart, in my life.
And here she was, in my arms tonight. Just like I had dreamed every waking moment and in every wink of sleep from the time I had met her.
I finally felt complete as her hands idly played with mine.
Love. Humesha. Humesha is such a strange word...and yet, she taught me what it meant. Loving her has taught me the implications of humesha, the pain it involves, the love and hope it brings with it.
Once, I used to think these words heavy and/or exaggerated. Now, I knew they could be concentrated in one word:
Nandini.
My world, my life.
That is my humesha. She has always been my humesha.
And loving her, making her happy, keeping her safe was what I wanted to do: for the rest of my life and hers, and beyond (if there were a beyond).
In one word, it sums up everything I desire, love, and hold dear.
Nandini.
My heartbeat, my personal firefly, my fighter, my love.
But she continues to exasperate me, by getting into trouble.
My tiny trouble-maker, my expanded heart
my strong, beautiful love.
Nandini
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