NEVER HAVE I EVER!!!

DAY 49! - NEVER HAVE I EVER!!!

Anyone remember that game?

Well today's the day I say NEVER HAVE I EVER SEEN MANIK MALHOTRA IN SO MUCH PAIN, IN SO MUCH AGONY, IN SO MUCH GUILT, IN SO MUCH NEED...

The last time we witnessed Manik play the game his words were..."Never have I ever taken a no as an answer"

Today...the needs, the wants, the desires, the wishes...they haven't seemed to change a single inch.

Those fire-raging eyes, those aching shrieks of his heart...that darkness that has seemed to have blurred his mind's ability to think of anything and everything beyond her..."NANDINI!!!!" ...if he could get a grip on his words...it would confess "Never have I ever felt such a desperate need of her before..."

His hunt starts...the rants of floating to every corner of the unknown jungle, searching her smile behind every tree branch. Shining...anything shining around? Anything twinkling and shining like her earrings, like her excitement-filled eyes. Anything radiating a brilliant shine of light? Every leave was turned; every inch of land scanned...but his shining star was nowhere to be found..."NANDINI!!!!"...if he had the strength to think he would say..."Never have I ever felt so lost in darkness..."

The paces of his feet no longer in his control...His eyes scanning to find her even amidst the thin air...She has to be here...she was just here a second ago...His hands aching for the empty gaps between his fingers to be filled with her natural warmth again...his head searching up, down, right and left...This world...it can't be that enormous for me to never find her again, to never be able to see her again, to never be able to feel her again, to never be able to touch her again..."NANDINI!!!!"...if the heart could speak it would scream..."Never have I ever felt so lonely before..."

The silence drove him mad...tears...they refused to roll down...every nerve breathing inside him, oozed with excruciating pain. Scared, beyond terrified! Her lack of response, slicing his soul in a million pieces. The pain became unbearable as he threw his head back in defeat time after time. The witch! She would know...her threats repeatedly echoing in his ears. Alright talk! "Where is Nandini?!" Where have you hidden her? She's called for it this time...god dammit all three of them are the reason for his long-forgotten monster side to surface. He can't be leashed today...he won't be calmed. Because the one who made him realise that his monstrous acts were nothing but just a mask...the one who's words, who's touch, who's eyes would effortlessly calm his inner rage, has been ripped apart from his inner soul as if she was someone newly-planted tree. But they forgot that she's not some commodity that can be snatched from his hands...she's no flower that can be plucked off his life's tree...they're fated...they breathe in each other's breath...they live in each other's heart beats...you steal her away from him, you self-invite him to become the doom of your existence. "NANDINI!!!!"...if the lips could voice they would exclaim..."Never have I ever forgotten or forgiven those who hurt her..."

His knees seem to be losing their strength, they buckle as he feels his world crashing down...his hands trembling in anger. The anger he feels for himself! His heart drowning in the guilt of letting her escape his sight...why...just why...? He wants to scream, to ask every living thing for what mistake is he being punished so brutally for? His quivering lips parted as if panting for oxygen...she's gone, how will he even make it through the next second? He needs to leave...now! To go after her before she makes it too far...it's almost becoming unbearable now...the hands and feet pinning numb. The heart's beat fluctuating and slowing down with sinking throbs. What do I answer to her family? How do I face myself? How will I ever face her?! She trusted me...I assured her she'd always be safe...then how could I let it all happen?! "NANDINI!!!!"...if he could write it down on a piece of paper he would scribble..."Never have I ever felt so defeated before..."

He calls for every helping hand he can...yet his frustration peeks as no one seem to be able to understand his state of mind, his escalating need of having her back, safe, in front of his eyes. What part of we need to leave now aren't they being able to understand?! And this police officer...how dare he even doubt my intentions?! I love her for god sake! It's true love for the sake of god! Her fireflies and my stars have written our tale...our destiny and fate are meant to be for Hamesha! He had started trusting her Aiyappa too...but...but...he strolls around lost. Where does he look for his own god now? "NANDINI!!!"...if he could express it through tears he would sob..."Never have I ever felt so much pain before..."

I need to find her! For the sake of her family, for the sake of her own protection, for the sake of my life! This can't be the story of our Judaai...our exile is long over. Be it the demons, this world, her god, or our destiny...I will fight with whomever and with whatever it takes to have her in front of my eyes again. To have her safe and sound breathing in my arms again. To have her hands entangle themselves in the loneliness of my fingers again. To have her voice echo in my heart again. To have her touch heal my pain again."NANDINI!!!"...if he could warn...he would announce..."Never have I ever felt the need to kill someone before..."

_______

Never have you captured the state of Manik Maltorta so well. We all know how well you understand Manik Maltorta and you have this talent of explaining his heart, his mind, his actions, basically explaining him to the world. But never have you done it with such perfection that just by reading it brought back the pain of the episode. Sighs, both the Maniks be the death of me..lol. but seriously, this is was heartbreaking beautiful and real just my kind of a read for a sadist like me.

A man who once claimed: I can die for you but I can't ever kill anyone. Today he is screaming it to the world, to the witch herself: I WILL KILLYOU ! EVEN IF YOU TOUCH HER, I WILL KILL YOU !" Are you listening to yourself today, Manik ? I would say that I understand but honestly I don't. The way you love your Nandini, so rare is that kind of love. I would never be able to fathom the extent of your love for her. But let me tell you the truth. Never have I felt such an ache in my heart, never has your pain reached out to me in such a way. Never has a name call send such a painful stab to my heart. "NANDINI" Your call to her was such a desperate plea, every heart heard it even your Nandini.

Today no one understood what Manik Maltorta felt, because no one can ever understand Nandin's Manik, not even Manik himself. This Manik, he literally needs her to survive. She is his greatest strength, and his most vulnerable weakness. She became his strength when her hope became their hope, she became his strength when he needed to defeat the devil and the witch. Today, he is his weakness. Manik Maltorta, never has he felt this defeated, this helpless, this lost. Nandini, his calm, his happiness, his love, his life, she is missing. So today, Manik Maltorta weakens, weakens to such an extent that he will beg and plead the evil witch who he has always stood up to as the sassy, badass Manik Maltorta that he is. Because such is his love for her, such is the extent of his love, above everything else even his pride. He will scream it to the world he couldn't possibly ever hurt her because he loves her so damn much.

She is gone and so is his sanity. Someone has dared to steal his Nandini and he shall face the wrath of Manik, Nandini's Manik. There was an odd mix of wildness and stark vulnerability about him today. His eyes were wild , but there was also an vacancy in them. Gone was the beautiful light, that sparkle that was there hours ago. That vulnerability, those eyes spoke of his despair. Those eyes glazed over but he refused to let the tears shed. He had no time for tears, his Nandini was somewhere out there where he wasn't. Every second away from her is pure agony and he needs to find her. He needs to hug her close so her touch can soothe him, so this wildness, this anger can be tamed. He needs to find her to their hearts can start beating in sync again.

Ranjhan dhoondhan main chaleya
Raanjhan mileya naa ae...
Jigraan vichon agan laga ke rabba
Lakeeran vich likh di judaai

They played our song today !!! and my poor freaking heart broke :(

He has lost her today, he has lost himself today. Someone has stolen his Nandini and he is on a mission to find her. How could have Nandini's Ayyiappa separated them so quickly ? they had just found happiness, togetherness, had given words to their love. Just hours ago she fingered her love into his palm, put herself into his destiny for Hamesha. How could have Ayyiappa written a judaai for them already ? He will defeat destiny itself to reunite with his Nandini. He has to find her ! for a mother has blind faith in his ability to keep her daughter safe, has complete trust in him. He promises to honors that trust and faith and bring her home. He has to find her for himself. His heart is a half hollow shell within hours now and with it's heartbeat missing, Manik is on a mission to find his heart's other half, it's heartbeats. Manik has lost the oxygen he breathes, he needs to live. He needs to find her, he needs her safe. He needs to see her. He simply needs to breathe, the world feels like a suffocating noose. He needs his Nandini. And he will not rest until he does. The world ought to fear him now. His enemies ought to worry now. Not only did he become crazy today, he admits he is dangerous' too. And he means it, every damn word of it. He will fight every evil for her, for her safety, to see her again.

Okies..this is it. Manik kinda just trampled my heart and then your words just added to it so there is this heaviness in me heart :( Gonna be 3 longgg days.

Love as always,

- Reya aka Your Sunny <3