"He'll call. He'll talk to me. He has to..." Khushi thought as she leaned against the cushions on her bed, completely distracted from the movie she was watching. It had been two days already since he had left from home, yet he hadn't spoken to her. He had called up home when he had reached, only to inform his mother. When Ratna had passed the phone to her so that she could talk to him, he had already disconnected the call. "He'll call again. Don't worry" Ratna had told her, but her brain knew he wouldn't talk to her. She deserved the silent treatment. She had said horrible things to him. She wouldn't have felt so restless if he had said something harsh to her in exchange for her rude words. But he was silent; his silence was dreadful and cold, as if like the night at a graveyard. It made her uncomfortable, and gave her weird shivers. Gone was the friendly Arnav; she had pushed him away and stabbed him repeatedly. And in place of him, stood a cold and a distant man; a man she hardly knew. She hugged her pillow and wished that he would call to talk to her. She just wanted to hear his voice; re-confirm that he at least cared about her. "Don't keep high hopes, Khushi. He's not going to call" her head warned her. She hated her rational side.
The scene that she was watching on the TV drew her attention. Bored to death, she had decided to borrow a movie CD from Akaash that evening. Sadly, he did not have a good collection in Bollywood. And being a die-hard Bollywood fan, she had no clear idea about what to expect from English movies. She never liked them and she never watched them either; expect for a few popular movies like Titanic and Stuart Little. After going through his collection, he had recommended "Gone with the Wind". Having no idea what it was all about, she thanked Akaash and decided to give it a shot.
Scarlett pleads Rhett when he is about to leave home to join the Confederate Army. "Oh, Rhett! Please, don't go! You can't leave me! Please! I'll never forgive you!" Rhett says "I'm not asking you to forgive me. I'll never understand or forgive myself. And if a bullet gets me, so help me, I'll laugh at myself for being an idiot. There's one thing I do know... and that is that I love you, Scarlett. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. Because we're alike. Bad lots, both of us. Selfish and shrewd. But able to look things in the eyes as we call them by their right names." Khushi's eyes turned teary as Rhett held Scarlett in his arms. Perhaps, he was holding her for the last time. Scarlett struggles to get out of his arms, "Don't hold me like that!" But he holds her tighter, "Scarlett! Look at me! I've loved you more than I've ever loved any woman and I've waited for you longer than I've ever waited for any woman." Khushi's cheeks were stained with her tears as Rhett kissed Scarlett's forehead. Scarlett turns her face away, "Leave me alone!" Rhett forces her to look him in the eyes, "Here's a soldier of the South who loves you, Scarlett. Wants to feel your arms around him, wants to carry the memory of your kisses into battle with him. Never mind about loving me, you're a woman sending a soldier to his death with a beautiful memory. Scarlett! Kiss me! Kiss me...once." Scarlett then looks at him and kisses him passionately before he leaves.
Khushi switched off the TV and fell back into bed. The movie was too depressing for her to watch. She would return the CD to Akaash next morning. Suddenly, a number of questions shot up in her head. Why did Rhett have to be so stubborn? Did Scarlett's pleas mean nothing to him? Was his duty more important than the woman he claimed to love? Scarlett was begging him not to go. She was scared that she would lose him. It was even worse for Scarlett because she was still in love with the man that stole her heart; her first love- Ashley Wilkes. But then, Scarlett did love Rhett too. She cared about him in a way that no words could define. She knew that there was no way Ashley was going to come back to her. Why was she not ready to forget Ashley and accept Rhett? Why was she still fighting her own feelings? Why was she pushing Rhett away from her, yet too scared to let him go too far? Khushi realized that there could be a possibility that Scarlett never really loved Ashley. She was in love with him because he was the only man she knew all her life. She grew up watching Ashley, and ultimately fell in love with him, thinking that he was the only one for her. Now that Rhett was in her life, Scarlett had finally realized what love truly means. She was just too stubborn to listen to herself.
"Khushi, do you love Arnav? Does that mean you do not love Rishi anymore?" The voice popped up in her head. She sat up and frowned. "I don't love Arnav", she said aloud, hoping to convince that annoying little voice, "I love Rishi. Marrying Arnav was just a compromise; for Samrat's sake" "Then why are you so worried that he hasn't called you?" "I am worried only because... because I know that he is angry with me. I don't like him being angry. And yes, he is a friend. Just a friend. And I miss our friendship. I miss his care and concern for me. But that's all about it. Just because I miss him, doesn't mean that I have fallen in love with him. For me, Rishi is the only one. None before him, none after him" A moment later, she looked at her phone. No messages, no calls. A wave of disappointment overpowered her. She knew that she did not love him; that was what she chose to believe; but the pain of him not being around her was biting. "Maybe you mean nothing to him, just as you claim that he means nothing to you. Maybe, he's already forgotten you..." Khushi closed her eyes, and unexpectedly, she found tears drain down her cheek. "Come back soon, Arnav" she whispered, hoping the winds would carry her message to him.
On the southern part of Delhi, Arnav Singh Raizada was staring at the ceiling as he was lying down on the bed. The room and his life felt empty. He was so used to her presence, even though it brought out a horrible madness in him. He wished she was here; right next to him. But she was probably dreaming about Rishabh, while he was all alone on this cold night. "You deserve to be left alone. You don't deserve to be loved" Her words hit him like a lightning bolt. His heart ached. "No, Khushi. I won't let you have a place in my heart. I won't let you fill up this valuable organ. I own it. I won't do it. I won't think about it; I won't think about you" He lied to himself; a terrible lie that was now an inevitable part of his life. She was there in every heartbeat. She had already made a place in his heart. She would stay there for the rest of his life. The only ugly and devastating part of it was that she had locked her heart with Rishi in it, and thrown the keys into the deepest ocean. Arnav would never even get a corner in her heart. He was destined to, in her own words, be left alone. "I cannot even hate you Khushi. That is how much I've begun to fall for you" he said to himself, clenching his jaws and trying to put a lid on his pain, "And I know and accept that you will never love me. How could I not see it? Even if Rishi left, you never let him go. He's still with you; he'll always be there with you, and between us. And even worse is that you will never know how much it hurts me- to love and not be loved in return" His chest felt heavy, as if a huge rock was tied to him. He was drowning, again, and no one was there to save him. He picked up his phone and looked at Khushi's name in the contact list. "You deserve to be left alone. You don't deserve to be loved" He placed the phone back on the table. He wouldn't call her. He wanted to stay alone, probably forget everything that reminded him of her. But the brain was a complicated organ. The more he tried to forget her, the more it reminded him of her. He didn't know it wasn't easy to forget to breathe, than forgetting her. Because with each breath he took, he breathed her name. With a severe headache and no scotch to calm him down, he swallowed two sleeping tablets that he had brought with him in case he got sick during the journey. In no time, he dozed off to sleep.
Yet another four days passed. Samrat was excited. His Daddy would be back the next day, and they would all be leaving to the resort. He expressed his excitement to everyone at the breakfast table. Everyone just smiled at him, hoping that Arnav would not disappoint the little boy by not turning up for the picnic. "Mommyyy" Samrat screamed louder than the siren of a fire truck and everyone looked at the boy in question. "Samrat, don't scream. It isn't good manners. Good boys don't scream like that. Are you a bad boy?" Khushi said sternly and the little boy shook his head and mouthed a sorry while smiling sheepishly. "Mommy, most of my toys are at the apartment. Can we get them?" Khushi shook her head, "No Samrat. We are not talking anymore toys. You've already packed three huge toys, apart from Lulu. No more toys" Samrat curled his lips, "Mommy please" Khushi looked at the boy as he made the pouty bat face. Damn, the boy was too good at getting what he wanted. She sighed, "Alright!" Looking at Ratna, Khushi said, "Ma, did Arnav say where he left the keys of the flat?" Ratna nodded and told her that he gave it to her and she kept it in her cupboard. "Yayyy!!!" Samrat squealed in excitement and got off the chair to run around. "Samrat, come here righ now and finish your food" Khushi called him back like a stern mother duck, but the little duckling was too excited to notice while jumping around with his fists in the air, "I'm done with food Mommy... Yayyy... I'm getting toys... Woohooo!" She shook her head as everyone laughed at the boy's antics.
"Arnav was the same when he was small. Hyper-active about everything under the sun" Arvind said nostalgically, with a chuckle. Akaash turned serious and asked Kavya to go to her room after her breakfast. When the kids weren't around, Akaash looked at Arvind and said, "Dad, if Arnav doesn't want to come to the resort, please don't force him." Everyone looked at Akaash in confusion. "Actually, Arnav had been to the same resort with Swathi, for their honeymoon" he said while looking at Khushi. Khushi's face fell when she heard Akaash. No wonder Arnav was so mad when everyone forced him to come. He just couldn't, because Swathi's memories filled the place. "Why didn't he say so?" Arvind said, feeling bad for Arnav. Akaash had no answer to it. Arvind looked apologetically at Khushi, "I'm sorry that you had to listen from Arnav because of all of us" Khushi shook her head, "It's okay Dad. I understand. Probably, I too would have done the same if I was in his place." She now understood Arnav's pain. It wasn't easy for him to walk down the lane of a painful past. His past wasn't pleasant like hers. It was full of betrayal. Suddenly, she remembered her own words to him, "You deserve to be left alone. You don't deserve to be loved" She heaved a sigh. No apology could soothe the pain she caused him. He had every right to be mad at her. He didn't call her nor did he answer her call. So, she had no option but to wait for an opportunity to talk to him, face-to-face, hoping that she would be forgiven.
It had been two days since Arnav had finished his work at Delhi. He had told his family that he would be back tomorrow. Somehow, he did not want to leave. Going back home meant looking at her, listening to her harsh words, saying something rude to her, fighting, regretting, apologizing and then, repeating the whole vicious circle. Although he missed his family, especially Samrat and her, he found it more peaceful to stay in the hotel. He was tired of fighting. However, he could not stay here permanently. He had to go home. He sat up and looked at the entire room; everything was just thrown across the place. He was in no mood to pack his things. Then he remembered the resort. Going the place itself would be painful enough. And going with Khushi, to the place where he went with that cold-hearted bitch Swathi, was double pain. He doubted his heart could bear so much pain. He felt as if he had aged several years in a week. "I'm not going to the resort. I'll check out from the hotel once they have all come back from Pineridge. I'll just say that I had urgent work and had to stay back" He relaxed when he thought about it. It was a convenient way to escape from going to that place. Although his only worry was that he would have to look into his son's big black eyes full of disappointment. "Damn it!" he cursed and fell back into bed. He thought about Khushi and smiled involuntarily. He knew he loved her; even if not to a crazy limit like many people in love claim, he knew he cared for her and loved her. He wanted to put an end to the fight. He wanted to simply forget their argument, put it all behind them and start afresh. But like all men, his ego was huger than him. Punching a pillow in frustration he closed his eyes to come up with some idea for escapism, and without realizing, he drifted into sleep.
Khushi smiled at Samrat who kept clapping in excitement, while they were inside the elevator to go to the apartment. She had to even glare at him to control his excitement of revisiting his older toys. The moment she unlocked the door, Samrat ran into the house like a road-runner and she only shook her head. Last time he stayed here, was more than eight months; when he had met with that horrible accident during holi. Now that he was back, the first thing he did was climb on Daddy's bed and jump on it. Khushi heard the springs squeaking and followed him to the room. She shot him a look of displeasure when she saw him jumping on the bed. "Sam, we came here to take your toys, right. Get off the bed and go to your room" Sam knew that Mommy would get mad if he did not listen to her. He got off the bed and rushed to his room to pick out whatever toys he needed, only after he have his Mommy a heart-melting grin.
After her little kid left, Khushi looked around Arnav's room. Everything was spic and span. Of course, she had to give credit to the Raizada servants who cleaned the apartment once in a week. She sat at the edge of the bed and looked at the room, in detail. It still smelled of Arnav, even though he was not staying here since months. She picked up the photo frame from the table, next to the bed. It must have been clicked when Arnav was in college. He looked quite thin and without beard. She grinned. He looked much better now, compared to the boyish Arnav in the picture. "Samrat? Ready?" she called out while placing the picture back. In response, he said that he needed a few more minutes because he was confused as to what to carry and what to leave behind. "Need my help, Sam?" she asked and he refused. Khushi shrugged her shoulders and sat back on the bed.
Just then, she noticed an old suitcase on top of the cupboard. What was an old, dusty bag doing up there in an immaculate room like this? Maybe the servants did not bother to dust it? Shakign her head at the laziness of the servants, she retrieved a cloth from the kitchen cabinet and tried to reach it. Unfortunately, she was too short. Placing a tiny stool in front of the cupboard, she climbed up. She tried to take it down, so that she could clean the dust on the bag as well as the cupboard. Just then, the clasp of the bag opened and all the contents tumbled out. Khushi froze. Her hands turned cold, her mouth ran dry, her heart beat frantically and she felt as if someone punched her in the gut, when she saw the contents of the suitcase now scattered on the floor. "Mommy, I'm ready" she heard Sam. She got down quickly. Sam couldn't see all this; she did not want him to. Meeting him in the hall, she told him to go home with the driver. As she went down the elevator with him, he asked her if she wasn't coming with him. "I'll come later" she said, explaining that she had a bit of cleaning to do. Sam, as always, believed her. His Mommy was always right. Instructing the driver to come back after dropping him home safely, she waved out to Samrat and he blew a kiss back at her. After the car moved out of the building, she rushed back to the flat; back to Arnav's room.
As she entered the room, she felt as if she was being choked and strangled. She could hardly breathe. Strewn across the floor were the keepsakes and memories of the relationship that Arnav and Swathi once shared. Khushi felt suffocated for reasons unknown. She bent to the floor to pick up a handmade book which lay open at a photograph of Arnav and Swathi smiling at the camera. He was hugging her from behind, with his chin resting on Swathi's shoulder. Khushi knew that she shouldn't be going through Arnav's personal stuff, but she just could not stop herself. She flipped the book open and was surprised. Inside it, there were a million memories; it was filled with photographs. And along with pictures, there were several bus tickets, movie tickets, restaurant bills, tickets to a local fair, tissues with various lipstick marks on it. She flipped the book and saw that Swathi had gifted this scrapbook to him on his 23rd birthday. Khushi felt guilty while looking at the precious phase of Arnav's life that was captured in those pages. In some corner of her heart, she was envious. She and Rishi never shared such a romantic relationship. Of course, they did love each other. But he never did such a romantic thing for her. If anything, he always disliked the habit of giving away gifts. "It's an obligation. You give me a gift, and then I am obligated to give you a gift back" he used to say. Right now, she felt tears pricking her eyes. And she was confused she was crying because she remembered Rishi or because she was looking at certain intimate pictures of Arnav with his first wife.
Holding back her tears, she placed the scrapbook back and glanced at the other contents of the bag. There was a beautiful snow globe of a boy and a girl dancing. When she shook it, the tiny "snow-flakes" fell around the young couple. There was a bottle of perfume too- Hugo Boss- the one which Arnav always used; a small ring with shiny stones around it, on top of which an "S-S" inside a heart was engraved; a blue cotton t-shirt with yellow stripes on it; a black leather wallet, inside of which Arnav and Swathi's picture was kept; a mobile cover, whose inner flap still had Swathi's picture; a Mont Blanc pen enclosed in a mint-in box and several cards of various occasions like birthdays, anniversaries and Valentines Day. Khushi took a deep breath as she picked each article and placed it back in the bag. She could only imagine how painful it must have been for Arnav. It was as if he was still holding on to those memories, not willing to let them go. Perhaps a small part in him must have still hoped that he would get back together with Swathi. Khushi felt her ire rising at that thought. Heaving a sigh, she shoved all the things into the bag and zipped it up. She felt a strange sensation wash over her- as if a hundred needles pierced through her skin and twisted into her flesh. She had been looking at the pictures of the woman who abandoned an angel like Samrat; who left a gem like Arnav. Now she realized how painful it must have been for Arnav when everyone had mentioned about the resort. After placing the bag back and taking a deep breath, she walked out of the house.
Akaash, who was just done with his work at office, dialed Arnav's number as he sat in his car to go home. Arnav picked up on the fourth ring. "Yes..." he said in a groggy voice. "Arnav? You're asleep? Haven't you got work?" Arnav stretched lazily and smile, "I do, but..." "Arnav?" Akaash's stern voice made Arnav heave a sigh. "Alright! See here's the thing. I finished my work two days ago, and I did not want to come home. I wanted to spend some time here, away from home." Akaash shook his head. "Arnav, either you come home immediately, or else I'll tell Dad and Ma to talk to you." Arnav frowned. "What the! Why would you do that?" Damn, his family and their manipulative schemes. "No need for that, Akaash. I'll leave tomorrow" "Arnav, why not today?" "I've some work" he lied, "I said I'll leave tomorrow" Akaash shrugged his shoulders. "Fine. I'll see you at the resort" Arnav disconnected the call and buried his face in the pillow. He knew he had no way out of this. All plans of escaping were foiled. This was going to be one horrible picnic!
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