guys update about sharon's pov i'm a bit late...sorry😳😳 hope u like it and do tell me if u do
Those days i was away from my college, trying and failing to come to terms with this disaster; from my friends...from him...when i got to know that i had asthma and would have to stay away from dance..
.i somehow died.
You know when a branch rots from within and withers away...but ignorant of that fact, has still been clinging on to the tree...as if still in the hope of sustenance; and then one day it simply falls off...with a sudden finality...wizened and decayed...uselessly just flatly present...detached.
Sharon raiprakash. My entire life has been dance. Dance is my dream..my friend..my outlet..my expression..my crutch when i am sad..my amplifier when i am happy.
I was taught to dance before i could walk by my father. It has always come naturally to me. People said i was brilliant...i believed i was brilliant. I have always been very voluble about what i want..its mostly all about me, i the diva with the swollen head...a spoilt person by all means. I have never believed that i can ever be second best in dance...so i have never stopped in declaring myself as the best, cause i knew i was the best. I knew i had and could top any dance challenge.
Who knew...i would one day not be able to even sit for the exam? Let alone top it
I looked down upon other dancers , turned my nose up at them- preferring to remain an unaccessible goddess with a caustic tongue which can bore the pants off anyone.poor swayam...just how many times did i lash out at the guy...just to show him that he did not deserve me...etc etc bitchiness i laugh at myself for having that attitude. The truth has always been the otherway round.
When did i ever really do anything to deserve a perfect guy like him?
I started questioning myself...and my ego...my feet-not-touching-the-ground attitude, when swayam decided to give me some of my attitude back to me. I have changed a lot ever since the guy entered my life and the years of knowing him and then gradually when i learned to love him...i actually like myself much better now. As rey once said 'koi bechare se angry young man ban jata hai, koi angry woman se non angry woman...love changes people...jab ye changes ho toh samajh lena chahiye ki jiske vajah se ho raha hai...vo bohot hi special hai. people have admired me, i have been popular, they have even coveted me, but barring very few, like rey, and my other friends who bear my gussa daily...they don't like me. It was not possible to , then. But swayam, swayam's presence in my life has made me a better person...and for that i will be grateful...always
You know the first thing which came to my mind when the doctor passed the verdict of my incapacity was why? Why should this happen to me and suddenly like a blaring echo i heard what swayam once admonished me"your ego will one day be the cause of your disaster"
And i could not help wondering: does pride indeed go before a fall? Was this a judgement on my ego? Is it a payback for all my lashing out at swayam for years...undeservedly and deliberate hurting of him that today, finally when i want to be with him...i am inhibited, forever?
Its like having an appendage cut off...i have like lost a limb or something.
Thats what i feel most...INCOMPLETE. and stuck...stuck in the doldrums, because those dancing shoes he once gifted me have been ousted by my shiny new inhaler...those shoes wont aid me on my dream anymore, that inhaler though will pull me, in the opposite direction from my dream...promising me a wiff of breath, but rendering me suffocated without my dreams at the same time.
It took just one moment to lose everything i had...a sudden cripplement...and a dark finality.
I am incomplete, without dance, there go my feet. Maybe i could crawl using my hands
But i cant offer swayam anything less than the perfect love he deserves, not the hollowed version which might just cause him to leave half of himself...his dance behind. I cant use him as a crutch and stunt him in the process, even if he would do it and more for me. I love him. Cant see him as anything less than what he can be. But then,
I am crippled without swayam...there go my hands.
What remains?. All my dreams have shrivelled up...and all colour is gone. Existence without meaning
Dance had meaning; swayam was meaning. I am losing both.
Countless times have i called people losers, and today...?
I am lost.
What aches most is...i wanna cheat and dance a bit...i wanna go back and say yes to swayam long back...so i could have been with that perfect person, in my personal paradise, uske saath jhoomte hue, a little while longer...before hell broke loose. That hurts most...possibilities...not Sharon raiprakash's...i have actually started accepting the dance ban for life part...working around it occasionally ;the possibility of being swayam's Sharon...it aches worse.
Channel V Dil Dosti Dance
Sports
325