Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Armaan disconnected the call. He felt like his whole world was ripped out from under him. After hearing Riddhima’s decision to marry Sid again, his heart was filled with so much pain. He grabbed the glass tighter as memories of him and Riddhima flashed before his eyes. Each passing second seemed to make it difficult for him to breathe. Everything seemed to be playing in reverse. The more he tried to hold on to her memories, the more it seemed to fade away. “Kyun Riddhima?” He asked out loud with anger and heartbreak clearly laced in his voice. His trance was suddenly broken, when he heard the glass crack and break. He realised he had cut his hand. He didn’t feel any pain though. The pain in his heart was so much more. He wrote Riddhima’s name on the table with the blood that was dripping from his hand. He felt so numb.  His heart was racing faster and it felt like the walls were closing in on him. He had to get out. He needed fresh air. He stood up and went to grab his keys which were on dresser in the corner. He took them loosely with his bleeding hand and started walking towards the door. However, he tripped on the curled edge of the rug, sending the key flying from his hand. He grunted with frustration. The keys had fallen behind the headboard of the bed. He paused and turned around to wonder if he should just continue drinking. But, he saw the mess he had created and thought, “yeh sab Kya hai, Armaan? Tum apne ghar pe thodi ho”. He sighed, finally feeling a little control over his emotions and went to collect the pieces of the broken glass the floor. He smiled when he saw Riddhima’s name. But that smile soon turned into a pained expression, “Shayad tum meri kismet mein hi nahi thi” he said this and wiped away the name with a tissue, as tears rolled down his cheeks. 

He quickly put the mess in the bin, washed his cut and put a bandage on it. Her words started ringing in his ears again, “Maine Sid de shaadi karne ka faisla kar diya hai.” And this broke his resolve all over again. Tears continued to stream down his face. He decided he needed to go out. Even just for a little bit, just to clear his head. He went looking for his keys.

He moved the bed just a little and tried to reach his hand. He blindly felt for the keys. At last his hand hit something cold like the metal of the keys. However, It felt like the keys were lodged in between something else. He felt for it some more and realised it was a book. He opened his hand and grabbed the book. He smiled with a sense of achievement. And threw the keys up in the air to catch them quickly. He then kept the dusty old book on the table and started to make his way out again. 

Suddenly, a cold breeze blew that made Armaan pause. He didn’t know why, because it made no sense. But he just stopped is his tracks. The breeze blew open the book, making the pages flutter. He walked back to the book and picked it up. He then sat on the bed with it and dusted it with his hands. He carefully opened the first page. 

He read, “Good morning Kaanaji.. Aapko toh pata hai ki mujhe yeh sapne har raat aate hain. Lekin maasi chahti hai ki main inhe likhoon. Unhone mujhe raat ko jaagte pakad liya. Aur unse kaun jhoot bhol sakta hai. Pata nahi iska kya faayda hai?! Lekin, aap toh jaante hai ki main maasi ki koi baat nahi taal sakti. Is liye, thoda boring lagega toh aap maasi se shikayat karna. Is mein meri koi galti nahi hai. Waise kal raat ka sapna utna bura nahi tha. Aapko yaad hai jab mujhe NGO mein rahna pada tha? Bas uska hi sapna tha. Lekin is baar, papa bhi the. Aur agar papa hai, toh papa ka gussah bhi. Aur papa ki belt. Waise Kaanaji papa toh mummy ko bhi maarte the, toh phir mummy meri saath kyun rehne nahi aayi? Woh toh bas kabhi khabar mujhe maarti thi. Haan lekin dantthi zyaadi thi aur hamesha papa ka side lethi thi. Meri koi galti ho ya nahi. Lekin, dunya ke sab maa baap toh apne bachchon ko marte hai na? Toh phir mujhe kyun NGO mein rehna pada? Patah hai Kaanaji agle saal mera 15th birthday hai. Aur iss baar mere mummy papa meri saath nahi honge. Woh toh aap ke pass hai na. Aap log mere bina hi party karenge. Not fair! Aapne mujhe kyun nahi bulaya aapke pass? Itni boori hoon kya? Oh no..Kaanaji, Maasi bhula rahi hai. Baad mein meelthi hoon, Ok bye...

Dated: 12th December 2000”

Armaan realised it was a dream journal as soon as he finished reading it. He sensed the unspoken pain and innocence that reflected in each and every word. For a moment he felt that his pain meant nothing in front of this. He put the diary to his heart and said as a tear rolled down from his eyes for this stranger, “I’m so sorry.. tumhe yeh sab akele sehna pada”. However, It was someone’s personal thoughts and he felt like he shouldn’t be reading it. But his heart felt an invisible pull towards it. He wondered where this girl was today and what had become of her life. He calculated the dates and guessed she must atleast be around 25 today. He wished he could just reach out to her and tell her everything will be okay. He gave in to the feeling and settled in the bed to read some more..

When Shilpa came to check in on him Armaan was fast asleep. She didn’t notice the diary in his hand though. She quietly adjusted the sheets over him and ran a gentle hand over his forehead as she smiled and whispered “good night Armaan”. She then switched the lights off and went to bed.

To be continued..

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