Movies have the ability to transport you to a different world and make you feel strong emotions. They give a chance to detach the thoughts, the obligations and to evade the harsh realities of life. Sad enough, Bollywood doesn't understand that the line between a dream and a nightmare is so thin that it doesn't take much to cross it. Time and again we have had so many movies which forsake lucidity and incarcerated the audience in a labyrinth of stupidity. If stupidity is considered a cardinal sin, then many Bollywood movies would be rotting in hell. This year is no different and BollyCurry has decided to ambush its readers with the worst movies of the first half of the year, so brace yourselves while you still can.
and Aftab Shivdasani
starrer Kyaa Kool Hain Hum 3
shot up the Bollywood ladder as India's first ever po*n - com. It hit the roof, broke the ceiling, somersaulted in mid-air while threatening the audience forbearance, and came tumbling down to break its back. Written by Milap Zaveri
and Mushtaq Shiekh
, Kya Kool Hain Hum 3
is a concoction of sexual innuendo and hapless puns with a fair amount of animal induced jokes, which leaves you weeping at your pathetic state rather than laughing at the lousy jokes. The hero, Kanhaiya (Tusshar Kapoor) and his sidekick, Rocky (Aftab Shivdasani) travel to a land unknown (Thailand, to be specific) after being kicked out by the evil rich father and get tricked (mind you, tricked!) into working in po*n movies to earn their livelihood. Then, out of obscurity, enters the nymph Shalu (Mandana Karimi
), who captures the hero's heart. To win his ladylove, our poor po*n star has to impress her very traditional father. What follows can be summed up in one word - ridiculous. Expected chaos, predictable revelations and one suicide attempt culminates in a happy ending and leaves the audience wondering - Kya Fool Hai Hum
Ludicrous jokes? Check. A hot heroine? Check. A plot with more holes than Swiss cheese? Check. Mastizaade
has it all. The lead characters, Aditya Chothia and Sunny Kele (Vir Das
and Tusshar Kapoor
respectively), like to spend the bulk of their time chasing after women for kisses and you-know-what. Thanks to this uncontrollable thing called fate, which has been abused by Bollywood time and again, our knights in a not-so shining armours stumble across twin sisters, Lily and Laila (both played by Sunny Leone
), who run a sex rehab centre. Inevitably, they fall hopelessly in love with them at first sight. Both gentlemen pick a Sunny each and begin this eternal quest to win over their lady love. It is somewhat hard to point out what doesn't work because almost nothing does. Throughout the movie we have beeps transcending from scene to scene, one's lucky if he makes it out without tearing his eardrums. If you haven't committed the sin of not watching this movie, consider yourselves fortunate because the masti
they promised is so sasti
that even your popcorn grows a pair of legs and runs away from the Cineplex to avoid this ghost of a comedy.
was Divya Khosla Kumar
's desperate attempt at creating a tear-jerking, heart-breaking, epic Valentine's getaway by using the old school clich over clich formula. Boy, we did want to get away from this mess of a romance. Akash (Pulkit Samrat
) first ditches his childhood flame Shruti (Yami Gautam
) without even bidding her good bye. Then, after a couple of years, Shruti appears out of nowhere and he ditches his client/girlfriend/whatever Akansha (Urvashi Rautela
), popularly known as Miss Eye Batting I'm-so-sexy, whom he wooed to retain his job. In the latter half, all hell breaks loose and blacks out this thing called sanity when Shruti, the damsel in distress, suffers from a terminal heart disease, which can only be cured by the so-called true love's heart. Surprise surprise, Akash magically transforms from a jerk to prince charming and sacrifices (ditches) himself by donating his heart. Very interesting...but stupid. He must have either gone bankrupt or must have fallen into a magical fountain to act so 'self-less'. As for Shruti, her heart did go on but the movie sank to the deepest trench of 2016's hall of shame.
BollyCurry was of the impression that none can stoop below the floor, but Mr. Himesh Reshammiya
proves us wrong by drilling into the earth, burning himself in the hot magma and emerging through the other side with zero impairment (bless his fans). As usual, his last self-funded endeavour, Tera Suroor,
rivets entirely around him, and he braves through the whole 1 hour and 46 minutes of running time with a face devoid of any kind of emotions, blame it on his face muscles, will you. The movie is about Raghu (Himesh Reshammiya), a gangster who cheats on his girlfriend Tara (Farah Karimaee) and the lethal events that follow. The girl packs her bags and heads off to Ireland to meet up with her "faceless" facebook friend Aniruddha Brahman who tricks her into drug trafficking. You know what they say - never trust your Facebook friends. Raghu plays find-outer, teams up with a remanded crook Robin "Bird" Dharamraj Santino (Naseeruddin Shah
), tracks down the moron, shoots more than a dozen Indian goons (who knew Dublin was filled with Indian goons?) with an accuracy that puts professional shooters to shame, and accuses Desh-Prem for all his illegal activities. We are stumped that this lethal movie did considerably well at the box office because after the movie, the audience are mourning (except Himesh Reshammiya fans, of course!), and the chart topping songs from the movie are relayed in everyone's head to neutralize the wailing.
Love Shudda - Alcohol shudda
With his debut directional venture Love Shudda,
Vaibhav Mishra aimed at creating a youth oriented love story with alcohol as the fairy godmother. Our hero, Gaurav (Girish Kumar
), has very low alcohol tolerance and ends up in bed with a total stranger, Pooja (Navneet Kaur Dhillon
), after a night out. Even though Gaurav kicked her out the day after the deed because he had a hangover, fate had no plans to leave the two alone. They meet again, develop feelings for each other and Gaurav marries Vandana. What? But... Do not ask us why because family honour matters the most, doesn't it?
After 4 years, Gaurav divorces Vandana (we wonder what happened to his family honour) and heads off to Mauritius. "Accidentally", Pooja lands in Mauritius to celebrate her bachelorette party. Destiny leads to one thing, which leads to another thing, and both of them end up sleeping together...again! Something happens, something more happens, Pooja breaks off her alliance and finally Gaurav and Pooja live happily ever after. With a couple of catchy songs and many seasoned actors wasted, this movie can effectively be compared to defective tequila, which leaves you with a nasty headache.
That pretty much sums up our list. If you look closely at those movies, what you learn is that Bollywood and imprudence go wonderfully together. These movies, all potential curses for insomnia, has left no stone unturned in suffocating the audience. We wonder why PETA has not taken any measures to safeguard animals (read human being) from being humiliated by senseless writers; maybe, they have more important stuff to do than ascend into delirium by watching the above-mentioned movies. It is just halfway through the year and we are certain that far worse movies await us on the other side of the year. Disposing such movies will soon prove to be a graver challenge than waste disposal. All we can do is hope that our industry grows up in terms of quality and not quantity.
Which movies of 2016 made you curse yourself until you ran out of curses? Do let us know. Most probably your preference will deviate from ours, in that case dear readers, let us agree to disagree.
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Author: Dhanya S.
Editors: Parminder K. and Mohini N.
Graphics: Nidhi D.