'Had SUICID*L tendencies, Wanted to CUT..': Rubina Dilaik opens up on SHOCKING postpartum experiences

Television actress Rubina Dilaik has often spoken openly about the realities of motherhood and the challenges women face after childbirth. The actress, who is a mother to twin daughters Edhaa and Jeeva, has consistently used her platform to discuss topics that are not often spoken about openly. Through her podcast Kisi Ne Bataya Nahi and various public appearances, Rubina has encouraged conversations around motherhood, mental health, and the emotional changes women experience after becoming mothers.

In a recent conversation with Film Window, Rubina made a deeply personal revelation as she opened up about her battle with postpartum depression. The actress shared that she struggled through one of the most difficult phases of her life after giving birth and even experienced suicidal tendencies during that period.

Sharing her experience, Rubina said, “My personal experience mein jo sabse zyada difficult phase tha, woh tha postpartum depression. Yes, very true. And I have just come out of that phase. I absolutely have so much empathy for women who have gone through it, especially un logon ke liye jinhone yeh safar akele tay kiya hai. It’s very difficult, very difficult.”

The actress went on to describe how overwhelming those initial months felt. “Mere teen mahine aise the that I just felt I don’t want to eat, I don’t want to speak to anyone. What is happening with my life? I could always feel that heaviness on my body. You feel so unmotivated. There is a lack of enthusiasm.”

Rubina explained that despite feeling lost, one thing that helped her was being aware of what she was experiencing. “But what helped me sail through it was that I was aware of it. Mujhe laga ki counselling karna bahut zaroori hai. We don’t reach out to people and we don’t ask for help because humein aksar yeh kehkar sharminda kar diya jata hai ki, ‘Yeh kaunsi badi baat hai yaar? I think it’s in your head.’ But it’s not in the head. It’s the hormonal changes, the chemical reactions happening in the brain, the new physical self that is forming again. We are experiencing it in real time.”

My personal experience mein jo sabse zyada difficult phase tha, woh tha postpartum depression. Yes, very true. And I have just come out of that phase. I absolutely have so much empathy for women who have gone through it, especially un logon ke liye jinhone yeh safar akele tay kiya hai. It’s very difficult, very difficult

- Rubina Dilaik

She further highlighted how the lack of safe spaces prevents women from discussing postpartum struggles openly. “Lekin kyunki koi safe network nahi hota jahan hum baithkar iske baare mein baat kar sakein, humein encourage bhi nahi kiya jata ki please iske baare mein bhi baat karo. Ya toh humne kabhi yeh seekha hi nahi.”

Speaking about seeking professional support, Rubina revealed that counselling played an important role in helping her navigate the phase. “Yes, maine counselling li thi. Mujhe achhe se yaad hai jab main apni nutrition ke baare mein baat karti thi, toh mujhe kaha jata tha ki please watch out for the phases. Jab aapka bachcha 3 mahine ka, 6 mahine ka, 9 mahine ka, dedh saal ka, 2 saal ka hoga, tab aap aur aapki body bhi un milestones ko experience karenge. In phases par postpartum aapko sabse zyada hit karta hai.”

Yes, maine counselling li thi. Mujhe achhe se yaad hai jab main apni nutrition ke baare mein baat karti thi, toh mujhe kaha jata tha ki please watch out for the phases. Jab aapka bachcha 3 mahine ka, 6 mahine ka, 9 mahine ka, dedh saal ka, 2 saal ka hoga, tab aap aur aapki body bhi un milestones ko experience karenge. In phases par postpartum aapko sabse zyada hit karta hai

- Rubina Dilaik

Because she had been informed about these possible phases in advance, Rubina said she was able to remind herself that the difficult period would eventually pass. “Because I knew this, I could tell myself that this is a phase and you will eventually come out of it. Please do not do anything stupid that you will regret for the rest of your life. Like, I had suicidal tendencies. I had thoughts where I wanted to just cut off from the world.”

The actress also revealed that the emotional toll of postpartum depression affected her relationship with food and body image. “I leaned into emotional eating and in less than two months I gained 4 kgs. Jab mera 4 kilo weight badha toh main sochne lagi, ‘Oh my God, what’s happening? This is not me. I don’t want to see myself like that.’ Mujhe samajh nahi aa raha tha exactly kya ho raha hai, but I knew something was not the regular or usual me.”

Reflecting on the importance of awareness, Rubina added, “Mujhe pehle hi bataya gaya tha ki yeh phase aayega, isliye main aware thi. Aapke ghar mein badi behen, mummy sab hote hain, lekin formally toh kya, casually bhi koi aapko is baare mein nahi batata. Postpartum ek aisi cheez hai jiske baare mein ab hum khulkar baat karna shuru kar rahe hain.”

Because I knew this, I could tell myself that this is a phase and you will eventually come out of it. Please do not do anything stupid that you will regret for the rest of your life. Like, I had suicidal tendencies. I had thoughts where I wanted to just cut off from the world. I leaned into emotional eating and in less than two months I gained 4 kgs. Jab mera 4 kilo weight badha toh main sochne lagi, ‘Oh my God, what’s happening? This is not me. I don’t want to see myself like that.’ Mujhe samajh nahi aa raha tha exactly kya ho raha hai, but I knew something was not the regular or usual me

- Rubina Dilaik

She also admitted that she tends to keep her struggles to herself until they become overwhelming. “Main woh insaan hoon jo bahut late share karti hoon. Jab tak main bilkul breakdown mode mein nahi aa jaati, tab tak nahi bolti. Jab mera complete breakdown hua, tab maine Abhinav ke saath share kiya ki main kis cheez se guzar rahi hoon.”

Rubina further acknowledged that postpartum depression can impact personal relationships as well. “Of course iska asar relationship par bhi padta hai. Let’s be honest about it.”

Concluding her thoughts, the actress spoke about the unrealistic expectations often attached to motherhood and why more honest conversations are needed. “Hamari films aur gaane humein motherhood ki bahut rosy picture dikhate hain. Maa bani, khushiyan aa gayi, zindagi badal gayi. Lekin woh sirf 20 percent hai. Jo 80 percent reality hai, uske baare mein hum baat karne se katarate hain. Uske baare mein log khulkar saamne nahi aate.”

Of course iska asar relationship par bhi padta hai. Let’s be honest about it. Hamari films aur gaane humein motherhood ki bahut rosy picture dikhate hain. Maa bani, khushiyan aa gayi, zindagi badal gayi. Lekin woh sirf 20 percent hai. Jo 80 percent reality hai, uske baare mein hum baat karne se katarate hain. Uske baare mein log khulkar saamne nahi aate.

- Rubina Dilaik

With her candid confession, Rubina has once again sparked an important conversation around maternal mental health, shedding light on the challenges that many women silently endure after childbirth.