Bill Maher Pokes Fun at Tom Hanks, Trashes Trump’s ‘Impeachable’ Coronavirus Response

The comedian returned—from his backyard and basement—for a special quarantine episode of his HBO series.

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After a three-week hiatus due to the rapid spread of the novel coronavirus (COVID-19), and subsequent nationwide lockdown, Bill Maher returned to his HBO show Real Time Friday night.

When we last heard from the comedian on March 13, he was saying that President Trump should be immediately tested for COVID-19 given that he’d crossed paths with a number of people who’d been diagnosed with the virus. Like many of his late-night companions, who’ve shot their shows from living rooms, bathtubs and mystery rooms, Maher chose to film his monologue in his own backyard, right in front of a giant pool bar. 

“We’re gonna be doing something a little different today, we’re gonna be taping the show from my backyard where I have a bar,” Maher, who was wearing a suit too, began. “What did you expect? It’s my house, I have a bar. What did you expect to see here, a child’s playpen?” he said.

Bill Maher spruced up the monologue he pre-taped with a fake live audience — you know, so it’ll feel like a normal show. Maher’s trick was to use canned laughter, provided via vintage film footage from the 1930s, while he delivered a monologue from his backyard.

Complaining about having to film using an iPhone, Maher joked “I feel like an entree at the Cheesecake Factory. I mean, I want to go out but [Los Angeles Mayor] Gavin Newsom says I’m grounded. And I am grounded and I have the blue balls to prove it. But I’m telling you. I am practicing every safe directive they say I should. I make sure I use disinfectant on every surface that has at least 60% alcohol, like judge Jeanine Pirro.”

“I stay six feet away from strangers,” Maher continued. “Eight from Charlie Sheen. I’d say this is not a bad idea, this staying six feet away from people. I say next we try it with cars.”

Maher complained that, at least for LA residents, “the worst part of this is seeing that the highways are completely empty, but there’s nowhere to go. I mean, some people are looking at porn at home. I’m looking at photos of the 405 with no cars.”

After joking that “the highlight of my day was wiping down the mailman” and that his “stalker was working from home,” 

Bill continued "Thank you Jesus, I have no symptoms—except if you count shitting my pants every time Trump talks,” offered Maher. “He does this thing every day where he’s bragging about his ratings: ‘I have better ratings than Monday Night Football, The Bachelor’…Yes! Because your viewers aren’t allowed to leave the house. What else are they gonna do? Read?!”

“Anything less than a hundred share means people hate you more than they love life,” Maher said.

Toward the end of his spiel, Maher attempted to offer some comfort to his viewers. “We’re gonna get through this. We Are. And, stress? It’s the worst thing for your immune system, so try to think a little positive,” he said. 

“Think about all the celebrities who have this, that we know have this, that are doing OK—Prince Charles, Tom Hanks, Jackson Browne, Chris Cuomo, Kevin Durant. Anybody who’s anybody is getting it! And you know Tom Hanks, of course, was so classy when he got it. He said, ‘It’s an honor just to be contaminated.’”

"And in the movie the person who cures Tom Hanks will be played by Tom Hanks,” Maher concluded.

“One of the most galling parts of this is that the president is favoring certain states over others,” said Maher, branding it “a more impeachable offense than what he did with Ukraine and Russia.”

“It is literally beyond comprehension. We have a president who has done so much harm in this entire process, who has downplayed the crisis from day one…which is gonna cost the lives of many thousands of Americans,” explained Sanders, adding that the “worst part of this $2 trillion [coronavirus] stimulus package that was passed last week…was $500 billion going to the president to allocate to corporate America with nowhere near the kind of strings attached and accountability that should have been required. And now he is saying, I don’t really care about accountability at all, I’ll do what I want.”

He then insinuated the Trump would use the so-called “slush fund” to curry favor in the election, adding, “If you think that during a campaign you’re not going to see a lot of money from the Trump administration going to battleground states—to Pennsylvania, Michigan, Wisconsin, Florida—you would be grossly underestimating the venality of this president.”

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